Single Mom considering job offer in DC - would I be miserable?

[Anonymous]

I have to agree with the PPs here. I think you will MAJORLY regret moving here, simply due to the cost of living.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should consider Silver Spring for sure. Montgomery County is going to have better services for your child than the district and you can take metro from Forest Glen or the Silver Spring Station and get to Union Station in 25 minutes (add the driving to the station and parking time obviously). You could be looking at a sub-hour commute! The prospect of a stable federal job with good benefits is definitely something you should consider if you don't have that right now. There is a reason people flock to this region from all over the country for federal jobs!

[Anonymous]

I'm a full-time single mom. I live in a close-in suburb and have a very active community support system. I work at a federal agency located less than 2 miles from my home. My department is very flexible in terms of leave, telework and child obligations. Everything in my life is a balancing act. I can't imagine making it work without any one of these pieces. And I can't imagine putting these things in place being new to town.

Here's a question for you: How hard would it be to go back if this didn't work out? Could it be a 1-2 year adventure? Maybe you'll get here and find your community and love it, but if you don't, you need an exit strategy.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree with the PPs here. I think you will MAJORLY regret moving here, simply due to the cost of living.

I think folks here are in a little bit of a bubble. There's a reason real estate is booming is because people are moving here for jobs.

Same as in SF, North Dakota (which has the highest rents in the nation now) and NYC.

If OP wants a stable job, and even a robust job market in case that job doesn't pan out, she will be living in someplace like DC with high cost of living.

Given that OP is currently freelancing, I think the risk of moving to DC for a job and making a go of it is small; she can always move back to her original town and startup freelancing again. She could even try to keep some freelance gigs on the side after kids are asleep until she is sure she is going to stay in DC.

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe talk about the job, it's location, which agency and you will get keener insights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a single mom, without any support network, I would not encourage you to give that up. It's very stressful to be the only person who can pick up DS (and I only have one!) when sick, to take to dentist and doctor appointments, to cover on snow days when preschool is closed... When he needs forms filled out (summer camp involved a lot of health forms), I find it stressful to get these filled out. There are a lot of other things you probably take for granted, too: if I forget to buy something at the grocery store and then I want to cook tomorrow's dinner after DS goes to bed, I'm screwed. If I get a cold, he watches a lot of movies and we limp by.

Assuming you still want to do this, I have one other item you might consider.

For us (and I only have one, so I get it's different), I exchanged a commute for space. We are in a highrise and we do not have a lot of space. But I spend 15 -20 minutes on my commute, and I prefer to have the time with DS. We go to playgrounds and free concerts and try not to be a nuisance to our neighbors (he's LOUD because he's 4), and he probably has fewer toys than most of his cohort, but I really think for us this is a good choice.

GL!

We do the same. I live in a great neighborhood in N. Arlington and we live in a 2 bedroom building (1 DC). Our commute is about 15 min and he does to pre-K across from my office so we get time together during the commute. Next year we'll walk to kindergarten. His school is on the way to the metro and is only 2 stops from my office. Our dentist is about 3 blocks away and when we can't get to the pediatrician there is a minute clinic about 1/4 mile away. So if you are willing to give up some space you can live in a nice apt building, close to the metro in a nice walking neighborhood were you can easily get to anything you need. Having to drive 15-20 min to the grocery store eats up time in your day. You can do it. You just have to be firm with your new office about your in-office working hours. "I can only come in @ X and I have to leave by X" but I can work from home if needed. As someone mentioned try to see if you telework a day or two a week.

While admittedly I raise one kid on much more than $80K per year, I have a friend who raises 2 on about $70K. They don't have the big luxuries but they are happy.

Good Luck with whatever you choose!

[Anonymous]

What agency are you going to be working for and could you move out of the area. If there is potential for raises and transferring then I would consider it. As another poster suggested, waiting until both your kids are in school full-time would save you serious cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should consider Silver Spring for sure. Montgomery County is going to have better services for your child than the district and you can take metro from Forest Glen or the Silver Spring Station and get to Union Station in 25 minutes (add the driving to the station and parking time obviously). You could be looking at a sub-hour commute! The prospect of a stable federal job with good benefits is definitely something you should consider if you don't have that right now. There is a reason people flock to this region from all over the country for federal jobs!

On $70K, you can't afford to live in a nice house in close driving distance of either of those stations. Trust me. I make $70k and live in an apartment with my children to stay in downtown SS.

[Anonymous]

OP, I became a single mom of two ages 4 and 9. My eldest just graduated from college and the youngest will finish high school soon. I struggled financially without child support, worked a few part-time jobs, and went back to college full-time. Also, I didn't have a support system or much of a social life. We survived at the beginning on just $33k oer year living in a one bedroom apt in DC. Since our living arrangement was so close, the three of us spent a lot of quality time together, more than just an hour or two each evening.

In hindsight, a support system would have taken an enormous amount of pressure off of me. I think it's crucial that a single mom/parent have support, you have to nurture yourself.

With a special needs child you will have additional stressors and frustrations that you need to be aware of. If I were you, I would wait a few years until the kids are little older to make a career move. You're very fortunate to have a support system, go for better quality of life. In this area the combination of locating safe & nurturing childcare, dealing with illness/sick days, and school closings can drive you nuts especially when you're a single mom juggling way too many balls.

[Anonymous]

We do the same. I live in a great neighborhood in N. Arlington and we live in a 2 bedroom building (1 DC). Our commute is about 15 min and he does to pre-K across from my office so we get time together during the commute. Next year we'll walk to kindergarten. His school is on the way to the metro and is only 2 stops from my office. Our dentist is about 3 blocks away and when we can't get to the pediatrician there is a minute clinic about 1/4 mile away. So if you are willing to give up some space you can live in a nice apt building, close to the metro in a nice walking neighborhood were you can easily get to anything you need. Having to drive 15-20 min to the grocery store eats up time in your day. You can do it. You just have to be firm with your new office about your in-office working hours. "I can only come in @ X and I have to leave by X" but I can work from home if needed. As someone mentioned try to see if you telework a day or two a week.

While admittedly I raise one kid on much more than $80K per year, I have a friend who raises 2 on about $70K. They don't have the big luxuries but they are happy.

Good Luck with whatever you choose!


Can you share what neighborhood it is? I am a single mom looking in the same area. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of naysayers, but realize OP doesn't currently have any job? A Federal job offers a lot of positive options, in that they are considered generally stable employment with relatively steady hours. She could end up working somewhere where she has to work 45-50 hrs a week, which would translate to a similar hours away from home here. With a Fed job, she may be able to telecommute too.

So couple of options:

1) Rent a 1 bedroom close in (depending on job, we're talking Arlington or Bethesda assuming you want high performing schools) that runs around $1500. Get some decent inhome daycare for $900 and your extend day costs should be fairly manageable. Your will cut your commute down greatly, and for times when you need help picking up try to buddy up with another parent at daycare or line up a few sitters from sitterycity that you can call on in a pinch. This will be a hussle, and no privacy (think bunk beds in living room setup), but you will maximize time with kids and lock in a steady job. When kids get older and need their own space, you may a) be making more or b) be able to move further out since you will have lower childcare costs.

2) Find another single mom and become roommates. Basically buddy up for a while to get yourself situated.

A 1 bedroom in Bethesda is *at least* $2,000/month. I have a friend who lucked up and found a 1 bedroom (basement apartment) in Bethesda for $2,000. Anything less than that is unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

I'm a single mom with a HHI of about $100K (plus child support) and I'll be honest - it would be a tough move. With one kid and a cheaper place in Silver Spring (closer to Union Station than Arlington, and cheaper housing), you could do it, but it's the special needs that worries me. County services would probably help to a point, but any private therapies could cost a lot. Preschool for our non-SN child runs us $310/week, with summer camp costing that or more, and before/aftercare is $500/month, with a discount for the 2nd kid.

I have my daughter 5 days a week - we typically leave the house at 7:30 and return around 6:00. She's in preschool 9 hours a day, and it can be stressful always having to watch the clock at work to ensure my 8:30-4:30 schedule sticks. And any traffic or metro delays have me freaking out.

Now for the good news - a friend of mine living in Arlington has a special needs son who was able to attend free preschool at a county elementary school because of his IEP. So that might be a possibility for you. You'd probably need to live in South Arlington, though - rentals in North Arlington tend to be pricier. Or in MD, there was a thread in the preschool/daycare forum about a preschool for SN kids in Silver Spring.

[Anonymous]

I think this area is very expensive and it would be very hard for you to work here. However, you might want to check out the programs offered by Galludet for hearing-impaired children. Maybe that could help you with your younger child, and you could commute via metro down from Silver Spring.

http://www.gallaudet.edu/about_gallaudet/birth_-_grade_12.html

[Anonymous]

OP Here.

Thank you all so much - I am glad I asked here, what valuable insights.

More on me: We live in Boise, ID. It is a wonderful, family-oriented environment, and though the state as a whole is uneducated and conservative, I live in a very liberal and educated part of town which makes me very comfortable staying here. It is an unbelievably EASY place to live, kids go to great Montessori preschool 2 blocks away, older daughter was admitted to wonderful K-12 International Baccalaureate charter school, tons of supportive friends, HOH daughter attends language intensive preschool every morning for FREE. We've got a good gig. And I do not feel I have exhausted all job options here.

I've got a PhD and work in natural resources. The job offer is with FERC. Yesterday I talked with potential new boss and gave him the news that I am a single mom and so my decision to accept the offer depends on my figuring out how to make it work financially and logistically. He was very open and friendly, and referred me to a realtor to speak with. After a month or two, I could telework for 2 days per week. The work is very appealing to me, boss sounds great, and I've worked for feds before and understand the amazing security and benefits a permanent position would bring.

I'm trying to find out if my hard-of-hearing daughter might qualify for free preschool services in MD or VA. She is doing great with her hearing aids and tests within normal range for language, and so is not eligible for public preschool here in Idaho (though her wonderful speech therapist gave her the scholarship spot in her private preschool just because she knows she'll benefit from it... things like that happen here!). I learned of an elementary school in Rockville that has a deaf/HOH program for both elementary and preschool. If both kids could attend the same school, perhaps I just get a nanny to send them off to school the 3 days per week I commute, go to work grossly early, and am home for them by 4 or 5 pm. In Rockville it seemed there were some more affordable options for a little house or townhouse. I've put in calls to Childfind and the schools looking for more info and don't get calls back, so that already is a red flag!

Life here in Boise is grand. My 3 br/1ba modest but absolutely lovely home in desirable part of town has a huge, gorgeous backyard (playset for kids, garage, etc) and we can bike anywhere we want to go. And... it costs me $1050 per month in mortgage!(on a 15 year loan!) If we move to DC I'd most certainly rent just to have an easy exit strategy if it's not working well.

So with that additional info, any more insights. I truly thank you for your time and experiences!

[Anonymous]

OP here again. My understanding is that my daughter would need to test in bottom 7% of kids her age for language to qualify for an IEP. So she'd just have a 504 (or whatever it is, just learning all this stuff) designating classroom accomodations but not necessarily qualify for an IEP if she continues to do so well.