Single Mom considering job offer in DC - would I be miserable?

[Anonymous]

OP Here.

I appreciate all your perspectives on this -diverse as they are. Since my priorities are to maximize time with my children and minimize daily stress, my gut is saying I would need to live close to work. What I'm reading about Capitol Hill is encouraging, that there are good options for early elementary and pre-K schools, kid-friendly restaurants, apartments available (and perhaps affordable if my younger daughter gets into public preK). From reading other boards it sounds like it is safer than it has been in the past. If I could have both kids in school and aftercare at the same location, that sounds ideal. Of course the problem is that I don't know this is do-able! If we're only there a year or two I'm beginning to embrace the idea of going for the city experience. I don't like the idea of lugging the kids around on buses and trains, so walkable to school and work would be the goal.

It would be a ton of effort to move and I would dearly miss my friends and home. But it also sounds like an opportunity to instill a sense of adventure in my children and renew that sense in myself. Boise is not going anywhere. The ONLY thing we'd potentially lose is my daughter's spot in the IB Charter school here. I think I'll call them to see if they have any way of deferring her admission for a year. Maybe we would fall in love with DC and stay, but having an exit plan would make it easier to give it a try.

On the other hand, staying put is a known commodity, and a great one at that, as long as I eventually find work. So, still undecided, but you all have given me much of the info I need to decide. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here.

Thank you all so much - I am glad I asked here, what valuable insights.

More on me: We live in Boise, ID. It is a wonderful, family-oriented environment, and though the state as a whole is uneducated and conservative, I live in a very liberal and educated part of town which makes me very comfortable staying here. It is an unbelievably EASY place to live, kids go to great Montessori preschool 2 blocks away, older daughter was admitted to wonderful K-12 International Baccalaureate charter school, tons of supportive friends, HOH daughter attends language intensive preschool every morning for FREE. We've got a good gig. And I do not feel I have exhausted all job options here.

I've got a PhD and work in natural resources. The job offer is with FERC. Yesterday I talked with potential new boss and gave him the news that I am a single mom and so my decision to accept the offer depends on my figuring out how to make it work financially and logistically. He was very open and friendly, and referred me to a realtor to speak with. After a month or two, I could telework for 2 days per week. The work is very appealing to me, boss sounds great, and I've worked for feds before and understand the amazing security and benefits a permanent position would bring.

I'm trying to find out if my hard-of-hearing daughter might qualify for free preschool services in MD or VA. She is doing great with her hearing aids and tests within normal range for language, and so is not eligible for public preschool here in Idaho (though her wonderful speech therapist gave her the scholarship spot in her private preschool just because she knows she'll benefit from it... things like that happen here!). I learned of an elementary school in Rockville that has a deaf/HOH program for both elementary and preschool. If both kids could attend the same school, perhaps I just get a nanny to send them off to school the 3 days per week I commute, go to work grossly early, and am home for them by 4 or 5 pm. In Rockville it seemed there were some more affordable options for a little house or townhouse. I've put in calls to Childfind and the schools looking for more info and don't get calls back, so that already is a red flag!

Life here in Boise is grand. My 3 br/1ba modest but absolutely lovely home in desirable part of town has a huge, gorgeous backyard (playset for kids, garage, etc) and we can bike anywhere we want to go. And... it costs me $1050 per month in mortgage!(on a 15 year loan!) If we move to DC I'd most certainly rent just to have an easy exit strategy if it's not working well.

So with that additional info, any more insights. I truly thank you for your time and experiences!

I am also a single mom by choice, and a federal employee. I am not entirely clear on what you are saying about the nanny and telecommuting. I know that my telework agreement does not allow me to telecommute when I am also responsible for caring for my child. I can't work at home when she is at home with me. So, you might want to clarify that issue.
I am not sure what advice to give you. I make about $50k more per year than you will be making. I have no family in the area, but have built a support system of friends. It is very hard, but also very good in many ways.

[Anonymous]

I am also a single mom by choice, and a federal employee. I am not entirely clear on what you are saying about the nanny and telecommuting. I know that my telework agreement does not allow me to telecommute when I am also responsible for caring for my child. I can't work at home when she is at home with me. So, you might want to clarify that issue.
I am not sure what advice to give you. I make about $50k more per year than you will be making. I have no family in the area, but have built a support system of friends. It is very hard, but also very good in many ways.

--I meant that for the 3 days per week that I have to commute in to work, I leave before the kids wake up, a nanny/sitter comes over and gets the kids off to school. Of course I cannot work and watch my kids at the same time!

[Anonymous]

But what would your schedule be the ads that you do telecommute? Would your kids be in school for a full 8 hour workday?

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Yes! kids would go to school and some type of aftercare every day, as is needed for anyone working FT! Right now I freelance from home and the kids go to preschool 9-5. I understand you don't have kids at home while you are trying to work from home.

Just as if I live in the city near work, they'll be in school/daycare/aftercare. I simply like the idea that I am the one dropping them and picking them up, and I don't have to add 2 hours to the day for commuting, and I don't have the stress of being located an hour away from them each day in case someone gets sick/etc.

[Anonymous]

Other people can speak better about Capital Hill. But it does have nightlife and transitional neighborhoods depending on your location. North of Union Station has become a 'hot' neighbhorhood, driving up rents in even some places where crime is an issue. Family- friendly locations near Union Station are expensive. ($1500 for older studios, for example).

Stress can be in the air here. People need to get somewhere, do something, or call someone. I applaud your interest in adventure. I'm also concerned about your interest in low stress. There's competition here for access to commute friendly living.

Whatever your decision, I'd love to hear the result. Living in DC has many advantages.

[Anonymous]

You can't afford Capitol Hill on 80k plus childcare costs. You can't afford it if childcare is free.

[Anonymous]

I've been reading this thread from the start and here's my question for the OP:

Do you think this will be the only time in the next decade or so that you will get an offer like this? (To move to a big east coast city)

If the answer is no, then I would wait until your kids are older. Right now they are too young and expensive and they simply need too much care. It will literally bankrupt you and stress you out to pull this off, I really think. But, imagine if you will, you get the same offer in 5 years. Your kids are now in school full time and you can feel confident that they will handle any aftercare or transportation issues easily. They can take advantage of the city in a way they can't do this young. And you will have hopefully helped to get your younger, SN kid on a path of independence so we won't need as much support.

Think of the difference this could make and how much more enjoyable this whole experience could be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't afford Capitol Hill on 80k plus childcare costs. You can't afford it if childcare is free.

Yes, OP, you can not afforrd on 80K with even 1 kid. I am single by choice with one kid and posted earlier. Even at $110K, I can not afford Capitol Hill. $2400 min rent for a 2 BR that might be 750- 800sq. Don't think you can squeeze all three of you in a 1 BR and still be comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Hell no, OP! We have two little ones and two parent...only one commute of 45 min door to door on the metri. HHI over 140k and rent though we pulled equity out before relocating. Our schedule with two adults looks like that. No fam in the area makes sick and snow days hell though we have flex employers.. Care charges 10 bucks a minute sothink of the pressure w/o an auto back up. 80k with two kids and solo means scraping by...wait till they are older. No way I'd do it for under 150...really.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't do it! Wasn't Boise named best place to live by outside magazine?

We left Capitol Hill for a western town and our lives are 1000% better.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't give up the intensive language based FREE preschool. Though, I'm a speech pathologist. I think Capital Hill area would be hard on your budget. And there is no guarantee that there would be available PreK 3 slots at the same school as your older daughter, which will add onto your commute and stress. Plus, aftercare costs add up. If you have a decent cushion of savings to cover moving costs, deposit on an apartment, first months rent, and money to start paying sitters/aftercare. I think the suburbs will be more doable. And I think it will be easier/more affordable when both kids are school age.

[Anonymous]

Have you checked rental costs and private preschool costs? I dont see how capitol hill could work financially. You would be netting $5k a month, and shelling out at least 3500 for rent and preschool.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I'm not a single mother financially speaking. I applaud all the single mothers in DC making the sacrifices to make it work.

[Anonymous]

OP Here.

Most of the input from folks who have lived there, on this board and in real life, has been "do not go." I do take that to heart.

Today I found a rent-controlled apartment (for us poor folk!). It's really nice , only 1 BR but the BR is huge and the total apt is over 900 sf and MOST importantly it has washer-dryer in unit. 1 BR really would be fine, as the kids end up in bed with me most nights anyways. It is easily walkable to the job. So then the major unknown is if the 3 year old gets into PreK. She would have priority given her sister would be enrolled, but no guarantee. And that is a huge leap of faith. But if she did, I'd argue it would be do-able. Tight, yes.

I do agree with the speech therapist who chimed in that giving up the language intensive preschool would be tough. I wouldn't dream of it except that she is doing so well. Of course, part of why she is doing so well is all the therapies she gets.

Considering I haven't exhausted job options here, and there is good potential for more freelance work, I may just stay put. I'll let you know what I decide.