You missed the point. THEY wanted to act like adults and have sex. Now she is pregnant. She needs to deal with this in an adult manner. Time to grow up and deal with the situation. She and her BF created the situation. They can't just act like kids. She has to make a decision: Abort, Keep it herself or Give up for Adoption. She needs to understand the repercussions of all three choices. And if she decides to keep the child, she needs to have a plan on how she's going to afford it. Sorry, you don't get to have sex and then use the "I'm a kid" as an excuse. Anyone who has sex needs to be prepared to deal with the consequences, because the consequences are REAL. This goes for BF as well. He absolutely needs to be held accountable, whether it's to help pay for the abortion or pay for the care of the child. No way should she keep it and collect welfare. I'm sick of paying for other people's children. We did the responsible thing and are paying for our two children. How come irresponsible people get everything handed to them at the cost of the rest of society? This is not an isolated incident. 1 x a thousand or several hundred thousand quickly becomes a HUGE problem in our society. Anyone who wants to have a child should, as long as THEY are paying for it, not society. |
I'm the above poster. I wanted to add, I knew a woman who gave up her first child (she was catholic too). Eventually she married the guy who got her pregnant. Her first child (gave up) was a boy. She had three girls with her husband. Now she is worried that her daughters might date their son. What a MESS! Just something to think about. I certainly would be angry with my parents if I brought home a guy and they told me he was my brother! |
It's not. There might be situations, like if this kid winds up as a ward of the state placed in the care of OP where CPS would have something to say about it, but there are no general statutes dictating this: http://www.ehow.com/list_6520256_laws-children-sharing-room.html |
The BF/future father should definitely be sued for child support -- and so should his parents. They didn't watch their son, so if they are capable of providing child support to their future grandchild, they should be held accountable, too. |
Stupidest post ever! |
+10000 -Parent of a slightly wild teenager who has the foresight to put said teenager on birth control. I don't see why OP should feel she needs to take this on completely. Some support, great. Fixing the whole damn thing- NO. |
OP, you have my sympathies, as does your niece. With all due respect, her parents are awful human beings who created this mess through piety and neglect.
You and your niece are in my prayers. Her parents are beneath my contempt. I've known several teens who got pregnant and kept their babies. BFs -- even two who married the teen moms and got divorced -- were immature washouts. Teen boys simply lack the maturity to face parenting. Hands down. It just won't happen. She can seek child support from BF, but trying to get him to maintain a relationship with her or the baby will only result in failure, especially around here, regardless of demographic or SES. The boys here just don't get it, particularly those too far gone to buy condoms. Your niece should accept that she's on her own as far as raising her baby. Godspeed to all of you. |
OP with a bit of an update.
Firstly, my kids DO share a bedroom already. The third bedroom is used as DH's home office which he uses regularly. Secondly, Niece lied/misspoke/whatever. The boyfriend is not a boyfriend. He is a boy she met at a party and hooked up with. She does not know his last name. Some girl she barely knows met him at the mall and invited him to a huge house party Niece attended, where she met him. Thirdly, Bro & SIL are not waivering on their feelings. They have refused to speak with Niece, blocked her on FB, closed her phone acct., etc. DH and I spoke with a lawyer who basically said we can force them to take her back but it will not go well for her. Based on what we told him about Bro & SIL, they will not treat her decently, they will not take her to doctor's appts, they will make life miserable for her and he foresees her running away multiple times. So she can go through all that and THEN wind up in foster care or a group home for teen mothers or we can work out a way for her to stay with us. Fourthly she is 19 weeks pregnant. She remains firm she wants to keep the baby. I feel like we've made very little progress towards solutions. |
First: kudos to you OP for taking in your niece when she needs you. I know this wasn't the plan, but you are doing an amazing thing for your niece and your own kids in showing them what family actually means.
Second: this is just armchair psychology, but part of why your niece may be so intent on keeping the baby is the 'there will be someone in this world who will love me' school of thought. Ideally she would have parents who would love her no matter what, but that's obviously not the case (and she knows it), so there may be a subconscious connection to a baby as someone who will fill that need. |
Well, she can find the boy on facebook I bet. She can still sue for support.
What her parents are doing is illegal and reprehensible. Maybe she can find an open adoption couple. Or do you have any close friends or family who want a baby? Who would let her continue to be in the kid's life in an "aunt"role? Define wild. I'm not sure we can trust her messed up parents' definition. Is she pleasant to be around, or annoying and abrasive? Does she get ok grades? Does she do drugs or drink heavily? |
Get her into CPS /group home or else it is going to fall to you to parent her and unborn child because CPS will want to pressure you to step up. Let her spend some time in that environment and have the realities hit home. Reality does not hit when Auntie is letting her lie on the couch. What happens to underage girls in the foster care system who get pregnant? And make sure that she is exposed to your little ones constantly until she is exhausted. No retreating to your guestroom office to Facebook and surf the Net, no texting on her phone, no laying around watching TV. Nada. |
You know, I do like the idea of limiting her screen time and making her babysit. Make that a condition to staying with you. And enroll her in school, stat.
I can't believe her parents kicked her out right before finals!! |
She doesn't even know the boy's last name. She also doesn't know the last name of the girl who brought him. We have talked with her about open adoption, and she is adamant she does not want to give her baby to anyone else. I can't define wild because while I don't know that I can believe what my brother says I also don't know that I can believe my niece when she claims she stopped smoking weed and smoking/drinking when she thought she might be pregnant. She is sullen and cries a lot and talks about missing her friends, her pets, her sister, school, etc. I know in 8th grade she was on high honor roll and my brother said now she's failing all her classes though Niece says she's got mostly C's and D's, couple of B's. The first full day she was here I think she was trying to pull some shit by using the pregnancy card and we had a very firm talk about how pregnancy does NOT equal too sick to act like a person living a full life. It's better since then, aside from her trying to pull the same crap with DH until she realized he was on board with me, and now she pulls her weight though with a bit of grumbling (which we ignore to her face). |
Seeing as she has been living at home while pregnant for the first 19 weeks pregnant, what changed?
Why did they kick her out now? |
the PP who posted earlier with armchair psychology. I could be totally off base here, but this is a screaming red flag to me that *something* happened to your niece around that point. For example I believe this is a pretty classic psychological response to sexual abuse or assault. Lots of other explanations, of course, but combine that with pregnancy, and your niece really would benefit from professional counseling. Best of luck to all of you OP. |