Niece called me hysterical. Teen pregnancy, brother kicked her out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you consider an open adoption?

Would you please spend one nanosecond thinking about the young woman before you start grabbing at her fetus?

Normally I would agree with you, but for a 15 year old with no social supports, open adoption by a relative might be the best solution. (Actually I think the best solution would be abortion here, but not clear if that is on the table.)

[Anonymous]

Actually, it's illegal in most states to kick a minor out. Parents are obligated to support their children until they're 18.

[Anonymous]

OP here. DH flew to Boston to get Niece. I did speak with SIL and she did confirm Niece was kicked out. I asked what would have to happen for her to be welcome back. She said she's not sure there's anything, that Niece has disgraced them (SIL & Bro consider themselves well-respected pious people in their community).

It broke my heart listening to her speak and made me feel like saying "You may as well just send your other daughter to us now too," but I didn't.

To be honest, I think an abortion would be best, however, it's not my choice. DH said when he got to Niece she burst into tears and started apologizing.

Right now my plan is to let her rest and calm down tomorrow and then she will have a Big Talk with DH and I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you consider an open adoption?

Would you please spend one nanosecond thinking about the young woman before you start grabbing at her fetus?

Normally I would agree with you, but for a 15 year old with no social supports, open adoption by a relative might be the best solution. (Actually I think the best solution would be abortion here, but not clear if that is on the table.)

Pressuring a woman to choose adoption is no different than pressuring a woman to keep and parent a child, or to have an abortion. All 3 are equally heinous things to do. This young woman has the right to make the decision about what is best for her and her fetus.

An adoptive mom who is very aware of the amount of coercion in the adoption world, and is appalled by it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH flew to Boston to get Niece. I did speak with SIL and she did confirm Niece was kicked out. I asked what would have to happen for her to be welcome back. She said she's not sure there's anything, that Niece has disgraced them (SIL & Bro consider themselves well-respected pious people in their community).

It broke my heart listening to her speak and made me feel like saying "You may as well just send your other daughter to us now too," but I didn't.

To be honest, I think an abortion would be best, however, it's not my choice. DH said when he got to Niece she burst into tears and started apologizing.

Right now my plan is to let her rest and calm down tomorrow and then she will have a Big Talk with DH and I.

Can I just say that you have an amazing DH?

You and he are doing the right thing here. I'm sure it will be difficult, but it's definitely the right thing.

I'm repeating the St. Ann's suggestion that I made upthread in case you missed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH flew to Boston to get Niece. I did speak with SIL and she did confirm Niece was kicked out. I asked what would have to happen for her to be welcome back. She said she's not sure there's anything, that Niece has disgraced them (SIL & Bro consider themselves well-respected pious people in their community).

It broke my heart listening to her speak and made me feel like saying "You may as well just send your other daughter to us now too," but I didn't.

To be honest, I think an abortion would be best, however, it's not my choice. DH said when he got to Niece she burst into tears and started apologizing.

Right now my plan is to let her rest and calm down tomorrow and then she will have a Big Talk with DH and I.

Can I just say that you have an amazing DH?

You and he are doing the right thing here. I'm sure it will be difficult, but it's definitely the right thing.

I'm repeating the St. Ann's suggestion that I made upthread in case you missed it.

Thanks, I saw it. That, and options like that will probably be presented tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

It is illegal for them to kick her out.

Wtf. They consider themselves religious?? They really think kicking their pregnant fifteen year old out of the house is the godly thing to do??

No wonder their daughter is screwed up.

I hope she can shake her religious upbringing enough to consider abortion. If not, maybe she would consider adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is illegal for them to kick her out.

Wtf. They consider themselves religious?? They really think kicking their pregnant fifteen year old out of the house is the godly thing to do??

No wonder their daughter is screwed up.

I hope she can shake her religious upbringing enough to consider abortion. If not, maybe she would consider adoption.

They are righteous - not religious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, it's illegal in most states to kick a minor out. Parents are obligated to support their children until they're 18.

Correct
And nobody but the mother can put the baby up for adoption.
Even with no supports. But once the baby is here the teen mom will have family support. Families just do not like to offer it during the pregnancy.

I know one person who had a baby at 15 and it all turned out OK

I think the teen in question would qualify for a lot of aid. So money is not a reason to give the baby up. Besides, God will provide, and God gave that baby to her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, it's illegal in most states to kick a minor out. Parents are obligated to support their children until they're 18.

Correct
And nobody but the mother can put the baby up for adoption.
Even with no supports. But once the baby is here the teen mom will have family support. Families just do not like to offer it during the pregnancy.

I know one person who had a baby at 15 and it all turned out OK

I think the teen in question would qualify for a lot of aid. So money is not a reason to give the baby up. Besides, God will provide, and God gave that baby to her

Delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you consider an open adoption?

Would you please spend one nanosecond thinking about the young woman before you start grabbing at her fetus?

Normally I would agree with you, but for a 15 year old with no social supports, open adoption by a relative might be the best solution. (Actually I think the best solution would be abortion here, but not clear if that is on the table.)

Pressuring a woman to choose adoption is no different than pressuring a woman to keep and parent a child, or to have an abortion. All 3 are equally heinous things to do. This young woman has the right to make the decision about what is best for her and her fetus.

An adoptive mom who is very aware of the amount of coercion in the adoption world, and is appalled by it.

I 100%%%% agree with you. But isn't there a way to discuss adoptions and the pros and cons without pressuring? This girls deserves an adult to help her think through all her options.

[Anonymous]

Those parents have zero understanding of Christianity. They are pious and religious, neither of which Christ was. Times of failure, hopelessness and fear are the means by which the intelligent are humbled and driven to our only hope, the pure love of Christ. Dying is a far more serious situation than this bump in the road... And we will all experience it.

[Anonymous]

I was a pregnant teen and I went to live with a relative while I was pregnant.

It may feel or seem like you are being shipped away but the truth is emotionally it was better. I did not need to deal with all my friends (many had abortions) and their judgement of me for actually having the baby.

I went to counseling which was nice, because after 5 sessions the therapist said that I was handling this in a healthy and mature manner.

I did give the child up for a adoption but that was my decision and I literally did not want to know what anybody else thought. I would let her work it out with a therapist.

There are 2 decisions: have the baby, don't have the baby (I think she already made that decision otherwise her parents would not know.)
Then there are 2 decisions: raise the baby or find a loving home for the baby. (from there the decisions are endless)

She is a pregnant teen not a drug addicted felon. Treat her like a niece, not a criminal. Have specific and measurable expectations. You must do X, Y, Z for us to feel like we are helping you not enabling you, etc.

Good Luck! It's going to be longer than a week or two.

[Anonymous]

OP-
You and your husband are both amazing people. This is such a hard situation. I agree with the poster who gave a child up for adoption. The first two choices are to have the baby or not and then there will be more choices to make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, it's illegal in most states to kick a minor out. Parents are obligated to support their children until they're 18.

That's nice.

Plenty of parents kick their kids out and refuse to support them, despite it being illegal. There are no prosecutions for this.