Found 2 movie tickets on bf, should I approach him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chat up the roommate about the movie..."Hey, Sam, I heard you saw About Last Night, should I go see it?"

Or just decide if you believe your boyfriend or not. My guess is that he is lying but when I was in my twenties, I would have wanted to believe it too.
The fact that he was silent after telling you about it tells me that he is lying. If it were the truth, he would have gone about your dinner as if nothing was wrong, instead he acted differently.

We are all just trying to tell you to be careful, trust your instincts and make sure that you are being treated well by this guy.

OP here. I get this and it's still on my mind but what proof do I have? He has given me zero reason to ever be jealous or have any suspicions. I think his silence was because he was upset. He thought I was snooping and that I didn't tell him earlier when I found it. I waited a couple hours to process everhthing. I'm not trying to excuse his behavior. It's just that typically, I would dump a guy over this, even without proof but he really is the one for me.

Oh boy. It sounds like you really want to believe him. This guy has you where he wants you. Do you go around putting random papers in your pocket before checking what they are? Honey I've BTDT with a cheater, they will make up outrageous lies and then gaslight you or turn things around on you (like how he conveniently accused you of snooping). Do you expect him to tell you the truth if he WAS with another girl? Of course he wouldn't, unless he wanted to be rid of you.

Yeah, this. If it was me, and i really was innocent, I'd understand how bad it looked, and takes great pains to reassure her. The counter-accusation is pretty significant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your tendency toward jealousy is going to doom what seems to be a perfectly healthy relationship.

Thanks for your input, OP's BF.

I knew someone would think that. Nope. Just a woman who used to be jealous from insecurity like that. The least little "off" thing would drive me nuts. If she's bringing that insecurity to the relationship, he likely will get tired of it fast.

Because without more this incident, in isolation, is nothing. It would be so easy to scoop up a pile of papers and junk, and take a roommate's ticket stubs with it. If he lived alone, it would have been a different story.

I can easily see someone. being sad or contemplative about the fact his girlfriend doesn't seem to trust him.

[Anonymous]

OP,

You posted here that he wasn't reachable that evening, which you suggested was unusual, and I believe he told you he was napping. Does that happen often, you don't know where he is? I don't think you're jealous or paranoid over these tickets. I'd be, too.

[Anonymous]

Oh OP, the ruin of my life was because I married a man with a tendency to lie and sneak around with other women. When caught he would insist they were "just friends". Said he didn't tell me the truth because he knew that *I* would over react and get mad for no reason. Yadda yadda yadda.

I finally got fed up with his lies and divorced him. Now I am a struggling single mother with two children and I mourn all the time for the life I could have had if I hadn't been so foolish as to marry a liar.

Honey, please be very, very, VERY sure of what you are getting yourself into with this man. It's possible that the tickets aren't his. But V DAy plus missing for hours plus movie tickets on his bureau suggests that he was out with someone else.

Have a long, long engagement. Never confront with suspicions, that only makes a liar do more to cover their tracks. Pay close attention to his truthfulness for the next year or so and only marry him if you are SURE. You owe it to yourself and any children you may have some day.

If your 20 YO daughter called you up and told you about the identical situation with her boyfriend, what would you advise her to do?

[Anonymous]

OP, are his roomates dating/in relationship? e.g., would they be the types to see a romantic comedy like that? I wouldn't end a relationship over the tickets, but I'd have my guard up and eyes open. Have there been any other times he's unavailable like that?

[Anonymous]

OP, walk away now. I've been there, and it doesn't get better. With my exH, I ignored several obvious signs of cheating because he always had an explanation and I wasn't ready to get divorced if there was a chance that I was wrong. Time after time, I asked myself, is this enough to get divorced over? Am I really going to get divorced over something as small as a phone number on a post it note/movie tickets/a hairband in his bedroom/etc.? How can I be sure that I'm right? It took a phone call from one of his girlfriends to give me the push I needed because there was no lie he could tell that would explain what she said. Is that really what you're waiting for? Don't move in with this guy and don't marry him -- the more serious you get, the harder it is to walk away. If it seems hard to break up now, what if you were married and have kids? You know in your heart that something isn't right, or else you wouldn't be posting here. Listen to your intuition, it's there to protect you. You care about him and want the future that he has described to you, and it is so hard to walk away from something that you want when you can't *prove* that he is cheating. Don't wait until you have proof -- if you have kids with him and then find out he's cheating, you will have lost your chance for a happy, uncomplicated family with someone who really cares about you and treats you well. Trust me that there are guys out there who don't give you that nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach that you try to ignore. After my divorce, I met a wonderful man who always treats me well and we have a beautiful family. Looking back, I am amazed that I ever settled for less.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Wow, I'm getting such a mix of responses. I decided to let it go but keep my guard up and eyes open. A previous poster asked to see his text at dinner, but this was a month ago so that wouldn't help and I don't want or need to be that kind of woman. He calls and text women but I know them and not a big deal at all. Ehh his room mates could have seen the movie, specially one, but I doubt the other. In my mind, I can't see ending a relationship over two movie tickets. He did get defense and say I was snooping (in his defense, there was tons of shit on his dresser) but the tickets stood out the most so that's what I saw. This is the only red flag that I see in him. Once again, no reason to make me jealous or think there is someone else. Another poster asked if he has been unavailable by text or call at other times and the answer is yes but I'm sure it's because he was napping. He brings me around his roommates, family, coworkers, friends and church. I doubt he would have another woman. Still, the story is weird as fuck.

[Anonymous]

Ask his roomates what they thought of the movie. Separately, do you see him every night? Are there nights you have no idea where he is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you figured out the date? Was it a weeknight or a weekend? Any recollection of where you thought he was, or where you were?

It was 2/16. Around v day obviously around 7:30. I'm pissed inside. I want to go off but I'm keeping my cool because I don't want to over react. I'm naturally a very jealous person.

Look, I'd be annoyed if my partner/boyfriend/husband went to a movie AT ALL and didn't mention it. "Hey, Rick and I are going to catch that war flick on Sunday, any objections?" or "My mom wants me to go to that comedy with her" so just to let you know I won't be around Friday night." You are completely justified in your feelings here, is my point.

I'd totally break up with a woman who expected me to get permission to make plans like that. OMG.

Just like a man to think that information is the same as "permission." All the pp had said was "mention it."

Yes, PP did say "mention it." But PP gave a poor example with the war flick scenario. Those two words "any objections?" killed it for me, and I'm a woman. THAT sounded like a request for permission. The language used around taking the mom to the movies was perfect.

Op said that if he had gone to a movie with a friend she would have known because he would have aske her and said "hey is it cool with you if I go to a movie or would it bother you? (see page 2)

That sounds an awful lot like needing to ask permission.

It sounds an awful lot like basic respect and courtesy to his partner.

They're not partners. They don't live together, and aren't married. He owes her respect, but it's up to her how far she wants to take that.

[Anonymous]

He's probably already warned his roommate.

[Anonymous]

Check his credit card bill or bank statement to see if he charged them. If so, he is lying. Proof positive right there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow, I'm getting such a mix of responses. I decided to let it go but keep my guard up and eyes open. A previous poster asked to see his text at dinner, but this was a month ago so that wouldn't help and I don't want or need to be that kind of woman. He calls and text women but I know them and not a big deal at all. Ehh his room mates could have seen the movie, specially one, but I doubt the other. In my mind, I can't see ending a relationship over two movie tickets. He did get defense and say I was snooping (in his defense, there was tons of shit on his dresser) but the tickets stood out the most so that's what I saw. This is the only red flag that I see in him. Once again, no reason to make me jealous or think there is someone else. Another poster asked if he has been unavailable by text or call at other times and the answer is yes but I'm sure it's because he was napping. He brings me around his roommates, family, coworkers, friends and church. I doubt he would have another woman. Still, the story is weird as fuck.

Yes, the story is weird as fuck. And seriously, who naps at 7 pm on a weekend night?

I was also deeply troubled by the fact that he accused you of snooping when you saw the tickets. Let me put it this way. Even if he *wasn't* cheating, and those weren't his tickets, is this the response you want to your concerns?
My husband and I have tacit conventions where we would never snoop -- i'd never look at his email, or his web history or anything similar, but if I did and found something, you could be sure he'd answer me. I have in a comparable position.

If you are going to have children with this man you need to know you can work together. I'd go to him with this message (maybe not the kids, but spending our lives together) and see how he responds. If he can't be forthright with you, I'd consider what all this means regardless of whether he was really cheating or not. Marriage is not an easy road, and I say this as a married person who is very much happy. You can't handicap yourself by marrying a jerk, even if he isn't a cheater. Look at it this way and see how things go. Hopefully this will bring you closer together. If not, walk. You are young. Consider the number of single mothers whose husbands are major dickwads that you see on this board. You don't want to be back here in 5 years with people asking how you didn't know at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow, I'm getting such a mix of responses. I decided to let it go but keep my guard up and eyes open. A previous poster asked to see his text at dinner, but this was a month ago so that wouldn't help and I don't want or need to be that kind of woman. He calls and text women but I know them and not a big deal at all. Ehh his room mates could have seen the movie, specially one, but I doubt the other. In my mind, I can't see ending a relationship over two movie tickets. He did get defense and say I was snooping (in his defense, there was tons of shit on his dresser) but the tickets stood out the most so that's what I saw. This is the only red flag that I see in him. Once again, no reason to make me jealous or think there is someone else. Another poster asked if he has been unavailable by text or call at other times and the answer is yes but I'm sure it's because he was napping. He brings me around his roommates, family, coworkers, friends and church. I doubt he would have another woman. Still, the story is weird as fuck.

Yes, the story is weird as fuck. And seriously, who naps at 7 pm on a weekend night?

I was also deeply troubled by the fact that he accused you of snooping when you saw the tickets. Let me put it this way. Even if he *wasn't* cheating, and those weren't his tickets, is this the response you want to your concerns?
My husband and I have tacit conventions where we would never snoop -- i'd never look at his email, or his web history or anything similar, but if I did and found something, you could be sure he'd answer me. I have in a comparable position.

If you are going to have children with this man you need to know you can work together. I'd go to him with this message (maybe not the kids, but spending our lives together) and see how he responds. If he can't be forthright with you, I'd consider what all this means regardless of whether he was really cheating or not. Marriage is not an easy road, and I say this as a married person who is very much happy. You can't handicap yourself by marrying a jerk, even if he isn't a cheater. Look at it this way and see how things go. Hopefully this will bring you closer together. If not, walk. You are young. Consider the number of single mothers whose husbands are major dickwads that you see on this board. You don't want to be back here in 5 years with people asking how you didn't know at the time.

OP here. I sleep with him and he is a horrible sleeper. He barely sleeps at night, so it's not unusual for him to take a nap on the weekends that late, at all. In all honesty, as a happy married person, what do you think I should do? Is it worth bringing it up again? Should I make it a habit to snoop around and find evidence? Yes I can see myself with this man for the rest of my life. I'm just at a lost as to what I should do right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow, I'm getting such a mix of responses. I decided to let it go but keep my guard up and eyes open. A previous poster asked to see his text at dinner, but this was a month ago so that wouldn't help and I don't want or need to be that kind of woman. He calls and text women but I know them and not a big deal at all. Ehh his room mates could have seen the movie, specially one, but I doubt the other. In my mind, I can't see ending a relationship over two movie tickets. He did get defense and say I was snooping (in his defense, there was tons of shit on his dresser) but the tickets stood out the most so that's what I saw. This is the only red flag that I see in him. Once again, no reason to make me jealous or think there is someone else. Another poster asked if he has been unavailable by text or call at other times and the answer is yes but I'm sure it's because he was napping. He brings me around his roommates, family, coworkers, friends and church. I doubt he would have another woman. Still, the story is weird as fuck.

Yes, the story is weird as fuck. And seriously, who naps at 7 pm on a weekend night?

I was also deeply troubled by the fact that he accused you of snooping when you saw the tickets. Let me put it this way. Even if he *wasn't* cheating, and those weren't his tickets, is this the response you want to your concerns?
My husband and I have tacit conventions where we would never snoop -- i'd never look at his email, or his web history or anything similar, but if I did and found something, you could be sure he'd answer me. I have in a comparable position.

If you are going to have children with this man you need to know you can work together. I'd go to him with this message (maybe not the kids, but spending our lives together) and see how he responds. If he can't be forthright with you, I'd consider what all this means regardless of whether he was really cheating or not. Marriage is not an easy road, and I say this as a married person who is very much happy. You can't handicap yourself by marrying a jerk, even if he isn't a cheater. Look at it this way and see how things go. Hopefully this will bring you closer together. If not, walk. You are young. Consider the number of single mothers whose husbands are major dickwads that you see on this board. You don't want to be back here in 5 years with people asking how you didn't know at the time.

OP here. I sleep with him and he is a horrible sleeper. He barely sleeps at night, so it's not unusual for him to take a nap on the weekends that late, at all. In all honesty, as a happy married person, what do you think I should do? Is it worth bringing it up again? Should I make it a habit to snoop around and find evidence? Yes I can see myself with this man for the rest of my life. I'm just at a lost as to what I should do right now.

You should get tested for every disease. Right now.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you someone who has a history of feeling jealous in relationships without good cause? Is snooping something you tend to do because you have a hard time trusting your partner for whatever reason? If not, then trust your gut.
I think it's okay to be open with him about what you're feeling in relation to what you found - this can be done in a non-confrontational, non-accusatory way. "Honey, I have to admit that I haven't quite been able to shake the feeling I had when I saw those movie tickets. I'm not usually like this and you have given me zero reason not to trust you but it's weighing on me a bit...can we have one more conversation about it and put it to bed?" And then decide whether or not you want to trust him, drop it and move on.
Or if you are comfortable dropping it for now then just keep your eyes and ears open, as PP said. It sounds like he has given you no other reason to think he is lying and sneaking around. And it's hard to imagine he would take another woman out on a real "date" when you are so thoroughly integrated into his life - if he wanted a piece of a$$ he probably wouldn't be taking her to a romantic movie.
And yet, his story is weird, no doubt.