Straight A's but only if I yell

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back off. Failure is cheap at this age (unless you plan on folowing her to college and afterwards). Motivation has to come from the child. External incentives can help the internal motivation. Praise and reward effort.

Tell that to my Korean tiger mom. She rode my ass like a rented mule until I got my offer letters from schools she determined was acceptable. And even then, do you think she was going to let me fuck around with some bullshit degree like psychology or English Lit?

Riding your kids ass does indeed work.

My Indian parents didn't even ask if I did my homework. My brothers and I all went to top ten colleges and grad schools. Not riding our asses worked, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back off. Failure is cheap at this age (unless you plan on folowing her to college and afterwards). Motivation has to come from the child. External incentives can help the internal motivation. Praise and reward effort.

Tell that to my Korean tiger mom. She rode my ass like a rented mule until I got my offer letters from schools she determined was acceptable. And even then, do you think she was going to let me fuck around with some bullshit degree like psychology or English Lit?

Riding your kids ass does indeed work.

My Indian parents didn't even ask if I did my homework. My brothers and I all went to top ten colleges and grad schools. Not riding our asses worked, too!

OP here. I suppose it's different for each child depending on family dynamics. I still have to manage my daughter very closely and it's hard but when she "fails" at things, I keep my composure. So instead of saying something like how could you not know there was a test and going on a diatribe- I talk to her about strategies to prevent this problem going forward. It's really, really hard sometimes to be patient but that's what's working for us- and overall she's still an A student taking the most advanced classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back off. Failure is cheap at this age (unless you plan on folowing her to college and afterwards). Motivation has to come from the child. External incentives can help the internal motivation. Praise and reward effort.

Tell that to my Korean tiger mom. She rode my ass like a rented mule until I got my offer letters from schools she determined was acceptable. And even then, do you think she was going to let me fuck around with some bullshit degree like psychology or English Lit?

Riding your kids ass does indeed work.

My Indian parents didn't even ask if I did my homework. My brothers and I all went to top ten colleges and grad schools. Not riding our asses worked, too!

OP here. I suppose it's different for each child depending on family dynamics. I still have to manage my daughter very closely and it's hard but when she "fails" at things, I keep my composure. So instead of saying something like how could you not know there was a test and going on a diatribe- I talk to her about strategies to prevent this problem going forward. It's really, really hard sometimes to be patient but that's what's working for us- and overall she's still an A student taking the most advanced classes.

Sounds good overall but are you sure you want to give her the message that not getting an A is "failure"? Sounds like the basis for training a kid to work hard out of fear of others' disappointment rather than working hard because she enjoys an intrinsic feeling of accomplishment and mastery.

[Anonymous]

You may be damaging your relationship with your child by yelling, bribing, etc.
Think about what is ultimately more important to you in 10 years, a 20 year old in an elite college who may resent you and doesn't really feel connected to you, or the possibility of a child who goes to another "lesser" undergrad institution (and this might not even be the case!)but who seeks out your company because they feel unconditionally loved, and really likes being with you ...
I obviously don't know you or your child, or your relationship. However this is a typical pattern we have all seen play out before.

Maybe take a PEP class? they have a whole workshop on this issue and age range...

[Anonymous]

You won't be able to sustain the yelling for another six years.

Reflect on alternative ways, set some rules and tone it down.