Secret of Jewish parenting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't the secret just a lot of expectation? The parents expect the kids do well in school and the kids don't want to disappoint, so they do well; that continues from grade school through HS to college to prof school. When I see highly successful communities (as a whole - of course not everyone in any community can be a MD/JD/MBA), I always assume that growing up it isn't about self esteem or "an A for effort" -- it is about results. Not sure why this would be different for Jewish vs. Asian vs. anyone else.

well no it can't be just lots of expectation...there has to be innate talent and ability as well.

otherwise just because i have high expectations for my son and daughter, they won't automatically turn into the next mickey mantle and steffi graf respectively.

That may be true for sports, but not as much for academics I think. Does it take a lot of innate ability to be getting straight A's in middle school? Sometimes it's just about doing the work. From what I have seen some parents just "demand" such grades, and the kids figure out a way to produce or else they know there will be a lot of lecturing and not a lot of hanging out at home; some kids can do homework on the bus and still produce those grades, while others realize they can't and spend hours and hours studying.

k that's moving the goal posts....i'm not talking about middle school.

the academic equivalent to what i said would be getting into prestigious residencies, or that full time offer at Wachtell/Susman/Keker, tenure track math/physics position requires humongous amounts of innate talent.

It requires talent but it also requires the grades. Wachtell isn't going to just believe you're talented -- they're going to want top grades from HLS, law review, ivy undergrad etc. You're not going to an ivy undergrad without being at the top of your high school and most high school vals were pretty hard working and high achieving since grade school. You don't just get the end results you want at age 25 -- it starts around age 5 and builds from there slowly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because you failed to save for your child's education OR chose to have too many kids, does NOT mean you are getting a scholarship. Please tell me you realize this.

I don't know many parents saving for college period, let alone anything above 20K. But I know many kids who went to schools on grants and loans, and they were not especially gifted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I do agree with the PP though -- you are seeing burnout amongst the Indian-Am professionals in their late 20s-30s. They have spent so much time chasing what they SHOULD want, that they never pursued what they did want. Some of them are doing it now -- I now know more than one Indian-Am professional who is leaving medicine, law etc. to teach, open a business, go into the gov't/politics. Their parents are for the most part ok with it -- frankly they don't have much say over their 35 yr old but even so, many parents feel "satisfied" that their kid achieved in medicine/law/ibanking etc. and now has money stashed away so they can have an "easier" life/profession. So while they drive their kids hard when young, they don't expect or want them to be miserable forever just for money. "

A lot of these guys have girlfriends on the side and they LOVE, LOVE, LOVE strip clubs.

I agree -- lots of girlfriends on the side, cheating etc. I don't know if that's due to burnout though; that may be due to "I married this person bc they were the exact right educational and social background and good enough for my family and my parents wanted me to, and now we don't have 2 words to say to each other -- for the rest of our lives but can't get divorced either." The burnout I'm seeing is leading to far more people just quitting their jobs without new jobs lined up as they travel, think about start-ups, businesses, teaching etc. -- all fine goals, just not what you would have expected from these same people 10 yrs ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jews always help Jews first. My experience in business is that being Jewish has given me the ability to cut in line, just due to my last name.

Do Jews discriminate among themselves, i.e. do you treat converted Jews differently than born from Jewish mothers? Or prefer Israeli Jews to Jews from Eastern Europe?

Just curious.

No, I don't treat converts differently.

And I am not likely to ever see an israeli jew where I pray (I like gender equality and most of the israelis I know want the shul that they don't go to to be orthodox. But other than that I can't imagine what preference you are thinking I should have.

Actually, converts are very highly revered in Judaism.

Really? We thought about Judaism and a Jewish friend told us to not even think about it. He said we would never be treated equally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Really? We thought about Judaism and a Jewish friend told us to not even think about it. He said we would never be treated equally.

My Jewish classmate immigrated from USSR to Israel. She was very bitter about how they were treated like dirt because they were immigrants. She said USSR was like heaven comparing to what they went through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jews always help Jews first. My experience in business is that being Jewish has given me the ability to cut in line, just due to my last name.

Do Jews discriminate among themselves, i.e. do you treat converted Jews differently than born from Jewish mothers? Or prefer Israeli Jews to Jews from Eastern Europe?

Just curious.

No, I don't treat converts differently.

And I am not likely to ever see an israeli jew where I pray (I like gender equality and most of the israelis I know want the shul that they don't go to to be orthodox. But other than that I can't imagine what preference you are thinking I should have.

Actually, converts are very highly revered in Judaism.

Really? We thought about Judaism and a Jewish friend told us to not even think about it. He said we would never be treated equally.

Maybe your friend does not have personal knowledge and is making assumptions. Converts really are highly revered in Judaism. Talk to a rabbi rather than a friend who may not have a proper Jewish education. In my congregation, we do not differentiate between converts and people born Jewish. I'm not sure I would even be able to tell you who in my congregation converted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jews always help Jews first. My experience in business is that being Jewish has given me the ability to cut in line, just due to my last name.

Do Jews discriminate among themselves, i.e. do you treat converted Jews differently than born from Jewish mothers? Or prefer Israeli Jews to Jews from Eastern Europe?

Just curious.

No, I don't treat converts differently.

And I am not likely to ever see an israeli jew where I pray (I like gender equality and most of the israelis I know want the shul that they don't go to to be orthodox. But other than that I can't imagine what preference you are thinking I should have.

Actually, converts are very highly revered in Judaism.

Really? We thought about Judaism and a Jewish friend told us to not even think about it. He said we would never be treated equally.

Maybe your friend does not have personal knowledge and is making assumptions. Converts really are highly revered in Judaism. Talk to a rabbi rather than a friend who may not have a proper Jewish education. In my congregation, we do not differentiate between converts and people born Jewish. I'm not sure I would even be able to tell you who in my congregation converted.

"Highly revered in Judaism" and "highly revered by the Jews" ain't the same thing. Since a convert spends his or her days around actual human Jews, it's forgivable to contemplate "what is", and not "what should be."

[Anonymous]

Our orthodox synagogue is approx 20% converts and they are welcomed with open arms and an integral part of the congregation - when we know who they are