Secret of Jewish parenting

[Anonymous]

"I do agree with the PP though -- you are seeing burnout amongst the Indian-Am professionals in their late 20s-30s. They have spent so much time chasing what they SHOULD want, that they never pursued what they did want. Some of them are doing it now -- I now know more than one Indian-Am professional who is leaving medicine, law etc. to teach, open a business, go into the gov't/politics. Their parents are for the most part ok with it -- frankly they don't have much say over their 35 yr old but even so, many parents feel "satisfied" that their kid achieved in medicine/law/ibanking etc. and now has money stashed away so they can have an "easier" life/profession. So while they drive their kids hard when young, they don't expect or want them to be miserable forever just for money. "

A lot of these guys have girlfriends on the side and they LOVE, LOVE, LOVE strip clubs.

[CindyBindy]

Anonymous wrote:"I do agree with the PP though -- you are seeing burnout amongst the Indian-Am professionals in their late 20s-30s. They have spent so much time chasing what they SHOULD want, that they never pursued what they did want. Some of them are doing it now -- I now know more than one Indian-Am professional who is leaving medicine, law etc. to teach, open a business, go into the gov't/politics. Their parents are for the most part ok with it -- frankly they don't have much say over their 35 yr old but even so, many parents feel "satisfied" that their kid achieved in medicine/law/ibanking etc. and now has money stashed away so they can have an "easier" life/profession. So while they drive their kids hard when young, they don't expect or want them to be miserable forever just for money. "

A lot of these guys have girlfriends on the side and they LOVE, LOVE, LOVE strip clubs.

omg tell more. This is a side I don't see when I go to social functions in the Indian-American community and all the aunties are parading their sons like show dogs.

I actually have noticed tons of Indian guys at strip clubs so that doesn't surprise me though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read "The blessing of a skinned knee". The author, a Jewish psychotherapist, has 2 daughters and they didn't seem to do anything extraordinary at home - they went to school, playdates, had one music lesson a week and some tutoring.

Great book.

What she did do was prioritize education and save for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But how do you get them into medical and law schools?

It isn't a big secret. 1. At least in our house, we model the behavior we want to see in our child. We read, we read, we worked hard in school (and yes, he remembers that since we were in grad school when he was born). We have jobs where we are paid for what we know. 2. We live modestly so that we can afford a good education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jews always help Jews first. My experience in business is that being Jewish has given me the ability to cut in line, just due to my last name.

Do Jews discriminate among themselves, i.e. do you treat converted Jews differently than born from Jewish mothers? Or prefer Israeli Jews to Jews from Eastern Europe?

Just curious.

No, I don't treat converts differently.

And I am not likely to ever see an israeli jew where I pray (I like gender equality and most of the israelis I know want the shul that they don't go to to be orthodox. But other than that I can't imagine what preference you are thinking I should have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Israel they are less competitive than in places where they are minorities.

I grew up Jewish in USSR, and in my family there was a sense that to do as well as a non-Jewish person (get the same award, be accepted into the same college) you had to do not just better, but 10 times better. In the course of my childhood, USSR fell, state-sanctioned antisemitism all but disappeared, and other ethnic tensions took place of day-to-day antisemitism in my place of birth, now a small independent country. Jewish kids of my generation were still encouraged to study hard, but compared to our parents and grandparents, we are total slackers.

That was not unique, in the USSR most minorities fell into the same category

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

True, but when you are surrounded by achievers, achieving becomes the norm, not an exception or something praise worthy. Jews are extremely resilient people who do not make excuses for failure. Heck 6+Million were exterminated, wiping out whole families and they carry on, hardly looking back. Never in history will you see a more beaten down people who just pick them selves back up, dust off, and carry on with success.

Same reason a WASP family would not praise their kid for graduating high school. It is a complete expectation. Most Jews just take it up a notch. We also have tight communities. Jews always help Jews first. My experience in business is that being Jewish has given me the ability to cut in line, just due to my last name.

Like the old boys club? So they are priviledged

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. I just read another anti-semitic thread (in Religion) that asks about Jewish clothing, but this one claims many Jews are welfare frauds or in trouble with the SEC for securities fraud.

Are we all high achievers, welfare frauds, or criminals? Which stereotype is it? I'm so confused.

Perhaps the anti-semitic babble could just stop.

+100

[Anonymous]

CindyBindy wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I do agree with the PP though -- you are seeing burnout amongst the Indian-Am professionals in their late 20s-30s. They have spent so much time chasing what they SHOULD want, that they never pursued what they did want. Some of them are doing it now -- I now know more than one Indian-Am professional who is leaving medicine, law etc. to teach, open a business, go into the gov't/politics. Their parents are for the most part ok with it -- frankly they don't have much say over their 35 yr old but even so, many parents feel "satisfied" that their kid achieved in medicine/law/ibanking etc. and now has money stashed away so they can have an "easier" life/profession. So while they drive their kids hard when young, they don't expect or want them to be miserable forever just for money. "

A lot of these guys have girlfriends on the side and they LOVE, LOVE, LOVE strip clubs.

omg tell more. This is a side I don't see when I go to social functions in the Indian-American community and all the aunties are parading their sons like show dogs.

I actually have noticed tons of Indian guys at strip clubs so that doesn't surprise me though.

Do you work there, or do you attend for pleasure?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is Jewish, and I must say that his entire family is shiftless.

When did you discover they are a shiftless lot, while you were dating or after the first few months of marriage?

It must be because they are Jewish. Does your husband know he married an anti-Semite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jews always help Jews first. My experience in business is that being Jewish has given me the ability to cut in line, just due to my last name.

Do Jews discriminate among themselves, i.e. do you treat converted Jews differently than born from Jewish mothers? Or prefer Israeli Jews to Jews from Eastern Europe?

Just curious.

No, I don't treat converts differently.

And I am not likely to ever see an israeli jew where I pray (I like gender equality and most of the israelis I know want the shul that they don't go to to be orthodox. But other than that I can't imagine what preference you are thinking I should have.

Actually, converts are very highly revered in Judaism.

[CindyBindy]

Anonymous wrote:
Do you work there, or do you attend for pleasure?

Hahahaha I was attending for pleasure. I've only been to strip clubs twice - once was this amazing club in Atlanta called Cheetah or Cougar or something like that. Let me look it up.

Yep, Cheetah: http://thecheetah.com/

Anyway, it was a great strip club and full of suits. Many of them were young and Indian - a couple of old fat Indian guys too. I was curious about my brown brethren, so I beckoned over one of the strippers, bought her a drink, and got chatting. (And I tipped her for chatting with me too so it's not like I was wasting her time.) She said that Indian guys are typically the worst tippers and only liked the black and Latina girls. Didn't get any scoop on the number of cheaters though - I suppose that'll just be a standard number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What she did do was prioritize education and save for it.

So you save to pay $100K+ for your child's education? What about the strategy of having no money for college that encourages children to receive scholarships?

[Anonymous]

Just because you failed to save for your child's education OR chose to have too many kids, does NOT mean you are getting a scholarship. Please tell me you realize this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social pressure and growing up in families and societies who expect excellence go a long way.

I agree, but am compelled to point out that with one exception, no one in my Jewish DH's extended family (including DH) is terribly successful or high-achieving.

+1. PP, I'm really glad you said that.