I don't want my kid to be the only white student . . .

[Anonymous]

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White children in DC don't, maybe, but there's a whoooole lot of 'em in the rest of the country that do.

But this is DCUM and we're talking about DC, not the rest of the country. And, honestly, except for some locales, I cannot think of a single place where a white child would speak like that.

White children in DC speak that way too, I've heard them on the metro screaming their heads off at their nannies.

Bullshit. Children young enough to have nannies using racially charged language and yelling at their nannies? You lie. No way. Doesn't ring true. If a family were that racist that a young child was immersed in that sort of talk, it wouldn't have black nannies to begin with.

Riiiiight... because racist people never have employees/servants of the race they think is inferior... that NEVER happens.

Seriously people? What planet are you living in? I don't know whether to be heartened by the ignorance or scared completely by it. Or both. People who think another race is below them or inferior to them DO indeed hire them to watch their kids. That's not at all to say that everyone with a nanny of a different race feels that way, not at all. But you guys need to get out in the real world more often, these dynamics are all over so many these sort of domestic relationships.

So, it is your assertion that 2-year-olds run around the Metro calling their nannies the N-word? Really? This is your position?

Give me a break.

White CHILDREN simply do not speak this way. White TEENS might, granted, once they've been subjected to enough black CHILDREN telling them to "get their white ass" lost.

Please don't discount the posters who said they were called that word on the playgrounds of their elementary schools. Really, I don't know why this thread has disintegrated into whether or not white children speak poorly of other races. Children learn what they hear from their parents. If you can imagine white parents using that word, then it is not too hard to imagine their children using that word. DC and its surrounds is full of racist individuals. Heck, many post their racist beliefs on yours truly, DCUM.

BTW-I do not discount the PP who stated that her child was ostracized and told something about her "white ass". Why, because I am honest with myself and can imagine a black parent using those words in front of her child and the child repeating the phrase.

On a different note, I would not want my child being the only AA child in her class. There are too many other options and we need not go back to the 60's and 70's when that was a necessity.

[Anonymous]

Regarding PTA and race mentioned further up: Do remember that PTA's can be some of the most vicious power-play environments if someone sets their mind to it. Doesn't need to be a racial issue.
The scenario that was described - the "old guard" rallying unsuspecting voters to vote out the "new parents" who finally got things going (happens to be black/white and maybe low income/high income) - is not unheard of in all kinds of settings. I've seen that particular scenario play out with a very different outcome at our school. It took a few "new" parents to genuinely approach a few "old timers" to figure out exactly what the fears were and what solutions one might be able to rally around. Just good old diplomacy. And a (black) principal played a key role by picking up a phone to call in the DC (and the National) PTA to run elections. The (black) downtown PTA moderators and mediators were very skilled handling the situation and no one lost face. So it really doesn't take much to grow united rather than divided when facing a little adversity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a difficult time at a popular charter because of race. Lots of whites and AA but no true mixing. The white families do not include non-whites in many of their social events. They don't even think there is something wrong with it.

My daughter makes her own list for birthday parties and the occasional group playdate. (Usually three kids at a time, either at home or at a park.) The list includes all races. I issue the invitations. Only the white children come. I have NEVER had a black or hispanic family bring their child to my house. One time, a hispanic family came to a park playdate. That's in spite of the fact that I chat with the parents at pickup time, and send the invitations individually, instead of as a group email.

I really don't know what more I can do. Thoughts?

Keep trying. Or, get to know one or more of the parents (introduce yourself at a birthday party). My white PreK student has had an AA friend over for a sleepover, and one of her 5 BFFs is also AA, along with 3 white friends, and another multi-racial friend. Perhaps our school is an anomaly, but if there's racial tension between the families or the children, I'm unaware.

[Anonymous]

Assuming that the IB parents at PAyne made some errors in communicating their intent to serve the entire school and were thus voted out (big assumption perhaps, but stay with me) what DCPS hill school does provide a good example for how IB parents can engage in their IB school, when it the kids are predominately OOB? Was Maury ever predominately OOB? Wasn't Brent predominately OOB not too long ago? Did the IB Brent parents handle things better than the IB PAyne parents? Were the OOB Brent parents more welcoming than the OOB Payne parents? any influence from the principal at either school that nudged things one way or the other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My kid was the only white student in her class last year. We blithely assumed she would be fine, because kids are color blind, right? She ate alone every day. She told me (and the teacher confirmed) that she tried to join the other children at recess but was rebuffed. More than once, she came home crying because another elementary school child told her to take her "white ass" and get lost. (Well, the first time, she asked me what "ass" meant, because she had never heard it before.) We stuck it out through the rest of the year, but changed schools this past fall. Her new classroom has a good mix of kids, and a great inclusive vibe; she has many friends in her class, not just white kids. Any kind of homogeny is bad for the "only".

But you might not be aware of that tendency, because there are lots of stupid bitches around, so you've always been in good company.

I disagree that any kind of homogeny is bad for the only. Frankly, I think being the only black kid at an otherwise all-white schools is probably easier, since no white child would dare tell a black child to "take your black ass and get lost." White children, frankly, do not speak that way.

White children in DC don't, maybe, but there's a whoooole lot of 'em in the rest of the country that do.

But this is DCUM and we're talking about DC, not the rest of the country. And, honestly, except for some locales, I cannot think of a single place where a white child would speak like that.

White children in DC speak that way too, I've heard them on the metro screaming their heads off at their nannies.

Bullshit. Children young enough to have nannies using racially charged language and yelling at their nannies? You lie. No way. Doesn't ring true. If a family were that racist that a young child was immersed in that sort of talk, it wouldn't have black nannies to begin with.

Riiiiight... because racist people never have employees/servants of the race they think is inferior... that NEVER happens.

Seriously people? What planet are you living in? I don't know whether to be heartened by the ignorance or scared completely by it. Or both. People who think another race is below them or inferior to them DO indeed hire them to watch their kids. That's not at all to say that everyone with a nanny of a different race feels that way, not at all. But you guys need to get out in the real world more often, these dynamics are all over so many these sort of domestic relationships.

Yeah, remember that thread about which language should my child learn: Mandarin, Spanish, or French? And, there were some posters who chimed in to say that the only need to learn Spanish was to speak to the the nanny and the yardman.

I recall that one, it was old but so revolting as to be memorable. She didn't like the Chinese either. French was okay, because she hoped to use it on vacation. It sounded artificial in that way, we're a few generations removed from sending young people off on a World Tour (which was never the circumstance with public schoolchildren anyway). She was implying the possession of sophistication which was obviously decades out of date. I got the point though, Western European = okay, everything else = not okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a difficult time at a popular charter because of race. Lots of whites and AA but no true mixing. The white families do not include non-whites in many of their social events. They don't even think there is something wrong with it.

My daughter makes her own list for birthday parties and the occasional group playdate. (Usually three kids at a time, either at home or at a park.) The list includes all races. I issue the invitations. Only the white children come. I have NEVER had a black or hispanic family bring their child to my house. One time, a hispanic family came to a park playdate. That's in spite of the fact that I chat with the parents at pickup time, and send the invitations individually, instead of as a group email.

I really don't know what more I can do. Thoughts?

Keep trying. Or, get to know one or more of the parents (introduce yourself at a birthday party). My white PreK student has had an AA friend over for a sleepover, and one of her 5 BFFs is also AA, along with 3 white friends, and another multi-racial friend. Perhaps our school is an anomaly, but if there's racial tension between the families or the children, I'm unaware.

She hasn't been invited to any birthday parties for her black or hispanic friends. And there have been no minority families at the parties of the other white children. (I didn't ask the mother if those families were invited.
And there isn't any tension, to speak of. Everyone is friendly around the school. But no mixing, either, despite my efforts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming that the IB parents at PAyne made some errors in communicating their intent to serve the entire school and were thus voted out (big assumption perhaps, but stay with me) what DCPS hill school does provide a good example for how IB parents can engage in their IB school, when it the kids are predominately OOB? Was Maury ever predominately OOB? Wasn't Brent predominately OOB not too long ago? Did the IB Brent parents handle things better than the IB PAyne parents? Were the OOB Brent parents more welcoming than the OOB Payne parents? any influence from the principal at either school that nudged things one way or the other?

Maury is your model, very well handled some years ago and really to this day. Some of those parent's kids are now in middle school. But try getting ahold of a parent in 5th grade. They can give you some pointers on inner workings. Parents of younger children (about 2nd/3rd grade) will also be a good resource for solutions that serve all (grade-levels). Look them up on Moth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Jeff please close down this thread. It has taken a completely different turn than the intended question and the spread of this hatred is just not needed.

But honestly, these are real issues, and some of the hardest to read posts in this thread are exactly why some of these complicated dynamics in schools exist. I applaud OPs honesty re: her feelings about this larger issue, but you can't expect a thread that starts out talking about the challenges of being a racial "only" in a school to somehow dance delicately around people's prejudices - both the ones we each know we have, and the ones we don't see in ourselves but others see/perceive in our statements.

It's all real, and one of the things I like most about DCUM is that even though it can be nastily biting and sometimes totally inappropriate, because it's DC and it's anonymous, there are more honest conversations and statements here than anywhere else I can think of on the web.

Unless it gets abusive or perosnal, I would hope Jeff leaves this up.

[Anonymous]

There is a great chapter in the book Nurture Shock on race and how turning discussion about race into a taboo is a great disservice the cause of diversity and integration. Research suggests that this "tabooing" of race as an acceptable topic to talk about is especially prevalent among white liberals. Hence probably the claim you sometimes see scribbled on these boards that white Democrats are the biggest racists. That's of course not true but they tend to fall most easily into the ill-fated trap described so well in Nurture Shock.

[Anonymous]

If you think being the only white student at an AA predominant school is rough for the parents. Then what fo you think the school as a whole has to endure. It is painful to say the least, everyone is walking on egg-shells.

[Anonymous]

I am tired of minorities at the Chancellor/Superintendent positions in DC, I want to blame a white person.

Any takers???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you think being the only white student at an AA predominant school is rough for the parents. Then what fo you think the school as a whole has to endure. It is painful to say the least, everyone is walking on egg-shells.

If by "walking on eggshells" you mean "not using racist language or being rude," then I think this is a good goal for all schools.

[Anonymous]

What world are some of you living in? At our East of the Park DCPS, saying my kid is the only "white" kid in a class is an ignorant categorization that ignores the multicultural multiracial city we live in. In my dc's grade yes there are two kids who would pass your test. I guess all the multiracial kids are judged by some kind of paper bag test to see if they pass your test? Or if their skin is darker or their first language is Spanush but one or both parents are a phd or doctor they pass? I have no idea why someone would want to turn down a play date with people who think like that. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was the only white student in her class last year. We blithely assumed she would be fine, because kids are color blind, right? She ate alone every day. She told me (and the teacher confirmed) that she tried to join the other children at recess but was rebuffed. More than once, she came home crying because another elementary school child told her to take her "white ass" and get lost. (Well, the first time, she asked me what "ass" meant, because she had never heard it before.) We stuck it out through the rest of the year, but changed schools this past fall. Her new classroom has a good mix of kids, and a great inclusive vibe; she has many friends in her class, not just white kids. Any kind of homogeny is bad for the "only".

But you might not be aware of that tendency, because there are lots of stupid bitches around, so you've always been in good company.

I disagree that any kind of homogeny is bad for the only. Frankly, I think being the only black kid at an otherwise all-white schools is probably easier, since no white child would dare tell a black child to "take your black ass and get lost." White children, frankly, do not speak that way.

White children in DC don't, maybe, but there's a whoooole lot of 'em in the rest of the country that do.

But this is DCUM and we're talking about DC, not the rest of the country. And, honestly, except for some locales, I cannot think of a single place where a white child would speak like that.

White children in DC speak that way too, I've heard them on the metro screaming their heads off at their nannies.

Bullshit. Children young enough to have nannies using racially charged language and yelling at their nannies? You lie. No way. Doesn't ring true. If a family were that racist that a young child was immersed in that sort of talk, it wouldn't have black nannies to begin with.

21:31 here, I was simply trying to offer a different perspective to an argument that really does not make any sense.

There are several problems with the last response:

1. it assumes that children who have nannies are young, which is not always the case
2. it assumes the nanny I referenced is black/AA, which should not be a given. Does PP think only black/AA ladies are nannies?
3. it presumes an incorrect definition of racially charged language; a statement does not need to contain profanity to be offensive. Is it any more pleasant for a black/AA child to hear a white child bawling and screaming, "I don't want to sit next to her, her skin is too dark, she's black, she's black!!" , or similar, than for a white child to have a black child refer to her "white ass"?

Yes, it's possible that some white kids are slightly more subtle in their wording, or may show their attitudes in actions rather than words, but racism definitely exists among white kids in (gleaned from their environments, of course).

Also, there are problems with these blanket statements generally. Assuming hypothetically that the PPs who say "white children don't speak that way," are correct, what are your theories about mixed children? Do they speak offensively some of the time, due to their black heritage and/or parenting? If they don't speak offensively, is that due to their white background/parenting? Do you subscribe to the "one drop" rule, and as such all mixed kids will speak offensively because there is some AA in their backgrounds? Do you see yet how ridiculous this entire argument is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a difficult time at a popular charter because of race. Lots of whites and AA but no true mixing. The white families do not include non-whites in many of their social events. They don't even think there is something wrong with it.

My daughter makes her own list for birthday parties and the occasional group playdate. (Usually three kids at a time, either at home or at a park.) The list includes all races. I issue the invitations. Only the white children come. I have NEVER had a black or hispanic family bring their child to my house. One time, a hispanic family came to a park playdate. That's in spite of the fact that I chat with the parents at pickup time, and send the invitations individually, instead of as a group email.

I really don't know what more I can do. Thoughts?

Keep trying. Or, get to know one or more of the parents (introduce yourself at a birthday party). My white PreK student has had an AA friend over for a sleepover, and one of her 5 BFFs is also AA, along with 3 white friends, and another multi-racial friend. Perhaps our school is an anomaly, but if there's racial tension between the families or the children, I'm unaware.

She hasn't been invited to any birthday parties for her black or hispanic friends. And there have been no minority families at the parties of the other white children. (I didn't ask the mother if those families were invited.
And there isn't any tension, to speak of. Everyone is friendly around the school. But no mixing, either, despite my efforts.

This is how it's been for my child as well. He asks all the time why his friends don't come over, I usually just say they're having family time instead. It's one of the reasons I won't have him be an 'only' again unless there is something amazing and compelling about the school (which isn't the case for any of them right now)