Women: Cohabitation with your boyfriend is stupid

[Anonymous]

I think cohabitation is frequently done by couples that want to take 'the next step' when they aren't sure about marriage. And that it creates a situation where it becomes quite difficult to disentangle yourself from the relationship so many people who live together go on to get married when they shouldn't simply because it is the next step and a lot of others stay in a relationship that doesn't have long term potential because it is the path of least resistance.

And plenty of people live together and go on to have happy functional marriages.

There's nothing WRONG with living together but you need to go into it eyes open with the pitfalls and try to have contingency plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think cohabitation is frequently done by couples that want to take 'the next step' when they aren't sure about marriage. And that it creates a situation where it becomes quite difficult to disentangle yourself from the relationship so many people who live together go on to get married when they shouldn't simply because it is the next step and a lot of others stay in a relationship that doesn't have long term potential because it is the path of least resistance.

And plenty of people live together and go on to have happy functional marriages.

There's nothing WRONG with living together but you need to go into it eyes open with the pitfalls and try to have contingency plans.

This. It’s hard to objectively decide if you want to marry someone when you’re living with them. It’s like deciding if you want to go on a vacation when you’re already on the flight there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It IS stupid if you really want to get married, and you've discussed it, and he definitely doesn't.

It is also stupid to assume that in any case of a cohabitating couple, the woman really wants to get married, and the man doesn't, and the reason is that he has the cow already.

If he doesn't yet, he will have a cow a few years after marriage

A few years after the marriage, the milk dries up and the cow huffily insists "you don't have a right to my teats!"

[Anonymous]

Newsflash- some men want to get married too. It's not just women begging to get married.

We never lived together, but I don't care at all if others want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no right answer to this question. I'm from a conservative Muslim family and we didn't live together before marriage. There's a lot of things we both did not know about each other before marriage.

Yes, of course there is. But within the covenant of marriage, you discover these intimate things about each other and you don't run at the first sign of differences and struggle.

No marriage is perfect but it's just that society today has a different mindset. It's not about building a lifelong union or stable family unit for your kids. It's about what makes me happy. Right now. And if the feelings fizzle out there's no value in working through it and finding the magic again...you just cut and run because the grass is always greener.

Works for some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

In practice that rarely happens

But to be truthful, it didn’t work specifically for you.

You can say that just about anyone, we are all a collection of specifics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think cohabitation is frequently done by couples that want to take 'the next step' when they aren't sure about marriage. And that it creates a situation where it becomes quite difficult to disentangle yourself from the relationship so many people who live together go on to get married when they shouldn't simply because it is the next step and a lot of others stay in a relationship that doesn't have long term potential because it is the path of least resistance.

And plenty of people live together and go on to have happy functional marriages.

There's nothing WRONG with living together but you need to go into it eyes open with the pitfalls and try to have contingency plans.

This. It’s hard to objectively decide if you want to marry someone when you’re living with them. It’s like deciding if you want to go on a vacation when you’re already on the flight there.

There is no objective decision when it comes to marriage because emotions step in.

If you are committed to work through troubles and pains of adjustment, you can do it. If you aren't, then normal human differences may appear bigger than they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think cohabitation is frequently done by couples that want to take 'the next step' when they aren't sure about marriage. And that it creates a situation where it becomes quite difficult to disentangle yourself from the relationship so many people who live together go on to get married when they shouldn't simply because it is the next step and a lot of others stay in a relationship that doesn't have long term potential because it is the path of least resistance.

And plenty of people live together and go on to have happy functional marriages.

There's nothing WRONG with living together but you need to go into it eyes open with the pitfalls and try to have contingency plans.

This. It’s hard to objectively decide if you want to marry someone when you’re living with them. It’s like deciding if you want to go on a vacation when you’re already on the flight there.

Wow! You two have quite the elaborate theory. What does it have to do with the real world?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is a generational thing, but I feel sorry for my female coworkers who live with a boyfriend and are pining to get married to him. Guess what, he's not going to propose anytime soon, because why should he? You cook, clean and grocery shop for him, and he gets sex whenever he wants.

When is your "tryout period" going to end?

It is a generational thing but I agree with you. All the "liberation", "equality for women", etc have produced are women in skimpier outfits more willing to put out than before! And the men go, "easy p**sy, lemon squeezy" and just have fun. That's why most men encourage the women's lib. (or feminism or whatever) thingy..

Er, you know the term is "easy peasy", not "easy pussy", right? Did you think pussy and "squeezy" rhymed? You're adorable.

[Anonymous]

DH and I lived together for nearly 4 years before getting married. I wanted to finish law school before the wedding. Still happily married 20 years later.

The OP's sweeping generalization is ridiculous.

A more accurate statement would be "it's stupid to waste your time with a guy who doesn't crave marriage and monogamy." Cohabitation isn't the issue; the issue is one's desire to marry and be monogamous. The reality is that some men want to be married, while others crave independence. If you open your eyes and assess the situation, it's pretty easy to sort men into those two buckets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is a generational thing, but I feel sorry for my female coworkers who live with a boyfriend and are pining to get married to him. Guess what, he's not going to propose anytime soon, because why should he? You cook, clean and grocery shop for him, and he gets sex whenever he wants.

When is your "tryout period" going to end?

It is a generational thing but I agree with you. All the "liberation", "equality for women", etc have produced are women in skimpier outfits more willing to put out than before! And the men go, "easy p**sy, lemon squeezy" and just have fun. That's why most men encourage the women's lib. (or feminism or whatever) thingy..

Er, you know the term is "easy peasy", not "easy pussy", right? Did you think pussy and "squeezy" rhymed? You're adorable.

You must be Captainess Obvious. Of course I know it's "peasy" and of course it doesn't rhyme. Who gives a f**k? It was just funny. And yes, I am adorable. Thanks for noticing.

[Anonymous]

???

This has got to be a troll.

When we lived together before marriage, my husband bought groceries and cooked, because I was clueless about those things and worked long hours.

[Anonymous]

I loved living with DH before we were married. We weren’t in a rush, but DC is expensive and we were sleeping over each other’s places all the time. It made sense to just move in together, we felt like we were ready for the next step in our (committed) relationship.
I look back at those days fondly. It felt like playing house!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why by the cow when you get the cream. The cows who co-habit get creamed.

My dad wrote a letter to my sister when he found out her boyfriend had moved in with her which literally included the cow-milk saying. My sister and that boyfriend have now been married for 25 years.

[Anonymous]

Not sure why anyone resurrected this old thread. Living with your BF was a bad idea way back in 2012 but this is 2018!