Women: Cohabitation with your boyfriend is stupid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's the worst of both worlds - all the drudgery of being married and none of the perks of marriage. I don't judge people who do it, but it's not for me - bad deal all around.

Uh, what are the "perks" of marriage again? Not seeing them from where I sit.

[Anonymous]

Late 30s here. Literally everyone I know lived with their spouses prior to marriage. Most of us, myself included, bought homes together while cohabiting or engaged. Everyone got married, mostly when ready to start families.

Of course OP is entitled to his/her opinion, but stating "most marriages end in divorce" is just plain wrong. The divorce rate is less than 50%, and divorce rates have been going down over the years, not up. If you're going to make these sweeping statements, do a little research first.

I can only think of about two people who were in the situation mentioned by OP. In both cases, the men were quite vocal and open about never wanting to get married, and the women chose to wait around in hopes the men would change their minds. No relationship is going to work out when two people aren't on the same page.

[Anonymous]

Living together was fantastic. There was minimal drama once we wedded, and we already knew everything we needed to about each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When does the try-out period end?

For my partner and me, it ended when we decided we wanted to buy a house.

For my boss' daughter and her partner, it ended when they decided they wanted to have a baby.

For my friends, it was pretty much the same.

OP, you're an old fart with no experience and no knowledge about what you're talking about.

You're also a bit of a whore, if you think marriage is an exchange for services, rather than a life-long committment between people who love each other and want to build a family.

You are both saying the same thing.

Guess you just have the kid first and get married later. Feel free to do a $40k pre-nup in the meantime if no legal marriage with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's the worst of both worlds - all the drudgery of being married and none of the perks of marriage. I don't judge people who do it, but it's not for me - bad deal all around.

Uh, what are the "perks" of marriage again? Not seeing them from where I sit.

If he gets hit by a car she automatically inherits. The perk is money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's the worst of both worlds - all the drudgery of being married and none of the perks of marriage. I don't judge people who do it, but it's not for me - bad deal all around.

Uh, what are the "perks" of marriage again? Not seeing them from where I sit.

Commitment, social approval, legal right to assets, survivor benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's the worst of both worlds - all the drudgery of being married and none of the perks of marriage. I don't judge people who do it, but it's not for me - bad deal all around.

Uh, what are the "perks" of marriage again? Not seeing them from where I sit.

Commitment, social approval, legal right to assets, survivor benefits.

Over the long term legalities matter. Kids: legalities matter. But in the short term living together is a great experiment. “Social approval”? Don’t be a snot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's the worst of both worlds - all the drudgery of being married and none of the perks of marriage. I don't judge people who do it, but it's not for me - bad deal all around.

Uh, what are the "perks" of marriage again? Not seeing them from where I sit.

Commitment, social approval, legal right to assets, survivor benefits.

Over the long term legalities matter. Kids: legalities matter. But in the short term living together is a great experiment. “Social approval”? Don’t be a snot.

It's not snotty to state that society sees husband and wife as more connected vs. a cohabiting couple. It's a fact.

Living together is only an experiment if both parties approach it with a "let's do this and see" mindset. In practice that rarely happens as at least one party sees it as a step toward marriage wile the other doesn't necessarily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It IS stupid if you really want to get married, and you've discussed it, and he definitely doesn't.

It is also stupid to assume that in any case of a cohabitating couple, the woman really wants to get married, and the man doesn't, and the reason is that he has the cow already.

If he doesn't yet, he will have a cow a few years after marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's the worst of both worlds - all the drudgery of being married and none of the perks of marriage. I don't judge people who do it, but it's not for me - bad deal all around.

Uh, what are the "perks" of marriage again? Not seeing them from where I sit.

Commitment, social approval, legal right to assets, survivor benefits.

Over the long term legalities matter. Kids: legalities matter. But in the short term living together is a great experiment. “Social approval”? Don’t be a snot.

It's not snotty to state that society sees husband and wife as more connected vs. a cohabiting couple. It's a fact.

Living together is only an experiment if both parties approach it with a "let's do this and see" mindset. In practice that rarely happens as at least one party sees it as a step toward marriage wile the other doesn't necessarily.

In practice you don’t know what you’re talking about. Been there, done it, glad. As have my friends. All of us married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is a generational thing, but I feel sorry for my female coworkers who live with a boyfriend and are pining to get married to him. Guess what, he's not going to propose anytime soon, because why should he? You cook, clean and grocery shop for him, and he gets sex whenever he wants.

When is your "tryout period" going to end?

It is a generational thing but I agree with you. All the "liberation", "equality for women", etc have produced are women in skimpier outfits more willing to put out than before! And the men go, "easy p**sy, lemon squeezy" and just have fun. That's why most men encourage the women's lib. (or feminism or whatever) thingy..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married my cohabitating boyfriend seven years ago. We're expecting our fourth child. Bummer how that didn't work out for me, huh?

It didn't. There are benefits to getting married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's the worst of both worlds - all the drudgery of being married and none of the perks of marriage. I don't judge people who do it, but it's not for me - bad deal all around.

Uh, what are the "perks" of marriage again? Not seeing them from where I sit.

Commitment, social approval, legal right to assets, survivor benefits.

Over the long term legalities matter. Kids: legalities matter. But in the short term living together is a great experiment. “Social approval”? Don’t be a snot.

It's not snotty to state that society sees husband and wife as more connected vs. a cohabiting couple. It's a fact.

Living together is only an experiment if both parties approach it with a "let's do this and see" mindset. In practice that rarely happens as at least one party sees it as a step toward marriage wile the other doesn't necessarily.

In practice you don’t know what you’re talking about. Been there, done it, glad. As have my friends. All of us married.

I disagree with you so I must not know what I'm talking about?

I'm glad it worked for you. I tried it and did not enjoy it. Never did it again. Didn't move in with my husband until after we married.

[Anonymous]

In practice that rarely happens

But to be truthful, it didn’t work specifically for you.

[Anonymous]

There's no right answer to this question. I'm from a conservative Muslim family and we didn't live together before marriage. There's a lot of things we both did not know about each other before marriage.