Women: Cohabitation with your boyfriend is stupid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My objection to co habitating is that you cut yourself off from all the potential men who might have asked you out. Another man is very unlikely to ask you out if you are living with someone.
Also, even too much talk about a boy friend will turn off potential suitors.

I think that living with a person (prefer that to "cohabiting", if you please) requires a level of commitment over casual dating, so the person is most likely not in the market to be asked out by other men.

OP - I think that living with someone before marriage is the norm rather than the exception these days...and there may be many solid reasons to delay marriage, like saving up for a wedding, paying off student debt, etc. It helps to be able to pool resources even if you aren't ready for marriage yet. And please, enough of the gender stereotypes! The year is 2012.

As I said above, I disagree - I think it's fairly common but not the norm. None of my girlfriends lived with their boyfriends until they were engaged, and most did not move in together until after the wedding.

I agree, it depends on the circles you move in.
I am liberal, but not stupid. Living together was not for me. No commitment meant no cohabby.

It's rude to imply that someone who lives with their boyfriend is stupid. Also to imply that living together does not mean commitment. Obviously it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My objection to co habitating is that you cut yourself off from all the potential men who might have asked you out. Another man is very unlikely to ask you out if you are living with someone.
Also, even too much talk about a boy friend will turn off potential suitors.

I think that living with a person (prefer that to "cohabiting", if you please) requires a level of commitment over casual dating, so the person is most likely not in the market to be asked out by other men.

OP - I think that living with someone before marriage is the norm rather than the exception these days...and there may be many solid reasons to delay marriage, like saving up for a wedding, paying off student debt, etc. It helps to be able to pool resources even if you aren't ready for marriage yet. And please, enough of the gender stereotypes! The year is 2012.

As I said above, I disagree - I think it's fairly common but not the norm. None of my girlfriends lived with their boyfriends until they were engaged, and most did not move in together until after the wedding.

I agree, it depends on the circles you move in.
I am liberal, but not stupid. Living together was not for me. No commitment meant no cohabby.

But he was still getting the sex.

Okay so this is a really good point -- everyone who is saying "why buy the cow when you get the milk for free" when cohabitating -- did you also not have sex before you got married???

[Anonymous]

Believe it or not, some of us did wait till marriage for sex.

[Anonymous]

I think the danger is for people who become habitual cohabiters. They are setting themselves up for these situations where the relationship is often one of convenience where they are living together until someone is mad enough to move out. Often, these relationships seems like roommates with benefits instead of a real relationship.

I always feel bad for those women, because you can spot it a mile away. Desperate girl moves in with broke boyfriend and they are together for a couple of years until he realizes he can afford to move out or get another roommate. she's been holding on thinking he will get more serious, and just ended up wasting 2 years of her life and now she's 27. Then she falls into the same trap again butg this time she is 33. And then, she is 36 and freaked because she wants to get married, settle down and have kids, but when, with who and with what eggs if she keeps along the same path?

I have train wreck friends like this and no one can tell them how stupid they are being, because then you are the smug married bitch, but the writings on the wall.

Full disclosure, I did live with my boyfriend before we got engaged and then married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Believe it or not, some of us did wait till marriage for sex.

Sheeple, Please!

[Anonymous]

Sorry to join the post late, but I am a man and this is how I feel about it. When I was single, there was no way I would have moved in with any woman unless we were engaged and had an actual wedding date. Why? I wanted the place where we first lived together to be special, the place where we were going to advance our careers, start a family, build memories together, etc.

[Anonymous]

FBO wrote:I dont think this thread turned out as expected.

Not the OP, but I expect it turned out exactly as she expected.

[Anonymous]

Didn't read all of the responses, but I LOVED living with my DH..don't like marriage even half as much. I wish we stayed "living in sin."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Believe it or not, some of us did wait till marriage for sex.

And that's why there are so many threads about sexual incompatibility.

[Anonymous]

Really. We are going to blast OP’s opinion considering how most marriages end in divorce and there are so many stuck being single parents? Yes it happened in the past but was much more rare.
I am of this younger generation and I really don’t think we are doing it right.
I married someone from another country where they are more traditional. I avoided men from this broken culture and have advised my brother to do the same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really. We are going to blast OP’s opinion considering how most marriages end in divorce and there are so many stuck being single parents? Yes it happened in the past but was much more rare.
I am of this younger generation and I really don’t think we are doing it right.
I married someone from another country where they are more traditional. I avoided men from this broken culture and have advised my brother to do the same

Well, “we” were, six years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is a generational thing, but I feel sorry for my female coworkers who live with a boyfriend and are pining to get married to him. Guess what, he's not going to propose anytime soon, because why should he? You cook, clean and grocery shop for him, and he gets sex whenever he wants.

When is your "tryout period" going to end?

The only stupidity here is you. Nice stereotyping. Maybe you watched too many episodes of madmen.

[Anonymous]

I'm not going to judge it. My best friend lived with her boyfriend for 10 years before getting married and they just got married a year ago (to get her on his health insurance). They seem pretty happy. It worked out for them. But neither of them wanted kids. If someone did, I agree that long-term living together without marriage could be tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I have read in a lot of sources that couples who cohabit before getting married get divorced more often than those who don't.

FWIW, I am not the OP, and I didn't cohabit with my future husband, we dated and lived in separate apartments.

The hypothesis behind this is that people move in together, and then get married or stay together because leaving your living arrangements would be a really big hassle. If you are not living together, it is more of a clean break.

As a Christian I did not have sex outside of marriage and I would not want my children to move in with a partner before marriage. But I don't judge people because other people's lives are not my business. After 10 years of marriage, I don't think moving in with someone really would have a significant benefit. As the years go on, people change so much. You are marrying the entire person and whoever the person ends up as in the future. It is a pretty big leap of faith. I was a slob and I didn't know how to cook when I got married and now I am a lot more organized and attentive to my home, and I am a pretty good cook. DH accepts me either way and I accept him.

[Anonymous]

I think it's the worst of both worlds - all the drudgery of being married and none of the perks of marriage. I don't judge people who do it, but it's not for me - bad deal all around.