Women: Cohabitation with your boyfriend is stupid

[Anonymous]

What about just happily living with their boyfriends? Is that acceptable to you, OP? Minus the pining and all that?

[Anonymous]

DH and I married 10 years ago after cohabiting for 2 years. I think living together before marriage is more of the norm these days than not.

[Anonymous]

Another couple who were cohabitating and it was the man who pushed to get married while I held out.

Things are different now. We can live together before marriage and noone has to walk 15 miles through the snow (both ways!) to get to a preacher if we decide to *stop living in sin*.

[Anonymous]

I suppose if you lower your standards to the kind of man who needs to marry in order to get sex, then you have a point. Or if you want the kind of guy whose marriage goal is to find a wife to cook and clean, then OK you have your point.

Some women are looking for better than that.

[Anonymous]

Well, I have read in a lot of sources that couples who cohabit before getting married get divorced more often than those who don't.

FWIW, I am not the OP, and I didn't cohabit with my future husband, we dated and lived in separate apartments.

[Anonymous]

It's not about cohabiting or not, it's about clear, open communication, with expectations laid out by both parties.
If both parties see cohabitation as cohabitation with no further promise implied--great. If they later both decide they want to marry--great.
If people go in cohabitation with the idea that this is most definitely a "dress rehearsal" with an engagement to come after a period of time of successful shacking up--great.
It's about both parties at all steps in the process being clear about what they want.
This exact same process applies to baby-making, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I have read in a lot of sources that couples who cohabit before getting married get divorced more often than those who don't.

FWIW, I am not the OP, and I didn't cohabit with my future husband, we dated and lived in separate apartments.

Not sure this statistic means what you think. If you are the kind of person (like me) who doesn't care about anybody's disapproval and thus lives with guy, then you are the kind of person who, if things go terribly wrong, and divorce is the right thing to do, you aren't going to let anything hold you back.

I think living together is a good idea and hope my daughters do it, to get a really good insight into the fundamental character of guy.

However for me, the fundamental character of my man did not manifest until we had a baby. And he became a total DICK.

Still hope my daughters co habitate, however.

[Anonymous]

It's so sweet that someone taught you how to use the interwebs. Even my old Catholic mother has finally conceded that it's generally a very good idea for people to try living together before agreeing to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I have read in a lot of sources that couples who cohabit before getting married get divorced more often than those who don't.

FWIW, I am not the OP, and I didn't cohabit with my future husband, we dated and lived in separate apartments.

Not sure this statistic means what you think. If you are the kind of person (like me) who doesn't care about anybody's disapproval and thus lives with guy, then you are the kind of person who, if things go terribly wrong, and divorce is the right thing to do, you aren't going to let anything hold you back.

I think living together is a good idea and hope my daughters do it, to get a really good insight into the fundamental character of guy.

However for me, the fundamental character of my man did not manifest until we had a baby. And he became a total DICK.

Still hope my daughters co habitate, however.

Why did you have another child with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I married 10 years ago after cohabiting for 2 years. I think living together before marriage is more of the norm these days than not.

This is pretty much us, too. We are celebrating our 10th in July and lived together for a little bit over a year before getting married.

[Anonymous]

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/15/opinion/sunday/the-downside-of-cohabiting-before-marriage.html?pagewanted=all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I married 10 years ago after cohabiting for 2 years. I think living together before marriage is more of the norm these days than not.

This is pretty much us, too. We are celebrating our 10th in July and lived together for a little bit over a year before getting married.

My husband and I have been married for four years, and lived together for 5 of the nine years before that. Allowed us to work through financial irresponsibility and get stable, as well as work out our rhythms, and make it clear that we share the burdens (which works out great now that we have a house and a kid). For us, it worked out only for the positive.

I do know some situations where people stay In a relatiOnship too long because of the transactiOn costs of moving apart. So there are some risks, but not the idiot ones the op mentioned.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I lived together before we got married. He pushed for marriage, I didn't want to. I didn't feel we needed it. He felt if we were going to have a child we should get married. We went to the courthouse and did it real quick.

[Anonymous]

Not sure I would have married DH if we had lived together beforehand. We're happy now, but he was cheating on me when we were dating and living apart. It was easy for him to hide because I wasn't around. Once we were married and living together it all came out. Had we not been married I definitely would have left him when I found out and had we lived together before marriage, I definitely would have found out earlier. I am glad I stayed married (DH has worked hard to put this chapter behind us) but I am also not married to the man I thought I had chosen. Moral of the story is = you can learn a lot of stuff that is important to know about your spouse by living with them before marriage.

[Anonymous]

I lived together with DH for three years before getting married. It's seven years later and we have two kids..... I will caveat with this -- I don't see the point of having a live-in boyfriend if you are too young -- I think that early 20s should be sent playing the fields as women rather than cereal monogamy to get used to living on your own for a while.... For example, I think that it might be a mistake to move in with boyfriend straight out of college b/c you never get a sense of independence.... But to each their own!