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DD's precocious development driving a wedge between my mommy friends
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Anonymous
Well, I don't know.....I enjoy sharing in my friend's joy about their children. We celebrate their success and comiserate their trials together. I would be happy to tell a friend that I think it's great that their DD learned their letters already. I would also not have a problem saying that I think it's great if their child walked early, is a good sharer, does the monkey bars really well, eats vegetables. I think if you have issues with sharing joy with a friend it's likely due to your own insecurity. |
Anonymous
I'm not the poster you quoted, but yes, it would have killed me to say it. It's like this woman I know who keeps saying she's down to her goal weight, she's said it like 500 times to me and several other people we know. I haven't asked what she wants us all to ask because she is SO obnoxious and I don't want to encourage her by faking interest. When the mom is constantly doing dog tricks with her child and waits for everyone to start applauding, it's annoying, and it makes the mom and child an outcast. |
Anonymous
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My closest friends and I delight in the accomplishments of each others' kids. My BFF's daughter has always been very advanced verbally and with reading, writing and art. I love hearing stories about her daughter's precocious/brilliant behavior. But I also enjoy it when we talk about the fact that neither of our sons will even pick up a pencil and still have a million potty training issues.
However, I also have some peripheral friends who are constantly bragging about their child's accomplishments and make others in our group feel uncomfortable with their constant crowing. I choose to spend as little time as possible with those people. Maybe it's just about the level/depth of a friendship and whether or not you want to delight in their child's brilliance. |
Anonymous
| I really don't understand why anyone thinks this child is gifted, advanced, or even precocious. Potty training at 18mo is not exceptional, nor is speaking in full sentences at that age. Perhaps slightly ahead of her peers, but well within the normal range. OP, if you are for real, it sounds like you need a group of friends who care about your child's developmental milestones, because this play group doesn't. Or you don't think they do and it bothers you. |
Anonymous
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It is funny how PPs have argued the Op's DD is not THAT advanced. But, the OP has said that she hasn't even begun to brag about her DD (which is kind of a brag right there, but I believe her.) And, if OP would start to really brag she would get dinged for that.
OP-If your daughter is speaking in near adult complexity before the age of 2 and is reading before the age of 3 she is gifted. Barring ilness or injury she will always be gifted. You don't have to accept this now, but this is the reality. Please don't reply to this thread anymore. This debate is a lose-lose. PPs who like to say this child is not that advanced or that it will even out. Umm...these are truely the insecure words of parents of NT or SN children. You don't have to accept this now, but this is the reality. There is also this misconception that these precocious toddlers are a result of drilling and torture. I think parents think this to make themselves feel better. -Deb, 8 years spent in the gifted community, mom to profoundly gifted 14 year old. I have found the OPs words frighteningly refreshing. Yes, I have been there. |
Anonymous
Exactly. Of course, at times I've said to the child or to the mom, wow, that's really good Sally! But the mom does it CONSTANTLY and after a while I just can't take it anymore. That's the main point, it's not that I can't praise other kids, it's just obnoxious when it happens over and over again. |
Anonymous
| I don't think the OP ever said her DD was gifted. She just wanted to highlight that her DD was significantly ahead of her peers in the playgroup and that was causing problems. I don't think (like a previous poster mentioned) that the OP has responded to any of the posts where someone reached out and told her her child was gifted. |
Anonymous
Good lord. Saying that most kids even out means I have a SN child? Seriously. |
Anonymous
NT stands for neurotypical as in normal developing (ND) not gifted, not SN. -Deb |
Anonymous
Haha, exactly. I once told my dad with utter sincerity (in a fit of hormonal craziness, no doubt), that my 2 week old firstborn son was "without a doubt the cutest baby ever born." He burst out laughing. 8 years down the road, the photographic evidence proves that my son was not the cutest baby ever born. Or even close. |
Anonymous
| The point is not whether the kid is gifted. The point is that there is no logical reason for OP to be so concerned with whether the playgroup moms are recognizing or acknowledging how gifted the kid is. I view a playgroup as a fun opportunity for my non-gifted (so far) son to have a good time playing with other kids. I can't imagine why the parent of a gifted child would view the playgroup differently. If the child is not having fun because she is so far ahead of the other kids, fine, it is probably time to find a different group. But there has been no indication that this is the case. |
Anonymous
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I think the OP's suspicions are borne out by the responses here. It's entirely likely that she is picking up on the vibe that people prefer to deny, ignore, or dismiss unusual development because they're overly invested in the story that "everyone evens out at xyz age" or the belief that gifted people wash out and can't hold down a job at adults. Neither of these is true, but they're entrenched beliefs that allow people to avoid facing the truth that many people will never catch up to or "even out" with these few.
I also agree that it can be alienating for a parent to be seeking approval for their child all the time. That doesn't make it less isolating when no one is acknowledging one child's developmental stage because it's out of sync with her peers. |
Anonymous
That is just sweet. Ok, I read through all 7 pages or so. DD is napping and I wanted some entertainment. I wish I could quote nearly everyone, but my mental energy after reading all this is depleted. I just want to say that the OP reamined civilized and consistent in her claim. She never appeared to be blatently braggin for no reason. She also claimed that she did not brag in front of the playgroup. I think it is entirely possible that these moms could be snubbing her slightly for no other reason than because her DD makes their kids look dumb, especially seeing how everyone reacted here. As far as advice. Again, I am depleted now. but, I would agree witht the multi-aged group of freinds for her daughter. |
Anonymous
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Dear Deb,
You have misread the issue here. It is not always about some moms with nirmal kids being jealous of other moms with brilliant kids. It is often about irritation at moms who live through their own kids, regardless of whether the child in question is actually brilliant. So the mom who asks for approval with her eyes and gestures, even if she doesn't boast with words. The many moms who come on DCUM to boast, anonymously, how smart their kids are. And you, coming on to tell us that not only is your kid a genius, but the rest of us are simply jealous. Signed, a mom of two kids in MoCo magnets, one of whom is probably in the same MS magnet as your kid, both of whom were speaking full sentences at 11/2 (one teacher told us that in 20 of teaching 2-Yr olds, DC was the only 2-Yr old who had ever been able to pronounce her name), all of which I mention to disprove your contention that we're all jealous of your kid, and by extension we're all jealous of you |
Anonymous
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OP- I hope you will stick around to read some of the later posts. It seems more of the mean-spirited people have gotten their jollies and flown off.
I wanted to commiserate with you. I am not in a playgroup. It involves my step-inlaws. They had one child 4 years before we did and all we heard was how bright she was. It was nice, not weird at all. Just proud parents and grandparents. Then we both had our babies within a couple of months of eachother. When DSN started walking first the news was practically repeated to me 25 times, and DH and I were genuinely happy for them and commented how mobile he was. Then our baby started talking and doing everything sometimes years ahead of DSN and everything got weird. DS started reading when he was 3 and we ended up not even telling any in-laws. They eventually found out and we shared that he had just started to sound out words. You could tell it totally soured their moods for that day. How weird is that? I wish they were not so sensitive and were able to celebrate each child as an individual, but they can't. Luckily we only see them every couple of months. I have not found this atmosphere anywhere else, thank god. |