In laws wanting to use new vacation home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all of you really this miserable in real life?

These are not real people. They are play acting how they would act in real life if they had a 2nd home while in reality they don't even own a single home.

Not bothering to read the rest of the thread, but this is it exactly.

They are the same people who don't have enough money to stay at a hotel for holidays and have to sleep in childhood bedrooms or on the floor, if they even talk to any family they haven't cut off, but now they all have 2nd and 3rd homes? Sure.

Or they are real people, but your life is so small and average that you can't imagine owning a second home. I don't question posters because my own family, plus about half of my friends and colleagues, own a second home, so why wouldn't I believe someone when they talk about theirs?

I have a second home, and I'll tell you why I'm skeptical -- because I don't know anyone with a second home who acts like you people.

How do I act? Sounds like you have posters confused. I just don't lend out our second home, period. If you don’t rent out your second home, you’ve probably concluded that you don’t need the extra money and you don’t want your home damaged or disorganized. You just say no. We’ve tried out letting people use it and it didn't go well so we realized the answer has to be no.

Well, you seem reasonable and normal to me. Not sure why PP sounds so offended.Lol.

[Anonymous]

If you have a large extended family then it’s likely a few will be terrible guests and take advantage of you. If it’s a gossipy clan, you can’t allow one while saying no to the others without creating a FOMO fueled rage fest with the older pot stirrers jumping in to keep the drama going.

Neighbors and co workers are absolutely not. If they are bad, which you may not realize until they start using your house, then you are still stuck with them nearby in your day to day lives.

Friends, only if you are willing to have the friendship end over this and if they are very quiet not likely to tell other friends or you may get the same FOMO thing going on.

[Anonymous]

Again, you’re all just a bunch of bee eye tea see ayches.

The OP brother asked to stay at the empty house. Then all of you went off on how awful and greedy and terrible all of your relatives and friends are and how you aren’t willing to extend yourselves or do anything nice for anyone in your life without charging them for it. It’s pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Only you know if the brother is reliable or if it will be a disaster.

I do think you can allow a relative like a sibling without necessarily opening up to every random uncle.

Another factor is whether brother has been generous with you. I have cousins who have allowed me to stay at their places even when they’re not there. I am an excellent guest, launder and remake the beds, leave the place spotless and always send or leave an appreciation gift. If these relatives want to stay with me or a second home (which I don’t have) that would be fine and I’d be happy to have the opportunity to repay.

But if someone is an utter disaster? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, you’re all just a bunch of bee eye tea see ayches.

The OP brother asked to stay at the empty house. Then all of you went off on how awful and greedy and terrible all of your relatives and friends are and how you aren’t willing to extend yourselves or do anything nice for anyone in your life without charging them for it. It’s pathetic.

That's actually missing the point. You don't have to lend out your property to others. Other people don't have the same standard of care for borrowed homes as you may have for your own home. There are other ways to be generous with friends and family that don't require putting your property at risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is your husband's brother, and you won't be there, of course you let him stay.

+1
I cannot imagine saying no.

[Anonymous]

People can ask. It isn't outliner behavior to ask to they can stay, and they earn the perimeters. Some owners might say yes we'll rent it for market rate. And maybe the owners would be grateful it was rented and the rental produced money. Owners can say no. Owners owe not one an explanation as to why they say no.

The act of "asking" and the saying of "no" or "yes, but here are our terms" is no big deal.

[Anonymous]

I think we have two groups here - the mooches and the owners. Mooches say sure let everyone use your place! Owners say no are you crazy it’s yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People can ask. It isn't outliner behavior to ask to they can stay, and they earn the perimeters. Some owners might say yes we'll rent it for market rate. And maybe the owners would be grateful it was rented and the rental produced money. Owners can say no. Owners owe not one an explanation as to why they say no.

The act of "asking" and the saying of "no" or "yes, but here are our terms" is no big deal.

I agree. It's not offensive to ask, and it's not offensive to say no. I found it's easiest to say no if you are consistent with everyone and make it about you and not them.

[Anonymous]

You should be on good enough terms, if you're allowing someone to stay in your home, to say, "hey, don't advertise this to the family, ok? We're not sure how much we're allowing guests".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we have two groups here - the mooches and the owners. Mooches say sure let everyone use your place! Owners say no are you crazy it’s yours.

But it doesn’t have to be moochers versus non-moochers. It’s not black and white. I don’t know why owners of the vacation homes can’t say YES you can stay there but you’re responsible for X charges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we have two groups here - the mooches and the owners. Mooches say sure let everyone use your place! Owners say no are you crazy it’s yours.

Literally NO ONE said "everyone"; immediate family, generally yes within reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People can ask. It isn't outliner behavior to ask to they can stay, and they earn the perimeters. Some owners might say yes we'll rent it for market rate. And maybe the owners would be grateful it was rented and the rental produced money. Owners can say no. Owners owe not one an explanation as to why they say no.

The act of "asking" and the saying of "no" or "yes, but here are our terms" is no big deal.

I agree. It's not offensive to ask, and it's not offensive to say no. I found it's easiest to say no if you are consistent with everyone and make it about you and not them.

I think it’s offensive to ask. If they wanted to offer it to you, they would. Asking infers obligation and dumps a problem on the other person. Moochers always believe there is no harm in asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we have two groups here - the mooches and the owners. Mooches say sure let everyone use your place! Owners say no are you crazy it’s yours.

But it doesn’t have to be moochers versus non-moochers. It’s not black and white. I don’t know why owners of the vacation homes can’t say YES you can stay there but you’re responsible for X charges.

But for many people with second homes that they don't rent out for income, it's not about the x charges. It's about all the little things that are different with each guest, like putting the dishes away in the wrong spot, staining the carpet, offending the neighbors with loud music, scratching the table, damaging a family heirloom, breaking your favorite coffee mug that your DH gave to you twenty years ago, soiling the sheets and towels, spreading sand throughout the house when you are diligent about keeping it out when you're there with your famil and even a good clean doesn't get it all out. It's unpleasant to ask friends and family to make you whole after they damage something. It's unpleasant when you set up your house in a particular way only to have it disorganized by guests. It's unpleasant to deal with your neighbor's complaints about your houseguests. It's also unpleasant to bring these things up with your guests after they leave. These aren't things that can be solved by charging a $500 cleaning fee.

[Anonymous]

We’ve used family’s second homes and not only did we pay for a cleaning crew, we replaced burned out light bulbs, batteries in remotes and smoke detectors that beeped, leave a nice bottle of wine and mailed the owner a thank you card with a gift card to use. We rarely ask to return since we like to travel to a variety of places. We bring our own toiletries and food.