Parents who are overwhelmed with one or two kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how it can be so difficult with just one or two kid. I have 3 and at one point had a newborn, 3 year old and 4 year old. I did 75% of things solo when DH was in the office.

Every time one of my kids is at a playdate or with friends and I only have 2 kids it feels like I have all this extra time and it’s so easy.

I feel bad and would never vocalize this since most of my friends have only 1 or 2 kids but whenever they complain at how hard it is I am always so confused. I don’t find 3 very difficult either and have always wanted more but that probably won’t happen.

I’m guessing you’re too simple to be overwhelmed by much of anything.

“Ignorance is bliss” is a saying for a reason…

lol this is my take as well

[Anonymous]

Quoting OP -“ newborns through toddler years are all sort of the same“

No they aren’t. Try mine who had a feeding tube and restrictions by mouth and multiple surgeries. Or my other one who woke up between 3 and 12 times a night. Or going to therapy and drs appts at Children’s so much that my toddler declared the one lady valet as “her best friend!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it’s about wanting more out of life than just kids. I want to be able to exercise and take care of myself, have date nights with my husband, meet up with friends etc. so yes having more kids world make that harder and trying to do all of that with the two I have can often feel overwhelming. We think about 3 but that would require us to reframe what we want out of life and as a couple.

It’s this for me. I’m miserable when my life is centered around kids. I need daily exercise, hobbies, sex, work, friends, etc to be happy.

I could get that pretty easily with one kid, with two it’s been much harder. That being said, being married made it extremely difficult (xH was a man child), and I have so much more free time now that I’m divorced.

I also once heard a mom of grown kids say she regrets spending so much time doing “kid” stuff and wished she had just taken her kids with her to do what she wanted. So I try to do more of that, rather than having our lives revolve around kid activities.

That is a very selfish mom.

NP. I don't agree. Obviously there's a happy medium, but i think kids are better adjusted and less anxious when the world doesn't revolve around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one, work full time, and didn't find it particularly hard (physically) but also not easy at all. We dedicated a tremendous amount of attention and resources to our kid - maybe too much - but it paid off in their achievements and growth and satisfaction with life. We had no outside childcare, and I was able to do pick-up most days. We are pretty Type A. When I look at some of my friends who parent differently, I can't help but judge them as hands-off or thoughtless or borderline negligent in some ways. So, to each their own, I guess? The way we parented worked for us pretty well but most of all, we feel like it was the best for our kid.

This post is cracking me up because OP waltzed in with all her mom-of-four-and-it's-easy energy and then PP was like "baby, no one is more smug than a mom of an only who thinks she literally invented good parenting -- watch me cook."

I'm also a mom of an only so this isn't only child judgment here. Just sitting back and enjoying the Smug Off between two of the smuggest mom archetypes you can find. Waiting for the mom of twins or triplets to enter the chat, perhaps mom of the gifted and talented kids who are simply "so hard to challenge!" -- maybe I'll go make some popcorn.

I can see how you feel this way but I'm just relaying my experience and am not apologetic for who I am and who my kid is. That's why I said to each their own. We are who we are, right?

You also said you judge people who parent differently than you, which is the opposite of "to each their own." And your post is every bit as smug as OP's. We are who we are, and you are smug, and likely would be no matter how many kids you had or how you parented.

The truth is you and OP are the same -- self-satisfied, judgmental, condescending. You'll battle it out for Mom Supremacy and both lose. Have fun. To each their own!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a SAHM?

Op here - no I work full time. And yes I realize for the most part my kids are easy but kids, especially newborns through toddler years are all sort of the same. They demand a lot and are physically taxing.

Again I would never say this out loud (hence the anonymous board post) but I still think. I have done solo trips and outings with my kids since they were babies.

This says a lot about you.

+1

Maybe it’s just rage bait. Newborn through toddler are not “all the same.” I’m having trouble believing an actual parent wrote that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how it can be so difficult with just one or two kid. I have 3 and at one point had a newborn, 3 year old and 4 year old. I did 75% of things solo when DH was in the office.

Every time one of my kids is at a playdate or with friends and I only have 2 kids it feels like I have all this extra time and it’s so easy.

I feel bad and would never vocalize this since most of my friends have only 1 or 2 kids but whenever they complain at how hard it is I am always so confused. I don’t find 3 very difficult either and have always wanted more but that probably won’t happen.

It's not just parenting. Life is just harder for many people. It's the social stratification vs aptitude. Basically, there are few things in life that really require that much skill or expertise, but many people have skills and expertise that exceed their social station, thus many people are way overqualified for whatever it is they are doing, so life is pretty easy they get things done, then have time left over for hobbies and what not. Take for example pre-school teachers, they can manage six or seven kids at a time, managing three should be a piece of cake. Conversely others struggle just to maintain the status quo, even if they have advantages like connections to get jobs and social support. So, like yeah on average one or two is about all some people can handle.

I see it in work all the time, there are people that just have to stay up late-night working on their code because they are not very good coders 80-hour weeks. Look at their code and it's a mess they've reinvented the wheel a number of times and don't even understand the basics of the language. No, they don't have time left over for kids or what not. They're doing all they can to get bye. Shouldn't even be in that line of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having 3 & 4 kids the hardest for me.

Now, I’m four months postpartum with #8 (other kids are 14,13,11,9,6,5,2) and it’s much easier.

Let's hear from the older kids how their lives are easier with each new sibling.

My older three are boys who don’t really help out. Eight kids ranging in age and independence is obviously easier than 2 toddlers and a newborn. Only my younger two are home all day, so its very easy and calm.

Then you’ve failed as a parent. Weird to feel the need to share that on a public message board, but OK.

Isn’t that better?

People always accuse large families of not parenting? That poster lets her kids be kids

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids but I am absolutely one of those moms who was overwhelmed at 1, overwhelmed at 2 and now overwhelmed with 3. I have a very sensitive nervous system and am easily dysregulated. Part of this is just my make up and a lot of it is due to growing up in an abusive household where we were physically/verbally attacked frequently and I hold a lot of that stress in my body.

I always wanted my own family though (my sibling are unsure of whether or not they will ever have kids due to ptsd from our upbringing).

I’ve done a lot of work to process my childhood so I can be emotionally available to my family, but the stress is real for me and I have a sense that basic parenting experiences are more challenging for me than for many other parents who had healthier upbringings.

I could have just not had kids but I’ve always wanted a family. I am working hard to end the generational trauma that I inherited. There are parts of me that are very broken though and it does often look like I get overstimulated by things that for some would be simple and even easy.

In no way do I speak for or represent all parents who get overwhelmed in parenting (just) one or two kids, but just wanted to share one experience.

[Anonymous]

I have an only and he is a delightful 10 year old. But he was the most difficult baby ive ever encountered (nicu stay, didnt sleep, didnt eat, cried constantl), a moderately difficult toddler (it got slightly better), and was suspended from K, 1st, and 2nd grade at various times because early elementary was a very rough environment for his temperment. After receiving a diagnosis, getting treatment, hiring an army of specialists, getting parent training, etc, he is in a really good place. But yeah I was overwhelmed from birth throughout 7 years old. Really overwhelmed. I cried a lot. I needed my own therapy. My husband and I both work demanding jobs that had periods of being hard while also parenting. We both took some unpaid fmla leave at various times.

I thought i would have more. It wasnt right for our situation though. But on top of trying to care for my son i also had to deal with judgy people like you not understanding why i was overwhelmed. And no, not all of this waa obvious even to my friends, they didnt know the extent of what we were handling.

I have a sister with 3 kids. She doesn't work. And she gets so mad whenever my mom watches my son! She's like, its just not fair because now you have no kids at home, how is that fair? My mom watches hers a lot but rarely all 3 at once because its a lot to juggle so she'll take the older or the younger one for weekends, and then my sister just grumbles that she never gets a break from parenting and i do!!

Parents of 3 can be absolutely wild sometimes... i prefer to be around parents of 2 or 4+!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having 3 & 4 kids the hardest for me.

Now, I’m four months postpartum with #8 (other kids are 14,13,11,9,6,5,2) and it’s much easier.

Yikes. WHY?

We’re religious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having 3 & 4 kids the hardest for me.

Now, I’m four months postpartum with #8 (other kids are 14,13,11,9,6,5,2) and it’s much easier.

Let's hear from the older kids how their lives are easier with each new sibling.

My older three are boys who don’t really help out. Eight kids ranging in age and independence is obviously easier than 2 toddlers and a newborn. Only my younger two are home all day, so its very easy and calm.

Then you’ve failed as a parent. Weird to feel the need to share that on a public message board, but OK.

What?

They’d rather be boys and play games and do other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having one is a ton of time because you are ‘it’ to play all games, talk, hang out, etc. This is in addition to food, tutoring, parenting.

+ 100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how it can be so difficult with just one or two kid. I have 3 and at one point had a newborn, 3 year old and 4 year old. I did 75% of things solo when DH was in the office.

Every time one of my kids is at a playdate or with friends and I only have 2 kids it feels like I have all this extra time and it’s so easy.

I feel bad and would never vocalize this since most of my friends have only 1 or 2 kids but whenever they complain at how hard it is I am always so confused. I don’t find 3 very difficult either and have always wanted more but that probably won’t happen.

Stop sound like a buffoon and embarrassing yourself. You’ve clearly never had to deal with a special needs child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having 3 & 4 kids the hardest for me.

Now, I’m four months postpartum with #8 (other kids are 14,13,11,9,6,5,2) and it’s much easier.

Yikes. WHY?

We’re religious.

You can still practice religion with fewer kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having 3 & 4 kids the hardest for me.

Now, I’m four months postpartum with #8 (other kids are 14,13,11,9,6,5,2) and it’s much easier.

Yikes. WHY?

We’re religious.

You can still practice religion with fewer kids.

Yes, but we can afford having a lot of kids so why not.