Adult Failure to Launch DD Stealing from Me

[Anonymous]

Okay, what "minor" events caused childhood trauma in her life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't enable this report it to the police. Does she have a drug problem? Because it sounds like she does.

+1
It is possible to report it to the police with love, OP. I suspect a substance problem, too.

[Anonymous]

compassion and kindness to you both

[Anonymous]

In one of your threads you made a condition for her to stop writing, especially poetry about her pain. Because you don't want her writing about you and DH.

Sounds like one or both of you are abusers, maybe sexual abusers and the other is at best an enabler. Your "good name" (or maybe lack of police involvement) is paramount, right? That and her going to a Christian church.

So for not doing that you condemn your allegedly mentally ill child to a criminal record and jail. And told her you won't visit or accept calls when she is in jail.

Sweet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In one of your threads you made a condition for her to stop writing, especially poetry about her pain. Because you don't want her writing about you and DH.

Sounds like one or both of you are abusers, maybe sexual abusers and the other is at best an enabler. Your "good name" (or maybe lack of police involvement) is paramount, right? That and her going to a Christian church.

So for not doing that you condemn your allegedly mentally ill child to a criminal record and jail. And told her you won't visit or accept calls when she is in jail.

Sweet.

I don't appreciate your judgmental, condescending tone. If you haven't been in this situation before (failure to launch dysfunctional adult child), do NOT comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't enable this report it to the police. Does she have a drug problem? Because it sounds like she does.

+1
It is possible to report it to the police with love, OP. I suspect a substance problem, too.

We filed a police report last week. I hope it gives her the boundaries and structure that she desperately needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, what "minor" events caused childhood trauma in her life?

OP here. She would accuse us of abusing her because we made college funding contingent on her attending church, losing 20 lbs (she was extremely overweight during her middle 2 years of college), and majoring in something practical (that last thing didn't happen). These are all things that she called "abusive."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is her rent so expensive? She should move to a cheaper place or location if she can't find work other than as a barista.

To clarify, she pays $600/month in rent in a medium cost of living city. She doesn't live in our city anymore because she says that living with DH and I would be "torture and abusive."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you name the school she started at or transferred to? It seems like you have a grudge against the school she graduated from

OP here. I thought about naming the two colleges but I think they would out her anonymity. The first school was on par with Harvard/Stanford levels of prestige and the second college (that she graduated from) is very similar to Oberlin. I think any parent would be EXTREMELY disappointed to have their kid drop out of Stanford to attend Oberlin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you name the school she started at or transferred to? It seems like you have a grudge against the school she graduated from

OP here. I thought about naming the two colleges but I think they would out her anonymity. The first school was on par with Harvard/Stanford levels of prestige and the second college (that she graduated from) is very similar to Oberlin. I think any parent would be EXTREMELY disappointed to have their kid drop out of Stanford to attend Oberlin.

Oh also -- wanted to add that she would probably be employed with an English degree from Stanford/Harvard. Not so for Oberlin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In one of your threads you made a condition for her to stop writing, especially poetry about her pain. Because you don't want her writing about you and DH.

Sounds like one or both of you are abusers, maybe sexual abusers and the other is at best an enabler. Your "good name" (or maybe lack of police involvement) is paramount, right? That and her going to a Christian church.

So for not doing that you condemn your allegedly mentally ill child to a criminal record and jail. And told her you won't visit or accept calls when she is in jail.

Sweet.

I don't appreciate your judgmental, condescending tone. If you haven't been in this situation before (failure to launch dysfunctional adult child), do NOT comment.

Why would you make a fraud claim? She’s your daughter. She took
Your money. Why should the company pay for her theft?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, what "minor" events caused childhood trauma in her life?

OP here. She would accuse us of abusing her because we made college funding contingent on her attending church, losing 20 lbs (she was extremely overweight during her middle 2 years of college), and majoring in something practical (that last thing didn't happen). These are all things that she called "abusive."

This has got to be a troll or the most extreme narcissist I’ve yet encountered on DCUM.

Children do not ask to be born. They certainly didn’t ask to be born into the messed up, every-man-for-himself world we have right now where a young person must depend on their parents well after turning 18 and/or for paying for college in order to them to secure a livelihood. Your DD did not ask to be born, did not ask for you to be her “parent”, and certainly deserved better than “parents” who “help” with so many strings attached.

You seem to have nothing but contempt for your daughter. Well that sucks. If you cut her off financially, it may well be the thing that pushes her to find her way into stable employment, but it will cost her your future relationship, as it should. She does not owe you a relationship.

Being raised by a narcissist is no small trauma, though I’m sure it all looks frivolous to you, well, because you are the narcissist and incapable of introspection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you name the school she started at or transferred to? It seems like you have a grudge against the school she graduated from

OP here. I thought about naming the two colleges but I think they would out her anonymity. The first school was on par with Harvard/Stanford levels of prestige and the second college (that she graduated from) is very similar to Oberlin. I think any parent would be EXTREMELY disappointed to have their kid drop out of Stanford to attend Oberlin.

Oh also -- wanted to add that she would probably be employed with an English degree from Stanford/Harvard. Not so for Oberlin.

Speculation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, what "minor" events caused childhood trauma in her life?

OP here. She would accuse us of abusing her because we made college funding contingent on her attending church, losing 20 lbs (she was extremely overweight during her middle 2 years of college), and majoring in something practical (that last thing didn't happen). These are all things that she called "abusive."

This has got to be a troll or the most extreme narcissist I’ve yet encountered on DCUM.

Hopefully the first, but probably the latter. --NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In one of your threads you made a condition for her to stop writing, especially poetry about her pain. Because you don't want her writing about you and DH.

Sounds like one or both of you are abusers, maybe sexual abusers and the other is at best an enabler. Your "good name" (or maybe lack of police involvement) is paramount, right? That and her going to a Christian church.

So for not doing that you condemn your allegedly mentally ill child to a criminal record and jail. And told her you won't visit or accept calls when she is in jail.

Sweet.

I don't appreciate your judgmental, condescending tone. If you haven't been in this situation before (failure to launch dysfunctional adult child), do NOT comment.

DP with FTL adult in extended family - it did not happen in a vacuum or by luck.