Adult Failure to Launch DD Stealing from Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:which personality disorder do you have, op?

The OP is clearly a narcissist. No doubt about it. Whatever the adult DD did, my empathy goes with her as I was also "raised" by a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No, we NEVER gave her permission to use our credit card. We weren't even aware that she knew the CC number until now, but apparently she wrote down my CC number when she was back home from winter break last year without me noticing. See how much of a sneaky, entitled person she is?

Re: college. She was an English major at a SLAC known for entitled, whiny students (similar to Oberlin/Wesleyan). She started off as pre-med/Bio at an HYPS school, but she left the school after her freshman year due to "mental health issues" (which I now realize are just depression and loneliness due to how insufferable she is to be around). She took 1 year off of college back in 2021 and then transferred to this progressive SLAC (similar in rankings/political reputation to an Oberlin/Vassar type school) because she wanted to "pursue her creative ambitions."

She lives with a college friend in a different part of the country, and pays $600/month in rent. She Venmo'd the person $3k from MY bank account (the audacity!) because she wanted to "front-load" rent for January-May. Insane.

She wants to use the extra $1k for Delta plane tickets to visit her FRIEND's FAMILY (not us, but her roommate's parents!) over winter break because "she never wants to see us again." This is despite the fact that she's 23 and on our health insurance and phone plan. Insane.

Reading all the information you have shared about your 23yr. old daughter, I don't think the title suits her, "failure to launch". Obviously you both have a terrible relationship and to be honest she's so resentful (and so are you), that things might never work out between you two.
I, personally, haven't spoken to my mother in over 10 years. After many tumultuous years, I finally broke "free", matured (around 25yr.) and moved on... and I'm at peace with that. I found a wonderful partner that respected me and loved me just the way I was then. He also made me realize I was NOT A FAILURE.
We have been married for 10 years and have two wonderful sweet boys, who we share a wonderful relationship with... and no my mother is not part of our lives.

I broke the cycle and I hope your daughter one day (soon) does too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No, we NEVER gave her permission to use our credit card. We weren't even aware that she knew the CC number until now, but apparently she wrote down my CC number when she was back home from winter break last year without me noticing. See how much of a sneaky, entitled person she is?

Re: college. She was an English major at a SLAC known for entitled, whiny students (similar to Oberlin/Wesleyan). She started off as pre-med/Bio at an HYPS school, but she left the school after her freshman year due to "mental health issues" (which I now realize are just depression and loneliness due to how insufferable she is to be around). She took 1 year off of college back in 2021 and then transferred to this progressive SLAC (similar in rankings/political reputation to an Oberlin/Vassar type school) because she wanted to "pursue her creative ambitions."

She lives with a college friend in a different part of the country, and pays $600/month in rent. She Venmo'd the person $3k from MY bank account (the audacity!) because she wanted to "front-load" rent for January-May. Insane.

She wants to use the extra $1k for Delta plane tickets to visit her FRIEND's FAMILY (not us, but her roommate's parents!) over winter break because "she never wants to see us again." This is despite the fact that she's 23 and on our health insurance and phone plan. Insane.

You're a jerk, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No, we NEVER gave her permission to use our credit card. We weren't even aware that she knew the CC number until now, but apparently she wrote down my CC number when she was back home from winter break last year without me noticing. See how much of a sneaky, entitled person she is?

Re: college. She was an English major at a SLAC known for entitled, whiny students (similar to Oberlin/Wesleyan). She started off as pre-med/Bio at an HYPS school, but she left the school after her freshman year due to "mental health issues" (which I now realize are just depression and loneliness due to how insufferable she is to be around). She took 1 year off of college back in 2021 and then transferred to this progressive SLAC (similar in rankings/political reputation to an Oberlin/Vassar type school) because she wanted to "pursue her creative ambitions."

She lives with a college friend in a different part of the country, and pays $600/month in rent. She Venmo'd the person $3k from MY bank account (the audacity!) because she wanted to "front-load" rent for January-May. Insane.

She wants to use the extra $1k for Delta plane tickets to visit her FRIEND's FAMILY (not us, but her roommate's parents!) over winter break because "she never wants to see us again." This is despite the fact that she's 23 and on our health insurance and phone plan. Insane.

You're a jerk, OP.

No I'm not. Have you seen Oberlin students these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's always validating when OPs come back to confirm my initial assessment, which is that OP is a horrible person and a horrible parent and hates her child.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Guys, no need to respond. This is a troll. They started another thread on the same subject.

I am not a troll. I started another thread because this one was getting one-sided opinions (and not a lot of engagement). I'm fine with the other thread being deleted.

OP - Most people cannot walk on your shoes and understand you... Trust me, I know.

We have a son who is in College right now and he's terrible managing money. I had to change my credit card 3 times already, because he gets a hold of it and swipes it like it's free money.
This has been going on for years and still doesn't learn. We have stop giving him things as a consequence so he gets jobs but then gets fired (never his fault).

Don't get me wrong, he's a sweet, charming boy, gets decent grades but always has his own agenda... It's been YEARS of ups and downs since he was 13.

At this point, we just want for him to get a degree and finish College....Then after that, we're DONE. Done, Done.

He's gone to therapy (because we made him/not because he though he needed it) but he says is boring and pointless. He has switched therapist 3 times because he found them inept. One time laughing he told me he lies to the therapist and they believe him... He says they are "gullible".

We've had MANY conversations and expectations but he just hates rules. I've SO MANY sleepless nights and anxiety thinking about him...

I think you and your daughter need a break from each other.... A break that might turn into years. No one needs a toxic family member in their lives whether is your mom or your daughter...

PS: I would have not gone to the police though. I would have simply change all my credit cards (again).


You all just need time apart to heal...

But OP has not described any of the stuff you're going through with your son. Apparently this is the first time her child has ever stolen from her. Not all theft comes from sociopathic tendencies. You also speak of your son in balanced terms, which OP does not. OP really seems like the problem here, whereas you seem to have struggled with someone who doesn't have a moral compass.

OP here. That's absurd. All theft is sociopathic.

You need to study literature. Or perhaps see a show on Broadway once in a while? Les Mis?

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so sorry for what you are going through.

If you have decided to break off contact with her then it is your call. I think it is better to break off your relationship with her. I am glad that you are creating a paper trail. Please change locks and credit cards etc. Let the credit card company know that your card was fraudulently used.

Ask your lawyer and police how to protect yourself and your property. Not all kids are good. Some of them are sociopaths. I am sorry.

[Anonymous]

Some parents are sociopaths.

[Anonymous]

By the way, compassionate folks, over in her otherbtgread inntgecSN forum, OP is pleased that she is forcing her child to face consequences, is pressing charges, and plans to tell child she won't visit or take calls from her when she is in prison.
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/45/1305559.page

[Anonymous]

A criminal record would mean no ability to get a job or place to live going forward. She’d be at a high risk for homelessness and all that comes with. If she’s lucky, a shelter would eventually help her find transitional housing, or job support, but it would be pretty bleak.

On the other hand, cancelling the credit card is a consequence that won’t tank her life permanently. She’ll have to figure things out, but she won’t have a criminal record.

Your posts are blood-curdling, but maybe your daughter’s would be too. There’s nothing good in your family dynamic.

That’s just the reality.

[Anonymous]

Why is her rent so expensive? She should move to a cheaper place or location if she can't find work other than as a barista.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you name the school she started at or transferred to? It seems like you have a grudge against the school she graduated from

[Anonymous]

What did you do that made her angry throughout her childhood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A criminal record would mean no ability to get a job or place to live going forward. She’d be at a high risk for homelessness and all that comes with. If she’s lucky, a shelter would eventually help her find transitional housing, or job support, but it would be pretty bleak.

On the other hand, cancelling the credit card is a consequence that won’t tank her life permanently. She’ll have to figure things out, but she won’t have a criminal record.

Your posts are blood-curdling, but maybe your daughter’s would be too. There’s nothing good in your family dynamic.

That’s just the reality.

Solid and sage advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No, we NEVER gave her permission to use our credit card. We weren't even aware that she knew the CC number until now, but apparently she wrote down my CC number when she was back home from winter break last year without me noticing. See how much of a sneaky, entitled person she is?

Re: college. She was an English major at a SLAC known for entitled, whiny students (similar to Oberlin/Wesleyan). She started off as pre-med/Bio at an HYPS school, but she left the school after her freshman year due to "mental health issues" (which I now realize are just depression and loneliness due to how insufferable she is to be around). She took 1 year off of college back in 2021 and then transferred to this progressive SLAC (similar in rankings/political reputation to an Oberlin/Vassar type school) because she wanted to "pursue her creative ambitions."

She lives with a college friend in a different part of the country, and pays $600/month in rent. She Venmo'd the person $3k from MY bank account (the audacity!) because she wanted to "front-load" rent for January-May. Insane.

She wants to use the extra $1k for Delta plane tickets to visit her FRIEND's FAMILY (not us, but her roommate's parents!) over winter break because "she never wants to see us again." This is despite the fact that she's 23 and on our health insurance and phone plan. Insane.

You're a jerk, OP.

No I'm not. Have you seen Oberlin students these days?

What's your gripe with Oberlin students?