Living on my salary alone bc dh was laid off. How do I convince DH to cut back on non essentials?

[Anonymous]

OP, I am infuriated on your behalf. The fact that your DH has recruited your son to act the same way as him makes it 10x worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With the use of debit and credit cards, it is very easy to see where money is going. Do you have a budget? If not, you both need to do a deep dive on where your money is going. The numbers don’t lie.

We don’t share credit cards or a bank account

Well, the answer is simple: stop putting your paychecks into a joint account. Pay each of you an allowance for discretionary stuff and that’s it.

Why have you not done this already?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am infuriated on your behalf. The fact that your DH has recruited your son to act the same way as him makes it 10x worse.

+1

It's not only a financial issue, it's a marital and parenting issue. It is emblematic of DH's lack of basic respect for his wife.

[Anonymous]

Have you considered divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. This scenario would drive me crazy. No specific advice but just wanted to say I hope you figure out a plan to deal with this and that your husband gets a job soon.

One thing I would focus on is your son. You can control that more easily. Where is he getting the money for all this? My sons could not spend like this because they don't have access to our credit cards. You need to cut off access to the son's spending money and put him on a tighter budget.

Put a set amount if money into the kid's debit card account. They can spend that allowance, but once it is gone, it's gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am infuriated on your behalf. The fact that your DH has recruited your son to act the same way as him makes it 10x worse.

+1

It's not only a financial issue, it's a marital and parenting issue. It is emblematic of DH's lack of basic respect for his wife.

How many wives do the exact same thing?

[Anonymous]

I hate it when adults act like children. Put the spendthrift non-earners on an allowance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am infuriated on your behalf. The fact that your DH has recruited your son to act the same way as him makes it 10x worse.

+1

It's not only a financial issue, it's a marital and parenting issue. It is emblematic of DH's lack of basic respect for his wife.

How many wives do the exact same thing?

How many wives do no housework or childcare? You're comparing apples to oranges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your payroll department about setting up direct transfers to college savings, 401k, whatever other savings you need, and only the net to your joint checking account. If they are anything like my spendthrift spouse, the only way to get them to stop spending is to run out of money in the checking account.

That doesn’t work. Then the spender just runs up credit cards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your payroll department about setting up direct transfers to college savings, 401k, whatever other savings you need, and only the net to your joint checking account. If they are anything like my spendthrift spouse, the only way to get them to stop spending is to run out of money in the checking account.

That doesn’t work. Then the spender just runs up credit cards.

How does a prenup work. Does it shield you from spousal debt? Like let’s say I have $1M protected in a prenup trust, and spouse blows $500k, are we both on hook?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your payroll department about setting up direct transfers to college savings, 401k, whatever other savings you need, and only the net to your joint checking account. If they are anything like my spendthrift spouse, the only way to get them to stop spending is to run out of money in the checking account.

That doesn’t work. Then the spender just runs up credit cards.

How does a prenup work. Does it shield you from spousal debt? Like let’s say I have $1M protected in a prenup trust, and spouse blows $500k, are we both on hook?

Visa doesn't care what your prenup says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. This scenario would drive me crazy. No specific advice but just wanted to say I hope you figure out a plan to deal with this and that your husband gets a job soon.

One thing I would focus on is your son. You can control that more easily. Where is he getting the money for all this? My sons could not spend like this because they don't have access to our credit cards. You need to cut off access to the son's spending money and put him on a tighter budget.

He’s mostly getting it from DH! Who then turns around and asks me to reimburse him. So frustrating. I feel like dh normalizes this sort of spending and then dc and dh joke that I’m cheap when I object. It’s their little inside joke.

Dh and I keep separate bank accounts. Yes I know people think this is weird, but that’s the way we’ve always done it. And right now, I’m very happy about that.

And I have another dc who is away at college who is like me. He doesn’t like to spend on non essentials either - one thing I remember clearly was talking to him as he walked past a Starbucks freshmen year, saying it was too pricey for him - and thinks before he spends money. We are the frugal ones. Dh and other dc spend on crap

We have separate finances as well. Married 24 years and it works beautifully for us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am infuriated on your behalf. The fact that your DH has recruited your son to act the same way as him makes it 10x worse.

+1

It's not only a financial issue, it's a marital and parenting issue. It is emblematic of DH's lack of basic respect for his wife.

How many wives do the exact same thing?

I don't know, you tell me. I don't know anyone who behaves this way, myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. This scenario would drive me crazy. No specific advice but just wanted to say I hope you figure out a plan to deal with this and that your husband gets a job soon.

One thing I would focus on is your son. You can control that more easily. Where is he getting the money for all this? My sons could not spend like this because they don't have access to our credit cards. You need to cut off access to the son's spending money and put him on a tighter budget.

He’s mostly getting it from DH! Who then turns around and asks me to reimburse him. So frustrating. I feel like dh normalizes this sort of spending and then dc and dh joke that I’m cheap when I object. It’s their little inside joke.

Dh and I keep separate bank accounts. Yes I know people think this is weird, but that’s the way we’ve always done it. And right now, I’m very happy about that.

And I have another dc who is away at college who is like me. He doesn’t like to spend on non essentials either - one thing I remember clearly was talking to him as he walked past a Starbucks freshmen year, saying it was too pricey for him - and thinks before he spends money. We are the frugal ones. Dh and other dc spend on crap

We have separate finances as well. Married 24 years and it works beautifully for us

No other way to do it IMO. it makes for a happy and lower stress relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your payroll department about setting up direct transfers to college savings, 401k, whatever other savings you need, and only the net to your joint checking account. If they are anything like my spendthrift spouse, the only way to get them to stop spending is to run out of money in the checking account.

That doesn’t work. Then the spender just runs up credit cards.

How does a prenup work. Does it shield you from spousal debt? Like let’s say I have $1M protected in a prenup trust, and spouse blows $500k, are we both on hook?

Prenups pretty much only matter if you divorce.