My DD is sliding into depression

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just great. If all the parents coached their daughters like this, women would still not have the right to vote. Go wonder why women are paid less for the same jobs. You don't even have to blame men, just look for mothers who teach their daughters that life is unfair and suggest to move on and ignore the injustice.

I can't wait for DD to have her next round of treatment and medication when less attractive girls get asked out and she doesn't.

I know this is an anonymous message board and that anonymity sometimes leads us to say things that we would never say to a person, but IMHO the last two comments crossed the line. Suggesting that this discussion is the reason women are paid less and that mothers are to blame for the way they raise their daughters is a comment better left to 4chan or some other alt social media site. This forum is about volleyball.

Then attacking the DD and suggesting that she will be using medication and/or treatment for other situations crosses an even bigger line. Behavioral health issues are real and belittling any person who is getting or considering help is wrong on both moral and medical grounds. I pray you and those close to you never have to deal with them.

It’s not “crossing the line” to point out that many experts agree that children in the US are both over-medicated and over-therapized. Maybe OPs kid is one of them, maybe she is not. People are allowed to have different opinions.

Go back and read exactly what the PP said in back-to-back posts:
They said the OPs parenting is the reason women are paid less and
They expect the DD to go to therapy and turn to medication when a “less attractive girl” gets a date.

The comments weren’t about children. They were statements targeted directly at females.

We are on a volleyball forum talking about a sport primarily played by girls and discussing a situation about a girl. And we have posters belittling mental health treatment and stating that this parent is the reason women don’t get paid equivalent wages.

I get it, this is how Internet forums work now. Posters make radical/aggressive statements and hide behind the anonymity because they know they would never say such thing in public where they could be seen for who they really are.

If that’s what you want this board to be, fine. If it’s not, then calling out PP who make clearly out of bounds, off-topics comments is a reasonably way to maintain the community we’d like to participate in. I think most participants would rather have a civil discourse that is focused on helping people.

Those are different PPs. I was the dating one. Yeah that was poorly chosen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just great. If all the parents coached their daughters like this, women would still not have the right to vote. Go wonder why women are paid less for the same jobs. You don't even have to blame men, just look for mothers who teach their daughters that life is unfair and suggest to move on and ignore the injustice.

I can't wait for DD to have her next round of treatment and medication when less attractive girls get asked out and she doesn't.

I know this is an anonymous message board and that anonymity sometimes leads us to say things that we would never say to a person, but IMHO the last two comments crossed the line. Suggesting that this discussion is the reason women are paid less and that mothers are to blame for the way they raise their daughters is a comment better left to 4chan or some other alt social media site. This forum is about volleyball.

Then attacking the DD and suggesting that she will be using medication and/or treatment for other situations crosses an even bigger line. Behavioral health issues are real and belittling any person who is getting or considering help is wrong on both moral and medical grounds. I pray you and those close to you never have to deal with them.

It’s not “crossing the line” to point out that many experts agree that children in the US are both over-medicated and over-therapized. Maybe OPs kid is one of them, maybe she is not. People are allowed to have different opinions.

Go back and read exactly what the PP said in back-to-back posts:
They said the OPs parenting is the reason women are paid less and
They expect the DD to go to therapy and turn to medication when a “less attractive girl” gets a date.

The comments weren’t about children. They were statements targeted directly at females.

We are on a volleyball forum talking about a sport primarily played by girls and discussing a situation about a girl. And we have posters belittling mental health treatment and stating that this parent is the reason women don’t get paid equivalent wages.

I get it, this is how Internet forums work now. Posters make radical/aggressive statements and hide behind the anonymity because they know they would never say such thing in public where they could be seen for who they really are.

If that’s what you want this board to be, fine. If it’s not, then calling out PP who make clearly out of bounds, off-topics comments is a reasonably way to maintain the community we’d like to participate in. I think most participants would rather have a civil discourse that is focused on helping people.

Those are different PPs. I was the dating one. Yeah that was poorly chosen.

I should have said that if DD is prone or susceptible to falling into deep depression triggered by situational depression/disappointment it is important to get her help and treatment to try to mitigate future disappointing and unfair situations because those are legion in life. Just focusing repeatedly on the current one and its aftermath in terms of how bad the other girl is at playing is not helpful imo.

I ended up in 4 years of medication and outpatient group at McLean after the stress and guilt of a lab accident I was responsible for made me so depressed I couldn't get out of bed. Focusing on what I should do next time or the fact nothing was damaged didn't make a difference.

[Anonymous]

Team mother is very prolific here.

[Anonymous]

I feel like some of the fierce coach defenders and "life is unfair" posters are the type who would use politics to take advantage of opportunities for themselves or their families. Why wouldn't they want anyone questioning the status quo? This idea that you are not a coach, so there is no way you can possibly understand is ridiculous. Especially in a clear cut case when a player is cut during an early tryout, then shows up on the roster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not blaming the broken though that's a nice try at cancelling the idea that parents and teachers and therapists can help kids learn resilience even if they have emotional or physical issues.
Saying injustice is pervasive is not glorifying it, another nice try. Because it's pervasive resilience is important. Resilient folks break less and their cracks mend. They help others. We overcome.

I wonder who was trying to cancel "the idea that parents and teachers and therapists can help kids learn resilience." The OP appeared to be open to that idea and took action. I personally believe that the people calling the OP a failed parent were not helping the situation. As some of the posts on this thread show, you can discuss resilience in a helpful way, without being mean to the OP or her DD.

I agree that resilience is important, but calling out injustice is also important. Nice try trying to cancel the conversation about injustice by pointing out that injustice is pervasive. Resilience is not the only way to fight injustice.

[Anonymous]

Do the other ways involve resilience?
Resilience is not passivity.
Have a good October, Mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the other ways involve resilience?
Resilience is not passivity.
Have a good October, Mom.

I guess you would have to be resilient in calling out injustice. Good point. Otherwise you would be overwhelmed by people telling you to get used to injustice because it is so pervasive.

[Anonymous]

OP here with a few updates. We are currently lowering the medication dose and crossing our fingers that things work out. The doctor is pleased with the progress so far - thanks again to everyone who suggested early action. Thank you to everyone who took my side for making me feel less like a failed parent. I also appreciate the thoughts about the resilience - being resilient is indeed important. As I mentioned from the very beginning, we do have discussions about failure to meet some expectations and I felt like my DD would be able to take a "no" much easier than this. This case felt way too unfair even for me as a parent, I can barely imagine how my DD felt about it.

However, I disagree that this has any resemblance with the fat shaming case that one person shared here. Kudos for the resilience this person built outside the home. Their story includes unsupportive parent who were blaming them for not being in shape. It is remarkable that this person was able to overcome that kind of mistreatment with the help of somebody else. However, we never blamed our DD for not being able to play better or make any club team. We were always supportive and my DD understands that volleyball is not a career for her (it's just a hobby). And it is nice when this hobby keeps her healthy and active (we only have this one case to point at as an exception, when her mental health took a hit).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't wait for DD to have her next round of treatment and medication when less attractive girls get asked out and she doesn't.

This is not just mean, it is rude and inappropriate. I hope you got your dose of dopamine for such a deeply troubled comment.