My DD is sliding into depression

[Anonymous]

You may want to seek professional help from a therapist. Check your health insurance. There are online therapists now, for example:
https://www.talkspace.com/online-therapy/teens

The high school season is only two months. You can sign her up for clinics during this time.

MEVC
https://maryland-exclusive-volleyball-club.sportngin.com/page/show/8106471-fall-camps-clinics
https://maryland-exclusive-volleyball-club.sportngin.com/page/show/9179289-2025-26-club-prep-clinics

Bethesda Volleyball Club
https://bethesdavolleyball.com/clinics

Ace Volleyball Club
https://www.acevbclub.org/fall-2025

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may want to seek professional help from a therapist. Check your health insurance. There are online therapists now, for example:
https://www.talkspace.com/online-therapy/teens

The high school season is only two months. You can sign her up for clinics during this time.

MEVC
https://maryland-exclusive-volleyball-club.sportngin.com/page/show/8106471-fall-camps-clinics
https://maryland-exclusive-volleyball-club.sportngin.com/page/show/9179289-2025-26-club-prep-clinics

Bethesda Volleyball Club
https://bethesdavolleyball.com/clinics

Ace Volleyball Club
https://www.acevbclub.org/fall-2025

There are also beach volleyball clinics in the fall if she is interested. I don't know about Maryland but in Virginia:

Grit Volleyball
https://www.gritvolleyball.com/

Tidal Beach Volleyball
https://www.tidalbvb.com/fall-season

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with a few clarifications. I am a bit paranoid about privacy on this topic, so I don't write anything from home. Even though the forum is anonymous, the IP address is likely stored with each post as metadata. This explains why I don't immediately answer questions. I have no problem contributing to other topics from home, but not on this one.

I didn't want to talk about the other player, but the doubts expressed here force me to go that way. The story is true, not just gossip or the imagination of a teen. As I mentioned, I had my doubts, but I talked to other parents. The parents were not allowed at the tryouts, but all the kids know and talk about it. Apparently it is common knowledge that the player didn't make the last round of tryouts (they were sharing the coach decisions during tryouts). It is not clear how she made her way on the roster. The volleyball culture requires the players to be supportive of your teammates no matter what their skill level. With that in mind, the rest of the players won't suggest to any player that she doesn't belong on the team. It would be hard to expect the team players to question the coach's decisions, even though they know this can happen to them during the next tryouts. But they know what happened and they know it is not fair. At least that's what they tell my DD (when my DD cannot avoid contact with them).

Here is the answer to the most pressing questions: The tryouts were in the middle of august and the school started last week. I know that adding this info places us squarely into MCPS because each public school system has different tryouts. Hopefully MCPS is large enough to make it hard to identify the high school.

I saw a few suggestions that DD should talk to the coach. At this point, my DD barely talks to us (the parents). Asking her to talk to the coach who is responsible for the situation would be too much. I know that in an ideal world, you would get advice from the coach, show improvement, then make it on the team. It is just so hard to imagine this happening right now. Also, the volleyball season is quite short, so it's this couple of months or never. The coach teaches somewhere else, so limited opportunities to meet. She could meet the coach during the team practice, but just imagine the walk of shame in front of the players who made the team. That's absolutely not feasible.

Unrelated directly to the topic but I offer this as an FYI - ips are associated with you/your posts, but only Jeff and others /w admin access on the back end have access to this information... but, if you only are posting from another location but use the same device or browser, you are not really covering you tracks like you think you are -- google browser fingerprinting for more information. I don't know if DCUM using browser fingerprinting, this advice is offered more generically.

It hardly matters in this use case but there other cases where you may need to be more careful and not understanding the technology can lead to problems.

I am the one that posted before and thought details were missing. Now I’m concerned about you. Genuinely. Please get some help for your anxiety. Jeff, the site moderator, does not care one bit about the IP addresses of volleyball parents of girls that were cut from teams.

He will delete posts if this turns nasty or if people start posting identifying info but no one is looking for you. Please get some help for you and your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD was looking forward to playing on her HS volleyball team this year. Even though it would be hard to be identified due to the large number of players who participated in the tryouts, I will not name the school (even though it might be obvious to some). My DD knew that the Varsity was a long shot, but she was very optimistic about the JV team. She didn't make the team.

We've been doing club and she is pretty resilient to rejection. We talk about how clubs give preference to their returners, especially when the skill level is comparable. We talk about how tall girls may make a team, despite lower skill level. She knows that she needs good skills to compensate for her height. She went through tryouts and she understands why she gets cut by certain clubs and why she can still play for her club. Her entire understanding of tryouts collapsed during the HS volleyball tryouts. A few taller girls made the team despite lack of skills. Pretty much expected, even though club players started being cut. Eventually she got cut herself - a decision she was relatively comfortable with. Until she learned that a girl who got cut earlier in the tryouts made the team. I don't want to make this post about the other girl, but I need to offer some context: she is shorter and her skill level is much lower than the skills of any of the girls who got cut in the last day of tryouts.

I cannot recognize my DD anymore. She cannot sleep, she wakes up tired, and she hates school. That almost never happened unless she had some bad teachers. She avoids everyone on the JV team because she is embarrassed. When she has to talk to them she hides her feelings, but everyone tries to console her. Everyone is surprised about her not making the team taking into account that the other girl made it. She hears how that one girl shanks 90% of the balls coming her way during practice and scrimmages. She doesn't understand why she didn't get the chance that the other girl got. She doesn't understand how somebody can get a team jersey despite being officially cut. Initially I thought that she made up the story about the other girl, but I confirmed with other parents (who are equally puzzled).

As a parent, I don't know what to say to her. There is no rational conversation that we could have. My DD is taller and undeniable more skillful (she was in the last wave that got cut). Questioning the coach or talking to the athletics director / principal don't seem to be good options because of potential retribution next year. What can you suggest?

Of course there are rational conversations to have but rational conversation may not be important right now. This is a high school volleyball team tryout for a girl that is not going to get recruited for volleyball.

Anything more than disappointment is an overreaction.
Don't feed into the drama, get her help if necessary. Good players get cut All... The... Time. Missing out on a JV spot is not the end of anyone's world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD was looking forward to playing on her HS volleyball team this year. Even though it would be hard to be identified due to the large number of players who participated in the tryouts, I will not name the school (even though it might be obvious to some). My DD knew that the Varsity was a long shot, but she was very optimistic about the JV team. She didn't make the team.

We've been doing club and she is pretty resilient to rejection. We talk about how clubs give preference to their returners, especially when the skill level is comparable. We talk about how tall girls may make a team, despite lower skill level. She knows that she needs good skills to compensate for her height. She went through tryouts and she understands why she gets cut by certain clubs and why she can still play for her club. Her entire understanding of tryouts collapsed during the HS volleyball tryouts. A few taller girls made the team despite lack of skills. Pretty much expected, even though club players started being cut. Eventually she got cut herself - a decision she was relatively comfortable with. Until she learned that a girl who got cut earlier in the tryouts made the team. I don't want to make this post about the other girl, but I need to offer some context: she is shorter and her skill level is much lower than the skills of any of the girls who got cut in the last day of tryouts.

I cannot recognize my DD anymore. She cannot sleep, she wakes up tired, and she hates school. That almost never happened unless she had some bad teachers. She avoids everyone on the JV team because she is embarrassed. When she has to talk to them she hides her feelings, but everyone tries to console her. Everyone is surprised about her not making the team taking into account that the other girl made it. She hears how that one girl shanks 90% of the balls coming her way during practice and scrimmages. She doesn't understand why she didn't get the chance that the other girl got. She doesn't understand how somebody can get a team jersey despite being officially cut. Initially I thought that she made up the story about the other girl, but I confirmed with other parents (who are equally puzzled).

As a parent, I don't know what to say to her. There is no rational conversation that we could have. My DD is taller and undeniable more skillful (she was in the last wave that got cut). Questioning the coach or talking to the athletics director / principal don't seem to be good options because of potential retribution next year. What can you suggest?

Of course there are rational conversations to have but rational conversation may not be important right now. This is a high school volleyball team tryout for a girl that is not going to get recruited for volleyball.

Anything more than disappointment is an overreaction.
Don't feed into the drama, get her help if necessary. Good players get cut All... The... Time. Missing out on a JV spot is not the end of anyone's world.

+1
This does not seem like a volleyball problem that can be solved. Whether it was fair or not to cut the player, other than her talking to the coach about what she could work on (which the OP ruled out) it’s time to move on. Of course being sad/disappointed/embarrassed for a while is perfectly normal and one of the lessons kids can learn from sports. If the OP believes her DD is not able to work through these feelings on her own, then seek professional help as others have suggested.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my DD and others we know as well. HS volleyball is extremely political and when 50-100 girls show up at tryouts for 14 spots there is bound to be favoritism. My DD also didn’t make her HS team despite being a successful club player for a frequently-mentioned club on this forum. And despite her claims that she aced every serve and had multiple kills at tryouts. Unfortunately, politics happens and her HS coaches clearly were biased against her club, and even made pejorative references about it during tryouts and Green Day pre-season practices. So DD knew it was an uphill battle.

Ironically, we also know a player who got cut during tryouts (and didn’t return for the rest of the week-long session) but also somehow managed to make the roster. She too was a weaker and shorter player. But - surprise surprise - played for one of the coach’s clubs. And the parent is also “influential” in the community.

My DD was shocked when she saw this girl on the roster because the same girl got cut on the third day before my DD was cut on the last day. There were *many* other more deserving players who deserved a spot over this kid.

Anyway, my DD too was depressed - it’s confusing and embarrassing - but she is focusing on club prep, clinics, privates, and schoolwork. It’s a short season and club clinics are starting up next week already. She also is helping assistant coach a rec team for middle schoolers and is using her skills to help others.

She said the girls on the HS team all play for the same club and are cliquey and mean-girl catty anyway, and she doesn’t really want to be a part of that. She is looking forward to seeing them during club season where her team usually beats them anyway.

The struggle is real. But your DD needs therapy and honestly you seek a little OCD to be this obsessed about IP addresses etc.

[Anonymous]

You wrote, “She knows that she needs good skills to compensate for her height.”

In high school volleyball skills might never be enough to compensate for height. Ask yourself how tall are you and her other parent and how tall is your daughter.

We realized there was no future even in high school volleyball for our daughter even though she played club in middle school. We left kef at her high school and started asking when she was in 7th grade what sports were easier to make in high school.

It’s never fair at try outs. Stop torturing yourself trying to think why someone else made the team and your daughter didnt.

[Anonymous]

This is about so much more than volleyball. Your kid needs help. Help in dealing with disappointment, help in managing and not feeling embarrassed. That's a big clue. Her hurt feelings are going straight into a judgement about herself as a person and she's retreating into herself. It's a specific way some children (especially girls during a vulnerable age) get wrapped up/focused on a specific event/concern and it goes straight into feeding underlying insecurity and undermines their self identity. Please have her talk to someone. About how to navigate these feelings, work through them and participate in the life she has. Not making the team does not not label her as a failure and she needs to see that but may not be able to without help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my DD and others we know as well. HS volleyball is extremely political and when 50-100 girls show up at tryouts for 14 spots there is bound to be favoritism. My DD also didn’t make her HS team despite being a successful club player for a frequently-mentioned club on this forum. And despite her claims that she aced every serve and had multiple kills at tryouts. Unfortunately, politics happens and her HS coaches clearly were biased against her club, and even made pejorative references about it during tryouts and Green Day pre-season practices. So DD knew it was an uphill battle.

Ironically, we also know a player who got cut during tryouts (and didn’t return for the rest of the week-long session) but also somehow managed to make the roster. She too was a weaker and shorter player. But - surprise surprise - played for one of the coach’s clubs. And the parent is also “influential” in the community.

My DD was shocked when she saw this girl on the roster because the same girl got cut on the third day before my DD was cut on the last day. There were *many* other more deserving players who deserved a spot over this kid.

Anyway, my DD too was depressed - it’s confusing and embarrassing - but she is focusing on club prep, clinics, privates, and schoolwork. It’s a short season and club clinics are starting up next week already. She also is helping assistant coach a rec team for middle schoolers and is using her skills to help others.

She said the girls on the HS team all play for the same club and are cliquey and mean-girl catty anyway, and she doesn’t really want to be a part of that. She is looking forward to seeing them during club season where her team usually beats them anyway.

The struggle is real. But your DD needs therapy and honestly you seek a little OCD to be this obsessed about IP addresses etc.

Another girl cut during tryouts who made her way on the roster? WTF? When a player is cut, the coaches make the decision that the remaining girls are a better fit for the needs of their team. Most of the comments on this thread blame the victim (and her parent) for not being strong enough to accept injustice, but none blame poor decisions by the coaches. People act as if politics is acceptable and everyone should just move on with their therapy. Once you cut a player, let the player go and pick from the remaining players. Of course reversing a decision to cut will be seen as injustice by all the players who were still hoping to make the team.

[Anonymous]

OP here with a couple of news. Finding a good therapist who has availability seems like a good challenge, so we cannot even start considering being picky about specialization on sports. My DD is miserably medicated right now to make sure she doesn't lose more sleep. She is quite dizzy during the day, but at least she is not up all night thinking about why a shorter girl with less than 50% of her skills made her position on the team despite being cut earlier during tryouts. Thank you to everyone who provided a sense of urgency - the therapists said that the recovery will be faster and the medication dosage lower because of early action.

I will respond to a few messages in particular, but I won't have time to respond to all. I really appreciated the few supportive messages with useful feedback, so thank you to those posters (even if I don't get to answer individually). I mentioned the privacy concerns just so people understand why I answer with some delay. I didn't mean to start conversations about IP addresses and how to protect privacy. I apologize if I made it look like I am looking for that kind of advice. For those of you who will continue to mock me on this topic, go ahead and knock yourselves out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea what a school you are posting about, so don’t worry about that. There are kids depressed and disappointed in every school everywhere over cuts. It doesn’t minimize what your kid is going through, and I’m really sorry.

As we told ours, who is our youngest, so much of this is political. She made a team but is so depressed because she’s one of the only club players on freshman. Less experienced girls made JV.

It’s been miserable in our house and her older siblings and us have been saying this is how it goes and don’t play sports if you can’t handle it. (In a nicer way). Some of them dropped theirs for this reason, club and HS. It was not fun anymore and this got worse as they got older.

I’d try to get her involved in something else. But yes, get her help if you think this is actually clinical depression.

Based on the story, I don't think this is similar to what happens in other schools. I never heard of a player being cut during tryouts, then making it on the roster. Even politics considered, this looks really bad. If you want a player on the team, you bring them back to each day of tryouts, while pretending that she had the skills to start with. But it stinks of really bad politics if the player gets cut early in the tryouts, then she turns out on the roster. Especially when other players (including OP's DD) were cut later in the process.

That's happened at my FCPS school. A player who was cut was given the opportunity to basically be a practice player/team manager. She attended all practices, but never played in any games. Seems like the worst of all scenarios, but she accepted the offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok just stop really stop

I really appreciate your kind tone

Anonymous wrote:Your kid has a mental illness and needs help now their reaction is beyond out of the norm.

I was already concerned about that and others sent the same message in a way that was much easier to swallow.

Anonymous wrote:You should have never talked about the other girl. Coaches pick kids for so many reasons and it is not your concern

Whatever affect my kid is my concern. Stop putting coaches on pedestal as if they are gods who cannot make mistakes. I talked about the other player while trying to avoid providing identification information. To help you understand why my DD is upset, I had to mention that she was cut before my DD (who was still competing until the last day of tryouts). I also talked about her height and skill level because I wanted to make the point that the coach's decision cannot be explain by any standard volleyball metrics.

Anonymous wrote:Your kid didn’t make the cut you failed to make your kid understand this is not life ending. HS is four years she’s not playing volleyball for a dam job.

Thank you for making me understand what a big failure I am. Volleyball is my DD's sport and she doesn't have your extensive experience and perspective. I will ask my DD to think about it less like a job. Who the heck believes that a teenager thinks about her sport as a job?

Anonymous wrote:Get her help now you did this to your kid. Getting cut from a sports team is as old as time .

I did (see my previous message). Also, I appreciate the explanation about players getting cut from sports. I didn't know that.

Anonymous wrote:And yes coaches in MCPS cut kids and bring them back it has happened at Wootton , QO and Whitman

The same sh*t happening everywhere means it's ok. Got it.

Anonymous wrote:Signed mother of multiple divsion one players different sports

Thank you for rubbing in my face the great success you had raising successful division one players in different sports. You must understand a lot of what I am going through right now. Honestly, do you think this grandiose signature gives your message some special weight?

Anonymous wrote:And yes I know from experience about kids getting cut one including mine. Sports are not the be end all an education is life learning is

I will take this as if you meant to provide some special insight, despite what seems like rambling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may want to seek professional help from a therapist. Check your health insurance. There are online therapists now, for example:
https://www.talkspace.com/online-therapy/teens

The high school season is only two months. You can sign her up for clinics during this time.

MEVC
https://maryland-exclusive-volleyball-club.sportngin.com/page/show/8106471-fall-camps-clinics
https://maryland-exclusive-volleyball-club.sportngin.com/page/show/9179289-2025-26-club-prep-clinics

Bethesda Volleyball Club
https://bethesdavolleyball.com/clinics

Ace Volleyball Club
https://www.acevbclub.org/fall-2025

There are also beach volleyball clinics in the fall if she is interested. I don't know about Maryland but in Virginia:

Grit Volleyball
https://www.gritvolleyball.com/

Tidal Beach Volleyball
https://www.tidalbvb.com/fall-season

Thank you, I appreciate the info. We are a volleyball family for several years and we can find clinics, leagues, etc. But I appreciate the thought and compiling the lists.

[Anonymous]

To respond to others, I will repost something from the very first message I wrote on this post (see below).

Anonymous wrote:We've been doing club and she is pretty resilient to rejection. We talk about how clubs give preference to their returners, especially when the skill level is comparable. We talk about how tall girls may make a team, despite lower skill level. She knows that she needs good skills to compensate for her height. She went through tryouts and she understands why she gets cut by certain clubs and why she can still play for her club. Her entire understanding of tryouts collapsed during the HS volleyball tryouts. A few taller girls made the team despite lack of skills. Pretty much expected, even though club players started being cut. Eventually she got cut herself - a decision she was relatively comfortable with. Until she learned that a girl who got cut earlier in the tryouts made the team. I don't want to make this post about the other girl, but I need to offer some context: she is shorter and her skill level is much lower than the skills of any of the girls who got cut in the last day of tryouts.

I thought I made it clear that my DD successfully handled multiple rejections in the past. She plays club for several years and didn't make it into some of the top clubs she tried out for. But she knew that clubs show preference for their returners and for taller girls (even with lower skill level). What she didn't expect was JV to pick on her position a shorter girl with less experience and skill level. And we are not talking about any of them having any advantage as returner player. Stop telling me that this is normal.

[Anonymous]

I do think you need to stop focusing on the girl who made the team you think should not have. You and daughter can’t control what coaches decide. Had 4 kids go through many levels and never had one coach who I didn’t think to myself could have picked different players, allocated playing time differently, or run other plays. They are the coach, it’s their job and their decision. Same thing once out of school and working, boss is going to do things not everyone agrees with for reasons unknown. Winter and spring sports just around the corner, plenty more opportunities to play sports.