My DD is sliding into depression

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am sorry for what you've been through and I wish your DD a quick recovery. On top of that, you have to listen to abuse online, because what you experienced in person was not enough. Some people here are just robots reciting the same "coach is right" poem. I feel like a few don't even understand the story and just join in because they recognize the chorus: "life is unfair." I want to see how many of them would be fine if that happened to their kid (and not just in theory). Player gets cut from the tryouts, while your own kid keeps going. If regular logic still
stands, your kid is better than the kid that got cut. Your kid gets cut, then the player who had been cut earlier turns out on the team. Just how the unfair life intended.

This is THE opportunity to play the sport you love on the HS team. You have daily practice with the other top players who go to school. They've probably been in your social circles through clubs, tournaments, clinics, leagues. Of course you care who got a spot playing your position. You may be ok to see another player with similar skill level on the team. But then you look at the roster and see on your position that player who got cut before you. It doesn't matter whether we are talking about starters or bench players. Nice story to tell your child: get ready because life is going to hit you even harder.

BS do not vilify anyone who posts that OP is a terrible parent.

OP came to social media to diss on another persons child. She made her child obsess with being inferior to another kid who does this???

Life is unfair that is a life skill first which OP as a parent failed to teach her child.

And the whole blame the other kid garbage trashing the other kids skills what is OP a ten year old girl? OP is not a volleyball coach either she has no idea what that coach was looking for. And yes sports are unfair that’s the natures of sports again OP making volleyball her daughters whole identity again bad parenting. As a mother of multiple division one athletes I understand parents like OP very well. All of my children knew sports were to enjoy not your identity.

I have a different reading of what happened here. OP was looking for advice on how to deal with her child who was not responding well to having been cut from the JV team. She explained the situation reasonably well: how they typically deal with rejection and why this situation was different (a player who got cut earlier made her way on the team). She even mentioned that she didn't want the discussion to be about the other player. But the "coach is always right" crowd put the OP at the wall and started throwing the stones. Some of the people were really nasty and judgmental, even though they clearly didn't have a good understanding of the story or what the OP asked. I think the OP should have kept her original post to one paragraph because that seems to be the typical attention span on social media.

No OP came on this thread and repeatedly complained that the other child was not as good as hers.

OP is not a coach. Everyone who tries out for sports must understand they might not make a team sure sometimes it is political and sometimes it is just skills or personality, either way it is a parents job to prepare their child. It is clear that OP did not do this. Her harping on the other kid is all over this thread.
OP made her child feel that volleyball is the only thing in the world. That is not good parenting.

Not sure if you paid attention, but the other kid got cut before OP's kid. How would you read this if you were an honest observer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's any consolation, my daughter made the team and is really struggling. The coach is giving her outdated advice that contradicts what her club coaches have been teaching, and vacillates between praising kids and totally belittling them. She says that she will never play for this coach again.

DP and giving another perspective because we had another night of tears. My daughter made the team too and had another night on the bench. She’s feeling like this is so much time, they are not getting any coaching at practice and then she’s not seeing time in matches. She knows she should be happy she’s on a time and keeping a good attitude there but letting it all out at home since she’s exhausted and feels like this is a waste of time. She’s looking ahead to weekend clinics for club.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why there aren’t multiple volleyball teams? Our west coast public has jv1 jv2 and freshman! It’s nuts and honestly takes away from kids who may have joined other sports.

Op, you should encourage Dd to do cross country. It will get her out of the house for practice and meets, and will keep her in shape and active for club. My Dd ran all four years of high school and it does wonders for her anxiety and is a really supportive group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's any consolation, my daughter made the team and is really struggling. The coach is giving her outdated advice that contradicts what her club coaches have been teaching, and vacillates between praising kids and totally belittling them. She says that she will never play for this coach again.

DP and giving another perspective because we had another night of tears. My daughter made the team too and had another night on the bench. She’s feeling like this is so much time, they are not getting any coaching at practice and then she’s not seeing time in matches. She knows she should be happy she’s on a time and keeping a good attitude there but letting it all out at home since she’s exhausted and feels like this is a waste of time. She’s looking ahead to weekend clinics for club.

We are in the exact same situation. DD made the JV, but she is riding the bench. The only positive I see is the daily practice, where she is with a group of great players and gets quality touches. These quality touches are hard to get elsewhere this time of the year (the best of the best are playing HS volleyball). The best of all, you stay in that social circle all for free. Even from the perspective of a benched player, I can see the OP's frustration about her DD being cut and this opportunity being offered to a weaker player.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok just stop really stop

Your kid has a mental illness and needs help now their reaction is beyond out of the norm.

You should have never talked about the other girl. Coaches pick kids for so many reasons and it is not your concern

Your kid didn’t make the cut you failed to make your kid understand this is not life ending. HS is four years she’s not playing volleyball for a dam job.

Get her help now you did this to your kid. Getting cut from a sports team is as old as time .

And yes coaches in MCPS cut kids and bring them back it has happened at Wootton , QO and Whitman


Signed mother of multiple divsion one players different sports

And yes I know from experience about kids getting cut one including mine. Sports are not the be end all an education is life learning is

+100

OP is handling this very poorly. It is possible that your kid was cut for political reasons, it’s also possible she just wasn’t good enough. You have no idea of the other girls skill level, talking about that is probably the worst thing you can do.

It is a very valuable lesson to learn that the other players are simply better than you. It’s life. Sometimes other people people are just better/smarter/prettier/richer/more popular. Chin up and move on to another opportunity.

Signed, state championship volleyball player, who was cut from the team of another sport.

[Anonymous]

All I can say is, I can relate. I have two girls. My older one became obsessed with volleyball and joined a mediocre club team. It was a terrible experience- very little playtime, coaches treated her unfairly— and then she didn’t make her hs team. (No JV). She was crushed. She’s also short, which made for much tougher odds. Not necessarily at her hs, but the volleyball club culture seems extremely toxic. In hindsight, I’m glad she’s not on the team.

My younger one is obsessed with theater, and has had some very tough rejections and social exclusion from kids who made the cast. She has taken on more of a depressed behavior than my older one, who was able to get over it and focus on her social life (unfortunately didn’t pursue other clubs and didn’t make another team). I’m looking into therapy for her.

[Anonymous]

I hear you Op.

Take hear HS volleyball season ends at the end of October (although Varsity may go on into Nov depending on districts).

Hopefully, it'll be easier for your dd to put it behind her then.

Focus on club teams (low or mid tier ones that she will most likely make the cut for so at least her self esteem will be boosted. Plus, she might be a big fish in a small pond which also will help her mental outlook).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok just stop really stop

Your kid has a mental illness and needs help now their reaction is beyond out of the norm.

You should have never talked about the other girl. Coaches pick kids for so many reasons and it is not your concern

Your kid didn’t make the cut you failed to make your kid understand this is not life ending. HS is four years she’s not playing volleyball for a dam job.

Get her help now you did this to your kid. Getting cut from a sports team is as old as time .

And yes coaches in MCPS cut kids and bring them back it has happened at Wootton , QO and Whitman


Signed mother of multiple divsion one players different sports

And yes I know from experience about kids getting cut one including mine. Sports are not the be end all an education is life learning is

+100

OP is handling this very poorly. It is possible that your kid was cut for political reasons, it’s also possible she just wasn’t good enough. You have no idea of the other girls skill level, talking about that is probably the worst thing you can do.

It is a very valuable lesson to learn that the other players are simply better than you. It’s life. Sometimes other people people are just better/smarter/prettier/richer/more popular. Chin up and move on to another opportunity.

Signed, state championship volleyball player, who was cut from the team of another sport.

Yet another poster who didn't read or didn't understand what happened. The OP's DD was cut during the last day of tryouts, while the other girl (who eventually ended up on the roster) was cut earlier. The force must be really strong with you if you can keep that thought in your mind while claiming that OP's DD was somehow worse than the other girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok just stop really stop

Your kid has a mental illness and needs help now their reaction is beyond out of the norm.

You should have never talked about the other girl. Coaches pick kids for so many reasons and it is not your concern

Your kid didn’t make the cut you failed to make your kid understand this is not life ending. HS is four years she’s not playing volleyball for a dam job.

Get her help now you did this to your kid. Getting cut from a sports team is as old as time .

And yes coaches in MCPS cut kids and bring them back it has happened at Wootton , QO and Whitman


Signed mother of multiple divsion one players different sports

And yes I know from experience about kids getting cut one including mine. Sports are not the be end all an education is life learning is

+100

OP is handling this very poorly. It is possible that your kid was cut for political reasons, it’s also possible she just wasn’t good enough. You have no idea of the other girls skill level, talking about that is probably the worst thing you can do.

It is a very valuable lesson to learn that the other players are simply better than you. It’s life. Sometimes other people people are just better/smarter/prettier/richer/more popular. Chin up and move on to another opportunity.

Signed, state championship volleyball player, who was cut from the team of another sport.

I start wondering about the psychology of these posters who "sign" their anonymous posts as if they can add weight to their opinions with weird factoids. See the mother of champions in multiple sports who had enough of this conversation from her very first post. Then you have a state champion, who was cut from the team of another sport.

Signed, parent of a benched JV volleyball player, who played a different sport in my youth, never a state champion (or parent of a state champion) and unlikely parent of D1 players in multiple sports. Let's see who can top that signature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your daughter ever faced disappointment before? This is a skill to be learned, not a feeling to be indulged or ignored.

Outside of the team politics, it is important for your daughter to learn to navigate disappointment an unfair situations. sometimes it's not about her, it's not even about the other person, but we have to go onward and upward.

sorry that it's tough right now, but she will grow through this. if you think she needs to talk to someone about her feelings, I suggest that it not be limited to the tryouts. high school is going to have lots of ups and downs. hang in there, OP.

This. If she reacts to disappointment to this extreme she would choke in a game. They picked up on this. That's a reason to cut her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To respond to others, I will repost something from the very first message I wrote on this post (see below).

Anonymous wrote:We've been doing club and she is pretty resilient to rejection. We talk about how clubs give preference to their returners, especially when the skill level is comparable. We talk about how tall girls may make a team, despite lower skill level. She knows that she needs good skills to compensate for her height. She went through tryouts and she understands why she gets cut by certain clubs and why she can still play for her club. Her entire understanding of tryouts collapsed during the HS volleyball tryouts. A few taller girls made the team despite lack of skills. Pretty much expected, even though club players started being cut. Eventually she got cut herself - a decision she was relatively comfortable with. Until she learned that a girl who got cut earlier in the tryouts made the team. I don't want to make this post about the other girl, but I need to offer some context: she is shorter and her skill level is much lower than the skills of any of the girls who got cut in the last day of tryouts.

I thought I made it clear that my DD successfully handled multiple rejections in the past. She plays club for several years and didn't make it into some of the top clubs she tried out for. But she knew that clubs show preference for their returners and for taller girls (even with lower skill level). What she didn't expect was JV to pick on her position a shorter girl with less experience and skill level. And we are not talking about any of them having any advantage as returner player. Stop telling me that this is normal.

DP.

This is normal.

If the coach is just picking a bench player, they pick favorites. Unless your daughter can idnetify a starting player they should replace (not could replace, SHOULD replace), the last few bench players are meaningless to the coach and he might just pick the kid who is best at cheering or looks about the right size for the last uniform he has.

This!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok just stop really stop

Your kid has a mental illness and needs help now their reaction is beyond out of the norm.

You should have never talked about the other girl. Coaches pick kids for so many reasons and it is not your concern

Your kid didn’t make the cut you failed to make your kid understand this is not life ending. HS is four years she’s not playing volleyball for a dam job.

Get her help now you did this to your kid. Getting cut from a sports team is as old as time .

And yes coaches in MCPS cut kids and bring them back it has happened at Wootton , QO and Whitman


Signed mother of multiple divsion one players different sports

And yes I know from experience about kids getting cut one including mine. Sports are not the be end all an education is life learning is

+100

OP is handling this very poorly. It is possible that your kid was cut for political reasons, it’s also possible she just wasn’t good enough. You have no idea of the other girls skill level, talking about that is probably the worst thing you can do.

It is a very valuable lesson to learn that the other players are simply better than you. It’s life. Sometimes other people people are just better/smarter/prettier/richer/more popular. Chin up and move on to another opportunity.

Signed, state championship volleyball player, who was cut from the team of another sport.

I start wondering about the psychology of these posters who "sign" their anonymous posts as if they can add weight to their opinions with weird factoids. See the mother of champions in multiple sports who had enough of this conversation from her very first post. Then you have a state champion, who was cut from the team of another sport.

Signed, parent of a benched JV volleyball player, who played a different sport in my youth, never a state champion (or parent of a state champion) and unlikely parent of D1 players in multiple sports. Let's see who can top that signature.

LOL. That's most sports parents' signature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok just stop really stop

Your kid has a mental illness and needs help now their reaction is beyond out of the norm.

You should have never talked about the other girl. Coaches pick kids for so many reasons and it is not your concern

Your kid didn’t make the cut you failed to make your kid understand this is not life ending. HS is four years she’s not playing volleyball for a dam job.

Get her help now you did this to your kid. Getting cut from a sports team is as old as time .

And yes coaches in MCPS cut kids and bring them back it has happened at Wootton , QO and Whitman


Signed mother of multiple divsion one players different sports

And yes I know from experience about kids getting cut one including mine. Sports are not the be end all an education is life learning is

+100

OP is handling this very poorly. It is possible that your kid was cut for political reasons, it’s also possible she just wasn’t good enough. You have no idea of the other girls skill level, talking about that is probably the worst thing you can do.

It is a very valuable lesson to learn that the other players are simply better than you. It’s life. Sometimes other people people are just better/smarter/prettier/richer/more popular. Chin up and move on to another opportunity.

Signed, state championship volleyball player, who was cut from the team of another sport.

I start wondering about the psychology of these posters who "sign" their anonymous posts as if they can add weight to their opinions with weird factoids. See the mother of champions in multiple sports who had enough of this conversation from her very first post. Then you have a state champion, who was cut from the team of another sport.

Signed, parent of a benched JV volleyball player, who played a different sport in my youth, never a state champion (or parent of a state champion) and unlikely parent of D1 players in multiple sports. Let's see who can top that signature.

These pompous, jerk posters are too stupid to even realize their posts aren't portraying them in a good way.
Its laughable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your daughter ever faced disappointment before? This is a skill to be learned, not a feeling to be indulged or ignored.

Outside of the team politics, it is important for your daughter to learn to navigate disappointment an unfair situations. sometimes it's not about her, it's not even about the other person, but we have to go onward and upward.

sorry that it's tough right now, but she will grow through this. if you think she needs to talk to someone about her feelings, I suggest that it not be limited to the tryouts. high school is going to have lots of ups and downs. hang in there, OP.

This. If she reacts to disappointment to this extreme she would choke in a game. They picked up on this. That's a reason to cut her.

Finally someone who was there and saw exactly what happened. Tell us more. Why did the coach cut the other girl in the first place? Was she thinking that this would be a good life lesson for all the players who would be cut later?

[Anonymous]

What OP and others miss is this: if the other earlier cut girl had not been put on the roster, that doesn't mean OP DD would get on.