Parent letting child use our pool toys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind sharing the toys we bring to the pool, but it gets old when they walk off. Which happens a lot. So we don't bring them anymore. Because your kid stole them.

I guess entitled jerks have to train their kids somehow.

Where are they walking off from? Any time we lost something (rarely), it was because we didn't put it away and left that area. There's a lesson there too.

Kid: Can I play with this toy?
Me: Of course! Just bring it back when you're done with it.

30 minutes later they blow the whistle for adult swim, that kid and the toy are nowhere to be found.

We don't just leave toys we want to keep lying around unattended, but a weird percent of people seem to think that surely the nice people who brought all the dive toys won't miss it if I just take this one.

I think you’re really setting yourself up here.

[Anonymous]

I get why you're annoyed. But you should just be annoyed at yourself, for not being direct yet kind.

Sometimes we need situations like this to help us recalibrate. "Oh sorry sweetie, these are Larla's toys. The shared toy basket is there. Go see what's inside it!" Then when she goes to grandpa you say "right now we're using our toys so we aren't able to share. Check the box over there" and point to it again.

You're annoyed that YOU gave in. And you gave in because you weren't sure how to gently continue to say no. Many kids don't "get the hint" because they are children. It's still ok to say no to them and their parents. Gently and kindly, because we're all part of the community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind sharing the toys we bring to the pool, but it gets old when they walk off. Which happens a lot. So we don't bring them anymore. Because your kid stole them.

I guess entitled jerks have to train their kids somehow.

Where are they walking off from? Any time we lost something (rarely), it was because we didn't put it away and left that area. There's a lesson there too.

Kid: Can I play with this toy?
Me: Of course! Just bring it back when you're done with it.

30 minutes later they blow the whistle for adult swim, that kid and the toy are nowhere to be found.

We don't just leave toys we want to keep lying around unattended, but a weird percent of people seem to think that surely the nice people who brought all the dive toys won't miss it if I just take this one.

Ok that would annoy me too (depending on the age of the kid).

If the kid is young I'm MORE annoyed because it means their parents likely witnessed this entire interaction and made no effort to return the toy. If it's a 9 yr old playing in their own I'd be more forgiving because kids can be forgetful or misunderstand situations. But a parent who just lets their kid walk off with toys they promised to return is a jerk.

Then it's good you no longer bring toys to the pool. That sounds stressful for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I go to a great local member pool. The kids are 99.9% amazing.

It’s just not feasible to bring personal toys to a busy pool setting especially if there are also communal toys. It’s just not. Unless it’s in your hands at all times. Just don’t do it if it’s going to stress you out.

Our pool doesn't have communal toys, so if you want to play with dive toys you have to bring them. But this also increases the pressure to share then because most people don't bring anything and of course the kids want to play when they see them.

This is fine with me, if anything it's useful because it makes it easy for my kids to find playmates at the pool. But it is frustrating when some kids and parents act entitled to the toys we brought. I don't mind if things get lost or misplaced, they are pool toys, not fine jewelry. But sometimes people are crazy rude. I've had parents get mad at me when we leave a line collect our toys because their kid is upset to have to stop playing with it. Like it's easier to get annoyed with me than just seize the parenting opportunity there with their kid.

Most people are fine about it though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You realize that what you consider rules for sharing or not sharing your toys at a community pool are rules you have in your head, right? They aren’t actual rules and you can’t expect everyone to use the same rules you made up!

NP. I think people just using their own stuff is a pretty classic “rule”.

Not in a public / community location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You realize that what you consider rules for sharing or not sharing your toys at a community pool are rules you have in your head, right? They aren’t actual rules and you can’t expect everyone to use the same rules you made up!

NP. I think people just using their own stuff is a pretty classic “rule”.

Not in a public / community location.

The stuff I own is still mine if I bring it to a public place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have also been in a situation where I thought another kid had our toy and asked for it back to realize they had the exact same toy.

That is why it is so important to label the toys with your last name.

Perhaps OP can write “NOT FOR SHARING” with a skull and crossbones on each toy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have also been in a situation where I thought another kid had our toy and asked for it back to realize they had the exact same toy.

That is why it is so important to label the toys with your last name.

Perhaps OP can write “NOT FOR SHARING” with a skull and crossbones on each toy

That was funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You'd hate NYC playgrounds, then. It's understood that toys get shared, so you leave anything DCs are unwilling to share at home. Most kids and adults are cool with it.

This is understood in all playgrounds and pools everywhere, not just NYC. If you bring a toy to a public pool or playground and it leaves your hands, it’s for other kids to join and play with too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She wanted to play with you. It was weird and rude of you to send her away. And weird of your kid to not join in and play with her. You are the odd one here. The other kid was normal.

Disagree. It’s not weird to want to just play with your own kid at the pool, and not play with some other random kid.

I think it is weird, kids are meant to play with other kids. But regardless this isn't about the pool toy like OP is trying to make it out to be. It was about the interaction, which she is beinf obtuse about. The girl didn't want a community toy, she wanted a playmate.

OPs question should have been, i wanted to play with my kid alone and another kid tried to play wwyd. And then i would chime in to say she should have let her play and go sit on the side and read a book, and you could have said she should have told her she was having special time with only her child so buzz off.

[Anonymous]

I would have been more annoyed if it had been a parent with the child. Since it was a grandparent, I think it's less likely that he spends a ton of time and probably doesn't really want to use limited time saying no or disciplining the kid.

[Anonymous]

I am not reading all of the responses, but OP, you suck for multiple reasons - selfishness, lack of kindness, hypocrisy, and stupidity chief among them. I'm sure if I cared enough I'd think of some more, but that'll do for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our community pool has a variety of pool toys (diving rings, noodles, etc). They also allow patrons to bring their own toys, as long as they conform to the rules (no floating devices). We bring our own diving toys so that my child can practice.

A child at the pool kept diving for our pool toys before mine could reach them. She would bring them to me and as soon as I threw them for my own child, she would retrieve them again. My child looked at me like “what am I supposed to do?” so I told this stranger’s child “oh these are actually our personal toys, but there are some pool toys over there”, and directed her away. She went to her grandfather and said “can I use those?” at my child’s toys and then asked me “can I borrow one?” Grandfather smiled at me and said “it would be so nice”, so I just handed her one of the toys and let my child use the rest. She played with her grandfather for a while and I was just annoyed

Why can’t people just say no to their kids anymore? Like what happened to normal manners? I must be in a mood, but I wanted to tell this guy, dude, your grandchild is frickin obnoxious and you need to learn to say no to her.

Why didn’t you say no?

[Anonymous]

Boomer grandpas are going to behave like boomer grandpas. He probably had no idea why he had to intervene in the discussion at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s annoying. People are so entitled and know that you’ll say yes, because saying no would make you look like the pool jerk. There is no winning with people like that.

If you don’t care whether this type of person causes a scene if you say no, you’re totally within your rights to say, “Sorry. These are for my children to enjoy.”

I know, I thought by saying “these are our personal toys” and showing the child where the community toys were that they would get the hint, but I guess not. I am moreso bothered that the adult in charge wasn’t embarrassed by this child’s utter lack of manners. Like it is so shameful to demand your parent ask for someone else’s things after that person has told you no already.

Ooh, you seem to have grown up with a load of shame and guilt, OP. You need to fix that because it's unhealthy, and understand that few people live their lives in that way. There should NOT be shame in normal social interactions (and this was a normal social interaction). The kid just didn't understand you clearly, and therefore sought clarification from their relative. If you don't want to share, next time start your sentence with a clear NO, and then follow up with "and there are toys over there". If a relative says it's OK, you can continue to say NO clearly and point to the alternative.

There are many cultural differences in saying yes and no. I'm Japanese: in Japan, it's impolite to reply to a request with a direct no, and kids are trained to understand nuance when they ask for something. But I've lived in some countries where the opposite is the case, and people need to hear a no, otherwise they understand yes. Additionally, each family is different. So you shouldn't feel uncomfortable if you are faced with someone who doesn't understand what you're saying. Say it a different way, more clearly.

But it *is* shameful to allow your child to demand other people’s things and then insist you override a stranger’s polite refusal to give them to her. I’m not even bothered by the toys (I literally don’t care, they are like dollar store items); I am bothered by fact that incompetent adults stand around indulging their children in behaviors that would have been considered egregiously rude in my childhood. And that those adults feel no shame about how obnoxious their children appear to others.

She wasn't demanding your things, or she wouldn't have brought them back to you after retrieving them. She was trying to join in a game you were playing with your kid, and your reaction is really over the top. You're literally demonizing a kid here for . . . diving after a sinky that an adult threw in a community pool. Take a breath, seriously.

If she were “joining in a game” she would have actually allowed my kid to retrieve the toy occasionally, but no, she wanted these toys and just helped herself to them. I’m over it. I no longer have any sympathy. I’m tired of teaching my kids to be kind, polite, honest and generous when I am witnessing obnoxious kids ruling their households and commanding their parents like subjects in a little child-centric kingdom.

Why couldn't you just say, "Okay these rings are for (my kid) to retrieve. I'll throw the next set for you.".

Once the kids were both playing, I'd suggest the kids throw rings for each other and go read my book.

This. What a lost opportunity, but OP is either a young millennial or Gen Z whose schedules were hyper coordinated by their parents (down to exactly who they were friends with), so OP doesn't understand that this is how pool time, playgrounds, etc. work. Let your kid have a little freedom, OP, this child was trying to make friends not steal your pool toys.