Daughter gets hit on at work - solutions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is on you OP, she’s seventeen she shouldn’t be waiting tables. That’s not an appropriate job for a child.

This is such a sad commentary on our culture. All you dipsh*ts in the thread trying to normalize asking teen waitresses for their numbers, take note - people think waiting tables is an inappropriate job for teens because of a-holes like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD was a server at 16 and got inappropriate comments and hit on from time to time. When men asked her out, she always said, "I'm 16 so that date would be a felony!" and that shut them up. For those saying inappropriate things, she immediately told her MOD and they always took care of those people.

Is dating a felony or having s*x a felony? At 17 I went on a couple of dates with my older brother’s 23 year old friend. No s*x and I wasn’t damaged from watching a couple of movies with him. Was he committing a felony?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD was a server at 16 and got inappropriate comments and hit on from time to time. When men asked her out, she always said, "I'm 16 so that date would be a felony!" and that shut them up. For those saying inappropriate things, she immediately told her MOD and they always took care of those people.

Is dating a felony or having s*x a felony? At 17 I went on a couple of dates with my older brother’s 23 year old friend. No s*x and I wasn’t damaged from watching a couple of movies with him. Was he committing a felony?

What state?

[Anonymous]

I would never encourage my daughter to work at a restaurant. The fact that she’s complaining about being sexually harassed and you are essentially telling her to just suck it up is terrible. The answer is, she should quit the job, and she should tell her boss why. Doesn’t sound like your daughter has a family to support or a mortgage to pay. You should not encourage her to keep putting herself in the situation. In addition to the sexual harassment, drugs are rife in restaurant kitchens. Get her out of there.

[Anonymous]

We know from the fact that you were posting in the teenager form that your daughter is a teenager. Why is she being forced to wait tables in a sexually harassing environment when she is a teenager? Protect her, tell her to quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s too young and immature to handle the requirements of this job. I’d make her quit and find something else. Try Subway or something similar where she can learn to interact with the public first.

This can happen anywhere, truthfully. When I was 17, I worked in retail and got hit on. In my 20s when I got my first corporate job, I got hit on by a coworker and even a customer. My 17-yr old daughter who works at an ice cream shop the other day got hit on by a customer as well. Bottomline, it happens to many young women. Teach your daughter how to handle this. Why should OP's daughter quit a job that she likes (providing that she does) when it will likely happen again at some other job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

What's your answer for all the other situations? Did you wear yourself out typing up an answer for a fictional 16 yo Romeo who still calls using the phone.

Huh? Get a life man. I'm just saying we need to know THIS situation. I'm not going to set out a general rule applicable to every situation under the sun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

This and if the boss does not handle it quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is she OP? Nobody I know hires underage servers.

Well la di da

It's probably not Nobu

Lots of establishment that are open only over the summer hire under 18 servers

Only in Iowa (16), Maine (17) and Michigan (17):

https://alcoholpolicy.niaaa.nih.gov/apis-policy-topics/minimum-ages-for-on-premises-servers-and-bartenders/38

In Virginia, 16 year olds can work in restaurants including ones that serve alcohol, they just can't serve it themselves.

Right. Meaning they can't be servers. OP says her daughter IS a server. So she's either over 18 or where she works doesn't serve alcohol. Duh.

[Anonymous]

My 17 year old would never be allowed to work in a restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Please stop hitting on girls/women just trying to do their job. Your questions are irrelevant.

I have daughters. I'm not saying this SHOULD happen. I think it's gross. But that doesn't necessarily make it harassment per se. I think context matters here just like everywhere else.

We're a tipping culture. You may not like it, but it is what it is. If you can't provide service with a smile and allow some gentle banter, then your tips are going to suffer and the job might not be for you. Yes, on occasion you're going to have to deal with some idiot who's socially awkward who misinterprets things and does something stupid like ask for your number. That, in itself, is not harassment. It just isn't. At least not in every instance and under all circumstances. If you can't help but get flustered over any kind of flirting by any customer when you're a server, to the point that it effects how you work (as OP says it is for her daughter), well, then maybe it's just not the job for you. If more than that is going on consistently, then yes there's a problem.

That's why I said we need context. If you can't understand such a thing as nuance or context, then there's no dealing with you. No one, least of all me, is saying that a young woman server has to put up with any bullshit that an idiot customer dishes out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Please stop hitting on girls/women just trying to do their job. Your questions are irrelevant.

I have daughters. I'm not saying this SHOULD happen. I think it's gross. But that doesn't necessarily make it harassment per se. I think context matters here just like everywhere else.

We're a tipping culture. You may not like it, but it is what it is. If you can't provide service with a smile and allow some gentle banter, then your tips are going to suffer and the job might not be for you. Yes, on occasion you're going to have to deal with some idiot who's socially awkward who misinterprets things and does something stupid like ask for your number. That, in itself, is not harassment. It just isn't. At least not in every instance and under all circumstances. If you can't help but get flustered over any kind of flirting by any customer when you're a server, to the point that it effects how you work (as OP says it is for her daughter), well, then maybe it's just not the job for you. If more than that is going on consistently, then yes there's a problem.

That's why I said we need context. If you can't understand such a thing as nuance or context, then there's no dealing with you. No one, least of all me, is saying that a young woman server has to put up with any bullshit that an idiot customer dishes out.

Except it does. Simple as that. Your denial of reality or trying to change the definition of a word because you dont like it just simply doesnt matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Please stop hitting on girls/women just trying to do their job. Your questions are irrelevant.

I have daughters. I'm not saying this SHOULD happen. I think it's gross. But that doesn't necessarily make it harassment per se. I think context matters here just like everywhere else.

We're a tipping culture. You may not like it, but it is what it is. If you can't provide service with a smile and allow some gentle banter, then your tips are going to suffer and the job might not be for you. Yes, on occasion you're going to have to deal with some idiot who's socially awkward who misinterprets things and does something stupid like ask for your number. That, in itself, is not harassment. It just isn't. At least not in every instance and under all circumstances. If you can't help but get flustered over any kind of flirting by any customer when you're a server, to the point that it effects how you work (as OP says it is for her daughter), well, then maybe it's just not the job for you. If more than that is going on consistently, then yes there's a problem.

That's why I said we need context. If you can't understand such a thing as nuance or context, then there's no dealing with you. No one, least of all me, is saying that a young woman server has to put up with any bullshit that an idiot customer dishes out.

You have daughters and are minimizing harassment. Stop hitting on girls trying to do their job. Youd figure having daughters would make you more aware of this stuff. It is harassment. Full stop. If you hit on girls at their job you are harassing them. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

This explains it. First public facing job and shy. This will be good for her. What she's experiencing isn't harassment. It's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

What's your answer for all the other situations? Did you wear yourself out typing up an answer for a fictional 16 yo Romeo who still calls using the phone.

Huh? Get a life man. I'm just saying we need to know THIS situation. I'm not going to set out a general rule applicable to every situation under the sun.

It.
Doesn't.
Matter.

She's being harassed at work. All the people defending these pervs need to get their heads checked.