Harsh comment on being a Sahm

[Anonymous]

Not sure how it is where you are but where I am having parents who work full time regular schedules would mean never doing anything after school unless you find some junior or senior to drive you, never having a parent at any games bc they start so early (if you could even get to the game in the first place!) I wah with some flexibility and dh got flexibility over time, but I know kids very much realize how lucky they are that they can even do these things. I’ll note bc of the post above that though dh and I are flexible we are not fully so: can’t skip a meeting or work event bc of kid stuff. That is the value in full sah. Bc there are two of us it always works out but two flexible parents is not the norm. I had a sah mom myself and felt very lucky. My teens are older now but middle school to high school younger years we were the go-to house after school. It’s good for communities to have some sah/wah parents where kids can land safely during the week with some light supervision.

[Anonymous]

So your full time job is parenting and you raised people who talk to you like that?

The performance review is in and it's not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It bothers you OP because there's truth in what they say: playing tennis all day and doing pilates is not work it just isn't.

But why is “work” somehow a more meaningful way to fill time? Work is a means to make money. If you don’t need the money, there nothing superior about working. Most people are not working super fulfilling meaningful jobs, and they are replaceable near immediately anyhow.

Mm, you're literally doing nothing meaningful and claim to be a SAhM you are not. You can't be mad at your kid for pointing out you do nothing all day, you also can't be mad at your kid for saying you don't know what hard work is when you don't work. In short be quiet and sip your wine.

Being a SAHM IS meaningful. If you don’t think so, don’t be one. But plenty of people doing “meaningless” jobs for the sole purpose of making money or making someone else money. That doesn’t make their job someone more meaningful than a mother raising her kids and putting all her effort into that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s laughable that you claim being a sahm to teens is just as difficult as being a sahm to babies/toddlers. If you’re that exhausted scale back the Pilates and tennis.

If your kid is asking “what do you do all day” then it seems like you’re not doing a great job being a sahm

Teens are much harder. We are going from after school till 10pm some nights with activities. Sports are sometimes at 5 am.

But you have 6 hours to yourself to do whatever you want. And your teens can wipe their own butts and make their own snacks. SAHm to babies and toddlers is a relentless slog all day then they go to sleep and you’re cleaning up from the mess and then sleep and repeat.

YOURE not the one doing the activities; youre just driving. Its not that hard.

Babies and toddlers sleep like 14 hours a day. If you have no time to yourself as a SAHM of babies and toddlers, you are doing it wrong.

If you’re having a hard time parenting teens when you have 30+ hours of daylight time to yourself every week and still feel stressed/exhausted from helping with homework/driving to activities/cooking dinner, which many of us manage to do do after a full days work, then maybe you’re doing it wrong.

[Anonymous]

I know someone who is a SAHM and she wanted to be that her whole life. She would not be bothered by that comment bc it’s her value system, but she would put them in their place about saying it rudely.

I on the other hand like OP Did not set out going to college and getting advanced degrees to become an SAHM but due to some family issues I needed to do that. Then, I just never went back because my value at home was more for my particular family situation throughout the years.Having worked out of the home for so long and only finding my value in my work success- it made me feel self-conscious about no longer working. Of course that is a ME problem, but if my child that hurtful things to like OP‘s child, it would definitely trigger me. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Humans don’t walk around being unbothered. We have emotions and sometimes we get triggered by things. We are evolving AND the pitting Women against each other is just not helpful.

There are people who work full-time who find new meaning in their jobs and there’s people who work full-time who find a ton of meeting and their jobs. It’s the same for stay at home moms.

All of that being said, I can totally understand why my daughter who plays multiple sports, takes five AP classes this semester, works her butt off to get into a college, wonders why know why I “just” stay at home. But we have had discussions about this and why families have different needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my kid said anything like that, it would be the one and only time. But playing tennis and doing Pilates is just asking for a comment. You’re a kept women.

And you are so ugly that you have to pay money to be married to your DH. No gravy train for you. No man wants to work hard to provide for you and your children. The uglies need to do triple duty. Work at home, work for pay and also give birth and raise kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my kid said anything like that, it would be the one and only time. But playing tennis and doing Pilates is just asking for a comment. You’re a kept women.

And you are so ugly that you have to pay money to be married to your DH. No gravy train for you. No man wants to work hard to provide for you and your children. The uglies need to do triple duty. Work at home, work for pay and also give birth and raise kids.

You are both just insulting each other to feel better about yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my kid said anything like that, it would be the one and only time. But playing tennis and doing Pilates is just asking for a comment. You’re a kept women.

And you are so ugly that you have to pay money to be married to your DH. No gravy train for you. No man wants to work hard to provide for you and your children. The uglies need to do triple duty. Work at home, work for pay and also give birth and raise kids.

I’m not married. I support my kids alone. My kids respect that I provide for them while their father does not. They are both boys and would’ve never said anything to me about what I do all day. They respect me because I give them reasons every day why women should be respected.

[Anonymous]

Im a SAHM of DD16, DS15, DS13, DD11 and none of them have ever said anything like that or negative at all.

[Anonymous]

Eh, you can’t win.
I am a highly specialized physician and make 4x what my husband makes. My salary allows us to have a very comfortable life (and I do feel like what I do has a very positive impact on the lives of my patients). I work 50-60 hours a week, and my husband does most of the child care for our teens.

The kids say I “do nothing,” and am “lazy” because when I get home at 9 PM after a hard day I collapse in bed without doing my share of the housework (I do try to do all the housework on weekends!). We went on a great family vacation to London and Paris last year, and they whined the whole time because it was “boring” and they missed their friends.

You sound like a great and dedicated mom. They are teens. Their frontal lobes aren’t fully myelinated yet. Sorry that they are getting to you. Someday they will be thankful…. Just not now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, you can’t win.
I am a highly specialized physician and make 4x what my husband makes. My salary allows us to have a very comfortable life (and I do feel like what I do has a very positive impact on the lives of my patients). I work 50-60 hours a week, and my husband does most of the child care for our teens.

The kids say I “do nothing,” and am “lazy” because when I get home at 9 PM after a hard day I collapse in bed without doing my share of the housework (I do try to do all the housework on weekends!). We went on a great family vacation to London and Paris last year, and they whined the whole time because it was “boring” and they missed their friends.

You sound like a great and dedicated mom. They are teens. Their frontal lobes aren’t fully myelinated yet. Sorry that they are getting to you. Someday they will be thankful…. Just not now

You sound like an awesome mom too! They will realize one day all the opportunities and benefits they received from your tireless work. Just as kids with SAHMs might not realize all the hard that goes into raising them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im a SAHM of DD16, DS15, DS13, DD11 and none of them have ever said anything like that or negative at all.

+1. My two are 17 and 14. They know what side their bread is buttered on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your full time job is parenting and you raised people who talk to you like that?

The performance review is in and it's not good.

Pass on your parents’ failing reports to them for us, will you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who is a SAHM and she wanted to be that her whole life. She would not be bothered by that comment bc it’s her value system, but she would put them in their place about saying it rudely.

I on the other hand like OP Did not set out going to college and getting advanced degrees to become an SAHM but due to some family issues I needed to do that. Then, I just never went back because my value at home was more for my particular family situation throughout the years.Having worked out of the home for so long and only finding my value in my work success- it made me feel self-conscious about no longer working. Of course that is a ME problem, but if my child that hurtful things to like OP‘s child, it would definitely trigger me. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Humans don’t walk around being unbothered. We have emotions and sometimes we get triggered by things. We are evolving AND the pitting Women against each other is just not helpful.

There are people who work full-time who find new meaning in their jobs and there’s people who work full-time who find a ton of meeting and their jobs. It’s the same for stay at home moms.

All of that being said, I can totally understand why my daughter who plays multiple sports, takes five AP classes this semester, works her butt off to get into a college, wonders why know why I “just” stay at home. But we have had discussions about this and why families have different needs.

+1

Great comment, PP.

[Anonymous]

I would not just let that comment slide without a family meeting where both you and dad calmly address this extremely rude comment set her straight. I currently work full time again but I also know what it's like to be a SAHM and this is just plain disrespectful.