Is it cruel to lock my toddler in a dark closet for a couple of minutes?

[Anonymous]

This is not what time out should be at all at this age. Time out is sitting in chair in the same room as you for 2 minutes (appropriate time for a 2 year old) to calm down and be quiet not crazy. I'm curious how much outside/ playground time your child is getting if they are off the walls.

And to answer your question, yes that is cruel and abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Harry Potter got locked in a dark closet and grew up to be the world’s best wizard. I don’t see what the problem is.

Carrie got locked in a dark closet. She killed her mother and burned her school down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he gets a lot of attention for bad behavior. Figure out what bad behavior you can ignore and try to catch him being good and give him positive attention for that as much as possible.

100% this. And my kid is same age and does same stuff (.including I be mean). I'm also a psychologist that specializes in parenting.

Goal of time out is not fear but time out from reinforcement so he doesn't get more attention for negative behavior

[Anonymous]

I don't say this casually, but yall are terrible parents. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Put yourself in there instead.

I mean, if you have to ask, there's other things we need to discuss.

[Anonymous]

NO! Maybe you should be locked in a dark closet! You are cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2.5 DS is driving us crazy over the long holiday break. Constantly boundary testing and fighting everything (getting dressed, diaper changes, stopping destructive behavior). He's verbal enough that we know he understands what he's doing is wrong/not allowed, but he's just keeps at it to get a reaction out of us. DH threatened timeout and the following conversation ensues:

DS: What is timeout dada?
DH: we lock you in your room for 5 minutes and you're not going to like it.
DS: can I be loud in my room?
DH: .....yes..
DS: can i be really loud?
DH: yes
DS: I go to timeout!

DH suggested locking him in a closet so it's dark and he's scared (for a few minutes) so he's actually incentivized to avoid it as a punishment. Thoughts?

This isn’t something I’d say out loud nor something I’d document for the internet’s permanent cache.

Yeah no. Wouldn’t do that to a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2.5 DS is driving us crazy over the long holiday break. Constantly boundary testing and fighting everything (getting dressed, diaper changes, stopping destructive behavior). He's verbal enough that we know he understands what he's doing is wrong/not allowed, but he's just keeps at it to get a reaction out of us. DH threatened timeout and the following conversation ensues:

DS: What is timeout dada?
DH: we lock you in your room for 5 minutes and you're not going to like it.
DS: can I be loud in my room?
DH: .....yes..
DS: can i be really loud?
DH: yes
DS: I go to timeout!

DH suggested locking him in a closet so it's dark and he's scared (for a few minutes) so he's actually incentivized to avoid it as a punishment. Thoughts?

Just by your subject line alone, I want to report you to CPS. Much reflection is needed, OP.

[Anonymous]

The greatest suffering a soul can endure, called Hell, is eternal separation from Jesus the Savior, because Jesus the Savior is the best company in the universe. Jesus aches when someone is in Hell.

The strongest punishment for your toddler is separation from you, because you should be the best company in your toddler’s universe. You should ache when your toddler is punished in this way. You don’t need to add fire and brimstone to that punishment.

[Anonymous]

Timeout for a toddler is just sitting still. The best thing we ever did was get one of those 2-minute sand timers. You know, the kind that look like an hourglass, with sand on one side, when you flip it over the sand pours to the other side, calibrated to 2 minutes.

When DC was ramped up like that, he just had to sit in a chair on the side of the living room, with that timer on a table in front of him. He could visually see the 2 minutes counting down. If he acted up mid-timeout, we got all the sand to one side and started it over. Toddlers don't understand clocks, but they can see sand flowing. It took a few tries of restarting the timer, but he eventually learned that it was easier to just wait it out ... and he was remarkably calmer after 2 minutes of sitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and before anyone comes at me for abuse - DS is extremely well loved and secure toddler. Our frustration is he is perhaps too confident and knows he can walk all over us. We do try replacement behavior, redirecting, the usual parenting suggestions, but often it does not work. Here's another example of something that happens nightly. DS starts banging on the table during mealtime or throwing food. We take away his plate.

DS: I want my food back!
DH: Why did dada take ita way?
DS: Because I hit the table
DH: Are you going to stop if I give it back to you?
DS: Yes.
We give it back. 2 minutes later destructive behavior returns.
DH: Dinner is over (takes away his plate, removes him from table)
DS: I want my food!
DH: Why did I take it away?
DS: Because I be mean.

*repeats*

My kid used to be like this. You're engaging way too much. Give him one warning that if he throws food, you'll take his plate away. When he throws it, follow through. No further discussion or negotiating for his plate back. Don't yell or emote. Just matter of fact. He will likely throw a long tantrum the first few times. Just don't react. Keep moving forward with your evening. Repeat repeat repeat daily.

+1. The kid understands you don’t like his actions. He clearly doesn’t understand how offensive the conduct is to you because you are giving him back his plate.

Give the consequence and don’t threaten consequences you don’t want to fully commit to.

[Anonymous]

No, this is awful, and we are pretty authoritative parents. When I was young my older brother would sometimes find it funny to trap me in a dark closet, and it terrified me. I would not do that to my kid.

[Anonymous]

No. Abusive and weird.

Please go watch an episode of Supernanny to learn how to give effective, appropriate time outs. Bedrooms are not an appropriate location for a timeout.

You are doing way too much talking and negotiating with a 2 year old. Here’s how your example should go:

Kid throws food. Parent gives one, non-angry warning that if food is thrown again meal time will be over. Kid throws food again. Parent says now meal time is over because we don’t throw food. Parent says we’ll try again later. Parent immediately puts food away and gets kid out of chair and does not discuss or negotiate. Parent waits 15-30 minutes and lets kid try again to eat if they are still hungry. Repeat as necessary.

[Anonymous]

How about a time in?
Near you, sitting quietly

[Anonymous]

Congratulations! You have a smart and stubborn toddler!

We have one, too. But we don't lock her in the closet. You have already identified that your kid's behavior is just him asserting his independence and power. But, he's 2.5. You don't negotiate with toddlers. "Because I said so" is a perfectly valid answer. Validate his feelings, but the conversation ends because you are the adult and ultimately your decisions are what matters. Parenting is not a democracy.