Is it cruel to lock my toddler in a dark closet for a couple of minutes?

[Anonymous]

NP parent of adhd child here. Issue is until they learn to sit on the stairs / chair etc for some kids they need to be isolated in their room / bathroom etc. that takes a few times. For adhd kids with big feelings / rages / defiant behavior and hyperactivity, sitting on a chair quietly next to a parent does not come easily. That said again per therapist the goal is not to scare them, it’s just to make it an unpleasant consequence until they learn to comply with sitting on a chair. Turning lights out to scare them is not helpful.

[Anonymous]

There are so many people that should not have children.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like a complete idiot. I don't read too many posts on here and thing "wow that person should not have had children" but I read yours and thought, wow, this person is too stupid to be a parent. Please take some parenting classes. You do not lock a two year old in a dark closet. That is some villain origin story type stuff. I can just picture the therapy now.

Therapist: When do you think these issues started for you?
Your child in the future: Well, when I was little, my parents used to purposely scare me by locking me in a dark closet and leaving me to cry alone in the dark.
Therapist: ......

You need parenting classes and some books about child development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Scaring a toddler on purpose is absolutely abuse.

2 year olds have no impulse control and very little memory. The purpose of time out is to remove him from doing something unsafe and reset things. It's not going to keep him from doing it again.

This. The point of time out or any behavior intervention is not to scare the child. Its to teach them and give them space to try again. Nothing that you do with the intent of scaring will be effective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2.5 DS is driving us crazy over the long holiday break. Constantly boundary testing and fighting everything (getting dressed, diaper changes, stopping destructive behavior). He's verbal enough that we know he understands what he's doing is wrong/not allowed, but he's just keeps at it to get a reaction out of us. DH threatened timeout and the following conversation ensues:

DS: What is timeout dada?
DH: we lock you in your room for 5 minutes and you're not going to like it.
DS: can I be loud in my room?
DH: .....yes..
DS: can i be really loud?
DH: yes
DS: I go to timeout!

DH suggested locking him in a closet so it's dark and he's scared (for a few minutes) so he's actually incentivized to avoid it as a punishment. Thoughts?

It is child abuse and if I knew you, I would report you to CPS. Both you and your husband are insane giving a single though to such cruelty. I hope there is someone in both your families who loves this child enough to get him away from both of you.

[Anonymous]

Many of these posters are inane morons. CPS, yes, I’m sure that a parent trying to figure out a way to handle a strong willed toddler and asking if it’s appropriate warrants CPS, get a grip.

OP, kids are hard. They stay hard. Some are super hard. It’s a good idea to get some more tools. I’m always trying to do the same. Read 123 magic, good for toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many of these posters are inane morons. CPS, yes, I’m sure that a parent trying to figure out a way to handle a strong willed toddler and asking if it’s appropriate warrants CPS, get a grip.

OP, kids are hard. They stay hard. Some are super hard. It’s a good idea to get some more tools. I’m always trying to do the same. Read 123 magic, good for toddlers.

Putting a child of any age in a locker closet is child abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please start setting aside money now to pay for the therapy that while will need in their 20s.

FYI, that’s abuse.

+1

If he's acting out to get a reaction from you the solution is DONT REACT!! How can you not see this?! You are in control of you and your reactions. If you respond by abusing your son psychologically I'm sorry he has you for parents.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need a parenting class. Several parenting classes, actually.

[Anonymous]

If you really are desperate to calm child out…

At most I would put self and child in closet/powder room and try to chill them out.

[Anonymous]

What the hell? No dont don’t do this. That’s abuse

[Anonymous]

YOU are the one needing a timeout and parenting class, WTAF

[Anonymous]

NP - again, for ADHD parent child interaction training, therapist instructed us to put child in small bathroom (with lights on) but closed door until they learn to do their timeout on a chair. The goal is not to scare the child, but rather make it unpleasant. If the child tries to get out of the small bathroom before parent says it's ok to get out they go back into the bathroom until they are ready to listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2.5 DS is driving us crazy over the long holiday break. Constantly boundary testing and fighting everything (getting dressed, diaper changes, stopping destructive behavior). He's verbal enough that we know he understands what he's doing is wrong/not allowed, but he's just keeps at it to get a reaction out of us. DH threatened timeout and the following conversation ensues:

DS: What is timeout dada?
DH: we lock you in your room for 5 minutes and you're not going to like it.
DS: can I be loud in my room?
DH: .....yes..
DS: can i be really loud?
DH: yes
DS: I go to timeout!

DH suggested locking him in a closet so it's dark and he's scared (for a few minutes) so he's actually incentivized to avoid it as a punishment. Thoughts?

No. That’s horrible. You need to take a time out and think about changing how you self regulate or deal with frustration if that sounds ok to you. I’m concerned your husband may have actually done that. If I were you I would be concerned about child abuse in your home. Please get parent coaching and therapy. You can also take a break for a second. Tell your child you need to go in another room and breathe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and before anyone comes at me for abuse - DS is extremely well loved and secure toddler. Our frustration is he is perhaps too confident and knows he can walk all over us. We do try replacement behavior, redirecting, the usual parenting suggestions, but often it does not work. Here's another example of something that happens nightly. DS starts banging on the table during mealtime or throwing food. We take away his plate.

DS: I want my food back!
DH: Why did dada take ita way?
DS: Because I hit the table
DH: Are you going to stop if I give it back to you?
DS: Yes.
We give it back. 2 minutes later destructive behavior returns.
DH: Dinner is over (takes away his plate, removes him from table)
DS: I want my food!
DH: Why did I take it away?
DS: Because I be mean.

*repeats*

OMG. You’re insane. The moment he does something like bang on the table, take away the plate. Dinner is over.

Don’t ask him why. Just say, simply matter of fact with no emotion.

“When you bang on the table dinner is all done.”

This is called natural consequences. Then you don’t even have to deal with time out and the toddler pushing your buttons. Personally, I always found it easier to remove the item from the situation than negotiate with a cheeky toddler. So, if the kid is hitting with a toy, the toy is on time out in a high shelf for the rest of the day. Any toy the kid throws gets put up immediately. That’s natural consequences.