Asian Parents Broke Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a thing young adults are all doing now - analyzing their childhoods with a focus on all the ways their parents were not perfect. They have no idea what it's like to try to raise children, and the choices we have to make. It's our job to make sure they have what they need to be successful, and there is no instruction manual to follow to make that happen. You did your best. You can certainly try to tweak your parenting to avoid putting so much pressure on the younger siblings, but you should not feel awful. Your kid went to an Ivy. Some of the rest of us are feeling awful because our kids can barely get into a state school.

Yes, parents want their kids to be successful, do well in school, good grades, college ect. And hopefully become successful adults, but you don't have to steal their childhoods for that.

Please provide a link to the instruction manual entitled "How to raise successful children without stealing their childhood," and also a link to the one that provides the precise criteria for "stealing their childhood" versus "parenting." I would like to see that data.

Your response (which you clearly think is clever) is actually a perfect example of the type of rigid personality that leads to stealing your kids’ childhoods.

That's because you didn't understand it. I was pointing out that "stealing childhood" is a very subjective idea. How is one supposed to know where that line is? There is NO INSTRUCTION MANUAL. Perhaps the problem is people like you, who think you know everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a thing young adults are all doing now - analyzing their childhoods with a focus on all the ways their parents were not perfect. They have no idea what it's like to try to raise children, and the choices we have to make. It's our job to make sure they have what they need to be successful, and there is no instruction manual to follow to make that happen. You did your best. You can certainly try to tweak your parenting to avoid putting so much pressure on the younger siblings, but you should not feel awful. Your kid went to an Ivy. Some of the rest of us are feeling awful because our kids can barely get into a state school.

Yes, parents want their kids to be successful, do well in school, good grades, college ect. And hopefully become successful adults, but you don't have to steal their childhoods for that.

Please provide a link to the instruction manual entitled "How to raise successful children without stealing their childhood," and also a link to the one that provides the precise criteria for "stealing their childhood" versus "parenting." I would like to see that data.

Your response (which you clearly think is clever) is actually a perfect example of the type of rigid personality that leads to stealing your kids’ childhoods.

That's because you didn't understand it. I was pointing out that "stealing childhood" is a very subjective idea. How is one supposed to know where that line is? There is NO INSTRUCTION MANUAL. Perhaps the problem is people like you, who think you know everything.

I don't understand how someone doesn't understand that? What do you mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a thing young adults are all doing now - analyzing their childhoods with a focus on all the ways their parents were not perfect. They have no idea what it's like to try to raise children, and the choices we have to make. It's our job to make sure they have what they need to be successful, and there is no instruction manual to follow to make that happen. You did your best. You can certainly try to tweak your parenting to avoid putting so much pressure on the younger siblings, but you should not feel awful. Your kid went to an Ivy. Some of the rest of us are feeling awful because our kids can barely get into a state school.

Yes, parents want their kids to be successful, do well in school, good grades, college ect. And hopefully become successful adults, but you don't have to steal their childhoods for that.

Please provide a link to the instruction manual entitled "How to raise successful children without stealing their childhood," and also a link to the one that provides the precise criteria for "stealing their childhood" versus "parenting." I would like to see that data.

Your response (which you clearly think is clever) is actually a perfect example of the type of rigid personality that leads to stealing your kids’ childhoods.

That's because you didn't understand it. I was pointing out that "stealing childhood" is a very subjective idea. How is one supposed to know where that line is? There is NO INSTRUCTION MANUAL. Perhaps the problem is people like you, who think you know everything.

I think the vast majority of us know it's not only not advisable but illegal to abuse your children. There is a difference between tough parenting and abuse. Beatings, withholding food, locking your child outside, and pushing them to the brink of mental breakdown does not require a PHD in early childhood education for you to know it's wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a thing young adults are all doing now - analyzing their childhoods with a focus on all the ways their parents were not perfect. They have no idea what it's like to try to raise children, and the choices we have to make. It's our job to make sure they have what they need to be successful, and there is no instruction manual to follow to make that happen. You did your best. You can certainly try to tweak your parenting to avoid putting so much pressure on the younger siblings, but you should not feel awful. Your kid went to an Ivy. Some of the rest of us are feeling awful because our kids can barely get into a state school.

Yes, parents want their kids to be successful, do well in school, good grades, college ect. And hopefully become successful adults, but you don't have to steal their childhoods for that.

Please provide a link to the instruction manual entitled "How to raise successful children without stealing their childhood," and also a link to the one that provides the precise criteria for "stealing their childhood" versus "parenting." I would like to see that data.

Your response (which you clearly think is clever) is actually a perfect example of the type of rigid personality that leads to stealing your kids’ childhoods.

That's because you didn't understand it. I was pointing out that "stealing childhood" is a very subjective idea. How is one supposed to know where that line is? There is NO INSTRUCTION MANUAL. Perhaps the problem is people like you, who think you know everything.

No, I understood you just fine. You have further proved my point with your “NO INSTRUCTION MANUAL” defense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a thing young adults are all doing now - analyzing their childhoods with a focus on all the ways their parents were not perfect. They have no idea what it's like to try to raise children, and the choices we have to make. It's our job to make sure they have what they need to be successful, and there is no instruction manual to follow to make that happen. You did your best. You can certainly try to tweak your parenting to avoid putting so much pressure on the younger siblings, but you should not feel awful. Your kid went to an Ivy. Some of the rest of us are feeling awful because our kids can barely get into a state school.

Yes, parents want their kids to be successful, do well in school, good grades, college ect. And hopefully become successful adults, but you don't have to steal their childhoods for that.

Please provide a link to the instruction manual entitled "How to raise successful children without stealing their childhood," and also a link to the one that provides the precise criteria for "stealing their childhood" versus "parenting." I would like to see that data.

Your response (which you clearly think is clever) is actually a perfect example of the type of rigid personality that leads to stealing your kids’ childhoods.

That's because you didn't understand it. I was pointing out that "stealing childhood" is a very subjective idea. How is one supposed to know where that line is? There is NO INSTRUCTION MANUAL. Perhaps the problem is people like you, who think you know everything.

No, I understood you just fine. You have further proved my point with your “NO INSTRUCTION MANUAL” defense.

Wow! I would really, really hate to be your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a thing young adults are all doing now - analyzing their childhoods with a focus on all the ways their parents were not perfect. They have no idea what it's like to try to raise children, and the choices we have to make. It's our job to make sure they have what they need to be successful, and there is no instruction manual to follow to make that happen. You did your best. You can certainly try to tweak your parenting to avoid putting so much pressure on the younger siblings, but you should not feel awful. Your kid went to an Ivy. Some of the rest of us are feeling awful because our kids can barely get into a state school.

Yes, parents want their kids to be successful, do well in school, good grades, college ect. And hopefully become successful adults, but you don't have to steal their childhoods for that.

Please provide a link to the instruction manual entitled "How to raise successful children without stealing their childhood," and also a link to the one that provides the precise criteria for "stealing their childhood" versus "parenting." I would like to see that data.

Your response (which you clearly think is clever) is actually a perfect example of the type of rigid personality that leads to stealing your kids’ childhoods.

That's because you didn't understand it. I was pointing out that "stealing childhood" is a very subjective idea. How is one supposed to know where that line is? There is NO INSTRUCTION MANUAL. Perhaps the problem is people like you, who think you know everything.

No, I understood you just fine. You have further proved my point with your “NO INSTRUCTION MANUAL” defense.

Wow! I would really, really hate to be your kid.

Really? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a thing young adults are all doing now - analyzing their childhoods with a focus on all the ways their parents were not perfect. They have no idea what it's like to try to raise children, and the choices we have to make. It's our job to make sure they have what they need to be successful, and there is no instruction manual to follow to make that happen. You did your best. You can certainly try to tweak your parenting to avoid putting so much pressure on the younger siblings, but you should not feel awful. Your kid went to an Ivy. Some of the rest of us are feeling awful because our kids can barely get into a state school.

Yes, parents want their kids to be successful, do well in school, good grades, college ect. And hopefully become successful adults, but you don't have to steal their childhoods for that.

Please provide a link to the instruction manual entitled "How to raise successful children without stealing their childhood," and also a link to the one that provides the precise criteria for "stealing their childhood" versus "parenting." I would like to see that data.

Your response (which you clearly think is clever) is actually a perfect example of the type of rigid personality that leads to stealing your kids’ childhoods.

That's because you didn't understand it. I was pointing out that "stealing childhood" is a very subjective idea. How is one supposed to know where that line is? There is NO INSTRUCTION MANUAL. Perhaps the problem is people like you, who think you know everything.

No, I understood you just fine. You have further proved my point with your “NO INSTRUCTION MANUAL” defense.

Wow! I would really, really hate to be your kid.

Really? Why?

Because you’re a monster

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is very clear that A) very few people watch the entire video and B) people have no idea the extent of what these kids go through. We live in a very intense suburb of New York City, where the recent Chinese immigrant parents routinely beat their children, lock them outside in the cold, and withhold food from them. Yes, the perspective is that it is not as bad as what would happen if they were sent back to their home country so this is the price that needs to be paid for the freedom of living in America and getting a good job. But it is horrible and sad for these children and routinely once they graduate college they never speak to the parents again. Maybe that cost benefit analysis is done and the parents feel like they have saved them the hardship of having to grow up in communist China, but it is still sad, nevertheless especially when they look around to their friends and see them going to Disney World and having birthday parties.

But there is an ocean of difference between locking your kids out in the cold and insisting that they stick with violin lessons through high school. Laying rules for what you expect from your child is so individual to the family.

My kids might call me a tiger mom since I expect high standards. And really don’t accept a ton of excuses. But I know what my kids are capable of and don’t ask them to do something they cannot (for example, I have one kid who hates English and cannot write. I expect him to learn how to write but I won’t expect him to take AP English or to crank out A+ essays). I also don’t force them into any EC they don’t want. But having high standards and not being happy with mediocre effort may have someone on the outside thinking I am stealing their childhood or something. They’ll live. And be better for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think he said that. I watched the whole thing. How could have I missed that?

You didn't miss anything. He wasn't beaten.

I think he said he was abused, but wasn’t going to go into any details.

Right, so he clearly wasn't beaten. He needs to grow up, stop with the victim mentality, and move on with his life.

Oh for Pete’s sake, people! Watch from 8:29 through 8:37. Good grief - how are folks not hearing the words “I was beaten”?

Yeah, and he clearly didn't really want to talk about it. It is another whole world of pain to thru.

Oh, give me a break. My parents spanked me, often with a belt. But this was normal in our "southern" culture. Not good, but it didn't ruin my life. Stop being a fragile flower, cut your parents out of your life if you wish, and move on.

Chinese parents can be very inventive with their cruelty and punishments.
My Chinese parents would wake us up in the dead of the night to kneel on the floor on a pad of legos they made us form. Sometimes they made us kneel in front of our front door, outside where everyone could see us.
When I visited China as an adult, I saw some of this near public thoroughfares. It's kind of normalized over there.
My child spent an academic year in Taiwan. As part of the preparation, the entire American group was told that child abuse is standard practice there and they cannot pass judgment on their classmates or homestay families over it. Basically, when in Rome...
It is much much more than spanking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think he said that. I watched the whole thing. How could have I missed that?

You didn't miss anything. He wasn't beaten.

I think he said he was abused, but wasn’t going to go into any details.

Right, so he clearly wasn't beaten. He needs to grow up, stop with the victim mentality, and move on with his life.

Oh for Pete’s sake, people! Watch from 8:29 through 8:37. Good grief - how are folks not hearing the words “I was beaten”?

Yeah, and he clearly didn't really want to talk about it. It is another whole world of pain to thru.

Oh, give me a break. My parents spanked me, often with a belt. But this was normal in our "southern" culture. Not good, but it didn't ruin my life. Stop being a fragile flower, cut your parents out of your life if you wish, and move on.

Chinese parents can be very inventive with their cruelty and punishments.
My Chinese parents would wake us up in the dead of the night to kneel on the floor on a pad of legos they made us form. Sometimes they made us kneel in front of our front door, outside where everyone could see us.
When I visited China as an adult, I saw some of this near public thoroughfares. It's kind of normalized over there.
My child spent an academic year in Taiwan. As part of the preparation, the entire American group was told that child abuse is standard practice there and they cannot pass judgment on their classmates or homestay families over it. Basically, when in Rome...
It is much much more than spanking.

My dad was forced to kneel on rice. He said he would be picking the grains out of his skin for hours afterward. This was in east Texas in the 1950s (he had German parents). Inventive stuff, for sure!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a thing young adults are all doing now - analyzing their childhoods with a focus on all the ways their parents were not perfect. They have no idea what it's like to try to raise children, and the choices we have to make. It's our job to make sure they have what they need to be successful, and there is no instruction manual to follow to make that happen. You did your best. You can certainly try to tweak your parenting to avoid putting so much pressure on the younger siblings, but you should not feel awful. Your kid went to an Ivy. Some of the rest of us are feeling awful because our kids can barely get into a state school.

Yes, parents want their kids to be successful, do well in school, good grades, college ect. And hopefully become successful adults, but you don't have to steal their childhoods for that.

Please provide a link to the instruction manual entitled "How to raise successful children without stealing their childhood," and also a link to the one that provides the precise criteria for "stealing their childhood" versus "parenting." I would like to see that data.

Your response (which you clearly think is clever) is actually a perfect example of the type of rigid personality that leads to stealing your kids’ childhoods.

That's because you didn't understand it. I was pointing out that "stealing childhood" is a very subjective idea. How is one supposed to know where that line is? There is NO INSTRUCTION MANUAL. Perhaps the problem is people like you, who think you know everything.

No, I understood you just fine. You have further proved my point with your “NO INSTRUCTION MANUAL” defense.

Wow! I would really, really hate to be your kid.

Really? Why?

Because you’re a monster

Am I? How do you mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is very clear that A) very few people watch the entire video and B) people have no idea the extent of what these kids go through. We live in a very intense suburb of New York City, where the recent Chinese immigrant parents routinely beat their children, lock them outside in the cold, and withhold food from them. Yes, the perspective is that it is not as bad as what would happen if they were sent back to their home country so this is the price that needs to be paid for the freedom of living in America and getting a good job. But it is horrible and sad for these children and routinely once they graduate college they never speak to the parents again. Maybe that cost benefit analysis is done and the parents feel like they have saved them the hardship of having to grow up in communist China, but it is still sad, nevertheless especially when they look around to their friends and see them going to Disney World and having birthday parties.

But there is an ocean of difference between locking your kids out in the cold and insisting that they stick with violin lessons through high school. Laying rules for what you expect from your child is so individual to the family.

My kids might call me a tiger mom since I expect high standards. And really don’t accept a ton of excuses. But I know what my kids are capable of and don’t ask them to do something they cannot (for example, I have one kid who hates English and cannot write. I expect him to learn how to write but I won’t expect him to take AP English or to crank out A+ essays). I also don’t force them into any EC they don’t want. But having high standards and not being happy with mediocre effort may have someone on the outside thinking I am stealing their childhood or something. They’ll live. And be better for it.

And when they go low or no contact with you someday, just remember: you’ll live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is very clear that A) very few people watch the entire video and B) people have no idea the extent of what these kids go through. We live in a very intense suburb of New York City, where the recent Chinese immigrant parents routinely beat their children, lock them outside in the cold, and withhold food from them. Yes, the perspective is that it is not as bad as what would happen if they were sent back to their ohome country so this is the price that needs to be paid for the freedom of living in America and getting a good job. But it is horrible and sad for these children and routinely once they graduate college they never speak to the parents again. Maybe that cost benefit analysis is done and the parents feel like they have saved them the hardship of having to grow up in communist China, but it is still sad, nevertheless especially when they look around to their friends and see them going to Disney World and having birthday parties.

But there is an ocean of difference between locking your kids out in the cold and insisting that they stick with violin lessons through high school. Laying rules for what you expect from your child is so individual to the family.

My kids might call me a tiger mom since I expect high standards. And really don’t accept a ton of excuses. But I know what my kids are capable of and don’t ask them to do something they cannot (for example, I have one kid who hates English and cannot write. I expect him to learn how to write but I won’t expect him to take AP English or to crank out A+ essays). I also don’t force them into any EC they don’t want. But having high standards and not being happy with mediocre effort may have someone on the outside thinking I am stealing their childhood or something. They’ll live. And be better for it.

And when they go low or no contact with you someday, just remember: you’ll live.

Obviously nobody can know what tomorrow brings. But I am raising my children pretty much as my parents raised me with high expectations and lots of love. My sisters and I adore our parents. DH was raised in a similar fashion and we are close to his family. So I am not worried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is very clear that A) very few people watch the entire video and B) people have no idea the extent of what these kids go through. We live in a very intense suburb of New York City, where the recent Chinese immigrant parents routinely beat their children, lock them outside in the cold, and withhold food from them. Yes, the perspective is that it is not as bad as what would happen if they were sent back to their ohome country so this is the price that needs to be paid for the freedom of living in America and getting a good job. But it is horrible and sad for these children and routinely once they graduate college they never speak to the parents again. Maybe that cost benefit analysis is done and the parents feel like they have saved them the hardship of having to grow up in communist China, but it is still sad, nevertheless especially when they look around to their friends and see them going to Disney World and having birthday parties.

But there is an ocean of difference between locking your kids out in the cold and insisting that they stick with violin lessons through high school. Laying rules for what you expect from your child is so individual to the family.

My kids might call me a tiger mom since I expect high standards. And really don’t accept a ton of excuses. But I know what my kids are capable of and don’t ask them to do something they cannot (for example, I have one kid who hates English and cannot write. I expect him to learn how to write but I won’t expect him to take AP English or to crank out A+ essays). I also don’t force them into any EC they don’t want. But having high standards and not being happy with mediocre effort may have someone on the outside thinking I am stealing their childhood or something. They’ll live. And be better for it.

And when they go low or no contact with you someday, just remember: you’ll live.

Obviously nobody can know what tomorrow brings. But I am raising my children pretty much as my parents raised me with high expectations and lots of love. My sisters and I adore our parents. DH was raised in a similar fashion and we are close to his family. So I am not worried.

Sure. Lots of love provided they rise to your high expectations. Seen this movie before.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to take that guy seriously. He's obviously proud to be a U of M alumni which he admits he would not be without his parents pushing him and footing the bill. His IG is all selfies. He sounds like the typical American kid. He's whiny, ungrateful and a disgrace with his videos. He wants to be a travel/lifestyle influencer and would rather live in the desert than work a 9-5. He's a loser.