Asian Parents Broke Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this to my oldest child when he was growing up, and our relationship was never the same after he graduated from an Ivy. Last week, he sent me this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CV9hn47j44w

He asked me not to repeat those mistakes to his younger brothers. After watching the video, I am an awful parent and failed my children.

Did you beat him?

If not then you didn't do this to your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Waa, waa.

He would have been so much better off if his parents let him play Fortnite all afternoon weekend like the white kids. And football

We literally say don't be like the white kids. And it's because our kids don't have the privilege of goofing off because the standards are higher for our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of my Asian friends with parents like this moved far far away as soon as they could. Very sad dynamic

On average asian adults have better relationships with their parents than any other group so however asian parents are fcking up, the kids seem more willing to forgive them for it than whatever the other parents are doing.

[Anonymous]

Asians don’t know how to communicate anymore. Social media has damaged their minds

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a whiny, immature attitude displayed in this video by Mr. Wei.

When I was young, I really loved playing baseball and football. So, my parents signed me up to play in Little League baseball and Pop Warner football. We practiced every week and played against other teams. And you know what? I survived, and still love to play.

Get over yourself, kid.

Did your parents berate you when you lost? Did they make you play when you were injured? Did they make their approval of you in general contingent on your team performance and continuing sports? Did you have to do travel team? And did you even do sports in high school? This is more what the video guy is talking about. Not your childhood.

Very few asian parents are doing that academically.

[Anonymous]

Even Asian-Americans think Asian-Americans are too harsh (link to study)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These kids are being treated like abused circus animals made to perform tricks.

I think you're being treated like an idiot and his video was made as clickbait because he's a wannabe Influencer with no content or following.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even Asian-Americans think Asian-Americans are too harsh (link to study)

Likewise, even (caucasian) Americans think American parenting has become too lax. I hear this all the time.

[Anonymous]

“Don’t be like the white kids.” He even said it in Chinese, though he may not personally agree with what his parents repeated.

On WeChat, it’s apparently common for Chinese parents to warn their kids, openly, “don’t be like the white kids.”

Has no one commented on that overt racism?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Don’t be like the white kids.” He even said it in Chinese, though he may not personally agree with what his parents repeated.

On WeChat, it’s apparently common for Chinese parents to warn their kids, openly, “don’t be like the white kids.”

Has no one commented on that overt racism?

DD, while in a FCPS elementary, joined a table of all-Asian girls at lunch once. The girls began quizzing my DD on math problems, which DD answered correctly, apparently the other girls’ surprise.

One of the girls then said “wow, you are pretty smart for a white girl.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He shouldn’t have started the video talking about the art and piano classes, they were weak examples. Thats normal parenting when you kids are interested in something. All the academic pressures and all free time being dedicated to getting ahead academically is messed up though.

I can totally see how the parents can take kid’s genuine interest and kill all the joy with drilling.

Was it Agassi who said in his memoir he never picked up tennis racket again after succeeding because he hated it and only did it to comply with his father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Don’t be like the white kids.” He even said it in Chinese, though he may not personally agree with what his parents repeated.

On WeChat, it’s apparently common for Chinese parents to warn their kids, openly, “don’t be like the white kids.”

Has no one commented on that overt racism?

Yes, this is overt racism for parents who say things like this, and I'm sure there are such racist Chinese parents just like there are racist white parents who reject anything cultural novel as the downfall of America. But trying to insinuate that these views are general fact is simply race-war baiting. I don't have issues with someone sharing a personal story as a warning to harsh, overbearing parents. But I have real issues with this particular guy because it seems like he is more interested in getting more clicks with racially inflammatory generalizations.

As Asian American parent who grew up 1st gen, I 100% do NOT believe it is common for Asians to warn their kids not to be like white kids. They may raise their kids differently to preserve aspects of their culture, but that is not the same as overt racism. I personally have never heard my immigrant parents or their friends say this. If anything, my friends and I grew up hearing the opposite advice all the time, "white people do things this way, so we will do this too to fit in." My parents loooooved it when I had white friends because it meant I was fitting in. But people sure love outrage, and so this guy will get more clicks and attention by highlighting the most extreme views that make people outraged. I could talk ad nauseam about the anti-Asian racism my family and I personally faced from particular white people in the now-MAGA dominant area where I grew up. But I also have the sense to know that this doesn't mean the majority of white people are like this or that being racist is somehow a white-person trait, even for that area.

[Anonymous]

I agree. I think he is trying to get all the sympathy he can. His parents did the best they could. No one forced him to stay with them after he was an adult; he could have just walked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree. I think he is trying to get all the sympathy he can. His parents did the best they could. No one forced him to stay with them after he was an adult; he could have just walked out.

Um,

- his parents beat him (repeatedly)
- Child Protective services (CPS) nearly removed him from the home and put him in foster
- CPS only takes this extreme measure when a "danger" finding has been made
- his mother ended up in a mental hospital (in-patient / involuntary).

But sure, sure. He is just a whiner, trying for sympathy; could have just walked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of my Asian friends with parents like this moved far far away as soon as they could. Very sad dynamic

On average asian adults have better relationships with their parents than any other group so however asian parents are fcking up, the kids seem more willing to forgive them for it than whatever the other parents are doing.

According to what research? There is the expectation to take care of the parents, but many beyond first generation are moving away from taking in parents. If you take a snapshot, you might see an elderrly Asian mom living with her adult child and their family, but take a look 5 years later, sometimes, they have been moved right back out. My husband and I both have many friends and coworkers who are Korean and Chinese and a Japanese neighbor. The Japanese neighbor had the best situation. Parents were the nannies and cooks for a number of years with free rent and spending money and then they moved out when the kids were more independent. They still seem to have a good relationship. Lot of dysfunction among among many of our other friends along with a history of verbal and/or physical abuse.