Asian Parents Broke Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think his parents parented how they thought good parents should. They weren't conditioned to see any beyond that.

However, they couldn't instill fundamental Asian value, of understanding and appreciating parental sacrifices. He turned out to be a whiny, ungrateful young internet adult who has no appreciation for his privileges.

This is more of a lesson for Asian parents to not focus whole life on first doing "good kid duty" and "good adult kid duty" towards their own parents and the go on to doing "good parent duty" towards their kids. No one is ever satisfied or grateful so better do basic duties well and then just focus on their own lives.YOLO.

Also use family THERAPY so everyone can benefit from good mental health and learn to balance their roles.

God I am so sick of hearing about Asian parents' "sacrifices". If both of them work, it's a sacrifice. If one of them elects to stay at home, it's a sacrifice. If a parent bailed out of a professional program because of pregnancy, it's a sacrifice. If they forgot to put gas in the car because they were thinking about what to make for dinner, it's a sacrifice.
For most parents, these are just decisions adults make in the course of their lives or events that come to pass. Chinese parents use any and all tactics to guilt their children and force the sense of Confucian obligation.
-signed, Chinese and I throw dagger eyes at any of my Chinese friends who talk about this crap

Parents who immigrate are making some sacrifices so that their kids can have a better life. I can only imagine how hard it was for my parents when they immigrated here with four little kids and not knowing the language and culture. I made a "sacrifice" when I moved from somewhere I had lived for 40 years so that my kids could have a better education; my spouse's parents moved to a different city hundreds of miles away so that my spouse could have better educational opportunities.

When you move like that you sacrifice all the social/friend/family connections. I've not been able to build a similar social connection in this new city I moved to, but I made that sacrifice for my kid's education.

No, I'm not a tiger parent, but parents who make these moves for their kid's future are absolutely making those sacrifices.

Everybody who immigrated here is sacrificial according to this logic.

yes, it is. It's incredibly difficult for parents to leave what they know, their family and friends, to move to a country where you barely or don't speak the language, don't understand the process, etc.. with little kids.

That decision is on them.
They effectively alienated their kids from their extended family and the proverbial village of social support and network.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think his parents parented how they thought good parents should. They weren't conditioned to see any beyond that.

However, they couldn't instill fundamental Asian value, of understanding and appreciating parental sacrifices. He turned out to be a whiny, ungrateful young internet adult who has no appreciation for his privileges.

This is more of a lesson for Asian parents to not focus whole life on first doing "good kid duty" and "good adult kid duty" towards their own parents and the go on to doing "good parent duty" towards their kids. No one is ever satisfied or grateful so better do basic duties well and then just focus on their own lives.YOLO.

Also use family THERAPY so everyone can benefit from good mental health and learn to balance their roles.

God I am so sick of hearing about Asian parents' "sacrifices". If both of them work, it's a sacrifice. If one of them elects to stay at home, it's a sacrifice. If a parent bailed out of a professional program because of pregnancy, it's a sacrifice. If they forgot to put gas in the car because they were thinking about what to make for dinner, it's a sacrifice.
For most parents, these are just decisions adults make in the course of their lives or events that come to pass. Chinese parents use any and all tactics to guilt their children and force the sense of Confucian obligation.
-signed, Chinese and I throw dagger eyes at any of my Chinese friends who talk about this crap

Parents who immigrate are making some sacrifices so that their kids can have a better life. I can only imagine how hard it was for my parents when they immigrated here with four little kids and not knowing the language and culture. I made a "sacrifice" when I moved from somewhere I had lived for 40 years so that my kids could have a better education; my spouse's parents moved to a different city hundreds of miles away so that my spouse could have better educational opportunities.

When you move like that you sacrifice all the social/friend/family connections. I've not been able to build a similar social connection in this new city I moved to, but I made that sacrifice for my kid's education.

No, I'm not a tiger parent, but parents who make these moves for their kid's future are absolutely making those sacrifices.

Everybody who immigrated here is sacrificial according to this logic.

yes, it is. It's incredibly difficult for parents to leave what they know, their family and friends, to move to a country where you barely or don't speak the language, don't understand the process, etc.. with little kids.

That decision is on them.
They effectively alienated their kids from their extended family and the proverbial village of social support and network.

Yes, that decision is on them. They make it to give their kids a better life. Yes, it's difficult for the kids, too, but they adapt faster.

I'm a child of immigrants. I'm extremely grateful that my parents immigrated to the US. If we had stayed in my parents' home country, our lives would have been much more difficult. That country was very poor and war torn when we immigrated here a long time ago.

[Anonymous]

I really feel bad for him: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/180/1240370.page

He said in the video that he has trouble looking for a job as a physics major from University of Michigan. He graduated with honors, no less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really feel bad for him: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/180/1240370.page

He said in the video that he has trouble looking for a job as a physics major from University of Michigan. He graduated with honors, no less.

Physics major with just an undergrad degree is not that employable.

My brother went to Cal, majored in physics. He couldn't find a job, so went to grad school for an eng degree, and got a job (thought this was a while ago).

[Anonymous]

Bum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this to my oldest child when he was growing up, and our relationship was never the same after he graduated from an Ivy. Last week, he sent me this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CV9hn47j44w

He asked me not to repeat those mistakes to his younger brothers. After watching the video, I am an awful parent and failed my children.

Maybe it’s because I’m Asian American but the video didn’t seem that bad except the beating him up mentally and physically thing. Sure maybe his parents could have let him have more friends or enrolled him in some team sports but I’m envious of his SAT score and academic achievement. I saw nothing wrong with seeing he was good at art and making him take art classes. This is what most of us parents would do!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really feel bad for him: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/180/1240370.page

He said in the video that he has trouble looking for a job as a physics major from University of Michigan. He graduated with honors, no less.

Why is he looking for a job?
He majored in a pre-grad-school major.

[Anonymous]

These kids are being treated like abused circus animals made to perform tricks.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't look like he made that video after a hard day at the construction site.

Seems like a kid rambling, because he can't even write a short essay to express himself?

[Anonymous]

All of this is WA and AA problems.

[Anonymous]

My Asian sister in law has broken our nephews. They are like little robots; perfectly obedient in every way and devastatingly boring. Not unique, not compelling. Just perfect students and piano players who are completely forgettable. Its really sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't look like he made that video after a hard day at the construction site.

Seems like a kid rambling, because he can't even write a short essay to express himself?

He'd probably have better mental health and end up making more money in construction. There are so many 6-figure opportunities in that area, especially in the DMV where everyone's life dream is to raise a Deloitte consultant.

[Anonymous]

Asian parents need to wise up. Institutions want to admit as few Asians as they can get away with! You have to make your child stand out and be unique from everyone else if you want them to succeed, and that means letting them explore their weird, unproductive interests. An Ivy would rather admit a hip-hop producer who makes beats in his bedroom or a heavy metal guitarist over yet another classical piano contest winner, but how many of us are letting our children play the genre of music they listen to? Harvard would rather admit a boy who wants to be an actor and studies classic film performances over computer science major #999. The billionare tech founder of Patreon went to Stanford...as a music major!

[Anonymous]

Blame Amy ChuaChua for glorifying this.

but then again she's a mess.
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/07/us/amy-chua-yale-law.html

Check out Asian Parent Stories on Reddit.
Some Asian parents are just awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Asian sister in law has broken our nephews. They are like little robots; perfectly obedient in every way and devastatingly boring. Not unique, not compelling. Just perfect students and piano players who are completely forgettable. Its really sad.

That was me growing up with two tiger parents. I always wanted to play the sopranos saxophone when I was ten years old, like Kenny G, or guitar, like Eric Clapton, but my tiger parents had other ideas. They forced me to play piano at the age of five until college with weekly lessons, and endless piano competitions. I begged them for saxophone and guitar lessons, and they always said no. They also did the same thing to my younger brother, and we rarely talk and visit our parents these days. FWIW, we didn't touch the piano after we turned eighteen, and we're now in our late 40s.