Asian Parents Broke Me

[Anonymous]

I did this to my oldest child when he was growing up, and our relationship was never the same after he graduated from an Ivy. Last week, he sent me this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CV9hn47j44w

He asked me not to repeat those mistakes to his younger brothers. After watching the video, I am an awful parent and failed my children.

[Anonymous]

So don’t repeat these mistakes and mess up your younger children.

[Anonymous]

Waa, waa.

He would have been so much better off if his parents let him play Fortnite all afternoon weekend like the white kids. And football

[Anonymous]

Wow that's an offensive video. He compared his childhood to Auschwitz, and then goes on to say all sorts of ableist things.

[Anonymous]

Becoming an adult and going in his own direction is fine. Now as an adult, blaming his parents for his failures makes him sound like a loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Becoming an adult and going in his own direction is fine. Now as an adult, blaming his parents for his failures makes him sound like a loser.

OP and the guy from YouTube could have felt the same way without being academically successful and without going to a top university.

I’m Asian American. DH and his brother were not pushed so hard by his parents but were academically and professionally successful. We have smart kids and we definitely push and encourage them to be try their best. They barely study. They are naturally smart. We encourage them to be curious and try different activities.

I do sympathize about piano. That was the only thing I was good at and all the fun was gone. I have not touched a piano for 20 years. My daughter has a fun not so strict piano teacher and she enjoys it.

[Anonymous]

Pp Asian American here. We know a lot of Asian people here and in Asia. In my experience, if the kid is not smart to begin with, the parents can’t get a kid to excel in school, especially in Asia where ALL parents want their kids to excel.

My dad was super smart, often called a genius. One of his younger brothers was always bottom of his class. My grandparents encouraged and praised my dad. They didn’t beat him. They supported him. Sounded like they put down and may have verbally abused my not so smart uncle but he was always below average and did not even go to college. My point is parents can’t force kids to be smart.

[Anonymous]

Most of my Asian friends with parents like this moved far far away as soon as they could. Very sad dynamic

[Anonymous]

Most of the people who have replied to this thread either didn’t bother to watch the video or they didn’t understand it (which is embarrassing because it’s not difficult to understand what the young man is saying).

[Anonymous]

I really can't stand this victim mentality. Grow up and live your own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really can't stand this victim mentality. Grow up and live your own life.

He’s living his own life. He’s gone his own way. He is just explaining how he got to where he is in the hopes that it will be useful to some other parents who think raising their kids this way is a good idea.

He was a victim, certainly, but he doesn’t seem to have a “victim mentality”. You, however, seem triggered by what he’s saying, so maybe reflect a little on why.

[Anonymous]

You did what you thought was best and only wanted to ensure a good life for your children. It wasnt out of selfishness.

Now you know better and tell your son that you're sorry for any damage you've done and thank him for sending the video and that you will do better for his siblings.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with a few close Asian friends. I'm interested in how social media is allowing young Asian-Americans to rebel against their parents.

I respect the energy that many types of immigrant parents (not just Asians) put into parenting. A lot of it comes from a place of fear or not understanding alternate routes to success. Having successfully become Americans, now they need to assimilate a little more to the "life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness" ethos.

The video was touching. It did make it clear that one of the parents had a mental health issue. But also that the kid did not want to be in a foster home. This is way beyond even average tiger parenting.

TL;DR refrain from pushing kids so hard that they are at risk of suicide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a few close Asian friends. I'm interested in how social media is allowing young Asian-Americans to rebel against their parents.

I respect the energy that many types of immigrant parents (not just Asians) put into parenting. A lot of it comes from a place of fear or not understanding alternate routes to success. Having successfully become Americans, now they need to assimilate a little more to the "life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness" ethos.

The video was touching. It did make it clear that one of the parents had a mental health issue. But also that the kid did not want to be in a foster home. This is way beyond even average tiger parenting.

TL;DR refrain from pushing kids so hard that they are at risk of suicide.

It seems both the man in the video and his parent(s) are not mentally healthy. I don’t think you can group all Asians into this stereotype. My parents stressed and emphasized academics, like most Asian immigrant parents. Whether you are uneducated and want your kids to have a better life or you are a PhD educated Asian immigrant, almost all Asians respect and want their children to excel in school. This is part of our culture.

I have seen various American parents berate their children during sports. I don’t think that is healthy either. I feel bad for some basketball kids. There seems to be so much pressure to perform.

My parents did not give me a fun childhood. They did love me and provided a safe home and fed me. I now give my children the fairytale childhood I never had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Becoming an adult and going in his own direction is fine. Now as an adult, blaming his parents for his failures makes him sound like a loser.

That’s an interesting take. I think he credited all of his successes to his parents because those successes were never what he wanted for himself.