“My friends warned me not to marry a white woman”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is pretty malignant. And I would almost be willing to live with it until the kids are 18 just to continue to reason it out just to be a good influence on kids, because if you divorce, god knows what mumbo jumbo his family will say to them without you to moderate/correct. I am sorry.

Side note: Is he also one of those latino Trumpers who love the machismo of a 'big strong successful man' even though he isn't strong or successful? Run.

OP. No, he’s not any of those. Very liberal and very feminist when we met. Definitely not the “big strong successful man” type, he’s more the man bun/soy latte type.

That’s why this is so weird to me. I could chalk up his not helping at home to ADHD and the fact that he’s not a planner, but now it’s starting to feel like he’s frustrated we don’t follow more traditional gender roles.

Op I could’ve written your whole post. Dealing with very similar issues and anti American and racist comments from lazy Latino DH. I have to constantly remind him that he is here to “do jobs Americans won’t do” such as housework.

[Anonymous]

She is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think White women are the least likely to serve their “man” the way these men think the should be serve. They are the least likely to cook, clean and do everything for you while you just sit there for nothing. Next would be Black women. Black and White women not only won’t do that for you but they will expect you to cook just like them and in some cases they may even expect you to do all the cooking if you are a good cook.

European women also are traditional roles which is making a come back but the man needs to be able to provide

No they are not lol. They expect the highest degree of equality. Actually American women are quite traditional. A lot still choose to cook, pack your lunch, do your Landry etc without expecting you to replicate. But if you have such a wife or gf if you don’t do your part she will eventually get tired and leave you. So it’s not in men’s best interest these days to seek a woman who wants to be a traditional wife.

[Anonymous]

Surely, you don't complain when he is drilling you like you never experienced before.

[Anonymous]

My white wife is a slob

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is pretty malignant. And I would almost be willing to live with it until the kids are 18 just to continue to reason it out just to be a good influence on kids, because if you divorce, god knows what mumbo jumbo his family will say to them without you to moderate/correct. I am sorry.

Side note: Is he also one of those latino Trumpers who love the machismo of a 'big strong successful man' even though he isn't strong or successful? Run.

OP. No, he’s not any of those. Very liberal and very feminist when we met. Definitely not the “big strong successful man” type, he’s more the man bun/soy latte type.

That’s why this is so weird to me. I could chalk up his not helping at home to ADHD and the fact that he’s not a planner, but now it’s starting to feel like he’s frustrated we don’t follow more traditional gender roles.

Op I could’ve written your whole post. Dealing with very similar issues and anti American and racist comments from lazy Latino DH. I have to constantly remind him that he is here to “do jobs Americans won’t do” such as housework.

Americans won't do those jobs because the pay is too low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surely, you don't complain when he is drilling you like you never experienced before.

Well, they've been married a while with kids--she's experienced it before. It's probably boring by now.

[Anonymous]

I am African married to a White woman. No complaints. She is more traditional than the modern African woman. The modern African woman is a feminist on steroid. I am not kidding you. This is perhaps something that a lot of western woman are not aware off, but if they truly want to see places in the world where women are not only more independent but men are forced to adapt look at some of the African countries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I realize we come from different backgrounds and I do try to be sensitive to that. But at the end of the day, I am not happy with how we are currently dividing the domestic labor in the house. I feel like I am doing too large a share of it and it is really impacting how I feel about our marriage. Putting aside our different cultural and family backgrounds, the question is whether you care enough about me and our marriage to try to change that?”

I mean, that’s really the answer isn’t it?
The other dumb digs about your race are harder to figure out—-I mean, it’s not like you did one of those love is blind things, right? He knew you came from a family of blonde people and it apparently didn’t bother him when you were dating. On the anti colonization thing, I’d just try harder not to let that bother you. Don’t take that stuff personally.

NP. To this PP, thank you. I quoted the above almost word for word in an email to DH today respectfully putting my foot down, because verbal conversations have gone nowhere. OP, I am dealing with somewhat similar issues, except I am a Black Woman married to a White man. I am tired of putting up with his crap - almost no effort to domestic labor. Leaves plates and bowls of food on the table after a meal for days without thinking. I just leave it there. His mom clearly enabled it as she still picks up after him when she's around.

It took two years of nagging to even get him to take out the trash regularly. Doesn't clean but also refuses to contribute to paying for cleaners. Thinks that rinsing off dishes = washing them, if he even does them. And on and on. No racist comments from him but I'm dropping the rope. And yes, if there's no improvement we are headed for divorce in a couple years based on this and other financial infidelity issues. See where putting your foot down takes you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Let's be honest: Same race, different race, same ethnicity, different ethnicity, same religion, different religion..,doesn't matter.

Every relationship is going to have issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's be honest: Same race, different race, same ethnicity, different ethnicity, same religion, different religion..,doesn't matter.

Every relationship is going to have issues.

+1 I'm pretty sure that this is an issue for a lot of couples, irrespective of race. Just look at this forum.

This is a marital dynamic issue, not a race issue.

I'm in a biracial marriage: I'm Asian; he's white. I do not play the trad wife. DH does most of the cooking and grocery shopping, but I do clean, which I don't mind as much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just divorce. He will never be happy with you.

More importantly she shouldn't be treated like the maid, second class citizen.

I would divorce.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you hire a cleaner? Your husband isn’t going to change. I also married an immigrant and he is NEVER going to change. I’m a stay at home mom. A lot of his friends told him not to marry me because he wouldn’t be able to control me 😂 They were right. At the time I was 22 and didn’t know what they meant by control. Later I found out most of the women in his country are homebodies and rarely go out. My husband would never lash out at me in public though.. that’s horrible. About 2 weeks after an emergency C-section he said something like I should have married a girl from my country because he felt like I wasn’t helping with the baby enough. I was so angry. I went to stay with my parents for several weeks and I did that a lot during the first year. These men have no idea how it is “back home” anymore and we aren’t living in their countries. Most of us can’t afford that kind of household help. My marriage is a lot better but again my husband isn’t going to change. He washes the dishes sometimes, takes out the trash and recycling, makes bagels or cereal for the kids and that’s about it. He 100 percent provides. I’m still resentful but less so. Fighting isn’t worth the energy or stress anymore. I would absolutely hire a cleaner if we could afford it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's be honest: Same race, different race, same ethnicity, different ethnicity, same religion, different religion..,doesn't matter.

Every relationship is going to have issues.

+1 I'm pretty sure that this is an issue for a lot of couples, irrespective of race. Just look at this forum.

This is a marital dynamic issue, not a race issue.

I'm in a biracial marriage: I'm Asian; he's white. I do not play the trad wife. DH does most of the cooking and grocery shopping, but I do clean, which I don't mind as much.

No. There are some cultures where the men won’t do anything. They won’t change diapers, cook or clean. Nada. That’s not typical for the average white guy. White men aren’t perfect but they generally do SOMETHING. South Asian men, African and middle eastern are known not to do much.

[Anonymous]

I have seen this dynamic so I don't think OP is a troll. It is exacerbated when the husband was not raised in the US, does not have any sisters and the mother in law lives close by.
Honestly if you do not have children, divorce. He will not change any diapers and is not interested in raising the kid except if it's teaching his son soccer.
Just out of curiosity, do you sometimes go out with friends who are not Hispanic as a couple and he spends most of his time scrolling on his phone?