“My friends warned me not to marry a white woman”

[Anonymous]

I think Latino men are even worse than African men when it comes to their view of domestic labour. The reason I say this is that African women will actually push back sometimes whereas Hispanic women seem okayish with this status quo. I should be careful not to say ALL. SOME Hispanic women would be more accurate. I dated a Hispanic woman and I was very surprised how ready she was to do all domestic labour. When she came to my apartment she would clean everything, she would cook for me all the time, I mean she just wanted me to dominate her. It didn't work out in the end because she was a bit too religious for my liking a true freak though 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he think all the white women in America become maids for their husbands? What an ass.

The opposite. Hispanic women cook and clean and don’t require any chores of their husbands (according to him, his mom and his friends). White women nag their men to clean.

I have a Latina colleague who is in her 30s, recently married to a Latino. They also are having issues about these same things. She has been career oriented and has a big job. She is trying to adjust to cooking after work as she expects it of herself but she hates it. Up to this point she was not domestic at all and she is struggling with it. Her mother-in-law has been a problem since they got serious. They were going to counseling before they got married. I live in California and have had many Latina colleagues over the years. The older ones did the second shift or just did not get married because they didn't want to live like this. For younger people, like my newly married friend, I think there will have to be serious cultural change on expectations for women, or there will be a lot of divorces. The expectations are ridiculous!

A large part of the problem is that in their country of origin where this works it’s often because regular people can afford household help to cook and clean. In the US it is prohibitively expensive for a lot of people and couples end up fighting over something that other cultures outsource.

So happy you said that. Growing up in Nigeria we had 3 maids. One for cooking. One for laundry. And the other one I forgot. Nowadays though unheard it's becoming prohibitive to have maids. Someone had to show me how to use the laundry machine when I was a freshman 😂.

Cleaning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he think all the white women in America become maids for their husbands? What an ass.

The opposite. Hispanic women cook and clean and don’t require any chores of their husbands (according to him, his mom and his friends). White women nag their men to clean.

I have a Latina colleague who is in her 30s, recently married to a Latino. They also are having issues about these same things. She has been career oriented and has a big job. She is trying to adjust to cooking after work as she expects it of herself but she hates it. Up to this point she was not domestic at all and she is struggling with it. Her mother-in-law has been a problem since they got serious. They were going to counseling before they got married. I live in California and have had many Latina colleagues over the years. The older ones did the second shift or just did not get married because they didn't want to live like this. For younger people, like my newly married friend, I think there will have to be serious cultural change on expectations for women, or there will be a lot of divorces. The expectations are ridiculous!

A large part of the problem is that in their country of origin where this works it’s often because regular people can afford household help to cook and clean. In the US it is prohibitively expensive for a lot of people and couples end up fighting over something that other cultures outsource.

Are the cooks and cleaners also "regular people" who hire cooks and cleaners?

Or are you describing wealth inequality like we have here?

+1 this

Latina who rolls her eyes when my relatives to talk about being able to pay low wages to a house cleaner as though that makes our country of origin more equitable than the US. Gtfooh

[Anonymous]

Tell him to listen to the song Caminos de la Vida while he cleans instead of complaining to you.

Los caminos de la vida
No son como yo pensaba
Como los imaginaba
No son como yo creía
Los caminos de la vida
Son muy difícil de andarlos
Difícil de caminarlos
Y no encuentro la salida

[Anonymous]

Countries where it’s easy to solve domestic problems by hiring cheap help have another problem.

A lot of desperately poor people who work for pennies and still need to do all their own chores too.

[Anonymous]

Is he one of those legal immigrants that support trump? he sounds like a racist and misogynist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he one of those legal immigrants that support trump? he sounds like a racist and misogynist.

Lmao then you haven't ever visited Latin America for sure. A lot of class divide and inequality. A problem socialism won't fix

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to listen to the song Caminos de la Vida while he cleans instead of complaining to you.

Los caminos de la vida
No son como yo pensaba
Como los imaginaba
No son como yo creía
Los caminos de la vida
Son muy difícil de andarlos
Difícil de caminarlos
Y no encuentro la salida

Love your style

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he think all the white women in America become maids for their husbands? What an ass.

The opposite. Hispanic women cook and clean and don’t require any chores of their husbands (according to him, his mom and his friends). White women nag their men to clean.

I have a Latina colleague who is in her 30s, recently married to a Latino. They also are having issues about these same things. She has been career oriented and has a big job. She is trying to adjust to cooking after work as she expects it of herself but she hates it. Up to this point she was not domestic at all and she is struggling with it. Her mother-in-law has been a problem since they got serious. They were going to counseling before they got married. I live in California and have had many Latina colleagues over the years. The older ones did the second shift or just did not get married because they didn't want to live like this. For younger people, like my newly married friend, I think there will have to be serious cultural change on expectations for women, or there will be a lot of divorces. The expectations are ridiculous!

A large part of the problem is that in their country of origin where this works it’s often because regular people can afford household help to cook and clean. In the US it is prohibitively expensive for a lot of people and couples end up fighting over something that other cultures outsource.

So happy you said that. Growing up in Nigeria we had 3 maids. One for cooking. One for laundry. And the other one I forgot. Nowadays though unheard it's becoming prohibitive to have maids. Someone had to show me how to use the laundry machine when I was a freshman 😂.

Cleaning?

lol. What’s that other thing that needs to be done? 🤣

[Anonymous]

Yeah sounds like he should have married someone who wanted to be a domestic servant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, if you were dating we'd advise you to break up - right?

How is your relationship overall?

Yes, this sounds concerning! Also trollish.

Relationship overall has issues. I’ve posted before, often in the ADHD or domestic labor threads. Example, he took the cleaning card but has yet to clean. Doesn’t like having any expectations placed on him.

Is there anything but inertia keeping you in this relationship?

Main thing is kids. If we didn’t have them, I’d bail.

You will not change him. Either go with the flow and then make changes together or divorce. Your kids will benefit from you being home. Just choose a cheaper place to live that you can live on one salary. If he still is a jerk and eventually cheats at least your kids will have more money. If you are smart, you will still get a job later in life. Maybe take some classes to keep current.

If he wanted you to stay home because of religious reasons or because he worked overseas how would you live your life? Maybe just pretend that there is a better reason for you to stay home than him just wanting a stay at home mom. Many make a wonderful like this way. They are fit, they are close to their kids, and have lots of friends. Set aside a set amount of money for the kids each month for their needs and activities. If he wants more money he can earn it.

This is terrible advice. I hope you don’t have daughters.

[Anonymous]

“that’s such a white person thing to do”

My spouse and I mutually roll our eyes sometimes (both not White). It's like the old blog, Stuff White People Do. Some of it is just funny! UMC White liberals like in the DC area, especially women, are a whole class unto themselves.

That said, we don't do this in front of our White friends and your DH should just hold their tongue and vent with a sibling or such.

He chose to marry you and all that comes with it. There are probably stereotypical traits that Latina women have and he dislikes that you don't have. Remind him he can't have it both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“that’s such a white person thing to do”

My spouse and I mutually roll our eyes sometimes (both not White). It's like the old blog, Stuff White People Do. Some of it is just funny! UMC White liberals like in the DC area, especially women, are a whole class unto themselves.

That said, we don't do this in front of our White friends and your DH should just hold their tongue and vent with a sibling or such.

He chose to marry you and all that comes with it. There are probably stereotypical traits that Latina women have and he dislikes that you don't have. Remind him he can't have it both ways.

+1

DH is Hispanic, I’m not but I’m also not White and we often joke around this way but we would never say it in front of White people as it could be considered mean. OP’s DH is being an ass. If he needs to vent, he should talk to some friends or family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he think all the white women in America become maids for their husbands? What an ass.

The opposite. Hispanic women cook and clean and don’t require any chores of their husbands (according to him, his mom and his friends). White women nag their men to clean.

I have a Latina colleague who is in her 30s, recently married to a Latino. They also are having issues about these same things. She has been career oriented and has a big job. She is trying to adjust to cooking after work as she expects it of herself but she hates it. Up to this point she was not domestic at all and she is struggling with it. Her mother-in-law has been a problem since they got serious. They were going to counseling before they got married. I live in California and have had many Latina colleagues over the years. The older ones did the second shift or just did not get married because they didn't want to live like this. For younger people, like my newly married friend, I think there will have to be serious cultural change on expectations for women, or there will be a lot of divorces. The expectations are ridiculous!

A large part of the problem is that in their country of origin where this works it’s often because regular people can afford household help to cook and clean. In the US it is prohibitively expensive for a lot of people and couples end up fighting over something that other cultures outsource.

So happy you said that. Growing up in Nigeria we had 3 maids. One for cooking. One for laundry. And the other one I forgot. Nowadays though unheard it's becoming prohibitive to have maids. Someone had to show me how to use the laundry machine when I was a freshman 😂.

Cleaning?

Cleaning in Nigeria? What were they laying down more poop in your mud hut?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not want a parent with such racist and sexist views raising children.

+1.