Husband says the inheritance from his dad is his

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our father in law passed away and left some money to his son, my husband.
DH states that money is for DH only. I asked for access, and he denies it. Is this legal?
We are a family but I’m tired of jerky financial situation. This breaking point really I have no clarity about joint financial and the future in terms of retirement funds. I work on two jobs and I am exhausted. He works on one job and makes more money than I do.

It is his legally, as it's not marital property. And, why would he want to keep it to himself? Are there bigger issues going on here that are not being addressed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue isn’t the inheritance, it’s everything else.

This exactly! Well said.

[Anonymous]

I hope he hasn’t actually wrecked your finances OP. The consumer debt and refinancing are red flags. Check your credit score, stat, and lock it. You need to see the tax returns you’re filing, the IRS doesn’t care if your husband is a creep if your name is on the signature line.

His inheritance is his. Your lawyer may be able to go after it if he has put you in truly dire financial straits (such as bankruptcy) before the divorce but there are no guarantees.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m going to respond with empathy. You sound like you’re at your wits end. Having a new health condition and working two jobs is a lot. I can tell you were looking forward to this weekend and hoping it would be special.

I hope you have some friends IRL you can talk to. DCUM isn’t the best for this. You have every right to know about your family’s finances. You’re not being unreasonable.

For your own sake, please get off DCUM now. Take some time for yourself tomorrow. And happy birthday and Mother’s Day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m going to respond with empathy. You sound like you’re at your wits end. Having a new health condition and working two jobs is a lot. I can tell you were looking forward to this weekend and hoping it would be special.

I hope you have some friends IRL you can talk to. DCUM isn’t the best for this. You have every right to know about your family’s finances. You’re not being unreasonable.

For your own sake, please get off DCUM now. Take some time for yourself tomorrow. And happy birthday and Mother’s Day!

Thanks - this forum carried me through many other situations before. Including death of a friend. Child adhd. Health issues. I am so grateful it exists.

This recurring finance conflict with DH is not something I would share with friends or family. I know it’s a lot, and I did not yet share about the other one — LOL - just snowballing health issues. Anyways - I took my prescription - which basically makes you go to sleep - and will go to sleep.
I will get through the weekend and work week is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy is financially abusive and won’t change. Accept this fact and then decide what you want to do.

No he isn't.

And this is piece of evidence #743 that all you women care about is money. Her husband's dad died and the first thing she thinks about is how she can cash in.

He died 6 months ago. Did you even read the previous posts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is correct. But does he even like you?

Ok.
I don’t think so. Every time I try to have let’s combine income and have a family budget, he flips out. Gaslighting and name calling starts.
He says I don’t contribute towards any expense and I want vacations and I don’t pay for those vacations and I want to control his Dunkin’ breakfast…
Yeah - I’m such a monster.

It’s the same circle of conversation every time.

I bring up ‘let’s combine finances’ in a gentle way. It always blows up in my face… I brought it up today b/c I want to know which job it’s ok to quit. The one which pays a lot or the other one which doesn’t pay a lot, but I love it…

Is the bolded true? Are you great at spending his money and hoarding yours? If you keep the hobby job will he be on the hook for paying your way?

Marriage is a two way street.

Not at all… 99% vacations were paid by me as most bills and mortgage on him… I never asked for a single dollar for anything. This area is expensive so we go paycheck to paycheck. I finally started to save a little bit because I got the second job so I worked 50 hour weeks… sometimes more

He pays the mortgage and the bills? What do you pay for? Your own car? You aren’t paying much of anything you SHOULD pay for the vacations. You made it seem like you were going half on everything but with a lower salary

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what do you pay around the house? Rent or utilities mostly?

Groceries, takeouts, eat outs, medical, vacations, my car payment, parking in dc, cleaner, gas, home improvement, broken appliance replacement, gardening, dog expenses, child extracurriculars - gets pricey, child outings - treating his friends, Amazon stuff for household, anything relating to household management.

I make 60% of what he makes with my two jobs.

Ok sounds like you can easily cut back because most of this is optional. Cut back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In any case, I did not know my big weekend - bd and mother’s day was gonna be another man tantrum and disappointment. I don’t know what I did to deserve this. My entire life path is about family. I gave up at least two jobs that were paying more than his salary… So I gave up careers so that we could be a family at the same location and raise a child who has special needs… At this stage, I just want some clarity as to why we ended up owing taxes this year (as we pay max during the year)… I want to know a picture of our expenses altogether and also how does our retirement situation look? I’ve been in the gig economy so overtime it is on him… I don’t feel too good today.

Are you the poster that made a small amount of money but DH wants you to pay all the taxes?

No - but this year we ended up owing - I can’t understand it unless I have access to his money picture…

How many dependents did he claim and how many did you claim? You might have to get the w2 and do the math or call his hr and ask see if they tell you. My DH one year claimed something ridiculous like 5

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It absolutely is his

You can keep it - please. Just don’t yell on your wife any more and let me go this time.
Don’t try and behave as if nothing happened - your usual trick.

Let me go and have peace and quiet. I will not block you and you will have access to your child and dog.

I just don’t want to be yelled any more, especially not on the special weekend.

I am tired of forgiving repeatedly.

I have nothing left - no strength - to get through this conflict.

I’d rather be alone than with a tantrum man.

Good bye

OP, take a breath. You are spinning. I mean that sincerely.

You started this post framing it around whether somebody is legally allowed to not share their inheritance with you. And now you are divorcing.

Take a deep breath. Reflect on what you actually want (and it isn't "clarity"). Reflect on how you have gone about trying to have discussions. Reflect on whether there is a way that is likely to be more effective.

If not, walk. But be clear in your head on what the issue is- is it money? is it that he yelled?

I just want peace and quiet and an adult partner ready to discuss how to manage finances together and what they look like.

What kind of person yells on you like mad man and yells lies about you (again) because he is enraged (how dare you to bring up combined finances - kind of yell) on the eve of big bd and Mother’s Day? Why can’t he use inside voice? Why should I always be bullied into zipping for good without any talk whatsoever?

Is that dictation or did you suddenly change nationality?

[Anonymous]

You can call irs and order a transcript of your taxes if he is keeping them from you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is correct. But does he even like you?

Ok.
I don’t think so. Every time I try to have let’s combine income and have a family budget, he flips out. Gaslighting and name calling starts.
He says I don’t contribute towards any expense and I want vacations and I don’t pay for those vacations and I want to control his Dunkin’ breakfast…
Yeah - I’m such a monster.

It’s the same circle of conversation every time.

I bring up ‘let’s combine finances’ in a gentle way. It always blows up in my face… I brought it up today b/c I want to know which job it’s ok to quit. The one which pays a lot or the other one which doesn’t pay a lot, but I love it…

Obviously quit the one that doesn’t pay a lot. Prepare to divorce.

This seems to be where things are headed. Be realistic about money, OP. And what lifestyle you can afford on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope he hasn’t actually wrecked your finances OP. The consumer debt and refinancing are red flags. Check your credit score, stat, and lock it. You need to see the tax returns you’re filing, the IRS doesn’t care if your husband is a creep if your name is on the signature line.

His inheritance is his. Your lawyer may be able to go after it if he has put you in truly dire financial straits (such as bankruptcy) before the divorce but there are no guarantees.

I just don’t know what his current CC debts are… I have no way of knowing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy is financially abusive and won’t change. Accept this fact and then decide what you want to do.

No he isn't.

And this is piece of evidence #743 that all you women care about is money. Her husband's dad died and the first thing she thinks about is how she can cash in.

He died 6 months ago. Did you even read the previous posts?

How crappy he treated his dad would be a separate thread. The whole discussion is helpful but like peaking things and every layer is sad about my life and I just keep going on this life. Let’s close it. I have a busy day - will focus on errands. Thanks all for being my talk-to group - it helps.

[Anonymous]

*peaking

yes I changed my nationality some years ago if structure looks odd