My mother-in-law called me a "sadsack"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH makes enough money for me not to work right now. I quit a job that I hated last year and haven't looked for a new one. My kids are in school all day now. I'm enjoying for the first time in 20 years a chance to just decompress.
Over the weekend, my ILs came over to babysit. My MIL, half-jokingly, asked me when I was going to stop "sitting around like a sadsack." I don't know if she thinks I'm depressed and that's why I don't work or what, but it was really offensive and caught me off guard in the moment. As background - she is a retired lawyer and so is her husband. She worked all the time and values that in a person so I imagine my choosing not to work is foreign and lazy for her to comprehend.
I sat with it for a few days and then emailed her to say that I was hurt by her remarks and that I'm enjoying some much-needed time off.
She hasn't responded yet but I'm still fuming. My DH said he understood my feelings but that working and ambition is very important to his mother, she worked hard to get where she was and that's where she was coming from.
My MIL is not on this forum I don't think (she's way too busy for that) so here I am venting about it...

When last year?

I mean, there's taking break, and then there's being lazy and a mooch.

So if it was like November or something, it's probably time to get with the job hunt. If it was March of April, you're into mooch territory and my guess is your DH is actually annoyed and said something to his mother.

I'm OP. Not planning to work for a while. My DH is fine with it. We can afford it. What do you mean by mooch territory? That's really offensive and in my mind anti-feminist! Wow. But I guess I know that my MIL is not alone in her mindset!

Ok then. For awhile.
Might want to better quantify that.

Have you already told your own parents and in laws this? If so they shouldn’t be calling you a Sad Sack unless you actually look sad or actually plan in bever working full time again.

None of MIL’s business. I would just keep her at a distance. She obviously is not a nice person.

Responses to this post are baffling. Op and her dh are middle aged adults. They do not how life or financial info to their parents.

[Anonymous]

What I find really interesting, and frankly disappointing, about this thread is that a lot of you don’t seem to understand the difference between well-meant (but annoying) unsolicited advice, and direct insults.

Asking nosy questions about when someone will return to work, or how they spend their days? That’s one thing, if the person doing the poking is generally well-meaning and respectful.

Straight-up insults such as using the word “sad-sack,” used as “a joke” or not? That’s another thing entirely. And I think we all know that. Do better, really. Do better than telling people it’s OK when other people insult them. It’s not. It’s not OK, and OP is well within her rights to tell MIL that if she can’t be civil, she can stay out of OP’s house and presence until she can be civil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH makes enough money for me not to work right now. I quit a job that I hated last year and haven't looked for a new one. My kids are in school all day now. I'm enjoying for the first time in 20 years a chance to just decompress.
Over the weekend, my ILs came over to babysit. My MIL, half-jokingly, asked me when I was going to stop "sitting around like a sadsack." I don't know if she thinks I'm depressed and that's why I don't work or what, but it was really offensive and caught me off guard in the moment. As background - she is a retired lawyer and so is her husband. She worked all the time and values that in a person so I imagine my choosing not to work is foreign and lazy for her to comprehend.
I sat with it for a few days and then emailed her to say that I was hurt by her remarks and that I'm enjoying some much-needed time off.
She hasn't responded yet but I'm still fuming. My DH said he understood my feelings but that working and ambition is very important to his mother, she worked hard to get where she was and that's where she was coming from.
My MIL is not on this forum I don't think (she's way too busy for that) so here I am venting about it...

We don't know why she said that or what she meant or what she is worried about.

I hope you two go out for coffee or tea and discuss it.

She might be a good professional sounding board, on the previous toxic workplace and have ideas for next job or employer. If she's not then keep things high level, mentioned the high turnover at previous place and that you're regrouping for 6+ mos. BFD. Happens all the time in the tech industry, all genders. (and I do mean all).

Is your spouse OK with being primary income person? stable job or volatile bonuses?

OP doesn’t have to explain herself.

Of course not. But she's the one who came on here and expected everyone to jump on the MILs are horrible bandwagon. (I am not a MIL, and my DH's mother died before we met, so never had a MIL, so no horse in this race.) So people are pushing back.

The tradition here is to always bash the OP no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH makes enough money for me not to work right now. I quit a job that I hated last year and haven't looked for a new one. My kids are in school all day now. I'm enjoying for the first time in 20 years a chance to just decompress.
Over the weekend, my ILs came over to babysit. My MIL, half-jokingly, asked me when I was going to stop "sitting around like a sadsack." I don't know if she thinks I'm depressed and that's why I don't work or what, but it was really offensive and caught me off guard in the moment. As background - she is a retired lawyer and so is her husband. She worked all the time and values that in a person so I imagine my choosing not to work is foreign and lazy for her to comprehend.
I sat with it for a few days and then emailed her to say that I was hurt by her remarks and that I'm enjoying some much-needed time off.
She hasn't responded yet but I'm still fuming. My DH said he understood my feelings but that working and ambition is very important to his mother, she worked hard to get where she was and that's where she was coming from.
My MIL is not on this forum I don't think (she's way too busy for that) so here I am venting about it...

We don't know why she said that or what she meant or what she is worried about.

I hope you two go out for coffee or tea and discuss it.

She might be a good professional sounding board, on the previous toxic workplace and have ideas for next job or employer. If she's not then keep things high level, mentioned the high turnover at previous place and that you're regrouping for 6+ mos. BFD. Happens all the time in the tech industry, all genders. (and I do mean all).

Is your spouse OK with being primary income person? stable job or volatile bonuses?

OP doesn’t have to explain herself.

Of course not. But she's the one who came on here and expected everyone to jump on the MILs are horrible bandwagon. (I am not a MIL, and my DH's mother died before we met, so never had a MIL, so no horse in this race.) So people are pushing back.

The tradition here is to always bash the OP no matter what.

How could this be anything but a horrible comment? In what world is it okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP she is probably just jealous she has to work until her death because no one would take care of her. It's pure jealousy. Call her out on it.

OP already said she is retired. I don't think she is jealous ....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH makes enough money for me not to work right now. I quit a job that I hated last year and haven't looked for a new one. My kids are in school all day now. I'm enjoying for the first time in 20 years a chance to just decompress.
Over the weekend, my ILs came over to babysit. My MIL, half-jokingly, asked me when I was going to stop "sitting around like a sadsack." I don't know if she thinks I'm depressed and that's why I don't work or what, but it was really offensive and caught me off guard in the moment. As background - she is a retired lawyer and so is her husband. She worked all the time and values that in a person so I imagine my choosing not to work is foreign and lazy for her to comprehend.
I sat with it for a few days and then emailed her to say that I was hurt by her remarks and that I'm enjoying some much-needed time off.
She hasn't responded yet but I'm still fuming. My DH said he understood my feelings but that working and ambition is very important to his mother, she worked hard to get where she was and that's where she was coming from.
My MIL is not on this forum I don't think (she's way too busy for that) so here I am venting about it...

We don't know why she said that or what she meant or what she is worried about.

I hope you two go out for coffee or tea and discuss it.

She might be a good professional sounding board, on the previous toxic workplace and have ideas for next job or employer. If she's not then keep things high level, mentioned the high turnover at previous place and that you're regrouping for 6+ mos. BFD. Happens all the time in the tech industry, all genders. (and I do mean all).

Is your spouse OK with being primary income person? stable job or volatile bonuses?

OP doesn’t have to explain herself.

Of course not. But she's the one who came on here and expected everyone to jump on the MILs are horrible bandwagon. (I am not a MIL, and my DH's mother died before we met, so never had a MIL, so no horse in this race.) So people are pushing back.

The tradition here is to always bash the OP no matter what.

How could this be anything but a horrible comment? In what world is it okay?

It’s not and that was my point. Look at the number of people contorting themselves to defend the MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In all this, I wonder what DH's opinion is. It doesn't sound like OP is ever going back to work, and taking time to decompress is just a way of saying she's done. Has DH actually discussed this with his mom and she's being the bad guy for him? Where does their retirement savings stand? 529s? And God forbid if the ILs helped fund 529s or anything else for them if now DIL is not working.

Is it any of MIL's business? No. But there is basically some information missing here.

I agree. Lol @ OP calling it "Decompressing" and not working "right now". She can't even own her situation and tries to minimize it.

Also to point out: She worked all the time and values that in a person so I imagine my choosing not to work is foreign and lazy for her to comprehend.

This is really it. She just cant comprehend it.

I think you're reading a lot into this situation. She can't even "own" her situation! Why does anyone need to? LIVE AND LET LIVE BAYBEEEEEEE

She literally stewed about this and then sent a nasty email to MIL LOL
Shes very insecure about it. Women who are happy with their choices dont do that. Dont feel the need to do that. Shes lying to herself and an anon forum even in her OP. It's really sad, because she has a great situation IMO.

Hi! I'm the OP and feel good about my choice, but not great about someone calling me a sadsack. It was inappropriate and has nothing to do with how I feel about not working.

Do you? Why did you get so defensive then? Why did you stew over it and send an email much later? Why are you still "fuming"?
If you felt secure this would be water off a ducks back. Sorry but your reaction and the way you phrase your OP say otherwise.

Don’t listen to these fools, OP. DCUM is not known to attract those with social acumen (or human emotions).

I wouldn’t have written in the email. Instead I would have given some flippant reply about stringing along my unemployment until DH’s inheritance comes through, so she’d better keep working and saving because I have champagne taste, or something along those lines.

At least some of us can read. MIL is retired.

Oh, well in that case she should get her own a$$ back to work and stop being such a layabout. See how easy that was? Doesn’t change the overall point of the reply, ya dummy.

But thanks for proving my point that most on DCUM are idiots with zero social skills! (Yes, I am including you with your stupid “gotcha!” moment.)

[Anonymous]

This does not sound like a work vs not work thing.

It sounds like you are a 'sad sack'. Are you? Are you sad? Are you struggling with your new life?

I think you are, because if you are not, the comment would not bother you.

My mother use to say, if somebody calls you a duck do you think "am i a duck" no... because you know you are not.

If somebody says "you're fat, or ugly, or stupid" and you get upset, it's because you think it about yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In all this, I wonder what DH's opinion is. It doesn't sound like OP is ever going back to work, and taking time to decompress is just a way of saying she's done. Has DH actually discussed this with his mom and she's being the bad guy for him? Where does their retirement savings stand? 529s? And God forbid if the ILs helped fund 529s or anything else for them if now DIL is not working.

Is it any of MIL's business? No. But there is basically some information missing here.

I agree. Lol @ OP calling it "Decompressing" and not working "right now". She can't even own her situation and tries to minimize it.

Also to point out: She worked all the time and values that in a person so I imagine my choosing not to work is foreign and lazy for her to comprehend.

This is really it. She just cant comprehend it.

I think you're reading a lot into this situation. She can't even "own" her situation! Why does anyone need to? LIVE AND LET LIVE BAYBEEEEEEE

She literally stewed about this and then sent a nasty email to MIL LOL
Shes very insecure about it. Women who are happy with their choices dont do that. Dont feel the need to do that. Shes lying to herself and an anon forum even in her OP. It's really sad, because she has a great situation IMO.

Hi! I'm the OP and feel good about my choice, but not great about someone calling me a sadsack. It was inappropriate and has nothing to do with how I feel about not working.

Do you? Why did you get so defensive then? Why did you stew over it and send an email much later? Why are you still "fuming"?
If you felt secure this would be water off a ducks back. Sorry but your reaction and the way you phrase your OP say otherwise.

Don’t listen to these fools, OP. DCUM is not known to attract those with social acumen (or human emotions).

I wouldn’t have written in the email. Instead I would have given some flippant reply about stringing along my unemployment until DH’s inheritance comes through, so she’d better keep working and saving because I have champagne taste, or something along those lines.

At least some of us can read. MIL is retired.

Oh, well in that case she should get her own a$$ back to work and stop being such a layabout. See how easy that was? Doesn’t change the overall point of the reply, ya dummy.

But thanks for proving my point that most on DCUM are idiots with zero social skills! (Yes, I am including you with your stupid “gotcha!” moment.)

Also, if you could read, OP says that she is very busy even thought she is retired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This does not sound like a work vs not work thing.

It sounds like you are a 'sad sack'. Are you? Are you sad? Are you struggling with your new life?

I think you are, because if you are not, the comment would not bother you.

My mother use to say, if somebody calls you a duck do you think "am i a duck" no... because you know you are not.

If somebody says "you're fat, or ugly, or stupid" and you get upset, it's because you think it about yourself.

Wow, I just said something similar to my teenagers. If you know a description doesn't fit you, you think something is wrong with the other person's perception. But you are not sure, that's when start perservating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP she is probably just jealous she has to work until her death because no one would take care of her. It's pure jealousy. Call her out on it.

OP already said she is retired. I don't think she is jealous ....

Insecure people say all sorts of sh#t to make themselves feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In all this, I wonder what DH's opinion is. It doesn't sound like OP is ever going back to work, and taking time to decompress is just a way of saying she's done. Has DH actually discussed this with his mom and she's being the bad guy for him? Where does their retirement savings stand? 529s? And God forbid if the ILs helped fund 529s or anything else for them if now DIL is not working.

Is it any of MIL's business? No. But there is basically some information missing here.

I agree. Lol @ OP calling it "Decompressing" and not working "right now". She can't even own her situation and tries to minimize it.

Also to point out: She worked all the time and values that in a person so I imagine my choosing not to work is foreign and lazy for her to comprehend.

This is really it. She just cant comprehend it.

I think you're reading a lot into this situation. She can't even "own" her situation! Why does anyone need to? LIVE AND LET LIVE BAYBEEEEEEE

She literally stewed about this and then sent a nasty email to MIL LOL
Shes very insecure about it. Women who are happy with their choices dont do that. Dont feel the need to do that. Shes lying to herself and an anon forum even in her OP. It's really sad, because she has a great situation IMO.

Hi! I'm the OP and feel good about my choice, but not great about someone calling me a sadsack. It was inappropriate and has nothing to do with how I feel about not working.

What you aren't answering is how does DH feel about it? Only then can we determine where this is coming from. I mean, to me this screams DH is talking to his mom about it.

He encouraged it and is delighted. I was never home before and always stressed. He barely speaks to his mother.

Your DH barely talks to his mother but you want her to come over and babysit? Sounds like a user.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This does not sound like a work vs not work thing.

It sounds like you are a 'sad sack'. Are you? Are you sad? Are you struggling with your new life?

I think you are, because if you are not, the comment would not bother you.

My mother use to say, if somebody calls you a duck do you think "am i a duck" no... because you know you are not.

If somebody says "you're fat, or ugly, or stupid" and you get upset, it's because you think it about yourself.

Or maybe because it's incredibly rude to insult people that way? Do you actually call family members ugly and fat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a conundrum for people here. They won't be able to pick a side. They hate MILs and also hate SAHM moms. Well done, OP!

trollin and sock puppetin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This does not sound like a work vs not work thing.

It sounds like you are a 'sad sack'. Are you? Are you sad? Are you struggling with your new life?

I think you are, because if you are not, the comment would not bother you.

My mother use to say, if somebody calls you a duck do you think "am i a duck" no... because you know you are not.

If somebody says "you're fat, or ugly, or stupid" and you get upset, it's because you think it about yourself.

NP. If you genuinely think someone is sad, depressed, anxious, or anything like that, would you call them a “sad-sack”? Would that be helpful? I cannot imagine saying that to total stranger, let alone to someone I allegedly care about. What would be the purpose of that, other than to harm someone, namely someone you think is suffering in some way?

It’s indefensible. And no, you don’t have to be “too sensitive” or secretly agree with someone to be hurt if they insult you. Don’t be shocked that people are insulted by, wait for it, an insult!