How do deal with 17YO DD having sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Have not read replies but hopefully the need to get your daughter seen by good gynecologist to check for STDs and get IUD inserted has been mentioned.

I would also advise DD to always use condoms to protect against STDs on top of getting an IUD.

Hormonal IUDs are the number one recommendation of birth control by American pediatric association as teens often forget to take daily oral tablets.

Once health and safety needs are addressed, I would try to talk to DD about the dangers of casual sex for devaluing yourself.

What kind of sexist BS is this? Does anyone talk to teen boys about devaluing themselves? It’s 2023 and if teen girls choose to have sex with a guy and doesn’t want a serious commitment, that is OK. Can we stop shaming girls and touting guys for enjoying sex?

I mean she is off to college in 6 months. Did you all only have sex in committed relationships then? Give me a break.

NP here. None of PP’s advice is sexist. And of course I would give my sons the same advice. In fact, if the couple gets pregnant, the son has NO say in whether the child is born or not, and is financially responsible and tied to the girl for life if she gets pregnant and chooses to have the baby.

And I didn’t have sex until my mid 20s, despite having a boyfriend (now DH) when younger. There are tons of good reasons to only have sex in a committed relationship, regardless of age— risk of STDs, pregnancy risk, emotional/psychological, etc. Not everyone has embraced the “free love” mantra.

[Anonymous]

Birth control, condoms, and HPV vaccine. Yes, you may not want to be tied to this boy for the rest of your life. Be open to your options. It could happen even with protection. Tell her to be smart. The rest of her life is ahead of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Birth control now. Make sure she has access to condoms. But other than that… she’s going to do it whether you approve or not. Just make sure she’s safe

I think this is about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Have not read replies but hopefully the need to get your daughter seen by good gynecologist to check for STDs and get IUD inserted has been mentioned.

I would also advise DD to always use condoms to protect against STDs on top of getting an IUD.

Hormonal IUDs are the number one recommendation of birth control by American pediatric association as teens often forget to take daily oral tablets.

Once health and safety needs are addressed, I would try to talk to DD about the dangers of casual sex for devaluing yourself.

What kind of sexist BS is this? Does anyone talk to teen boys about devaluing themselves? It’s 2023 and if teen girls choose to have sex with a guy and doesn’t want a serious commitment, that is OK. Can we stop shaming girls and touting guys for enjoying sex?

I mean she is off to college in 6 months. Did you all only have sex in committed relationships then? Give me a break.

NP here. None of PP’s advice is sexist. And of course I would give my sons the same advice. In fact, if the couple gets pregnant, the son has NO say in whether the child is born or not, and is financially responsible and tied to the girl for life if she gets pregnant and chooses to have the baby.

And I didn’t have sex until my mid 20s, despite having a boyfriend (now DH) when younger. There are tons of good reasons to only have sex in a committed relationship, regardless of age— risk of STDs, pregnancy risk, emotional/psychological, etc. Not everyone has embraced the “free love” mantra.

I would literally cry if I only had sex with one person.

But I love the holier than thou woman here making it seem like that is normal. It so is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Have not read replies but hopefully the need to get your daughter seen by good gynecologist to check for STDs and get IUD inserted has been mentioned.

I would also advise DD to always use condoms to protect against STDs on top of getting an IUD.

Hormonal IUDs are the number one recommendation of birth control by American pediatric association as teens often forget to take daily oral tablets.

Once health and safety needs are addressed, I would try to talk to DD about the dangers of casual sex for devaluing yourself.

What kind of sexist BS is this? Does anyone talk to teen boys about devaluing themselves? It’s 2023 and if teen girls choose to have sex with a guy and doesn’t want a serious commitment, that is OK. Can we stop shaming girls and touting guys for enjoying sex?

I mean she is off to college in 6 months. Did you all only have sex in committed relationships then? Give me a break.

NP here. None of PP’s advice is sexist. And of course I would give my sons the same advice. In fact, if the couple gets pregnant, the son has NO say in whether the child is born or not, and is financially responsible and tied to the girl for life if she gets pregnant and chooses to have the baby.

And I didn’t have sex until my mid 20s, despite having a boyfriend (now DH) when younger. There are tons of good reasons to only have sex in a committed relationship, regardless of age— risk of STDs, pregnancy risk, emotional/psychological, etc. Not everyone has embraced the “free love” mantra.

I would literally cry if I only had sex with one person.

But I love the holier than thou woman here making it seem like that is normal. It so is not.

Exactly. Quit the crap already. Sex is normal and should be enjoyed within the safe parameters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Have not read replies but hopefully the need to get your daughter seen by good gynecologist to check for STDs and get IUD inserted has been mentioned.

I would also advise DD to always use condoms to protect against STDs on top of getting an IUD.

Hormonal IUDs are the number one recommendation of birth control by American pediatric association as teens often forget to take daily oral tablets.

Once health and safety needs are addressed, I would try to talk to DD about the dangers of casual sex for devaluing yourself.

What kind of sexist BS is this? Does anyone talk to teen boys about devaluing themselves? It’s 2023 and if teen girls choose to have sex with a guy and doesn’t want a serious commitment, that is OK. Can we stop shaming girls and touting guys for enjoying sex?

I mean she is off to college in 6 months. Did you all only have sex in committed relationships then? Give me a break.

NP here. None of PP’s advice is sexist. And of course I would give my sons the same advice. In fact, if the couple gets pregnant, the son has NO say in whether the child is born or not, and is financially responsible and tied to the girl for life if she gets pregnant and chooses to have the baby.

And I didn’t have sex until my mid 20s, despite having a boyfriend (now DH) when younger. There are tons of good reasons to only have sex in a committed relationship, regardless of age— risk of STDs, pregnancy risk, emotional/psychological, etc. Not everyone has embraced the “free love” mantra.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Have not read replies but hopefully the need to get your daughter seen by good gynecologist to check for STDs and get IUD inserted has been mentioned.

I would also advise DD to always use condoms to protect against STDs on top of getting an IUD.

Hormonal IUDs are the number one recommendation of birth control by American pediatric association as teens often forget to take daily oral tablets.

Once health and safety needs are addressed, I would try to talk to DD about the dangers of casual sex for devaluing yourself.

What kind of sexist BS is this? Does anyone talk to teen boys about devaluing themselves? It’s 2023 and if teen girls choose to have sex with a guy and doesn’t want a serious commitment, that is OK. Can we stop shaming girls and touting guys for enjoying sex?

I mean she is off to college in 6 months. Did you all only have sex in committed relationships then? Give me a break.

NP here. None of PP’s advice is sexist. And of course I would give my sons the same advice. In fact, if the couple gets pregnant, the son has NO say in whether the child is born or not, and is financially responsible and tied to the girl for life if she gets pregnant and chooses to have the baby.

And I didn’t have sex until my mid 20s, despite having a boyfriend (now DH) when younger. There are tons of good reasons to only have sex in a committed relationship, regardless of age— risk of STDs, pregnancy risk, emotional/psychological, etc. Not everyone has embraced the “free love” mantra.

Plus one.

Gave same advice to DS and DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it true that “most” 17 year olds are having sex? So interesting - I had a few boyfriends in HS but just really wasn’t ready until college (freshman year). No judgment - I would be fine with my kids being sexually active at 17 but I guess I didn’t realize that the *majority* of HS junior and seniors are sexually active.

They aren’t. The most recent CDC study shows only 30% of teens 13-17 had sex: https://nccd.cdc.gov/Youthonline/App/Results.aspx?TT=A&OUT=0&SID=HS&QID=QQ&LID=XX&YID=2021&LID2=&YID2=&COL=S&ROW1=N&ROW2=N&HT=QQ&LCT=LL&FS=S1&FR=R1&FG=G1&FA=A1&FI=I1&FP=P1&FSL=S1&FRL=R1&FGL=G1&FAL=A1&FIL=I1&FPL=P1&PV=&TST=False&C1=&C2=&QP=G&DP=1&VA=CI&CS=Y&SYID=&EYID=&SC=DEFAULT&SO=ASC

As a parent I’m much more concerned about the use of contraception than the intercourse stats here.

(FWIW, I didn’t have sex until I was 20)

Yep. 70% are not having it so OP’s daughter is in a clear minority.

70% of teens 13-17 aren’t having sex. But if you looked at just 17 year olds, I guarantee the sexually active percentage is much higher than 30%. MUCH HIGHER Big difference between an 8th grader and a 12th grader.

Disagree. I know so many 17 year olds who are not having sex. It's frankly odd. Kids aren't even socializing much with the opposite sex these days, let alone having sex. Almost no one is dating in the traditional sense. It's all social media.

And we wonder why teen mental health issues and suicide are at an all time high?

I rather my kid be social, have friendships, develop relationships, and have safe sex than sit at home staring at social media and porn on the screen for hours on end.

We also didn’t have nudes, videos, mutual FaceTime masturbation groups, sex chat rooms, etc…. All of which are unhealthy and disturbing.

Sooooo true. All of it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Have not read replies but hopefully the need to get your daughter seen by good gynecologist to check for STDs and get IUD inserted has been mentioned.

I would also advise DD to always use condoms to protect against STDs on top of getting an IUD.

Hormonal IUDs are the number one recommendation of birth control by American pediatric association as teens often forget to take daily oral tablets.

Once health and safety needs are addressed, I would try to talk to DD about the dangers of casual sex for devaluing yourself.

What kind of sexist BS is this? Does anyone talk to teen boys about devaluing themselves? It’s 2023 and if teen girls choose to have sex with a guy and doesn’t want a serious commitment, that is OK. Can we stop shaming girls and touting guys for enjoying sex?

I mean she is off to college in 6 months. Did you all only have sex in committed relationships then? Give me a break.

NP here. None of PP’s advice is sexist. And of course I would give my sons the same advice. In fact, if the couple gets pregnant, the son has NO say in whether the child is born or not, and is financially responsible and tied to the girl for life if she gets pregnant and chooses to have the baby.

And I didn’t have sex until my mid 20s, despite having a boyfriend (now DH) when younger. There are tons of good reasons to only have sex in a committed relationship, regardless of age— risk of STDs, pregnancy risk, emotional/psychological, etc. Not everyone has embraced the “free love” mantra.

I would literally cry if I only had sex with one person.

But I love the holier than thou woman here making it seem like that is normal. It so is not.

Exactly. Quit the crap already. Sex is normal and should be enjoyed within the safe parameters

How are you defining “safe”? Is hookup culture safe? Birth control fails, condoms break, and being non-exclusive means you are exposed to any diseases of any of your partner’s other partners. People keep trying to decouple casual sex from any potential consequences, but that’s impossible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Have not read replies but hopefully the need to get your daughter seen by good gynecologist to check for STDs and get IUD inserted has been mentioned.

I would also advise DD to always use condoms to protect against STDs on top of getting an IUD.

Hormonal IUDs are the number one recommendation of birth control by American pediatric association as teens often forget to take daily oral tablets.

Once health and safety needs are addressed, I would try to talk to DD about the dangers of casual sex for devaluing yourself.

What kind of sexist BS is this? Does anyone talk to teen boys about devaluing themselves? It’s 2023 and if teen girls choose to have sex with a guy and doesn’t want a serious commitment, that is OK. Can we stop shaming girls and touting guys for enjoying sex?

I mean she is off to college in 6 months. Did you all only have sex in committed relationships then? Give me a break.

NP here. None of PP’s advice is sexist. And of course I would give my sons the same advice. In fact, if the couple gets pregnant, the son has NO say in whether the child is born or not, and is financially responsible and tied to the girl for life if she gets pregnant and chooses to have the baby.

And I didn’t have sex until my mid 20s, despite having a boyfriend (now DH) when younger. There are tons of good reasons to only have sex in a committed relationship, regardless of age— risk of STDs, pregnancy risk, emotional/psychological, etc. Not everyone has embraced the “free love” mantra.

I would literally cry if I only had sex with one person.

But I love the holier than thou woman here making it seem like that is normal. It so is not.

Exactly. Quit the crap already. Sex is normal and should be enjoyed within the safe parameters

How are you defining “safe”? Is hookup culture safe? Birth control fails, condoms break, and being non-exclusive means you are exposed to any diseases of any of your partner’s other partners. People keep trying to decouple casual sex from any potential consequences, but that’s impossible.

Actually the OP never said they were having sex with others. They just aren’t being a serious everything couple.

Also, if a condom breaks there is plan b.

Stop acting like everyone should wait until marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be so disgusted with my kid.

I didn't have sex until I was 30 ( uber conservative family and self esteem issues), but that's sad that you would be disgusted with your kid for this reason.

I would prefer my kid wait till they are 18+, but if they have it at 17, which is one year from being an adult, I would not be disgusted, maybe not happy, but certainly not disgusted.

Would you be disgusted if they were gay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. I think you should talk to her about the consequences and risks involved to her health and her body, and also the irreparable potential damage to her reputation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. I think you should talk to her about the consequences and risks involved to her health and her body, and also the irreparable potential damage to her reputation.

The sexism is oozing in this thread. The fact that you are all woman is disgusting.

Teen girls don’t get reputations from having sex with the same guy at 17. Just like the guy doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

OP, it’s great she came to you and I loved the empowerment of not wanting to be in a serious relationship that will prob end bad anyway. Not sure why you are upset. This is normal for this age. Covid and social media slowed things down a bit, but it’s getting back to normal. You don’t want a strange homebody introvert before they go off to college. Embrace her for her honesty and staying safe.

Mom of teens and high school English teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. I think you should talk to her about the consequences and risks involved to her health and her body, and also the irreparable potential damage to her reputation.

The sexism is oozing in this thread. The fact that you are all woman is disgusting.

Teen girls don’t get reputations from having sex with the same guy at 17. Just like the guy doesn’t.

Oh, yes, they get reputations. Do you think kids don’t talk, brag, make fun, gossip, share, tease, etc. ?