How do deal with 17YO DD having sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. I think you should talk to her about the consequences and risks involved to her health and her body, and also the irreparable potential damage to her reputation.

The sexism is oozing in this thread. The fact that you are all woman is disgusting.

Teen girls don’t get reputations from having sex with the same guy at 17. Just like the guy doesn’t.

Oh, yes, they get reputations. Do you think kids don’t talk, brag, make fun, gossip, share, tease, etc. ?

Not the PP, but you are wrong with this current generation. Yes, there are still some mean girls that talk crap about girls no matter what, but having sex with a guy at 17, no one is teasing/gossiping about that. It wasn’t even in the 90’s when I was a teen. And now there is unlimited porn, videos, nudes, etc… getting air dropped all day in school. Drug overdoses, vaping, sexual assaults, too. A guy and a girl in a situationship having sex as seniors in high school? That’s a snore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is ever having as much sex as people think. Sexually active kids think everyone else is f--cking, but statistically it's just not true. Not now, and not in the 80s when I was in high school.

Just as in adulthood, every therapist talks about how every single one of their clients thinks that everyone else is having more sex than them. Married couples are having sex like twice a week at most, and many aren't doing it for weeks or months or years. Singles are having sex even less, despite what marrieds think.

72% of 17yr olds have had sex at least once. That’s the majority

Where did you find that stat? That is WAY off.

By age 15, 21% of young females aged 15–24 had ever had sexual intercourse. By age 17, this increased to 53% of young females, and by age 20, 79% of young females had ever had sexual intercourse.
By age 15, 20% of young males aged 15–24 had ever had sexual intercourse. By age 17, this increased to 48% of young males, and by age 20, 77% of young males had ever had sexual intercourse.
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db366.htm#:~:text=By%20age%2017%2C%20this%20increased,had%20ever%20had%20sexual%20intercourse.

This is an older survey and since then the numbers have continued to decrease.

Most of the posters on this board are women and sexist double standards being what they are, women who were having sex in high school want to pretend that everyone was. But statistically, they were a minority and teenagers are having less and less sex every year.

I didn't have sex until college but often wish I'd started earlier. So there's certainly no judgment coming from me toward women who were getting laid in their teens. It doesn't make them a majority though.

You think teenagers are having less sex??? I think it is the opposite.

I feel I was last and I started at 18. This was back in the nineties.

I guess it depends on your kid. If you have a social good looking teen, they will probably have opposite sex kids liking them. If your kid is not very attractive, s/he may not have much interest. Same for adults whether they are 20 or 30 or 40.

I hung out with a lot of cute boy in high school. It was hard to keep your hands off one another.

It’s not what I think, it’s a fact that teenagers today are having less sex. It’s been trending down for years.

I had plenty of male interest in my teens (and into my 40s) but no, I didn’t have sex in high school. I’m not judging if you did, but it has nothing to do with attractiveness. In fact, the least popular and cute girls often feel the most pressure to hook up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

I remember hearing someone say that parents in a more liberal country didn’t care and would let the kids do it at home because it’s safer - like, if she’s going to do it anyway wouldn’t it be safer on her home turf than drunk at a party or in the backseat of a car?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Have not read replies but hopefully the need to get your daughter seen by good gynecologist to check for STDs and get IUD inserted has been mentioned.

I would also advise DD to always use condoms to protect against STDs on top of getting an IUD.

Hormonal IUDs are the number one recommendation of birth control by American pediatric association as teens often forget to take daily oral tablets.

Once health and safety needs are addressed, I would try to talk to DD about the dangers of casual sex for devaluing yourself.

What kind of sexist BS is this? Does anyone talk to teen boys about devaluing themselves? It’s 2023 and if teen girls choose to have sex with a guy and doesn’t want a serious commitment, that is OK. Can we stop shaming girls and touting guys for enjoying sex?

I mean she is off to college in 6 months. Did you all only have sex in committed relationships then? Give me a break.

NP here. None of PP’s advice is sexist. And of course I would give my sons the same advice. In fact, if the couple gets pregnant, the son has NO say in whether the child is born or not, and is financially responsible and tied to the girl for life if she gets pregnant and chooses to have the baby.

And I didn’t have sex until my mid 20s, despite having a boyfriend (now DH) when younger. There are tons of good reasons to only have sex in a committed relationship, regardless of age— risk of STDs, pregnancy risk, emotional/psychological, etc. Not everyone has embraced the “free love” mantra.

I would literally cry if I only had sex with one person.

But I love the holier than thou woman here making it seem like that is normal. It so is not.

I’ve had sex with more than 50 people and I’d balk if my 17 year old was banging some dude she didn’t even like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Have not read replies but hopefully the need to get your daughter seen by good gynecologist to check for STDs and get IUD inserted has been mentioned.

I would also advise DD to always use condoms to protect against STDs on top of getting an IUD.

Hormonal IUDs are the number one recommendation of birth control by American pediatric association as teens often forget to take daily oral tablets.

Once health and safety needs are addressed, I would try to talk to DD about the dangers of casual sex for devaluing yourself.

What kind of sexist BS is this? Does anyone talk to teen boys about devaluing themselves? It’s 2023 and if teen girls choose to have sex with a guy and doesn’t want a serious commitment, that is OK. Can we stop shaming girls and touting guys for enjoying sex?

I mean she is off to college in 6 months. Did you all only have sex in committed relationships then? Give me a break.

NP here. None of PP’s advice is sexist. And of course I would give my sons the same advice. In fact, if the couple gets pregnant, the son has NO say in whether the child is born or not, and is financially responsible and tied to the girl for life if she gets pregnant and chooses to have the baby.

And I didn’t have sex until my mid 20s, despite having a boyfriend (now DH) when younger. There are tons of good reasons to only have sex in a committed relationship, regardless of age— risk of STDs, pregnancy risk, emotional/psychological, etc. Not everyone has embraced the “free love” mantra.

I would literally cry if I only had sex with one person.

But I love the holier than thou woman here making it seem like that is normal. It so is not.

Exactly. Quit the crap already. Sex is normal and should be enjoyed within the safe parameters

Yes. For people with fully formed brains.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

I remember hearing someone say that parents in a more liberal country didn’t care and would let the kids do it at home because it’s safer - like, if she’s going to do it anyway wouldn’t it be safer on her home turf than drunk at a party or in the backseat of a car?

But do sperm and viruses living in more liberal countries get the memo that they are not allowed to impregnate or infect girls who are allowed to fool around at home?

[Anonymous]

Condoms and birth control ASAP and be prepared for the whole thing to blow up spectacularly when one of them unexpectedly catches feelings. And tell her under no circumstances to send nudes because boys can’t be trusted with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Have not read replies but hopefully the need to get your daughter seen by good gynecologist to check for STDs and get IUD inserted has been mentioned.

I would also advise DD to always use condoms to protect against STDs on top of getting an IUD.

Hormonal IUDs are the number one recommendation of birth control by American pediatric association as teens often forget to take daily oral tablets.

Once health and safety needs are addressed, I would try to talk to DD about the dangers of casual sex for devaluing yourself.

What kind of sexist BS is this? Does anyone talk to teen boys about devaluing themselves? It’s 2023 and if teen girls choose to have sex with a guy and doesn’t want a serious commitment, that is OK. Can we stop shaming girls and touting guys for enjoying sex?

I mean she is off to college in 6 months. Did you all only have sex in committed relationships then? Give me a break.

NP here. None of PP’s advice is sexist. And of course I would give my sons the same advice. In fact, if the couple gets pregnant, the son has NO say in whether the child is born or not, and is financially responsible and tied to the girl for life if she gets pregnant and chooses to have the baby.

And I didn’t have sex until my mid 20s, despite having a boyfriend (now DH) when younger. There are tons of good reasons to only have sex in a committed relationship, regardless of age— risk of STDs, pregnancy risk, emotional/psychological, etc. Not everyone has embraced the “free love” mantra.

I would literally cry if I only had sex with one person.

But I love the holier than thou woman here making it seem like that is normal. It so is not.

Exactly. Quit the crap already. Sex is normal and should be enjoyed within the safe parameters

Yes. For people with fully formed brains.

Umm, teens were mommy years for more centuries than not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Have not read replies but hopefully the need to get your daughter seen by good gynecologist to check for STDs and get IUD inserted has been mentioned.

I would also advise DD to always use condoms to protect against STDs on top of getting an IUD.

Hormonal IUDs are the number one recommendation of birth control by American pediatric association as teens often forget to take daily oral tablets.

Once health and safety needs are addressed, I would try to talk to DD about the dangers of casual sex for devaluing yourself.

What kind of sexist BS is this? Does anyone talk to teen boys about devaluing themselves? It’s 2023 and if teen girls choose to have sex with a guy and doesn’t want a serious commitment, that is OK. Can we stop shaming girls and touting guys for enjoying sex?

I mean she is off to college in 6 months. Did you all only have sex in committed relationships then? Give me a break.

NP here. None of PP’s advice is sexist. And of course I would give my sons the same advice. In fact, if the couple gets pregnant, the son has NO say in whether the child is born or not, and is financially responsible and tied to the girl for life if she gets pregnant and chooses to have the baby.

And I didn’t have sex until my mid 20s, despite having a boyfriend (now DH) when younger. There are tons of good reasons to only have sex in a committed relationship, regardless of age— risk of STDs, pregnancy risk, emotional/psychological, etc. Not everyone has embraced the “free love” mantra.

I would literally cry if I only had sex with one person.

But I love the holier than thou woman here making it seem like that is normal. It so is not.

I’ve had sex with more than 50 people and I’d balk if my 17 year old was banging some dude she didn’t even like.

It’s very obvious how many ppl here don’t understand that most teens are not doing full relationships anymore. She likes him. She just doesn’t want anything serious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Have not read replies but hopefully the need to get your daughter seen by good gynecologist to check for STDs and get IUD inserted has been mentioned.

I would also advise DD to always use condoms to protect against STDs on top of getting an IUD.

Hormonal IUDs are the number one recommendation of birth control by American pediatric association as teens often forget to take daily oral tablets.

Once health and safety needs are addressed, I would try to talk to DD about the dangers of casual sex for devaluing yourself.

What kind of sexist BS is this? Does anyone talk to teen boys about devaluing themselves? It’s 2023 and if teen girls choose to have sex with a guy and doesn’t want a serious commitment, that is OK. Can we stop shaming girls and touting guys for enjoying sex?

I mean she is off to college in 6 months. Did you all only have sex in committed relationships then? Give me a break.

NP here. None of PP’s advice is sexist. And of course I would give my sons the same advice. In fact, if the couple gets pregnant, the son has NO say in whether the child is born or not, and is financially responsible and tied to the girl for life if she gets pregnant and chooses to have the baby.

And I didn’t have sex until my mid 20s, despite having a boyfriend (now DH) when younger. There are tons of good reasons to only have sex in a committed relationship, regardless of age— risk of STDs, pregnancy risk, emotional/psychological, etc. Not everyone has embraced the “free love” mantra.

I would literally cry if I only had sex with one person.

But I love the holier than thou woman here making it seem like that is normal. It so is not.

Exactly. Quit the crap already. Sex is normal and should be enjoyed within the safe parameters

Yes. For people with fully formed brains.

Umm, teens were mommy years for more centuries than not.

Do

Brains are not fully developed until 25

Most 17 year olds are not well equipped to handle the many demands of parenthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Have not read replies but hopefully the need to get your daughter seen by good gynecologist to check for STDs and get IUD inserted has been mentioned.

I would also advise DD to always use condoms to protect against STDs on top of getting an IUD.

Hormonal IUDs are the number one recommendation of birth control by American pediatric association as teens often forget to take daily oral tablets.

Once health and safety needs are addressed, I would try to talk to DD about the dangers of casual sex for devaluing yourself.

What kind of sexist BS is this? Does anyone talk to teen boys about devaluing themselves? It’s 2023 and if teen girls choose to have sex with a guy and doesn’t want a serious commitment, that is OK. Can we stop shaming girls and touting guys for enjoying sex?

I mean she is off to college in 6 months. Did you all only have sex in committed relationships then? Give me a break.

NP here. None of PP’s advice is sexist. And of course I would give my sons the same advice. In fact, if the couple gets pregnant, the son has NO say in whether the child is born or not, and is financially responsible and tied to the girl for life if she gets pregnant and chooses to have the baby.

And I didn’t have sex until my mid 20s, despite having a boyfriend (now DH) when younger. There are tons of good reasons to only have sex in a committed relationship, regardless of age— risk of STDs, pregnancy risk, emotional/psychological, etc. Not everyone has embraced the “free love” mantra.

I would literally cry if I only had sex with one person.

But I love the holier than thou woman here making it seem like that is normal. It so is not.

I’ve had sex with more than 50 people and I’d balk if my 17 year old was banging some dude she didn’t even like.

It’s very obvious how many ppl here don’t understand that most teens are not doing full relationships anymore. She likes him. She just doesn’t want anything serious

Not experience of my teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

Have not read replies but hopefully the need to get your daughter seen by good gynecologist to check for STDs and get IUD inserted has been mentioned.

I would also advise DD to always use condoms to protect against STDs on top of getting an IUD.

Hormonal IUDs are the number one recommendation of birth control by American pediatric association as teens often forget to take daily oral tablets.

Once health and safety needs are addressed, I would try to talk to DD about the dangers of casual sex for devaluing yourself.

What kind of sexist BS is this? Does anyone talk to teen boys about devaluing themselves? It’s 2023 and if teen girls choose to have sex with a guy and doesn’t want a serious commitment, that is OK. Can we stop shaming girls and touting guys for enjoying sex?

I mean she is off to college in 6 months. Did you all only have sex in committed relationships then? Give me a break.

NP here. None of PP’s advice is sexist. And of course I would give my sons the same advice. In fact, if the couple gets pregnant, the son has NO say in whether the child is born or not, and is financially responsible and tied to the girl for life if she gets pregnant and chooses to have the baby.

And I didn’t have sex until my mid 20s, despite having a boyfriend (now DH) when younger. There are tons of good reasons to only have sex in a committed relationship, regardless of age— risk of STDs, pregnancy risk, emotional/psychological, etc. Not everyone has embraced the “free love” mantra.

I would literally cry if I only had sex with one person.

But I love the holier than thou woman here making it seem like that is normal. It so is not.

I’ve had sex with more than 50 people and I’d balk if my 17 year old was banging some dude she didn’t even like.

It’s very obvious how many ppl here don’t understand that most teens are not doing full relationships anymore. She likes him. She just doesn’t want anything serious

NP. I agree that they don’t do full blown relationships now the way GenX did. But listening to my kids and their friends, this is not an improvement.

[Anonymous]

Seems like we have quite a few promiscuous ladies on here.

A 17 year old having casual sex would definitely concern me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out that DD is having sex with a boy but they are not in a relationship since neither wants to get serious due to going away to college next year. I’m having a really hard time letting her hang out with this kid because I know they have having sex. I know they are being careful but it goes against my morals and I’m honestly just disgusted by the thought of this. How can I get over it and am I to simply allow them to hang out (Obviously not in my house)! Any advise for me?

I remember hearing someone say that parents in a more liberal country didn’t care and would let the kids do it at home because it’s safer - like, if she’s going to do it anyway wouldn’t it be safer on her home turf than drunk at a party or in the backseat of a car?

But do sperm and viruses living in more liberal countries get the memo that they are not allowed to impregnate or infect girls who are allowed to fool around at home?

That PP was probably mine. The country I was talking about was Sweden. Kids are well informed about contraception, abortion is accessible, with a huge safety net of support.

Just not all the drama and shame that religion drives in the US over this issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People really need to get over the ridiculous misogynistic vestiges of Puritanism.

There is nothing wrong with consensual, safe sex in this kind of relationship if the level of commitment works for both people.

Exactly!

OP the fact that you are offended and disgusted speaks volumes. Why can’t the boy come over?

Sounds very mature. Most 17yr olds are having sex. I mean there are two middle school girls in my DC’s school.

Teens have sex and a lot of it. College they have even more

Not true. There are plenty who are not.

OP I agree with you. 17 is too young for this. No advice.