Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem really pushy OP
If you feel this way, just don't ask them or ask all ahead of time. I hate pushy people who rush others. Your imaginary deadline isn't anyone's issue. It's yours

I’m not OP, but how do you get anything done? A movie starts at a set time. That’s not an imaginary deadline. If you show up 40 minutes late, they don’t restart it from the beginning for you.

Movies are scheduled well in advance.

So your spouse can’t wake up on a rainy Sunday and suggest a movie? That’s sad AF.

WTH? Of course they can suggest it but it is super annoying to get bent out of shape over it like OP is doing. Suggest a movie, not demand it and be pushy AF about it.

Then say no. This isn’t a life altering decision. If you need days to weigh the pros and cons of a minor decision your default answer just needs to be no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My take is that it is actually attention-seeking.

They love having people wonder what they’ll do, whether they’ll condescend to participate, whether they’ll bless a plan with their presence. Oh please, grandma, come to the movies with us…

This is confirmed by the microbiologist or whatever. Every meal is super important and must be treated like a trip to Komi. Every day is super special and wide open and full of possibility (never mind that some days have boring constraints like kid birthday parties or karate practice). Yes, yes, you’re curing cancer.

+1 million.

+2 million.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, I couldn't live with you either. I am a perfectionist sort of person who married another perfectionist sort of a person and we had perfectionist kids. It's a wonder we can get anything done! But when we do, we're happy and the quality is great

We're research scientists, BTW.
If ever you get cancer, you'll be reassured to know that the people who worked on your treatment didn't go: "Eh what the heck, Molecule A is practically the same as Molecule B: just throw whichever in the mix. DONE!"

It takes all kinds, right?

Well, certainly, but some of us know the difference between working on cancer treatments and getting tired, hungry kids some fast food as requested by the birthday girl on the way home from an excursion. I’m not rushing anyone along when ordering at a fine dining establishment. There is an art to knowing when to be a perfectionist and when to go with the flow. I think it’s a valuable skill. -OP

"Going with the flow" is forcing your choices onto them (which place to eat) and (a movie) then forcing them to decide on the spot YOUR choice.

Did you not get that the Chick-fil-A was chosen by a birthday kid? Did you miss the part where the specific movie was requested by kids?

Not this PP but it could be a low level protest against life being run by the kids
Are “they” passive aggressive in general?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think these people must not be understanding that you've actually made a decision, not so much throwing an idea out. If you've already decided to see Migration, it's not "do you feel like seeing a movie today?" They think there's room to negotiate or come up with alternatives. For indecisive people, maybe your language needs to be more direct without question marks.

Yeah the dude needs to understand that it’s the kids who run the show and he, I am sorry, “they” are an afterthought

You’re both absurd. Letting a kid pick fast food for their birthday and taking the kids to a children’s movie (gasp!) on their school break instead of dragging them to sit through a developmentally inappropriate adult movie so the spoiled grandparents like the movie better is not “letting the kids run the show” — but then, you already knew that.

You’re invited to the movie. It’s two hours. Interested? Come along. Not interested? Cool. We’ll see you shortly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem really pushy OP
If you feel this way, just don't ask them or ask all ahead of time. I hate pushy people who rush others. Your imaginary deadline isn't anyone's issue. It's yours

Not op but how long does it take to decide whether to see a movie? She gave them an hour advance notice? And do you really need to hem and haw over the chick fil a menu????

I never decide to see a movie in an hour’s time. Ever.

No normal person past the age of about 30 does.

There is something legitimately wrong with you people. Just FYI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem really pushy OP
If you feel this way, just don't ask them or ask all ahead of time. I hate pushy people who rush others. Your imaginary deadline isn't anyone's issue. It's yours

Not op but how long does it take to decide whether to see a movie? She gave them an hour advance notice? And do you really need to hem and haw over the chick fil a menu????

I never decide to see a movie in an hour’s time. Ever.

No normal person past the age of about 30 does.

There is something legitimately wrong with you people. Just FYI.

But we must get the maximum value for our time! /s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem really pushy OP
If you feel this way, just don't ask them or ask all ahead of time. I hate pushy people who rush others. Your imaginary deadline isn't anyone's issue. It's yours

Not op but how long does it take to decide whether to see a movie? She gave them an hour advance notice? And do you really need to hem and haw over the chick fil a menu????

I never decide to see a movie in an hour’s time. Ever.

No normal person past the age of about 30 does.

There is something legitimately wrong with you people. Just FYI.

But we must get the maximum value for our time! /s

+1000. If savoring every moment in life means ordering exactly the right thing at Chik Fil A, I'm going to assume you live a pretty small and sad life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think these people must not be understanding that you've actually made a decision, not so much throwing an idea out. If you've already decided to see Migration, it's not "do you feel like seeing a movie today?" They think there's room to negotiate or come up with alternatives. For indecisive people, maybe your language needs to be more direct without question marks.

Yeah the dude needs to understand that it’s the kids who run the show and he, I am sorry, “they” are an afterthought

NP. So you’re the type of adult who would sulk and pout because the birthday kid got to pick the movie and the meal that day. For their birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem really pushy OP
If you feel this way, just don't ask them or ask all ahead of time. I hate pushy people who rush others. Your imaginary deadline isn't anyone's issue. It's yours

I’m not OP, but how do you get anything done? A movie starts at a set time. That’s not an imaginary deadline. If you show up 40 minutes late, they don’t restart it from the beginning for you.

Movies are scheduled well in advance.

So your spouse can’t wake up on a rainy Sunday and suggest a movie? That’s sad AF.

WTH? Of course they can suggest it but it is super annoying to get bent out of shape over it like OP is doing. Suggest a movie, not demand it and be pushy AF about it.

The ILs were invited to be treated to a movie that their grandkids wanted to see, and had more than an hour to decide whether they wanted to go. As evidenced by the very fact that they did not go. No one frog-marched grandparents into the car. You do get that, right? Free will? Agency? Not being forced to do anything? No one was pushy. OP was actually kind to invite them to spend time with their grandkids, as her treat. They decided not to go. No one pushed them to do anything. Apparently they sat on the couch instead of being with their grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one in my family ever wants to make the deciding choice -- the response is always "I don't know" or "I don't care." It's exhausting to have be the one who has to make all the decisions, but then again, if you can decide you don't really care if it's not the one people secretly are hoping for, then it's also kind of liberating. You just make the decision and if others are displeased they can do / eat /watch something else.

My husband's family is like this. They think expressing a preference is rude and pushy. Meanwhile, his mom and brother will get annoyed if they don't get their way, even though they never actually expressed a preference. It drives me up a wall.

I think they do express it but in very subtle ways

And how’s that working out for them? Speak up, use your words, clear is kind. If you can’t open your mouth and discuss what you want, too bad. Oh well. Life goes on. We’re not fortune tellers or interpreters of your innermost thoughts. You have a mouth, you can open it.

Saying you need time to think about something before making a decision is using your words.

I think OP’s DH knows that his wife doesn’t actually care about his preferences since she won’t give him time to figure those out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, I couldn't live with you either. I am a perfectionist sort of person who married another perfectionist sort of a person and we had perfectionist kids. It's a wonder we can get anything done! But when we do, we're happy and the quality is great

We're research scientists, BTW.
If ever you get cancer, you'll be reassured to know that the people who worked on your treatment didn't go: "Eh what the heck, Molecule A is practically the same as Molecule B: just throw whichever in the mix. DONE!"

It takes all kinds, right?

Well, certainly, but some of us know the difference between working on cancer treatments and getting tired, hungry kids some fast food as requested by the birthday girl on the way home from an excursion. I’m not rushing anyone along when ordering at a fine dining establishment. There is an art to knowing when to be a perfectionist and when to go with the flow. I think it’s a valuable skill. -OP

PP you replied to. Sorry, I disagree entirely. Just because it's lowly fast-food, doesn't mean every item is the same. Just because it's a kid movie, doesn't mean there isn't a wide range of quality. It seems as though you care more about getting through the day, even if you don't enjoy it, than you care about savoring each moment. That's unutterably strange to me.

I actually don't know any people like you, OP. None of my friends or relatives are as impatient/impulsive and seemingly un-discerning as you. I agree that extreme personalities are always a little difficult, but in the case you're describing, I have to wonder if you're the extreme personality.

Please know that the DCUM sample is very skewed. You are the difficult ones. Spending time thinking about the Chik Fil A order when you know a person is trying to put the order in and you know what the options at Chik Fil A are is rude and self centered. You are saying - I do not care that you are the person responsible for the planning and procurement of the meal and the planning and organization of the rest of the day. Please stop what you are doing and wait while I, king of the castle have some deep thoughts about the merits of each CFA option, and also, read the CFA menu to me, like you are my servant, because I am too busy to pull up the phone or recall the information that is likely stored in my brain about the CFA options. I need to really think hard about whether I want the strips or the nuggets, or a grilled v fried sandwich. Because every single morsel that goes into my mouth must be absolute perfection and exactly what I desire at all times.

This. Inconveniencing others so that everything can be exactly to your liking so that you can savor every moment makes you a self-absorbed jerk. And if choosing nuggets over strips has the possibility of preventing you from enjoying your day, you're fussy.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one in my family ever wants to make the deciding choice -- the response is always "I don't know" or "I don't care." It's exhausting to have be the one who has to make all the decisions, but then again, if you can decide you don't really care if it's not the one people secretly are hoping for, then it's also kind of liberating. You just make the decision and if others are displeased they can do / eat /watch something else.

My husband's family is like this. They think expressing a preference is rude and pushy. Meanwhile, his mom and brother will get annoyed if they don't get their way, even though they never actually expressed a preference. It drives me up a wall.

I think they do express it but in very subtle ways

And how’s that working out for them? Speak up, use your words, clear is kind. If you can’t open your mouth and discuss what you want, too bad. Oh well. Life goes on. We’re not fortune tellers or interpreters of your innermost thoughts. You have a mouth, you can open it.

Saying you need time to think about something before making a decision is using your words.

I think OP’s DH knows that his wife doesn’t actually care about his preferences since she won’t give him time to figure those out.

NP. This is ridiculously dramatic. Like…it was a Chick-Fil-A order and “Do you want to see Migration today?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t eaten at Chik Fil A so I would need to see the menu. Being told “sandwich, nuggets or salad” would not be enough for me. Sorry haters.

Do you have a phone? Use it and look up the menu. If you miss the order window, oh well. I’m sure you can find a way to feed yourself.

Yes, I’ll likely get some real food for myself, not chemical-saturated fast food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one in my family ever wants to make the deciding choice -- the response is always "I don't know" or "I don't care." It's exhausting to have be the one who has to make all the decisions, but then again, if you can decide you don't really care if it's not the one people secretly are hoping for, then it's also kind of liberating. You just make the decision and if others are displeased they can do / eat /watch something else.

My husband's family is like this. They think expressing a preference is rude and pushy. Meanwhile, his mom and brother will get annoyed if they don't get their way, even though they never actually expressed a preference. It drives me up a wall.

I think they do express it but in very subtle ways

And how’s that working out for them? Speak up, use your words, clear is kind. If you can’t open your mouth and discuss what you want, too bad. Oh well. Life goes on. We’re not fortune tellers or interpreters of your innermost thoughts. You have a mouth, you can open it.

Saying you need time to think about something before making a decision is using your words.

I think OP’s DH knows that his wife doesn’t actually care about his preferences since she won’t give him time to figure those out.

It’s the Chick-fil-A menu. It’s their kid’s birthday pick restaurant, which means they have probably been there before. And yes, the entrees and the CFA menu are literally broken down into the categories of entree salads, sandwiches, and nuggets/strips. Your first step to picking your entree is to be deciding on one of those three Choose Your Own Adventure categories. From there, she could have read him the three options of the salad. (Yes, I’m looking at the menu online right now.) This truly is not rocket science. Plus, OP didn’t say how much time there was between kid announcing their choice, and OP needing to place the order for pickup on their way home from the activity. Do you get that that could have been hours, or days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t eaten at Chik Fil A so I would need to see the menu. Being told “sandwich, nuggets or salad” would not be enough for me. Sorry haters.

Sorry moron, in this case OPs husband has eaten there. He knows what's on the menu, this isn't about you. But then you're probably the type OP is talking about. Can't go with the flow, need to be special, all eyes on you.

I got your attention, didn’t I?