Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow

[Anonymous]

My husband is somewhat like this but now my teen DD is definitely like this. She loves to complain that we don't have any food to eat, despite me asking regularly what she wants at the store (what dinners do you want, any recipes you've seen besides Gigi Hadid's pasta? , what snacks would you like) and her always saying "I don't know". She once told her pediatrician that we didnt keep enough food in the house which is a red flag so the doctor had follow up questions with both of us and when the dr figured out my teen was FOS, she said "ah, well the only prescription is for you to go grocery shopping IN the store with your parents so you can get all the food you need."'

So I took her to a large Wegmans thinking it should have everything she could ever want. And I grabbed a cart and told her to pick out whatever she wanted. She literally couldn't pick out anything. She hemmed and hawed, grabbed some apples, some prepared muffins from the bakery, and protein shakes. That was it. I offered to get anything, we can get prepared foods, frozen pizzas, deli meats for sandwiches, cereal, ice cream, whatever. But she was so hard headed she refused. I don't get it, I don't understand the flex. No she doesn't have an eating disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is somewhat like this but now my teen DD is definitely like this. She loves to complain that we don't have any food to eat, despite me asking regularly what she wants at the store (what dinners do you want, any recipes you've seen besides Gigi Hadid's pasta? , what snacks would you like) and her always saying "I don't know". She once told her pediatrician that we didnt keep enough food in the house which is a red flag so the doctor had follow up questions with both of us and when the dr figured out my teen was FOS, she said "ah, well the only prescription is for you to go grocery shopping IN the store with your parents so you can get all the food you need."'

So I took her to a large Wegmans thinking it should have everything she could ever want. And I grabbed a cart and told her to pick out whatever she wanted. She literally couldn't pick out anything. She hemmed and hawed, grabbed some apples, some prepared muffins from the bakery, and protein shakes. That was it. I offered to get anything, we can get prepared foods, frozen pizzas, deli meats for sandwiches, cereal, ice cream, whatever. But she was so hard headed she refused. I don't get it, I don't understand the flex. No she doesn't have an eating disorder.

MY DD is like this as well. Complains there's nothing in the house she wants to eat, but when I ask for ideas the only things she can come up with are snacks/fruit/treats. No real meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've already thought about these plans. They are just hearing about it. Give more time for people to adapt, like a week's notice.

Um movie times come out like 2-3 days before a movie, tops. Sorry, you can take a week plus to decide if you want to see a particular movie, but not that long to decide if you want to catch the show at 2 p.m. on Tuesday. Get with the program.

This is not true for most large cinema chains. You can usually see up to 10 days worth of show times.

[Anonymous]

Team OP. I don't even take individual orders for fast food - if I'm picking up fast food it's because it's been a busy day and I need to get everybody fed quickly, and I know generally what everybody likes or dislikes. So if I pull through the CFA drive through I just order a bunch of stuff. If somebody ends up with nuggets when they would have preferred a sandwich this time, oh well, this is not your last meal.

The movie thing, I'd just be like I'm taking the kids to see Migration at 2PM, it's a kid movie about ducks, want me to get you a ticket? Oh, you aren't sure? Okay well I'll go ahead and get our tickets and you can get yours later if you decide to join us." Get on the bus or let it pass you by; we're not waiting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I think these people must not be understanding that you've actually made a decision, not so much throwing an idea out. If you've already decided to see Migration, it's not "do you feel like seeing a movie today?" They think there's room to negotiate or come up with alternatives. For indecisive people, maybe your language needs to be more direct without question marks.

Yeah the dude needs to understand that it’s the kids who run the show and he, I am sorry, “they” are an afterthought

Nobody else’s kid runs my life. Maybe they feel the same.

You are a child. Sad.

If you think children call the shots, then yes, I am a child. I call the shots in my life.

You must not actually have kids. Because you may think you're leaving somewhere on time then there's a diaper blow out or a baby pukes all over you. Good luck with calling all the shots then, big shot.

That's right, I will never have children because I don't want to be beholden to their schedules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand totally. DH and his family are like this. It paralyses their life to the extent that often stuff never gets done. What seems to paralyse them the most is making the wrong decision. Eg - what if they don’t like the movie? What is they order the nuggets but someone else gets the fries and they would have preferred that?

I just posted about being team OP, and I think an underlying factor here can also be people who are jerks about the thing falling flat. If you were the one to pick the restaurant and it turned out to be awful, what is the culture in the family unit? Is the picker going to get piled on for making a "bad" choice? Are they paralyzed by fear that someone will be unkind over their bad choice? When people get really caught up in group decisionmaking for every single thing, accountability and blame are usually lurking around the corner.

OP, are they the type to grumble when things are not perfect? If so, they have trained your DH to be this way.

I’m an earlier poster with a dh who has same problem. Not so much now, but earlier in our marriage when MIL asked my preference and I gave it to her, she would always say “are you sure? What about x instead”. She would have to second guess all my preferences. I’m sure she did to DH while he was growing up too.

My DH can’t state his preferences. If we are deciding where to eat, I’ll ask him for his suggestions. He’ll say” I don’t know. Give me a suggestion”. I make a suggestion and he’ll say “No, I don’t want that”.

Okay - give me a suggestion then. He can’t. He can say no to all my suggestions but can’t provide any of his own.

I can’t stand people like this. They’re always like “whatever! I’m easy!”

Then it goes:

You: Great! How about X?
Them: Nah, I don’t feel like Italian.
You: Okay, what about Thai?
Them: Sure, anything, I’m easy.
You: What about Z?
Them: Mmm, their stuff is too…saucy.
You: Q?
Them: Their service isn’t the best.
You: Okay, you suggest something.
Them: I don’t care, anything is fine.

Haha, this sounds about right.

5-3-1

Make 5 suggestions. They pick 3 of them, you pick 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So irritating! I love my husband, but seriously, everything is always a production. We recently went to see a light show, and it was past dinner time, so I’m putting in a Chick-fil-A order for pickup on my phone (birthday kid’s request, and we knew this was their pick before we left the house). “Wellllll, I don’t knowwwwww, I need to look at the menu.” It’s Chick-fil-A. You get a sandwich, nuggets or a salad, pretty much. “Read me the mennnuuuuuu” and then proceeds to get a regular sandwich, like he always does.

His parents are the same way. I can’t just throw out an idea, every detail has to be picked over. “Do you want to see a kids’ movie today? The girls want to go see ‘Migration.’” Well what’s it about, blah blah blah…it’s a kid movie. About ducks. “Well let me read about it, gee, I don’t know.” It is a kid movie. I’m paying. In or out. “Well what are the times.” Well, 11:30, 2, 3:40. “WELLLLLLL, I don’t KNOWWWWWW…” You have nothing else to do today. You are parked on my sofa. In or out.

I just can’t stand how some adults don’t get that not everything is a production, not every single meal is super important, not every single activity is super important, it’s about the big picture and the flow of the day. Just go along to get along, sometimes! In or out!

OP are you a vampire or do you just have no mirrors at home? You seem quite fussy. Relax and go with the flow.

Don't give open ended choices. Say "I am going to do X, unless it's not OK. Let me know." That will protect you from the uncertainty in life that gives you anxiety.

DP. You put in some effort with that silly vampire comment, and I hope things get better for you.

Anything worth doing is worth doing well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So irritating! I love my husband, but seriously, everything is always a production. We recently went to see a light show, and it was past dinner time, so I’m putting in a Chick-fil-A order for pickup on my phone (birthday kid’s request, and we knew this was their pick before we left the house). “Wellllll, I don’t knowwwwww, I need to look at the menu.” It’s Chick-fil-A. You get a sandwich, nuggets or a salad, pretty much. “Read me the mennnuuuuuu” and then proceeds to get a regular sandwich, like he always does.

His parents are the same way. I can’t just throw out an idea, every detail has to be picked over. “Do you want to see a kids’ movie today? The girls want to go see ‘Migration.’” Well what’s it about, blah blah blah…it’s a kid movie. About ducks. “Well let me read about it, gee, I don’t know.” It is a kid movie. I’m paying. In or out. “Well what are the times.” Well, 11:30, 2, 3:40. “WELLLLLLL, I don’t KNOWWWWWW…” You have nothing else to do today. You are parked on my sofa. In or out.

I just can’t stand how some adults don’t get that not everything is a production, not every single meal is super important, not every single activity is super important, it’s about the big picture and the flow of the day. Just go along to get along, sometimes! In or out!

OP are you a vampire or do you just have no mirrors at home? You seem quite fussy. Relax and go with the flow.

Don't give open ended choices. Say "I am going to do X, unless it's not OK. Let me know." That will protect you from the uncertainty in life that gives you anxiety.

DP. You put in some effort with that silly vampire comment, and I hope things get better for you.

Anything worth doing is worth doing well!

But not optimally. There is probably a perfect order at Chik-Fil-A. I have no idea what it is, but given enough time, you could certainly find it. On the other hand, sometimes a sandwich is just a sandwich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is somewhat like this but now my teen DD is definitely like this. She loves to complain that we don't have any food to eat, despite me asking regularly what she wants at the store (what dinners do you want, any recipes you've seen besides Gigi Hadid's pasta? , what snacks would you like) and her always saying "I don't know". She once told her pediatrician that we didnt keep enough food in the house which is a red flag so the doctor had follow up questions with both of us and when the dr figured out my teen was FOS, she said "ah, well the only prescription is for you to go grocery shopping IN the store with your parents so you can get all the food you need."'

So I took her to a large Wegmans thinking it should have everything she could ever want. And I grabbed a cart and told her to pick out whatever she wanted. She literally couldn't pick out anything. She hemmed and hawed, grabbed some apples, some prepared muffins from the bakery, and protein shakes. That was it. I offered to get anything, we can get prepared foods, frozen pizzas, deli meats for sandwiches, cereal, ice cream, whatever. But she was so hard headed she refused. I don't get it, I don't understand the flex. No she doesn't have an eating disorder.

This is my daughter and it drives me crazy. She would rather just not eat than to make something anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think these people must not be understanding that you've actually made a decision, not so much throwing an idea out. If you've already decided to see Migration, it's not "do you feel like seeing a movie today?" They think there's room to negotiate or come up with alternatives. For indecisive people, maybe your language needs to be more direct without question marks.

Yeah the dude needs to understand that it’s the kids who run the show and he, I am sorry, “they” are an afterthought

Nobody else’s kid runs my life. Maybe they feel the same.

You are a child. Sad.

If you think children call the shots, then yes, I am a child. I call the shots in my life.

You must not actually have kids. Because you may think you're leaving somewhere on time then there's a diaper blow out or a baby pukes all over you. Good luck with calling all the shots then, big shot.

That's right, I will never have children because I don't want to be beholden to their schedules.

Thank you for taking yourself out of the gene pool.