Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think these people must not be understanding that you've actually made a decision, not so much throwing an idea out. If you've already decided to see Migration, it's not "do you feel like seeing a movie today?" They think there's room to negotiate or come up with alternatives. For indecisive people, maybe your language needs to be more direct without question marks.

Yeah the dude needs to understand that it’s the kids who run the show and he, I am sorry, “they” are an afterthought

Nobody else’s kid runs my life. Maybe they feel the same.

You are a child. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a dear friend who is very fussy and finicky. When we go on trips together, she will want to plan out daily activities ten months in advance including such detail as “should we start the walking tour at 9 or 10am.” And, dinner must be at 6:30 and when I say restaurants in Rome don’t open until 7, she will track one down that is open at 6:30. We’ve been good friends for a long time so it’s something that I just deal with….as does her husband.

This sounds more like someone that likes to plan, rather than what OP is describing.

Clearly, damned if you have a preference and damned if you take more than five min to figure out if you have a preference. The only thing safe to have is enthusiastic agreement with whatever OP proposes.

Five minutes to pick a fast food item at Chick-fil-A? Is that reasonable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, team OP.

Same.

Yep. Holy crap, the BS people will toss at a perfectly reasonable OP is something else.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's just anxiety manifesting itself - the need to find out every detail in order to produce some semblance of control?
I am with you, OP. I make quick decisions for things that I know are not of significant consequence. This is how I get stuff done. I am the decision-maker, the executor, the person who checks things off the list in my family. So long as one of the parents can make and execute, your family is good. The worst is when you have two parents who are incompetent of making decisions in a timely manner.
Just be sure to pass onto your kids the ability to execute. This means 1) understanding the difference between decisions of significance and those of non- or little significance (e.g., choosing between a chicken sandwich vs chicken fingers, as opposed to cancer research); 2) knowing how to time decisions properly; and 3) identifying people who will slow you down and those who can keep up - and choosing the right people for the occasion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So irritating! I love my husband, but seriously, everything is always a production. We recently went to see a light show, and it was past dinner time, so I’m putting in a Chick-fil-A order for pickup on my phone (birthday kid’s request, and we knew this was their pick before we left the house). “Wellllll, I don’t knowwwwww, I need to look at the menu.” It’s Chick-fil-A. You get a sandwich, nuggets or a salad, pretty much. “Read me the mennnuuuuuu” and then proceeds to get a regular sandwich, like he always does.

His parents are the same way. I can’t just throw out an idea, every detail has to be picked over. “Do you want to see a kids’ movie today? The girls want to go see ‘Migration.’” Well what’s it about, blah blah blah…it’s a kid movie. About ducks. “Well let me read about it, gee, I don’t know.” It is a kid movie. I’m paying. In or out. “Well what are the times.” Well, 11:30, 2, 3:40. “WELLLLLLL, I don’t KNOWWWWWW…” You have nothing else to do today. You are parked on my sofa. In or out.

I just can’t stand how some adults don’t get that not everything is a production, not every single meal is super important, not every single activity is super important, it’s about the big picture and the flow of the day. Just go along to get along, sometimes! In or out!

OP are you a vampire or do you just have no mirrors at home? You seem quite fussy. Relax and go with the flow.

Don't give open ended choices. Say "I am going to do X, unless it's not OK. Let me know." That will protect you from the uncertainty in life that gives you anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, team OP.

Same.

Yep. Holy crap, the BS people will toss at a perfectly reasonable OP is something else.

I always wonder if it’s the same person on these threads who gets extremely personally offended, somehow, and then just parks themselves there creating scenarios and backstories that never happened. It’s insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So irritating! I love my husband, but seriously, everything is always a production. We recently went to see a light show, and it was past dinner time, so I’m putting in a Chick-fil-A order for pickup on my phone (birthday kid’s request, and we knew this was their pick before we left the house). “Wellllll, I don’t knowwwwww, I need to look at the menu.” It’s Chick-fil-A. You get a sandwich, nuggets or a salad, pretty much. “Read me the mennnuuuuuu” and then proceeds to get a regular sandwich, like he always does.

His parents are the same way. I can’t just throw out an idea, every detail has to be picked over. “Do you want to see a kids’ movie today? The girls want to go see ‘Migration.’” Well what’s it about, blah blah blah…it’s a kid movie. About ducks. “Well let me read about it, gee, I don’t know.” It is a kid movie. I’m paying. In or out. “Well what are the times.” Well, 11:30, 2, 3:40. “WELLLLLLL, I don’t KNOWWWWWW…” You have nothing else to do today. You are parked on my sofa. In or out.

I just can’t stand how some adults don’t get that not everything is a production, not every single meal is super important, not every single activity is super important, it’s about the big picture and the flow of the day. Just go along to get along, sometimes! In or out!

OP are you a vampire or do you just have no mirrors at home? You seem quite fussy. Relax and go with the flow.

Don't give open ended choices. Say "I am going to do X, unless it's not OK. Let me know." That will protect you from the uncertainty in life that gives you anxiety.

DP. You put in some effort with that silly vampire comment, and I hope things get better for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, I couldn't live with you either. I am a perfectionist sort of person who married another perfectionist sort of a person and we had perfectionist kids. It's a wonder we can get anything done! But when we do, we're happy and the quality is great

We're research scientists, BTW.
If ever you get cancer, you'll be reassured to know that the people who worked on your treatment didn't go: "Eh what the heck, Molecule A is practically the same as Molecule B: just throw whichever in the mix. DONE!"

It takes all kinds, right?

Exactly! I’m married to an engineer. He’s thoughtful and precise. It saves lives. It has also greatly improved how my household runs (second marriage). I’m Team OP’s DH.

Is it your current husband’s second marriage, too?

It is. And we’re very happily married with kids (his, mine, and ours).

Well then he’s not exactly “thoughtful and precise,” is he? He may save lives for his job, but he’s significantly harmed his kids’ lives with a divorce. I think it’s hilarious you think he is some perfect man when he failed at marriage and having a happy family, the most important basic things in life.

WTF is wrong with you? PP’s dh could have been a widower for all you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, I couldn't live with you either. I am a perfectionist sort of person who married another perfectionist sort of a person and we had perfectionist kids. It's a wonder we can get anything done! But when we do, we're happy and the quality is great

We're research scientists, BTW.
If ever you get cancer, you'll be reassured to know that the people who worked on your treatment didn't go: "Eh what the heck, Molecule A is practically the same as Molecule B: just throw whichever in the mix. DONE!"

It takes all kinds, right?

Well, certainly, but some of us know the difference between working on cancer treatments and getting tired, hungry kids some fast food as requested by the birthday girl on the way home from an excursion. I’m not rushing anyone along when ordering at a fine dining establishment. There is an art to knowing when to be a perfectionist and when to go with the flow. I think it’s a valuable skill. -OP

PP you replied to. Sorry, I disagree entirely. Just because it's lowly fast-food, doesn't mean every item is the same. Just because it's a kid movie, doesn't mean there isn't a wide range of quality. It seems as though you care more about getting through the day, even if you don't enjoy it, than you care about savoring each moment. That's unutterably strange to me.

I actually don't know any people like you, OP. None of my friends or relatives are as impatient/impulsive and seemingly un-discerning as you. I agree that extreme personalities are always a little difficult, but in the case you're describing, I have to wonder if you're the extreme personality.

Taking the kids to chick fil a or a movie about ducks is not for the enjoyment of the adults. It’s for the kids. Adults need to suck it up and just enjoy the company of the kids.

I hear you, OP.

+1 Team OP here. Her IL's sound difficult and controlling. Another telltale sign of selfishness is that they come to visit, sit on the couch waiting to be entertained, then refuse to cooperate when they receive an offer to go do something fun with the grandkids that OP is even paying for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think these people must not be understanding that you've actually made a decision, not so much throwing an idea out. If you've already decided to see Migration, it's not "do you feel like seeing a movie today?" They think there's room to negotiate or come up with alternatives. For indecisive people, maybe your language needs to be more direct without question marks.

Yeah the dude needs to understand that it’s the kids who run the show and he, I am sorry, “they” are an afterthought

Nobody else’s kid runs my life. Maybe they feel the same.

This is something that a person who was abused as a child would say. I'm truly sorry for whatever happened to you, but being jealous and angry when children receive love and care isn't the way to live a good life.

[Anonymous]

You've already thought about these plans. They are just hearing about it. Give more time for people to adapt, like a week's notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've already thought about these plans. They are just hearing about it. Give more time for people to adapt, like a week's notice.

Um movie times come out like 2-3 days before a movie, tops. Sorry, you can take a week plus to decide if you want to see a particular movie, but not that long to decide if you want to catch the show at 2 p.m. on Tuesday. Get with the program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, I couldn't live with you either. I am a perfectionist sort of person who married another perfectionist sort of a person and we had perfectionist kids. It's a wonder we can get anything done! But when we do, we're happy and the quality is great

We're research scientists, BTW.
If ever you get cancer, you'll be reassured to know that the people who worked on your treatment didn't go: "Eh what the heck, Molecule A is practically the same as Molecule B: just throw whichever in the mix. DONE!"

It takes all kinds, right?

Well, certainly, but some of us know the difference between working on cancer treatments and getting tired, hungry kids some fast food as requested by the birthday girl on the way home from an excursion. I’m not rushing anyone along when ordering at a fine dining establishment. There is an art to knowing when to be a perfectionist and when to go with the flow. I think it’s a valuable skill. -OP

PP you replied to. Sorry, I disagree entirely. Just because it's lowly fast-food, doesn't mean every item is the same. Just because it's a kid movie, doesn't mean there isn't a wide range of quality. It seems as though you care more about getting through the day, even if you don't enjoy it, than you care about savoring each moment. That's unutterably strange to me.

I actually don't know any people like you, OP. None of my friends or relatives are as impatient/impulsive and seemingly un-discerning as you. I agree that extreme personalities are always a little difficult, but in the case you're describing, I have to wonder if you're the extreme personality.

Taking the kids to chick fil a or a movie about ducks is not for the enjoyment of the adults. It’s for the kids. Adults need to suck it up and just enjoy the company of the kids.

I hear you, OP.

+1 Team OP here. Her IL's sound difficult and controlling. Another telltale sign of selfishness is that they come to visit, sit on the couch waiting to be entertained, then refuse to cooperate when they receive an offer to go do something fun with the grandkids that OP is even paying for.

+1. The behavior OP describes is far more controlling than anything OP does. And while I am sympathetic to people with anxiety disorder, that is a them issue to manage with professional help, not something to accept nor inflict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've already thought about these plans. They are just hearing about it. Give more time for people to adapt, like a week's notice.

How do you function in life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, I couldn't live with you either. I am a perfectionist sort of person who married another perfectionist sort of a person and we had perfectionist kids. It's a wonder we can get anything done! But when we do, we're happy and the quality is great

We're research scientists, BTW.
If ever you get cancer, you'll be reassured to know that the people who worked on your treatment didn't go: "Eh what the heck, Molecule A is practically the same as Molecule B: just throw whichever in the mix. DONE!"

It takes all kinds, right?

Well, certainly, but some of us know the difference between working on cancer treatments and getting tired, hungry kids some fast food as requested by the birthday girl on the way home from an excursion. I’m not rushing anyone along when ordering at a fine dining establishment. There is an art to knowing when to be a perfectionist and when to go with the flow. I think it’s a valuable skill. -OP

PP you replied to. Sorry, I disagree entirely. Just because it's lowly fast-food, doesn't mean every item is the same. Just because it's a kid movie, doesn't mean there isn't a wide range of quality. It seems as though you care more about getting through the day, even if you don't enjoy it, than you care about savoring each moment. That's unutterably strange to me.

I actually don't know any people like you, OP. None of my friends or relatives are as impatient/impulsive and seemingly un-discerning as you. I agree that extreme personalities are always a little difficult, but in the case you're describing, I have to wonder if you're the extreme personality.

Taking the kids to chick fil a or a movie about ducks is not for the enjoyment of the adults. It’s for the kids. Adults need to suck it up and just enjoy the company of the kids.

I hear you, OP.

+1 Team OP here. Her IL's sound difficult and controlling. Another telltale sign of selfishness is that they come to visit, sit on the couch waiting to be entertained, then refuse to cooperate when they receive an offer to go do something fun with the grandkids that OP is even paying for.

+1. The behavior OP describes is far more controlling than anything OP does. And while I am sympathetic to people with anxiety disorder, that is a them issue to manage with professional help, not something to accept nor inflict.

Exactly. OP is also doing all the planning here. They should say thank you and try to get along.