Starting to feel uncomfortable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't want a boyfriend. You want this guy to commit to being your son's step parent. Its obvious. He doesn't want to be nor should he have to be. You're using the boyfriend label just to force the momentum of the relationship to a place where you believe he will be unable to extricate himself.

Essentially you are trying to emotionally blackmail a perfectly nice guy to be what you want him to be and to fulfill your needs.

This is the problem with dating single moms. It always comes to this.

OP, whatever the reason your baby daddy is out of the picture,you should NEVER be dating any man with the objective that the reason you are dating him is for the goal of finding a step dad for your son.

You should assume you will be a single mom rasing your son by yourself for the rest of your life.

If you want to date men and have serious relationships do it without the notion that you are doing it to find a step father for your son. The more you chase that the likelier it is you will scare men who might be open to it at some point, away.

You are totally objectifying this guy. It's all about you and what you want. Not about what he wants or doesn't want.

Other than sex, what do you even bring to the table? Independent of your needing a step father for your child, why do you think a man this one or any one, be willing to commit to you? What are they getting out of it? It really doesn't sound like you have much to offer aside from your own needs and unrealistic expectations.

OP is a WIDOW FFS!!!

[Anonymous]

There is no reason too small to break up if you're uncomfortable, have stated why, and he has said clearly that he's fine with the way things are. Break up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Who cares about labels. He said he's financially unstable currently. If you were boyfriend/girlfriend, you'd be complaining your bf is financially unstable anyway.

He's good to you. You enjoy being together. He's even being exclusive. What more do you need?

I'm a woman and I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again a woman with a proven track record of bad relationship decisions just doesn't get that the problem is herself.

OP if you actually loved him, you would have told him that. You don't love him. He's just a wallet to you. You want to manipulate the labels and the I love yous in a way you think will get you what you think you want: marriage, a step daddy, and access to step daddy's resources.

He is hesitant to call you his girlfriend because he is suspicious that you are insincere and inauthentic but has been giving you the benefit of the doubt.

Please move on so he can be free to meet a woman who might actually be worth his time. You are not.

She’s a widow. You are awful.

Read ops first post in which she describes herself as hopping from one guys bed to the next in fairly rapid succession. Current guy is merely the latest in a long line of f buddy's. The fact that she's a widow doesn't give her a pass on her poor choices.

The first post does not say that. You are making shit up.

[Anonymous]

Op has he ever been married? My answer depends on whether he’s been married/divorced or is a never married 47 yo man. In the first instance I would give it more time: in the second I would bail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating a man for 6 months. He's welcomed me into his life with open arms. We see each other non-stop, have great sex, and a nice friendship. He has commitment issues however, and has not "defined the relationship". I normally never wait this long for such a thing. After a few months, I'm out. This has gone on so long because I like this man a LOT. Our day to day is so joy filled and we resolve conflict very easily. But the lack of definition is eating at my comfort level/self esteem. We've talked about labels in the past and he says he cares for me a lot but his finances are in flux and he doesn't want a committed relationship while things are in flux. From my perspective through our behavior we are in a committed relationship. Anyways, I'm feeling uncomfortable. I don't want to fall deeper if it's not going anywhere. Do I talk about my discomfort? He does not know that at this point I love him. Or just end it?

Since you really like this guy, you could tell him that you really enjoy what you have together but for your peace of mind, you want to be in an exclusive relationship, committed relationship. If he can't say yes, then tell him it's going to be too hard for you and for him to call you when he feels ready to be in one. Then leave and try to truly be open to other people after giving yourself some time to grieve.

Yes! This. If it’s a rose, it will bloom. He won’t delete your number and knows where to find you. But for your sake, choose yourself and be hopeful for someone else who wants to snatch you off the market before someone else does!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6 months and you have introduced him to your child? You are moving WAY too fast.

I agree, especially since the kid has already lost their father. I am a widow, btw. You should slow down, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could be the widow thing, honestly. No one wants to feel like they are competing with a ghost.

Competing for what? He's not coming back. People can love more than one partner in a lifetime, just like you can love more than one child.