I’ve been rejected by a group of women and it’s hurts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Host a small dinner party based on a common interest that many women in the group have but queen bee does not, so it seems like there's logic to your strategy. Make it amazing. Post on social media. Approach Queen Bee next time you see her with, I would have loved to invite you but didn't have your info. Next time we're doing it at xx place. You should totally come!

Reclaim THE POWER.

Everything but the last part. Don’t engage in mean girl passive aggression. Live your life and gray rock the toxic people. Give them nothing.

Yes, several years ago I became way too involved with women from my neighborhood. It started out nicely enough, but as more and more people moved to the neighborhood (it was an older neighborhood in the midst of a turnover), and then COVID happened, and everyone was home all of the time, it became such a toxic environment. I got my feelings hurt by some women who I thought were my friends, but I learned my lesson. It hurt at the time, and I felt similar to the OP. However, I've realized that these women are immature and have some sort of incessant need for validation and attention. I've realized who my true friends are - and no longer engage with the rest. They're not worth my time or energy. Plus, when I was hanging out with many of them, I wasn't even enjoying myself because I didn't actually like them. Once I admitted that to myself, it got much easier to move on. I also muted my neighborhood's group text chain. That's nothing but a cess pool of fawning to the queen bees and women looking for attention and head pats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A women I am friendly with tried to include me in her group. She has invited me to do things with them on several occasions.
Unfortunately the “leader” of the group made it clear that she doesn’t want me around. Each time we meet she will act like she can’t remember anything about me. She repeatedly asks me how old my kid is (my kid and her kid are in the same grade at the same school). She will invite the others to lunch in front of me etc…. Her behavior makes things very awkward for all of us.
The other women think she’s absolutely amazing. One women told me that they are “the best family”.
I’m so hurt and lonely. I feel like I’m back in 7th grade. I’m a 44yo female with two kids but no friends. How do I get past this.

Clearly she feels threatened by you. You must be smarter or prettier or richer than her. Its on her, not you. Don't engage with the group, just with the one woman who is your friend. Life is too damn short!

+1

The threat of false and faulty doxing is so prevalent in this area - do those who partake not have anything else. A statement, not a question.

A rhetorical question actually …

Many nice people in this area too.

OP - can you meet with the nice one just for a walk or coffee sometimes?

Don’t give up - there are many great people who are kind and intelligent in DMV also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A women I am friendly with tried to include me in her group. She has invited me to do things with them on several occasions.
Unfortunately the “leader” of the group made it clear that she doesn’t want me around. Each time we meet she will act like she can’t remember anything about me. She repeatedly asks me how old my kid is (my kid and her kid are in the same grade at the same school). She will invite the others to lunch in front of me etc…. Her behavior makes things very awkward for all of us.
The other women think she’s absolutely amazing. One women told me that they are “the best family”.
I’m so hurt and lonely. I feel like I’m back in 7th grade. I’m a 44yo female with two kids but no friends. How do I get past this.

The friendly one seems like she’s your friend, right? So why do you say you have no friends? It sounds like you think you will only be happy if you have an actual group of friends, who are all friends with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A women I am friendly with tried to include me in her group. She has invited me to do things with them on several occasions.
Unfortunately the “leader” of the group made it clear that she doesn’t want me around. Each time we meet she will act like she can’t remember anything about me. She repeatedly asks me how old my kid is (my kid and her kid are in the same grade at the same school). She will invite the others to lunch in front of me etc…. Her behavior makes things very awkward for all of us.
The other women think she’s absolutely amazing. One women told me that they are “the best family”.
I’m so hurt and lonely. I feel like I’m back in 7th grade. I’m a 44yo female with two kids but no friends. How do I get past this.

Clearly she feels threatened by you. You must be smarter or prettier or richer than her. Its on her, not you. Don't engage with the group, just with the one woman who is your friend. Life is too damn short!

Bingo. Or it's your kid in the same grade. There is something your kid has that her kid does not. Grades, sports team position, smarts, looks, friends, or something intangible. She is getting you back for this mysterious thing.

And the women you describe in the group who think that 40-someting year old Queen Bee is all that, gross. You are too good for this group who rejects you OP. This has ABC After School Special junior high drama written all over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A women I am friendly with tried to include me in her group. She has invited me to do things with them on several occasions.
Unfortunately the “leader” of the group made it clear that she doesn’t want me around. Each time we meet she will act like she can’t remember anything about me. She repeatedly asks me how old my kid is (my kid and her kid are in the same grade at the same school). She will invite the others to lunch in front of me etc…. Her behavior makes things very awkward for all of us.
The other women think she’s absolutely amazing. One women told me that they are “the best family”.
I’m so hurt and lonely. I feel like I’m back in 7th grade. I’m a 44yo female with two kids but no friends. How do I get past this.

Let it go and don't look back. I question your. ",friend" who invites you to anything where the leader of the pack enjoys humiliating you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’m confused at how “doxing” is being used in this thread. It makes no sense when talking about people who presumably live in the same community or whose children attend the same school.

Is there an alternate meaning?

it makes no sense. someone is just posting junk

Doxing is a last resort for queen bee types, who feel threatened by those who make them look bad (aka pretty much any female with a brain)

You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.

NP but this is how a frenemy group doxed me. They looked up my NYT wedding article and learned my first marriage ended in divorce. When the couples all hung out, a few women peppered DH about being married to a divorcee. They know how much my house is worth because they looked up property records and sometimes they make snide remarks about my mortgage. They looked up DH's salary (fed) and had a discussion about their husbands who are better earners.

They seem crazy so i don't hang out with them anymore

This is not doxing. Snooping perhaps, and gossiping, but not doxing.

Doxing for instance might be using what one posts on here, and then someone puts together the pieces of info and provides your name, or address, or phone number on this website or another, like twitter/X. Then randos could gain access to you and your family. That is an example I've seen read about playing out online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A women I am friendly with tried to include me in her group. She has invited me to do things with them on several occasions.
Unfortunately the “leader” of the group made it clear that she doesn’t want me around. Each time we meet she will act like she can’t remember anything about me. She repeatedly asks me how old my kid is (my kid and her kid are in the same grade at the same school). She will invite the others to lunch in front of me etc…. Her behavior makes things very awkward for all of us.
The other women think she’s absolutely amazing. One women told me that they are “the best family”.
I’m so hurt and lonely. I feel like I’m back in 7th grade. I’m a 44yo female with two kids but no friends. How do I get past this.

Clearly she feels threatened by you. You must be smarter or prettier or richer than her. Its on her, not you. Don't engage with the group, just with the one woman who is your friend. Life is too damn short!

Bingo. Or it's your kid in the same grade. There is something your kid has that her kid does not. Grades, sports team position, smarts, looks, friends, or something intangible. She is getting you back for this mysterious thing.

And the women you describe in the group who think that 40-someting year old Queen Bee is all that, gross. You are too good for this group who rejects you OP. This has ABC After School Special junior high drama written all over it.

That was the first thing I thought. A Queen Bee wannabe did this to me a few years back. I had no idea why. Turned out she was very unhappy bc the teacher treated my DS like her favorite (neighbor didn’t know that teacher did that bc my DS was working through some issues with diabetes management and needed some extra attention).

[Anonymous]

Yep, it's all driven by insecurity.

My teens attend a super elite high school (not in DC) and the parents are one long list of monied names. We are not famous or wealthy.

The nicest moms are almost always the wealthiest and/or most successful ones. It gives me pause each time because I instinctively get intimidated but then I have to stop myself from being weird and just be myself. A few have become good friends. Then there is a whole layer of striving moms who are mean. I've learned to look at people above this layer for genuine friendship. It's wild because while our income is below all of theirs I would seem to have more in common with this group. But they look right through me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It may have absolutely nothing to do with you.

There are women around here who aren't happy unless someone is being excluded. It sounds crazy but I've completely seen it happen among adult women around here.

The cache of an event in their minds goes way up if it's not an open event.
I have a "friend" like this. Her MO (consciously or unconsciously--I've never been sure) is "an event isn't worth attending unless there is someone else being excluded."
This goes for kid parties, mom-friend parties, etc.

Clearly it's warped thinking and I'm not sure it's always purposeful but it happens.

Yup. Real and not limited to the DMV.

All of this is driven by insecurity.

If you spend time around people who are genuinely secure in themselves and their place in life, none of them have "exclusive" friend groups. They just have friends. I've also noticed that as I have become more secure in myself as a person, I spend more time with my family or by myself, and less time socializing with friends. I still get together with friends but less often and never get that feeling I used to sometimes get like "is everyone hanging out without me?" Now it's more like "I hope everyone is having fun! Maybe I will text people next week about drinks but this week I just want to do movie night with DD and focus on finishing up this great novel I just started." I don't get FOMO anymore, even when scrolling social media.

+1 I never have FOMO anymore. I'm 44 and at a place in my life where I blessedly don't care what other people are up to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Host a small dinner party based on a common interest that many women in the group have but queen bee does not, so it seems like there's logic to your strategy. Make it amazing. Post on social media. Approach Queen Bee next time you see her with, I would have loved to invite you but didn't have your info. Next time we're doing it at xx place. You should totally come!

Reclaim THE POWER.

NP, I was coming to say something like this. This is like middle school. My favorite strategy when I was in middle school was the “kill them with kindness” method, where I’d intentionally just be over-the-top happy and joyful and having fun with my friends (fake it til you make it!) and would be perfectly friendly with the mean girl. Honestly most of the time I WOULD end up having a ton of fun, and even when I still felt bitter it seemed to confuse the mean girl. I even ended up genuine friends with one girl after we had fun hanging out together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When she acts as if she doesn’t remember any details about you, ask her if she knows that memory problems are a common symptom of menopause.

Be an ageist @sshole - that's going to win women friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When she acts as if she doesn’t remember any details about you, ask her if she knows that memory problems are a common symptom of menopause.

Be an ageist @sshole - that's going to win women friends.

Well if the queen bee is being a biatch, then I would have no problem saying it. I’m sure some of the other ladies who have been insulted by her would like it and then I would have some new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When she acts as if she doesn’t remember any details about you, ask her if she knows that memory problems are a common symptom of menopause.

Be an ageist @sshole - that's going to win women friends.

Yeah, this is a good point. As someone who is in peri-menopause now, if I heard a comment like this, I would dislike you as much or more than the person you said it to, even if she was being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When she acts as if she doesn’t remember any details about you, ask her if she knows that memory problems are a common symptom of menopause.

Be an ageist @sshole - that's going to win women friends.

Yeah, this is a good point. As someone who is in peri-menopause now, if I heard a comment like this, I would dislike you as much or more than the person you said it to, even if she was being a jerk.

Definitely this! Everyone’s going to go thru menopause at some point (if we’re lucky) so not awesome to make fun of someone aging. Blech.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When she acts as if she doesn’t remember any details about you, ask her if she knows that memory problems are a common symptom of menopause.

Be an ageist @sshole - that's going to win women friends.

Well if the queen bee is being a biatch, then I would have no problem saying it. I’m sure some of the other ladies who have been insulted by her would like it and then I would have some new friends.

Unless they are menopausal or sensitive about the subject, which actually some women are.

You do not beat a queen bee by playing into negative stereotypes about women. It's like calling a woman fat or ugly because she's mean. It just makes you mean, it doesn't actually say anything bad about her unless you are the sort of person who thinks a woman is bad because she's fat or not pretty. See how that works?