Chill applications thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We basically told our daughter that she was in charge and we would support as needed. It helps that she is a planner and is very well organized. We would answer questions as needed and provide input as requested. While at times she was frustrated with the application process, it was great to see her work through the issues and develop confidence and a level of independence one hopes to see at this age. Overall, she got into 6 out of the 7 she applied to.

How do you think you would have handled the process I’d she was not a planner nor well organized?

NP. I made a google spreadsheet that I shared with my kid, with dates, application requirements, etc. I'm not sure he's looked at it, but I refer to it regularly to keep my oral reminders on track.

[Anonymous]

not very chill and ds ended up at a school he would have never found on his own. we used a counselor. I already have a ft job. no thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not very chill and ds ended up at a school he would have never found on his own. we used a counselor. I already have a ft job. no thanks

Wrong thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not very chill and ds ended up at a school he would have never found on his own. we used a counselor. I already have a ft job. no thanks

My child might wind up at one she did know about when all is said and done, but the rest of them? That was me. Researching has consumed my spare time for the past year and a half. Yes, I know I'm nuts. You should see my list on my phone. But, that said, my daughter is happy with the schools I helped her find. There was only ONE she added herself after going to a performing arts event last year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM where good ideas go to get mocked mercilessly and die...

Only at the hands of those wound ridiculously tight. This thread was clearly not for them. Let the rest of us have our fun!

What fun would that be?

Your "fun" seems to be feeling chill and superior over others. There is no point to this thread other than to post self-congratulatory anecdotes about how relaxed, cool you and your kids are and how well you are doing.

And then you are surprised and affronted when others read your post and find it obnoxious and privileged? Whoops, sorry. Getting upset and rattled when others call you out is decidedly not "chill."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not very chill and ds ended up at a school he would have never found on his own. we used a counselor. I already have a ft job. no thanks

My child might wind up at one she did know about when all is said and done, but the rest of them? That was me. Researching has consumed my spare time for the past year and a half. Yes, I know I'm nuts. You should see my list on my phone. But, that said, my daughter is happy with the schools I helped her find. There was only ONE she added herself after going to a performing arts event last year.

+1 I LOVE to research so was happy to put that skill to work on understanding the college process. I think we were generally "chill" but also involved. Parental involvement doesn't have to = being stressful, intense about the process.

My kids both have ADHD so needed organization coaching through the process but we all get along well and they were fine with me being their EF coach through this. Others find it works better to have an outside counselor do that. Financially, the only reaches we could afford were in-state schools (UVA for one, W&M for another) and neither really wanted to go to either of those, so their lists were very safety/target heavy and they got in everywhere they applied. The process was mostly about understanding what they wanted out of college and ultimately which of their options would work best. It helped me get to know them better.

I'm sorry for parents who say they never read an essay as if that's a virtue. That was my favorite part of the process. I learned so much about my kids, especially my very reticent DS, through reading their essays.

[Anonymous]

Very few in this thread are familiar with the old saying “don’t count the chickens before they hatch.” Come back in April, op.

[Anonymous]

My kid isn't well organized and has ADHD and we figured out a system that worked for us. Starting this fall, I sent a list every Sunday with 2-3 tasks (ie. email teachers for recommendations, spend 30m working on Common App, work on your essay for 20 minutes, ask 2 teachers to edit your essay, etc) and he would do those things over the week (I didn't check on it - just get verbal conformation.) Otherwise it felt too overwhelming.

He is about to submit. We did sit down for about an hour to review his Common App, but I haven't read the essay (he got his English teacher from 11th and 12th grade to read it) so all he needs to do is plug in his essay.

That all being said, he is mainly applying to safety schools + one reach so there wasn't a lot of pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM where good ideas go to get mocked mercilessly and die...

Only at the hands of those wound ridiculously tight. This thread was clearly not for them. Let the rest of us have our fun!

What fun would that be?

There is no point to this thread other than to post self-congratulatory anecdotes about how relaxed, cool you and your kids are and how well you are doing.

This thread is also a way to reassure parents that applying to college doesn't have to be a source of nonstop conflict and anxiety. There are a ton of posts elsewhere about parents battling their kids over applications, and some of them probably enjoy complaining about it. Years ago, one parent posted about filling out her daughter's applications.

For a lot of us, there's another way, and it minimizes friction while maximizing natural consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM where good ideas go to get mocked mercilessly and die...

Only at the hands of those wound ridiculously tight. This thread was clearly not for them. Let the rest of us have our fun!

What fun would that be?

There is no point to this thread other than to post self-congratulatory anecdotes about how relaxed, cool you and your kids are and how well you are doing.

This thread is also a way to reassure parents that applying to college doesn't have to be a source of nonstop conflict and anxiety. There are a ton of posts elsewhere about parents battling their kids over applications, and some of them probably enjoy complaining about it. Years ago, one parent posted about filling out her daughter's applications.

For a lot of us, there's another way, and it minimizes friction while maximizing natural consequences.

This is how I read this thread, too. I find it very reassuring.

Now the threads about top SAT scores, 4.8 GPAs, and 12 APs? Or the threads about how it’s Ivy or bust? Those threads fill me with dread and anxiety. They make me feel that a “mere” state school means that I have failed as a parent.

The relaxed PPs on this thread are my type of people. It’s refreshing to see that not everything has to be hyper-competitive and anxiety-inducing. Thank you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not very chill and ds ended up at a school he would have never found on his own. we used a counselor. I already have a ft job. no thanks

My child might wind up at one she did know about when all is said and done, but the rest of them? That was me. Researching has consumed my spare time for the past year and a half. Yes, I know I'm nuts. You should see my list on my phone. But, that said, my daughter is happy with the schools I helped her find. There was only ONE she added herself after going to a performing arts event last year.

+1 I LOVE to research so was happy to put that skill to work on understanding the college process. I think we were generally "chill" but also involved. Parental involvement doesn't have to = being stressful, intense about the process.

My kids both have ADHD so needed organization coaching through the process but we all get along well and they were fine with me being their EF coach through this. Others find it works better to have an outside counselor do that. Financially, the only reaches we could afford were in-state schools (UVA for one, W&M for another) and neither really wanted to go to either of those, so their lists were very safety/target heavy and they got in everywhere they applied. The process was mostly about understanding what they wanted out of college and ultimately which of their options would work best. It helped me get to know them better.

I'm sorry for parents who say they never read an essay as if that's a virtue. That was my favorite part of the process. I learned so much about my kids, especially my very reticent DS, through reading their essays.

I will happily read through my daughter's essay if she asks - actually, we did briefly talk about that a couple weeks ago. I will probably do it this weekend when I ask where she is on her docs for her common app - I know she has been working on it at school with the help of a few teachers and has had her friends read it, too.

My child has ADHD and her grades are not good (high school has been a nightmare, unfortunately, but she is better focused now). Again, she may not get in anywhere, although we have a few places on her list that we are PRETTY sure will admit her (the one with the auto admit at a 2.25 should be a solid yes) Her in state choices are ODU and Radford. That said, I have liked all the schools we have visited together. We were at ODU last weekend for their open house and we had so much fun. It is a shame people are so status driven and just won't even consider it, because it is a very friendly and very diverse place. Every interaction we have had with the school has been great, and my daughter already knows the dance staff from attending their summer intensives the past 2 years.

The research was for both our benefit. Over time, we have made changes and adjusted the list of schools to consider based on new information, her thoughts on what she wants, etc. For me, it was just seeing if she even had a shot at a 4 year school, honestly.

There is an women's college on the list that she never would have considered had I not asked her to trust me. She visited and really loved it and thanked me for taking her.

I'm trying to back off at this point, really. The complicated thing is that she is applying for dance programs and/or scholarships, so those require extra time and coordination. She can't just go on her own several states away. As much as I know rejection will hurt, I'm kind of hoping a few schools say no academically so we can narrow the list further and save ourselves time, money and stress.

[Anonymous]

We were extremely chill with kid '21. Couldn't do college visits because of Covid. He was unconvinced about the process and doing anything until the last minute. We could not convince him otherwise and didn't care to, what with all his miserable Covid angst. He fully owns the results, which were abysmal. And guess what? He loves where he landed. He is thriving. Great friends, mentors, internships. He might have had more choices if we had scaffolded the effort more. But it really doesn't matter. You know what matters? Your kid having at least one safety that they adore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM where good ideas go to get mocked mercilessly and die...

Only at the hands of those wound ridiculously tight. This thread was clearly not for them. Let the rest of us have our fun!

What fun would that be?

There is no point to this thread other than to post self-congratulatory anecdotes about how relaxed, cool you and your kids are and how well you are doing.

This thread is also a way to reassure parents that applying to college doesn't have to be a source of nonstop conflict and anxiety. There are a ton of posts elsewhere about parents battling their kids over applications, and some of them probably enjoy complaining about it. Years ago, one parent posted about filling out her daughter's applications.

For a lot of us, there's another way, and it minimizes friction while maximizing natural consequences.

Yep, agree! It’s refreshing to hear a counter-approach to the intense college application rat race you usually hear about on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I welcome anyone who has let their kids fill out their own applications, have NOT hired a counsellor or coach, and are letting this be their kids journey, not theirs.

Please come on in and share your stories!

Here’s mine - DD refused to let us look at her essays and supplementals - not even just to proofread. Wasn’t about to fight with her on that. She’s got a good head on her shoulders and I’m sure she will end up exactly where she belongs!

I salute you! You are a breath of fresh air!

Our kid went to one of those Big 3 schools that everybody hates. While we did meet the college counselor, my kid was on his own to find what he wanted for college and was on his own to fill out applications.. It's his journey, not ours!

Except I'm footing the bill. So yeah, my journey too.

I'm footing the bill as well. What is your point? Your kid is going to college on his journey, not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM where good ideas go to get mocked mercilessly and die...

Only at the hands of those wound ridiculously tight. This thread was clearly not for them. Let the rest of us have our fun!

What fun would that be?

There is no point to this thread other than to post self-congratulatory anecdotes about how relaxed, cool you and your kids are and how well you are doing.

This thread is also a way to reassure parents that applying to college doesn't have to be a source of nonstop conflict and anxiety. There are a ton of posts elsewhere about parents battling their kids over applications, and some of them probably enjoy complaining about it. Years ago, one parent posted about filling out her daughter's applications.

For a lot of us, there's another way, and it minimizes friction while maximizing natural consequences.

Yes! I found it more a process of getting to know my kids and what they want so I could help them find the right place to land. It wasn't really stressful because they found safeties they really liked and we could afford and nobody was focused on getting into the most highly ranked college they could. Still had a lot of moving parts to manage and that was a learning process for them.

DD is now a freshman and was just home for fall break. She thanked me for how I helped in the search because she says her roommate had to do it all on her own and it was really, really stressful. I continue to be available to help DD figure out how to navigate issues at college (NOT do things for her but coach her on where to look for info, how to tackle a problem) and she says her roommate feels like she can't rely on her parents for any kind of help.