DD’s friend with bad underarm odor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the smelly kid in school because my parents didn’t pay any attention to me or tell me to wear deodorant or care if washed my gym clothes. When I was in middle school, my PE teacher called me into her office in a very after school special way and had a Serious Talk with me about it. For various reasons, it was obvious that my friends had asked the teacher to do this. It was awful, and I’ve carried this shame around with me for 40 years. I think “formalizing it” in this way is the worst way to handle it, even if it makes it easier for you.

Please don’t do this to the poor kid. The more people you bring in, and the more formal it is, the more embarrassing it is. Please just tell the kid without any fanfare like you would your own child. Keep it light. Make it funny. Or tell your daughter to tell her, point blank: “hey, you reek. Put some deodorant on.” It doesn’t have to be a big deal for her—if you don’t make it one.

I'm so grateful I had a friend who's mom was blunt about stuff like this. She would just say to whoever was in the car "girls, you are now teenagers. That means every day after sports you need to shower with soap and a good scrub of armpits, bottoms, and feet. Then deodorant after you're all clean. Shirts and underwear and soccer uniforms all need to be changed daily and washed. We're stopping by CVS on the way home after practice, so we can pick out fun soap and deodorant."

We would all roll our eyes and my friend would say "mom, you're so embarrassing!" But I think we all appreciated it. She was a "it takes a village" parent and would not hesitate to correct us or scold us when necessary.

A private meeting with a teacher or guidance counselor would have felt much much much more awkward. And that would come with the additional insecurity about who tipped them off. Tweens and teens already feel like everyone is talking about them behind their backs. Better to be upfront, but stay casual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the smelly kid in school because my parents didn’t pay any attention to me or tell me to wear deodorant or care if washed my gym clothes. When I was in middle school, my PE teacher called me into her office in a very after school special way and had a Serious Talk with me about it. For various reasons, it was obvious that my friends had asked the teacher to do this. It was awful, and I’ve carried this shame around with me for 40 years. I think “formalizing it” in this way is the worst way to handle it, even if it makes it easier for you.

Please don’t do this to the poor kid. The more people you bring in, and the more formal it is, the more embarrassing it is. Please just tell the kid without any fanfare like you would your own child. Keep it light. Make it funny. Or tell your daughter to tell her, point blank: “hey, you reek. Put some deodorant on.” It doesn’t have to be a big deal for her—if you don’t make it one.

I'm so grateful I had a friend who's mom was blunt about stuff like this. She would just say to whoever was in the car "girls, you are now teenagers. That means every day after sports you need to shower with soap and a good scrub of armpits, bottoms, and feet. Then deodorant after you're all clean. Shirts and underwear and soccer uniforms all need to be changed daily and washed. We're stopping by CVS on the way home after practice, so we can pick out fun soap and deodorant."

We would all roll our eyes and my friend would say "mom, you're so embarrassing!" But I think we all appreciated it. She was a "it takes a village" parent and would not hesitate to correct us or scold us when necessary.

A private meeting with a teacher or guidance counselor would have felt much much much more awkward. And that would come with the additional insecurity about who tipped them off. Tweens and teens already feel like everyone is talking about them behind their backs. Better to be upfront, but stay casual.

What's great about this story is that she avoided singling anyone out. I love that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the smelly kid in school because my parents didn’t pay any attention to me or tell me to wear deodorant or care if washed my gym clothes. When I was in middle school, my PE teacher called me into her office in a very after school special way and had a Serious Talk with me about it. For various reasons, it was obvious that my friends had asked the teacher to do this. It was awful, and I’ve carried this shame around with me for 40 years. I think “formalizing it” in this way is the worst way to handle it, even if it makes it easier for you.

Please don’t do this to the poor kid. The more people you bring in, and the more formal it is, the more embarrassing it is. Please just tell the kid without any fanfare like you would your own child. Keep it light. Make it funny. Or tell your daughter to tell her, point blank: “hey, you reek. Put some deodorant on.” It doesn’t have to be a big deal for her—if you don’t make it one.

I'm so grateful I had a friend who's mom was blunt about stuff like this. She would just say to whoever was in the car "girls, you are now teenagers. That means every day after sports you need to shower with soap and a good scrub of armpits, bottoms, and feet. Then deodorant after you're all clean. Shirts and underwear and soccer uniforms all need to be changed daily and washed. We're stopping by CVS on the way home after practice, so we can pick out fun soap and deodorant."

We would all roll our eyes and my friend would say "mom, you're so embarrassing!" But I think we all appreciated it. She was a "it takes a village" parent and would not hesitate to correct us or scold us when necessary.

A private meeting with a teacher or guidance counselor would have felt much much much more awkward. And that would come with the additional insecurity about who tipped them off. Tweens and teens already feel like everyone is talking about them behind their backs. Better to be upfront, but stay casual.

How is the applicable to a friend’s daughter that isn’t coming home with you? Her putting on deodorant after she showers at night is not going to help the smelly cat situation. Who puts deodorant on after they shower at night before bed anyhow? It feels weird and forced to give a kid deodorant on while driving them home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the smelly kid in school because my parents didn’t pay any attention to me or tell me to wear deodorant or care if washed my gym clothes. When I was in middle school, my PE teacher called me into her office in a very after school special way and had a Serious Talk with me about it. For various reasons, it was obvious that my friends had asked the teacher to do this. It was awful, and I’ve carried this shame around with me for 40 years. I think “formalizing it” in this way is the worst way to handle it, even if it makes it easier for you.

Please don’t do this to the poor kid. The more people you bring in, and the more formal it is, the more embarrassing it is. Please just tell the kid without any fanfare like you would your own child. Keep it light. Make it funny. Or tell your daughter to tell her, point blank: “hey, you reek. Put some deodorant on.” It doesn’t have to be a big deal for her—if you don’t make it one.

I'm so grateful I had a friend who's mom was blunt about stuff like this. She would just say to whoever was in the car "girls, you are now teenagers. That means every day after sports you need to shower with soap and a good scrub of armpits, bottoms, and feet. Then deodorant after you're all clean. Shirts and underwear and soccer uniforms all need to be changed daily and washed. We're stopping by CVS on the way home after practice, so we can pick out fun soap and deodorant."

We would all roll our eyes and my friend would say "mom, you're so embarrassing!" But I think we all appreciated it. She was a "it takes a village" parent and would not hesitate to correct us or scold us when necessary.

A private meeting with a teacher or guidance counselor would have felt much much much more awkward. And that would come with the additional insecurity about who tipped them off. Tweens and teens already feel like everyone is talking about them behind their backs. Better to be upfront, but stay casual.

How is the applicable to a friend’s daughter that isn’t coming home with you? Her putting on deodorant after she showers at night is not going to help the smelly cat situation. Who puts deodorant on after they shower at night before bed anyhow? It feels weird and forced to give a kid deodorant on while driving them home

She could say that they need to put on deodorant and stop and get some on the way to wherever. She could lump in her own daughter so she’s not singling out the friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the smelly kid in school because my parents didn’t pay any attention to me or tell me to wear deodorant or care if washed my gym clothes. When I was in middle school, my PE teacher called me into her office in a very after school special way and had a Serious Talk with me about it. For various reasons, it was obvious that my friends had asked the teacher to do this. It was awful, and I’ve carried this shame around with me for 40 years. I think “formalizing it” in this way is the worst way to handle it, even if it makes it easier for you.

Please don’t do this to the poor kid. The more people you bring in, and the more formal it is, the more embarrassing it is. Please just tell the kid without any fanfare like you would your own child. Keep it light. Make it funny. Or tell your daughter to tell her, point blank: “hey, you reek. Put some deodorant on.” It doesn’t have to be a big deal for her—if you don’t make it one.

I'm so grateful I had a friend who's mom was blunt about stuff like this. She would just say to whoever was in the car "girls, you are now teenagers. That means every day after sports you need to shower with soap and a good scrub of armpits, bottoms, and feet. Then deodorant after you're all clean. Shirts and underwear and soccer uniforms all need to be changed daily and washed. We're stopping by CVS on the way home after practice, so we can pick out fun soap and deodorant."

We would all roll our eyes and my friend would say "mom, you're so embarrassing!" But I think we all appreciated it. She was a "it takes a village" parent and would not hesitate to correct us or scold us when necessary.

A private meeting with a teacher or guidance counselor would have felt much much much more awkward. And that would come with the additional insecurity about who tipped them off. Tweens and teens already feel like everyone is talking about them behind their backs. Better to be upfront, but stay casual.

How is the applicable to a friend’s daughter that isn’t coming home with you? Her putting on deodorant after she showers at night is not going to help the smelly cat situation. Who puts deodorant on after they shower at night before bed anyhow? It feels weird and forced to give a kid deodorant on while driving them home

She could say that they need to put on deodorant and stop and get some on the way to wherever. She could lump in her own daughter so she’s not singling out the friend.

Op says they give her rides.

Giving a kid deodorant is a nice start, but if they put deodorant on already stinky pits, it'll just smell like a gross mix of BO and artificial scent. I think many kids think deodorant alone solves the problem and therefore they need to be educated that you need to wash away the bacteria, then apply deodorant.

[Anonymous]

Get some wet wipes and deodorant. Have your daughter teach her friend to wipe her pits and apply deodorant.

Maybe say something in the car to your daughter “Abbie when we stop at the gas station you need to go in the ladies room to freshen up”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the smelly kid in school because my parents didn’t pay any attention to me or tell me to wear deodorant or care if washed my gym clothes. When I was in middle school, my PE teacher called me into her office in a very after school special way and had a Serious Talk with me about it. For various reasons, it was obvious that my friends had asked the teacher to do this. It was awful, and I’ve carried this shame around with me for 40 years. I think “formalizing it” in this way is the worst way to handle it, even if it makes it easier for you.

Please don’t do this to the poor kid. The more people you bring in, and the more formal it is, the more embarrassing it is. Please just tell the kid without any fanfare like you would your own child. Keep it light. Make it funny. Or tell your daughter to tell her, point blank: “hey, you reek. Put some deodorant on.” It doesn’t have to be a big deal for her—if you don’t make it one.

I'm so grateful I had a friend who's mom was blunt about stuff like this. She would just say to whoever was in the car "girls, you are now teenagers. That means every day after sports you need to shower with soap and a good scrub of armpits, bottoms, and feet. Then deodorant after you're all clean. Shirts and underwear and soccer uniforms all need to be changed daily and washed. We're stopping by CVS on the way home after practice, so we can pick out fun soap and deodorant."

We would all roll our eyes and my friend would say "mom, you're so embarrassing!" But I think we all appreciated it. She was a "it takes a village" parent and would not hesitate to correct us or scold us when necessary.

A private meeting with a teacher or guidance counselor would have felt much much much more awkward. And that would come with the additional insecurity about who tipped them off. Tweens and teens already feel like everyone is talking about them behind their backs. Better to be upfront, but stay casual.

How is the applicable to a friend’s daughter that isn’t coming home with you? Her putting on deodorant after she showers at night is not going to help the smelly cat situation. Who puts deodorant on after they shower at night before bed anyhow? It feels weird and forced to give a kid deodorant on while driving them home

+100 I would never force my kid’s friend to pick out “fun soap and deodorant” at the store on the way home. WTF? That’s absolutely batsh*t.

[Anonymous]

I think Americans need to realize that many in other cultures do not use deodorant. Just because they live here now, it does not mean that they must adopt American customs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Crazy people - would you do this wacky stuff to an adult? Buying them weird little spa gifts with deodorant in them? Telling them you picked up some deodorant for them at the store while you were there?

No? Well doing it to a teen is worse, because they have less power and shame more easily at that age.

Shane on you. And calling yourself tactful is really just extra.

Kids remember years later who consistently stank. That’s much more cruel.

Agree with the PP. They ALL stink at one time or another. No one cares or remembers. It is unlikely she is stinking all day in school, even without deodorant. OP is picking her up after a sweaty sports practice. Plenty of kids still stink even with deodorant

I remember the kid who smelled at school. I remember her name too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the smelly kid in school because my parents didn’t pay any attention to me or tell me to wear deodorant or care if washed my gym clothes. When I was in middle school, my PE teacher called me into her office in a very after school special way and had a Serious Talk with me about it. For various reasons, it was obvious that my friends had asked the teacher to do this. It was awful, and I’ve carried this shame around with me for 40 years. I think “formalizing it” in this way is the worst way to handle it, even if it makes it easier for you.

Please don’t do this to the poor kid. The more people you bring in, and the more formal it is, the more embarrassing it is. Please just tell the kid without any fanfare like you would your own child. Keep it light. Make it funny. Or tell your daughter to tell her, point blank: “hey, you reek. Put some deodorant on.” It doesn’t have to be a big deal for her—if you don’t make it one.

I'm so grateful I had a friend who's mom was blunt about stuff like this. She would just say to whoever was in the car "girls, you are now teenagers. That means every day after sports you need to shower with soap and a good scrub of armpits, bottoms, and feet. Then deodorant after you're all clean. Shirts and underwear and soccer uniforms all need to be changed daily and washed. We're stopping by CVS on the way home after practice, so we can pick out fun soap and deodorant."

We would all roll our eyes and my friend would say "mom, you're so embarrassing!" But I think we all appreciated it. She was a "it takes a village" parent and would not hesitate to correct us or scold us when necessary.

A private meeting with a teacher or guidance counselor would have felt much much much more awkward. And that would come with the additional insecurity about who tipped them off. Tweens and teens already feel like everyone is talking about them behind their backs. Better to be upfront, but stay casual.

How is the applicable to a friend’s daughter that isn’t coming home with you? Her putting on deodorant after she showers at night is not going to help the smelly cat situation. Who puts deodorant on after they shower at night before bed anyhow? It feels weird and forced to give a kid deodorant on while driving them home

+100 I would never force my kid’s friend to pick out “fun soap and deodorant” at the store on the way home. WTF? That’s absolutely batsh*t.

Agree. You have all lost your ever loving minds. You don’t say anything and you don’t buy her deodorant. Just rolling windows down and carry on. She will figure it out on her own or with her parents.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here - We had this issue with the big kid at work. My entire car smelled and she still kept forgetting to wear deodorant. Eventually her siblings and I stopped beating around the bush and told her that she had to wear deodorant because the smell was overpowering!

[Anonymous]

Nanny again - And this was with her parents permission, obviously. We tried being subtle, I took her to buy deodorant, I did it all. Eventually it got cold and I refused to close the car windows until she wore deodorant. Now she laughs about it and is so grateful we made her wear it… and the best thing is that her younger siblings learned from that lesson and they never had an issue wearing deodorant!!

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP - I think you either talk to the parent or nobody. As a parent, I would be livid if someone gave my child a personal hygiene product.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny again - And this was with her parents permission, obviously. We tried being subtle, I took her to buy deodorant, I did it all. Eventually it got cold and I refused to close the car windows until she wore deodorant. Now she laughs about it and is so grateful we made her wear it… and the best thing is that her younger siblings learned from that lesson and they never had an issue wearing deodorant!!

Nanny is different. You are like an extended part of the family and responsible for caring for the children. That’s entirely different than a friend’s mom telling you in the car you need to wear deodorant and giving you some

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the smelly kid in school because my parents didn’t pay any attention to me or tell me to wear deodorant or care if washed my gym clothes. When I was in middle school, my PE teacher called me into her office in a very after school special way and had a Serious Talk with me about it. For various reasons, it was obvious that my friends had asked the teacher to do this. It was awful, and I’ve carried this shame around with me for 40 years. I think “formalizing it” in this way is the worst way to handle it, even if it makes it easier for you.

Please don’t do this to the poor kid. The more people you bring in, and the more formal it is, the more embarrassing it is. Please just tell the kid without any fanfare like you would your own child. Keep it light. Make it funny. Or tell your daughter to tell her, point blank: “hey, you reek. Put some deodorant on.” It doesn’t have to be a big deal for her—if you don’t make it one.

I'm so grateful I had a friend who's mom was blunt about stuff like this. She would just say to whoever was in the car "girls, you are now teenagers. That means every day after sports you need to shower with soap and a good scrub of armpits, bottoms, and feet. Then deodorant after you're all clean. Shirts and underwear and soccer uniforms all need to be changed daily and washed. We're stopping by CVS on the way home after practice, so we can pick out fun soap and deodorant."

We would all roll our eyes and my friend would say "mom, you're so embarrassing!" But I think we all appreciated it. She was a "it takes a village" parent and would not hesitate to correct us or scold us when necessary.

A private meeting with a teacher or guidance counselor would have felt much much much more awkward. And that would come with the additional insecurity about who tipped them off. Tweens and teens already feel like everyone is talking about them behind their backs. Better to be upfront, but stay casual.

How is the applicable to a friend’s daughter that isn’t coming home with you? Her putting on deodorant after she showers at night is not going to help the smelly cat situation. Who puts deodorant on after they shower at night before bed anyhow? It feels weird and forced to give a kid deodorant on while driving them home

+100 I would never force my kid’s friend to pick out “fun soap and deodorant” at the store on the way home. WTF? That’s absolutely batsh*t.

Agree. You have all lost your ever loving minds. You don’t say anything and you don’t buy her deodorant. Just rolling windows down and carry on. She will figure it out on her own or with her parents.

What can I say? It was helpful to have a friend's mom looking out for me this way. Without her I wouldn't have been able to swim on my period (parents only stocked pads), wouldn't have known how to turn down creepy boys and their unwanted touching (parents' only advice was "don't talk to boys," couldn't talk to them about real problems or I would be blamed for encouraging attention), go shopping for a prom dress, etc etc.