DD’s friend with bad underarm odor

[Anonymous]

Don’t do all the passive aggressive buying of nail polish and hair bows to hide the deodorant. It is cringe-y.

Your choices are to kindly tell her she needs deodorant or to realize this isn’t a big deal.

[Anonymous]

How old is the kid? That would make a difference in my response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave it alone. A lot of kids stink. There isn’t a non offensive way to bring this up

This is OP. Something has to be done. Our car actually smells when she leaves. Even my DH complained today and he doesn’t smell anything. I really want to protect her from getting embarrassed or her feelings hurt by someone else who may not be nice about how they tell her.

This sounds very fake.

This sounds real. My son had a classmate that had horrible BO and after he left our house rooms smelled of his BO that he played in. We didn’t invite him back over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave it alone. A lot of kids stink. There isn’t a non offensive way to bring this up

This is OP. Something has to be done. Our car actually smells when she leaves. Even my DH complained today and he doesn’t smell anything. I really want to protect her from getting embarrassed or her feelings hurt by someone else who may not be nice about how they tell her.

OP, this is why you should do something, and I think mentioning it to the right teacher, or school nurse might be the way to do it. Or if your dd is good friends with her, could she mention it in a caring way?

[Anonymous]

I would take her aside and tell her. “Hey, Larla. Im so glad I’ve gotten to know you better this year/season by driving you in carpool! I don’t want you to feel bad about this because it’s a totally normal thing for tweens/teens to go through but I have noticed that you have some body odor. If you shower daily and put on deodorant after your shower, that should take care of it. Here’s the kind [your daughter’s name] uses if you’d like to try it.”

[Anonymous]

Grill them both in the car!
“You both smell like a week old turnip! I’m not driving you stinkers around if you don’t start showering and putting on some deodorant! Welcome to womanhood!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grill them both in the car!
“You both smell like a week old turnip! I’m not driving you stinkers around if you don’t start showering and putting on some deodorant! Welcome to womanhood!”

No, don’t do that or say that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe say to BOTH girls, when they get into the car, "Okay, girls. Car rules -- everybody knows that teens smell when they hit puberty, so everybody has to wear deodorant," and hand them each their own stick. That way, you are not singling one girl out.

No, don't penalize OP's daughter.

I would talk about it with my DD in advance since OP says hers has noticed, and then give them both a stick of deodorant in the car along with a script like “Dear girls, I love spending time with you, but you are smelling up the car. Please use this multiple times a day so you can smell better than your stinky peers. I will keep a supply available to you at all times. Thank you for being considerate of those of us in your teen presence.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe say to BOTH girls, when they get into the car, "Okay, girls. Car rules -- everybody knows that teens smell when they hit puberty, so everybody has to wear deodorant," and hand them each their own stick. That way, you are not singling one girl out.

Omg. Wtf is wrong with you? That is weird and would totally embarrass your kid and the friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe say to BOTH girls, when they get into the car, "Okay, girls. Car rules -- everybody knows that teens smell when they hit puberty, so everybody has to wear deodorant," and hand them each their own stick. That way, you are not singling one girl out.

Omg. Wtf is wrong with you? That is weird and would totally embarrass your kid and the friend.

You are right. The only solution is to turn around to the girl and sing...

BEEEEEE...OHHHH!!!

[Anonymous]

Wanna hear a crazy story? When I was in 6th grade we had to take Health. I learned absolutely nothing, except ONE thing. Ready? If someone has body odor, we were taught to go up to them and quietly say, "Excuse me, you have BO."

Well. You have not lived until you've heard 28 11 and 12 yr olds screaming with laughter. The teacher lost all control of the class for the rest of the period. For the rest of the year, we would go up to anyone in our health class if we saw them in public and say "Excuse me, you have BO." And then both kids would laugh uproariously. The parents had no idea what was going on. Ahhh, good times! THanks, NY Public Schools!

[Anonymous]

Out of curiosity, I asked my DD (14) about this post in the car, and she said “don’t do anything, eventually a kid will say something about it to her….anything a mom does will just make it worse”

FWIW.

I’m surprised her parents have not noticed and said something? I had to be super firm with one of my sons about hygiene around preteen age.

Also- is it at all possible this is a “ food/cooking odors” issue- odors picked up on clothing? Sometimes smells JUST like BO IME. In college, we all had to change shirts after eating in the dining hall- the place just had a stench and seeped into our clothes! I realize that sounds crazy but was totally true. I don’t know the cause either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity, I asked my DD (14) about this post in the car, and she said “don’t do anything, eventually a kid will say something about it to her….anything a mom does will just make it worse”

FWIW.

I’m surprised her parents have not noticed and said something? I had to be super firm with one of my sons about hygiene around preteen age.

Also- is it at all possible this is a “ food/cooking odors” issue- odors picked up on clothing? Sometimes smells JUST like BO IME. In college, we all had to change shirts after eating in the dining hall- the place just had a stench and seeped into our clothes! I realize that sounds crazy but was totally true. I don’t know the cause either.

The cooking smell thing is real. When I cook curry or deep fry, the smell gets on my clothes. I have to make sure the bedroom doors are closed or the smell goes there too. Most importantly, in the winter I make sure jackets are inside the closed coat closet or they would get the smell too. And I always change clothes after cooking if I am going out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of teens smell and many of them don’t care - especially if she is on the spectrum or has other challenges, but even if she does not.

My guess is her mom knows and has talked to her about it and she chooses not to care.

Don’t ostracize her for it. There are worse things in life.

This is OP. This girl is definitely not on the spectrum. She is academically very advanced, charming, funny, very at ease socially. She just has no idea that she is smelling. Having lived in a nearby country, I suspect she’s oblivious to the smell because her family may not use deodorant also so she’s desensitized to the smell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:whatever you do, don't place this responsibility on a teacher.

I'm a teacher, and I've had this conversation with kids. It's hard.

But I can not figure out how OP thinks the teacher hasn't noticed. So, either the teacher doesn't want to intervene, or the teacher has tried and it didn't work.

This is OP. This teacher is a well loved middle school teacher who is younger and perceived as cooler than the other teachers. She’s usually the one to help girls when they get their periods for the first time and also teaches sex education. She is not this girls current teacher this year but was last year.