Reply to DD’s friend with bad underarm odor

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was the smelly kid in school because my parents didn’t pay any attention to me or tell me to wear deodorant or care if washed my gym clothes. When I was in middle school, my PE teacher called me into her office in a very after school special way and had a Serious Talk with me about it. For various reasons, it was obvious that my friends had asked the teacher to do this. It was awful, and I’ve carried this shame around with me for 40 years. I think “formalizing it” in this way is the worst way to handle it, even if it makes it easier for you.

Please don’t do this to the poor kid. The more people you bring in, and the more formal it is, the more embarrassing it is. Please just tell the kid without any fanfare like you would your own child. Keep it light. Make it funny. Or tell your daughter to tell her, point blank: “hey, you reek. Put some deodorant on.” It doesn’t have to be a big deal for her—if you don’t make it one.

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I'm so grateful I had a friend who's mom was blunt about stuff like this. She would just say to whoever was in the car "girls, you are now teenagers. That means every day after sports you need to shower with soap and a good scrub of armpits, bottoms, and feet. Then deodorant after you're all clean. Shirts and underwear and soccer uniforms all need to be changed daily and washed. We're stopping by CVS on the way home after practice, so we can pick out fun soap and deodorant."

We would all roll our eyes and my friend would say "mom, you're so embarrassing!" But I think we all appreciated it. She was a "it takes a village" parent and would not hesitate to correct us or scold us when necessary.

A private meeting with a teacher or guidance counselor would have felt much much much more awkward. And that would come with the additional insecurity about who tipped them off. Tweens and teens already feel like everyone is talking about them behind their backs. Better to be upfront, but stay casual.[/quote]

How is the applicable to a friend’s daughter that isn’t coming home with you? Her putting on deodorant after she showers at night is not going to help the smelly cat situation.  [b]Who puts deodorant on after they shower at night before bed anyhow? It feels weird and forced to give a kid deodorant on while driving them home[/b] [/quote]

+100 I would never force my kid’s friend to pick out “fun soap and deodorant” at the store on the way home. WTF? That’s absolutely batsh*t.[/quote]

Agree.  You have all lost your ever loving minds.  You don’t say anything and you don’t buy her deodorant. Just rolling windows down and carry on.  She will figure it out on her own or with her parents. [/quote]

What can I say? It was helpful to have a friend's mom looking out for me this way. Without her I wouldn't have been able to swim on my period (parents only stocked pads), wouldn't have known how to turn down creepy boys and their unwanted touching (parents' only advice was "don't talk to boys," couldn't talk to them about real problems or I would be blamed for encouraging attention), go shopping for a prom dress, etc etc.[/quote]

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