Terminating Parental Rights in MD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Is your son living with you? Hers only lives there part time and even at her house has the nanny. He isn’t treated like family. Your situation is very different.

PP here. How does spending 2-3 nights/week at our nanny’s house compute to our son not being part of our family? He is with us the majority of the time. It’s ok to want a break when you’re raising kids with significant needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Is your son living with you? Hers only lives there part time and even at her house has the nanny. He isn’t treated like family. Your situation is very different.

PP here. How does spending 2-3 nights/week at our nanny’s house compute to our son not being part of our family? He is with us the majority of the time. It’s ok to want a break when you’re raising kids with significant needs.

3 nights a week is a lot of time. He’s not with you the majority of time. He’s probably in school all day so he’s with you four nights and part of that is sleeping. Actually no, I wanted to be with mine more to support them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Because PP has latched onto this thread trying to guilt and shame OP into doing what OP has found to be heartbreaking and impossible. PP shoots down every idea that doesn’t end with OP capitulating to PP’s POV.

PP is sick in the head but hiding under a morality flag. PP insults OP that OP just hasn’t tried hard enough. And PP has selective reading comprehension because PP does not actually want to help resolve anything in this incredibly complex situation.

PP lacks empathy and flexibility in thinking. PP may actually be a narcissistic shrew who enjoys toying with vulnerable OP at life’s worst moment.

Wow, projecting or trying to justify your choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Because PP has latched onto this thread trying to guilt and shame OP into doing what OP has found to be heartbreaking and impossible. PP shoots down every idea that doesn’t end with OP capitulating to PP’s POV.

PP is sick in the head but hiding under a morality flag. PP insults OP that OP just hasn’t tried hard enough. And PP has selective reading comprehension because PP does not actually want to help resolve anything in this incredibly complex situation.

PP lacks empathy and flexibility in thinking. PP may actually be a narcissistic shrew who enjoys toying with vulnerable OP at life’s worst moment.

Wow, projecting or trying to justify your choices.

You do sound unwell
NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Is your son living with you? Hers only lives there part time and even at her house has the nanny. He isn’t treated like family. Your situation is very different.

PP here. How does spending 2-3 nights/week at our nanny’s house compute to our son not being part of our family? He is with us the majority of the time. It’s ok to want a break when you’re raising kids with significant needs.

3 nights a week is a lot of time. He’s not with you the majority of time. He’s probably in school all day so he’s with you four nights and part of that is sleeping. Actually no, I wanted to be with mine more to support them.

Pp here. He’s too little for school and no, he’s not in all day school. He got kicked out of multiple schools and daycares. It’s a bit part of why we have a nanny. You know nothing of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another idea- a special needs trained au pair. If you have the space, that would be very inexpensive on a per-hour basis vs any other help you could hire.

We did this and it was a disaster - we paid a huge up front fee and then a large monthly fee to the agency. The agency did do a care plan and seemed organized, but the au pair was AWFUL. Zero special needs experience when tons had been claimed. It was like having an incompetent teenager (even though she was late 20s) in the house and she created more work than she helped with. Proceed carefully b/c this agency gets good reviews. I don't trust the reviews at all after our experience

Ha! That sounds like my first experience with ABA.

It was supper expensive, we were on a wait list for 4 months until a spot opened up. Great right? Well, they sent a 20 year old who had just finished an online RBT training and we were her first placement! Yay us! The BCBA would “supervise” via zoom for an hour a couple times a week. She was very nice but super nervous and eager. I felt like I was babysitting HER.
Yes!!! Paying a stupid amount of money to add nothing and create more work

[Anonymous]

Have you tried Shepard Pratt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Is your son living with you? Hers only lives there part time and even at her house has the nanny. He isn’t treated like family. Your situation is very different.

PP here. How does spending 2-3 nights/week at our nanny’s house compute to our son not being part of our family? He is with us the majority of the time. It’s ok to want a break when you’re raising kids with significant needs.

3 nights a week is a lot of time. He’s not with you the majority of time. He’s probably in school all day so he’s with you four nights and part of that is sleeping. Actually no, I wanted to be with mine more to support them.

NP here. You are a first class jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Is your son living with you? Hers only lives there part time and even at her house has the nanny. He isn’t treated like family. Your situation is very different.

PP here. How does spending 2-3 nights/week at our nanny’s house compute to our son not being part of our family? He is with us the majority of the time. It’s ok to want a break when you’re raising kids with significant needs.

3 nights a week is a lot of time. He’s not with you the majority of time. He’s probably in school all day so he’s with you four nights and part of that is sleeping. Actually no, I wanted to be with mine more to support them.

NP here. You are a first class jerk.

Amen. Also, if you don’t have an answer for OP’s question, stop derailing the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Is your son living with you? Hers only lives there part time and even at her house has the nanny. He isn’t treated like family. Your situation is very different.

PP here. How does spending 2-3 nights/week at our nanny’s house compute to our son not being part of our family? He is with us the majority of the time. It’s ok to want a break when you’re raising kids with significant needs.

3 nights a week is a lot of time. He’s not with you the majority of time. He’s probably in school all day so he’s with you four nights and part of that is sleeping. Actually no, I wanted to be with mine more to support them.

NP here. You are a first class jerk.

No, having your kid live with someone else is the jerk. This child need therapies and support. Why can the nanny handle him and not the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Is your son living with you? Hers only lives there part time and even at her house has the nanny. He isn’t treated like family. Your situation is very different.

PP here. How does spending 2-3 nights/week at our nanny’s house compute to our son not being part of our family? He is with us the majority of the time. It’s ok to want a break when you’re raising kids with significant needs.

3 nights a week is a lot of time. He’s not with you the majority of time. He’s probably in school all day so he’s with you four nights and part of that is sleeping. Actually no, I wanted to be with mine more to support them.

NP here. You are a first class jerk.

No, having your kid live with someone else is the jerk. This child need therapies and support. Why can the nanny handle him and not the parents.

Much more emotionally difficult for parents. This is why respite care is a thing.

My friend who have kids with severe special needs live for their moments of respite care. 20 years of changing diapers and not being able to take your eyes off a child will do that to you.

You are entitled and clueless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Is your son living with you? Hers only lives there part time and even at her house has the nanny. He isn’t treated like family. Your situation is very different.

PP here. How does spending 2-3 nights/week at our nanny’s house compute to our son not being part of our family? He is with us the majority of the time. It’s ok to want a break when you’re raising kids with significant needs.

3 nights a week is a lot of time. He’s not with you the majority of time. He’s probably in school all day so he’s with you four nights and part of that is sleeping. Actually no, I wanted to be with mine more to support them.

NP here. You are a first class jerk.

No, having your kid live with someone else is the jerk. This child need therapies and support. Why can the nanny handle him and not the parents.

Much more emotionally difficult for parents. This is why respite care is a thing.

My friend who have kids with severe special needs live for their moments of respite care. 20 years of changing diapers and not being able to take your eyes off a child will do that to you.

You are entitled and clueless

You are cluesless if you justify this as ok. There is a difference from a few hours a day or a weekend respite monthly and a child living in a shared custody arrangement with a "nanny." This is a preschooler. It's ok Nanny is there 8-10 hours a day but when it turns into the child living with the "nanny" for 3-4 days a week thats above unfair to the child. This child needs intensive services with the parents participating to change their parenting to find a way that works for the child, especially if the child behaves for the nanny and not them. Maybe the child is acting out to get their attention.

The child you describe is 20. Huge difference between that child and this child. If you cannot see that you are pretty clueless. Did your friend have their 2-3-4 year old live with someone else part-time and go days without seeing them?

[Anonymous]

I just wanted to write directly to the OP to say that I hope you find the support you need to navigate the best path for you and the best path for your fanily.

Many of the people responding here have simply not lived a life with experiences as challenging as this.

No matter your ultimate path it is vital for the health and safety of you and your family that seek out assistance to navigate what services and legal options are available to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Is your son living with you? Hers only lives there part time and even at her house has the nanny. He isn’t treated like family. Your situation is very different.

PP here. How does spending 2-3 nights/week at our nanny’s house compute to our son not being part of our family? He is with us the majority of the time. It’s ok to want a break when you’re raising kids with significant needs.

3 nights a week is a lot of time. He’s not with you the majority of time. He’s probably in school all day so he’s with you four nights and part of that is sleeping. Actually no, I wanted to be with mine more to support them.

NP here. You are a first class jerk.

No, having your kid live with someone else is the jerk. This child need therapies and support. Why can the nanny handle him and not the parents.

Much more emotionally difficult for parents. This is why respite care is a thing.

My friend who have kids with severe special needs live for their moments of respite care. 20 years of changing diapers and not being able to take your eyes off a child will do that to you.

You are entitled and clueless

You are cluesless if you justify this as ok. There is a difference from a few hours a day or a weekend respite monthly and a child living in a shared custody arrangement with a "nanny." This is a preschooler. It's ok Nanny is there 8-10 hours a day but when it turns into the child living with the "nanny" for 3-4 days a week thats above unfair to the child. This child needs intensive services with the parents participating to change their parenting to find a way that works for the child, especially if the child behaves for the nanny and not them. Maybe the child is acting out to get their attention.

The child you describe is 20. Huge difference between that child and this child. If you cannot see that you are pretty clueless. Did your friend have their 2-3-4 year old live with someone else part-time and go days without seeing them?

PP here. This mom has had help since birth yes. The school the child attend is year-round. A 2 week break during susmmer from school and another at Chtistmas. And aunts, uncles, grandmother's are helping out as well. Child sleeps little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Is your son living with you? Hers only lives there part time and even at her house has the nanny. He isn’t treated like family. Your situation is very different.

PP here. How does spending 2-3 nights/week at our nanny’s house compute to our son not being part of our family? He is with us the majority of the time. It’s ok to want a break when you’re raising kids with significant needs.

3 nights a week is a lot of time. He’s not with you the majority of time. He’s probably in school all day so he’s with you four nights and part of that is sleeping. Actually no, I wanted to be with mine more to support them.

NP here. You are a first class jerk.

No, having your kid live with someone else is the jerk. This child need therapies and support. Why can the nanny handle him and not the parents.

Much more emotionally difficult for parents. This is why respite care is a thing.

My friend who have kids with severe special needs live for their moments of respite care. 20 years of changing diapers and not being able to take your eyes off a child will do that to you.

You are entitled and clueless

You are cluesless if you justify this as ok. There is a difference from a few hours a day or a weekend respite monthly and a child living in a shared custody arrangement with a "nanny." This is a preschooler. It's ok Nanny is there 8-10 hours a day but when it turns into the child living with the "nanny" for 3-4 days a week thats above unfair to the child. This child needs intensive services with the parents participating to change their parenting to find a way that works for the child, especially if the child behaves for the nanny and not them. Maybe the child is acting out to get their attention.

The child you describe is 20. Huge difference between that child and this child. If you cannot see that you are pretty clueless. Did your friend have their 2-3-4 year old live with someone else part-time and go days without seeing them?

New poster. Not only are you derailing the thread, you are unhinged. We heard your disapproval the first five posts to the lady with the nanny. Reminder- you have no idea what this kid needs because… (checks notes) you are just some random on the internet. And I’m extra confused as to why you are crucifying nanny poster and not going after the OP who wants to terminate her parental rights totally? You’ve got issues, lady.