Terminating Parental Rights in MD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What are the realistic prospects for adoption? Are there adoption agencies that are able to find families willing to take on older kids with severe developmental disabilities? It seems unlikely.

Yes and the chances are realistic since your child is still young but most importantly they come from a stable home.

People are definitely not lining up to adopt special needs children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What are the realistic prospects for adoption? Are there adoption agencies that are able to find families willing to take on older kids with severe developmental disabilities? It seems unlikely.

Yes and the chances are realistic since your child is still young but most importantly they come from a stable home.

People are definitely not lining up to adopt special needs children.

But but but…all those Christian pro-lifers said they would!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about all those militant prolifers?? Surely they are lined up to adopt any child who needs a home.

Please. Only thing they are lining up to adopt are white NT children, ideally from unwed mothers heading to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What are the realistic prospects for adoption? Are there adoption agencies that are able to find families willing to take on older kids with severe developmental disabilities? It seems unlikely.

Yes and the chances are realistic since your child is still young but most importantly they come from a stable home.

Spence-Chaplin places special needs children.

https://spence-chapin.org/special-needs-adoption/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about all those militant prolifers?? Surely they are lined up to adopt any child who needs a home.

Please. Only thing they are lining up to adopt are white NT children, ideally from unwed mothers heading to college.

au contraire! they are perfectly fine with adopting kids of color to "save them". adoption agencies do not invest in identifying prospective adoptive families of color.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about all those militant prolifers?? Surely they are lined up to adopt any child who needs a home.

Please. Only thing they are lining up to adopt are white NT children, ideally from unwed mothers heading to college.

au contraire! they are perfectly fine with adopting kids of color to "save them". adoption agencies do not invest in identifying prospective adoptive families of color.

Families of color often do kinship adoptions or don't adopt and just keep the kids. And, families of color often get chosen first by birthparents as most want to place in families similar to them, which is reasonable.

[Anonymous]

You could talk to Adoptions Together, Spence-Chapin, and Barker. AT and Barker definitely do older child adoptions through the child welfare system (where there are subsidies and Medicaid)--not sure if they will do a private adoption of an older child, or if they have any families that would consider that. And no, you cannot place your kid in the child welfare system and then have AT or Barker find them an adoptive home. It doesn't work like that.

Beyond all of this, have you talked with the Arc or other disability support groups near you? Are you on the waitlist for Medicaid waiver services?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Is your son living with you? Hers only lives there part time and even at her house has the nanny. He isn’t treated like family. Your situation is very different.

PP here. How does spending 2-3 nights/week at our nanny’s house compute to our son not being part of our family? He is with us the majority of the time. It’s ok to want a break when you’re raising kids with significant needs.

3 nights a week is a lot of time. He’s not with you the majority of time. He’s probably in school all day so he’s with you four nights and part of that is sleeping. Actually no, I wanted to be with mine more to support them.

NP here. You are a first class jerk.

No, having your kid live with someone else is the jerk. This child need therapies and support. Why can the nanny handle him and not the parents.

Much more emotionally difficult for parents. This is why respite care is a thing.

My friend who have kids with severe special needs live for their moments of respite care. 20 years of changing diapers and not being able to take your eyes off a child will do that to you.

You are entitled and clueless

You are cluesless if you justify this as ok. There is a difference from a few hours a day or a weekend respite monthly and a child living in a shared custody arrangement with a "nanny." This is a preschooler. It's ok Nanny is there 8-10 hours a day but when it turns into the child living with the "nanny" for 3-4 days a week thats above unfair to the child. This child needs intensive services with the parents participating to change their parenting to find a way that works for the child, especially if the child behaves for the nanny and not them. Maybe the child is acting out to get their attention.

The child you describe is 20. Huge difference between that child and this child. If you cannot see that you are pretty clueless. Did your friend have their 2-3-4 year old live with someone else part-time and go days without seeing them?

NP… you have never lived with a child that is so aggressive that you need to protect other kids in the household. I have had to lock DS2 in a bedroom with me while DS1 (9 yo) tried came at us with a kitchen knife and tried to break the door down. I had to put my whole body against the door to prevent him from breaking down the door. DS1 has been in therapy and under the care of a psychiatrist since he was 4. I will not give up on DS1 but we have a lot more resources than OP. Even with all the supports I have, I still wonder from time to time whether we are making the right decision to have him home. The only thing that helps is that DS1 and DS2 are best friends and DS2 understands DS1’s issues. DS2 told us recently that if there is one wish he could make it would be to help DS1 get over his anxieties and disabilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Is your son living with you? Hers only lives there part time and even at her house has the nanny. He isn’t treated like family. Your situation is very different.

PP here. How does spending 2-3 nights/week at our nanny’s house compute to our son not being part of our family? He is with us the majority of the time. It’s ok to want a break when you’re raising kids with significant needs.

3 nights a week is a lot of time. He’s not with you the majority of time. He’s probably in school all day so he’s with you four nights and part of that is sleeping. Actually no, I wanted to be with mine more to support them.

NP here. You are a first class jerk.

No, having your kid live with someone else is the jerk. This child need therapies and support. Why can the nanny handle him and not the parents.

Much more emotionally difficult for parents. This is why respite care is a thing.

My friend who have kids with severe special needs live for their moments of respite care. 20 years of changing diapers and not being able to take your eyes off a child will do that to you.

You are entitled and clueless

You are cluesless if you justify this as ok. There is a difference from a few hours a day or a weekend respite monthly and a child living in a shared custody arrangement with a "nanny." This is a preschooler. It's ok Nanny is there 8-10 hours a day but when it turns into the child living with the "nanny" for 3-4 days a week thats above unfair to the child. This child needs intensive services with the parents participating to change their parenting to find a way that works for the child, especially if the child behaves for the nanny and not them. Maybe the child is acting out to get their attention.

The child you describe is 20. Huge difference between that child and this child. If you cannot see that you are pretty clueless. Did your friend have their 2-3-4 year old live with someone else part-time and go days without seeing them?

NP… you have never lived with a child that is so aggressive that you need to protect other kids in the household. I have had to lock DS2 in a bedroom with me while DS1 (9 yo) tried came at us with a kitchen knife and tried to break the door down. I had to put my whole body against the door to prevent him from breaking down the door. DS1 has been in therapy and under the care of a psychiatrist since he was 4. I will not give up on DS1 but we have a lot more resources than OP. Even with all the supports I have, I still wonder from time to time whether we are making the right decision to have him home. The only thing that helps is that DS1 and DS2 are best friends and DS2 understands DS1’s issues. DS2 told us recently that if there is one wish he could make it would be to help DS1 get over his anxieties and disabilities.

Your situation is very different and some day, soon even, you may need a residential placement but that is very different than that situation. You would be getting professional help for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What are the realistic prospects for adoption? Are there adoption agencies that are able to find families willing to take on older kids with severe developmental disabilities? It seems unlikely.

Yes and the chances are realistic since your child is still young but most importantly they come from a stable home.

People are definitely not lining up to adopt special needs children.

But but but…all those Christian pro-lifers said they would!

Those adopted kids end up dead a lot of the time. That’s the sad reality.