Terminating Parental Rights in MD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Is your son living with you? Hers only lives there part time and even at her house has the nanny. He isn’t treated like family. Your situation is very different.

PP here. How does spending 2-3 nights/week at our nanny’s house compute to our son not being part of our family? He is with us the majority of the time. It’s ok to want a break when you’re raising kids with significant needs.

3 nights a week is a lot of time. He’s not with you the majority of time. He’s probably in school all day so he’s with you four nights and part of that is sleeping. Actually no, I wanted to be with mine more to support them.

NP here. You are a first class jerk.

No, having your kid live with someone else is the jerk. This child need therapies and support. Why can the nanny handle him and not the parents.

Much more emotionally difficult for parents. This is why respite care is a thing.

My friend who have kids with severe special needs live for their moments of respite care. 20 years of changing diapers and not being able to take your eyes off a child will do that to you.

You are entitled and clueless

You are cluesless if you justify this as ok. There is a difference from a few hours a day or a weekend respite monthly and a child living in a shared custody arrangement with a "nanny." This is a preschooler. It's ok Nanny is there 8-10 hours a day but when it turns into the child living with the "nanny" for 3-4 days a week thats above unfair to the child. This child needs intensive services with the parents participating to change their parenting to find a way that works for the child, especially if the child behaves for the nanny and not them. Maybe the child is acting out to get their attention.

The child you describe is 20. Huge difference between that child and this child. If you cannot see that you are pretty clueless. Did your friend have their 2-3-4 year old live with someone else part-time and go days without seeing them?

New poster. Not only are you derailing the thread, you are unhinged. We heard your disapproval the first five posts to the lady with the nanny. Reminder- you have no idea what this kid needs because… (checks notes) you are just some random on the internet. And I’m extra confused as to why you are crucifying nanny poster and not going after the OP who wants to terminate her parental rights totally? You’ve got issues, lady.

She is derailing the post by telling OP to bring in a nanny 24/7 like she did when OP wants to place her child for adoption. Two very different situation and reality is the children may be better off placed for adoption. Did you stop to consider what the child who lives with the nanny may feel when there are other children in the home who aren't sent away for half a week? Did you ever stop to think if these parents aren't actively parenting and engaging with the therapists to help with the behavior they will never be able to handle this child, who the nanny can handle? There is clearly much more to this poster's story but it has nothing to do with OP and she should start her own bragging thread about how she manages by having her child live elsewhere. Thank goodness for that nanny providing a good home to that child. That nanny should adopt the child so the child has a family and stability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What are the realistic prospects for adoption? Are there adoption agencies that are able to find families willing to take on older kids with severe developmental disabilities? It seems unlikely.

It doesn’t work that way. Your child would go into foster care with a very remote hope of eventually being adopted. Not directly to adoption.

PPs suggesting you hire an advocate are on the right track.

She can try direct adoption, but I do think it would be difficult to find a family willing to take on a child with disabilities. I'm sorry you are going through this OP and I feel how hard this must be for you.

[Anonymous]

5 is very young. Has OP described exactly what the issues are with their child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5 is very young. Has OP described exactly what the issues are with their child?

No, they haven't and it doesn't sound like it's a 5 year old. It sounds like a 3/4 year old. OP never came back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What are the realistic prospects for adoption? Are there adoption agencies that are able to find families willing to take on older kids with severe developmental disabilities? It seems unlikely.

It doesn’t work that way. Your child would go into foster care with a very remote hope of eventually being adopted. Not directly to adoption.

PPs suggesting you hire an advocate are on the right track.

She can try direct adoption, but I do think it would be difficult to find a family willing to take on a child with disabilities. I'm sorry you are going through this OP and I feel how hard this must be for you.

There are families who will but many would need the adoption subsidy and Medicaid which you can only get via child welfare. There are agencies that work with older kids.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Is your son living with you? Hers only lives there part time and even at her house has the nanny. He isn’t treated like family. Your situation is very different.

PP here. How does spending 2-3 nights/week at our nanny’s house compute to our son not being part of our family? He is with us the majority of the time. It’s ok to want a break when you’re raising kids with significant needs.

3 nights a week is a lot of time. He’s not with you the majority of time. He’s probably in school all day so he’s with you four nights and part of that is sleeping. Actually no, I wanted to be with mine more to support them.

NP here. You are a first class jerk.

No, having your kid live with someone else is the jerk. This child need therapies and support. Why can the nanny handle him and not the parents.

Much more emotionally difficult for parents. This is why respite care is a thing.

My friend who have kids with severe special needs live for their moments of respite care. 20 years of changing diapers and not being able to take your eyes off a child will do that to you.

You are entitled and clueless

You are cluesless if you justify this as ok. There is a difference from a few hours a day or a weekend respite monthly and a child living in a shared custody arrangement with a "nanny." This is a preschooler. It's ok Nanny is there 8-10 hours a day but when it turns into the child living with the "nanny" for 3-4 days a week thats above unfair to the child. This child needs intensive services with the parents participating to change their parenting to find a way that works for the child, especially if the child behaves for the nanny and not them. Maybe the child is acting out to get their attention.

The child you describe is 20. Huge difference between that child and this child. If you cannot see that you are pretty clueless. Did your friend have their 2-3-4 year old live with someone else part-time and go days without seeing them?

New poster. Not only are you derailing the thread, you are unhinged. We heard your disapproval the first five posts to the lady with the nanny. Reminder- you have no idea what this kid needs because… (checks notes) you are just some random on the internet. And I’m extra confused as to why you are crucifying nanny poster and not going after the OP who wants to terminate her parental rights totally? You’ve got issues, lady.

She is derailing the post by telling OP to bring in a nanny 24/7 like she did when OP wants to place her child for adoption. Two very different situation and reality is the children may be better off placed for adoption. Did you stop to consider what the child who lives with the nanny may feel when there are other children in the home who aren't sent away for half a week? Did you ever stop to think if these parents aren't actively parenting and engaging with the therapists to help with the behavior they will never be able to handle this child, who the nanny can handle? There is clearly much more to this poster's story but it has nothing to do with OP and she should start her own bragging thread about how she manages by having her child live elsewhere. Thank goodness for that nanny providing a good home to that child. That nanny should adopt the child so the child has a family and stability.

You just don’t stop. Again, you know nothing about the PP’s kid, and evidently, even less about adoption. You are being purposely obtuse - acting like there are lines of people waiting to adopt special needs kids. And not only that, acting like kids that get adopted aren’t particularly vulnerable to abuse and neglect. You don’t have any right to judge PP. Nobody has any right to judge ANY of these mothers (OP).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What are the realistic prospects for adoption? Are there adoption agencies that are able to find families willing to take on older kids with severe developmental disabilities? It seems unlikely.

What's the age of the child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What are the realistic prospects for adoption? Are there adoption agencies that are able to find families willing to take on older kids with severe developmental disabilities? It seems unlikely.

What's the age of the child?

OP says the child is 5 in the very first post, which struck me as odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, do you have grandparent support ? If yes, I would ask retired grandparents to help out a bit here and there.I wonder if you could have a live in special need nanny if possible. In my hometown, it is quite affordable and common to find a live in nanny for like less than $2k a month but they get break/no working on weekends. They coukd help with chores and cooking/cleaning if kids are in school.

2k is not affordable for most families.

[Anonymous]

For that matter, even 1k is not affordable for most families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this. We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her. He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers. I think it’s a wonderful experience for him. She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.

Is your son living with you? Hers only lives there part time and even at her house has the nanny. He isn’t treated like family. Your situation is very different.

PP here. How does spending 2-3 nights/week at our nanny’s house compute to our son not being part of our family? He is with us the majority of the time. It’s ok to want a break when you’re raising kids with significant needs.

3 nights a week is a lot of time. He’s not with you the majority of time. He’s probably in school all day so he’s with you four nights and part of that is sleeping. Actually no, I wanted to be with mine more to support them.

Yes, but are your kids nonverbal, autistic, and violent? As the parent of a verbal child with autism, I totally get what OP is coming from.
SO, do you have a profoundly disabled child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What are the realistic prospects for adoption? Are there adoption agencies that are able to find families willing to take on older kids with severe developmental disabilities? It seems unlikely.

Yes and the chances are realistic since your child is still young but most importantly they come from a stable home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, do you have grandparent support ? If yes, I would ask retired grandparents to help out a bit here and there.I wonder if you could have a live in special need nanny if possible. In my hometown, it is quite affordable and common to find a live in nanny for like less than $2k a month but they get break/no working on weekends. They coukd help with chores and cooking/cleaning if kids are in school.

2k is not affordable for most families.

Most families pay more than 2K for daycare…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What are the realistic prospects for adoption? Are there adoption agencies that are able to find families willing to take on older kids with severe developmental disabilities? It seems unlikely.

Yes and the chances are realistic since your child is still young but most importantly they come from a stable home.

What? No. Not realistic. Not impossible, but not a viable option to count on.

[Anonymous]

What about all those militant prolifers?? Surely they are lined up to adopt any child who needs a home.