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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m so sorry, OP. This is impossibly hard.

I’ll share what we did, though when I posted about it once I got severely flamed.

We have a full time nanny who acts like a co-parent to our child. He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house. He’s included in her extended family events. This arrangement has evolved over time and it is expensive but it’s worth it for us.

I know it may not be realistic for your family, OP, but I’m sharing so you know that there’s nothing wrong with you for needing more support.[/quote]

I feel sad for your child. Why not just have him at her house full-time so he can be fully with a family.[/quote]

I don’t know why you are getting attitude for this.  We have a a PT aide for our 17 year old son who has profound disabilities and he does something similar with her.  He loves it and he’s included in BOTH our family functions and hers.  I think it’s a wonderful experience for him.  She’s been with us for 8 years and she’s totally a part of our family as well.  [/quote]

Is your son living with you?   Hers only lives there part time and even at her house has the nanny.  He isn’t treated like family.  Your situation is very different.  [/quote]

PP here. How does spending 2-3 nights/week at our nanny’s house compute to our son not being part of our family? He is with us the majority of the time. It’s ok to want a break when you’re raising kids with significant needs.

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3 nights a week is a lot of time.  He’s not with you the majority of time.  He’s probably in school all day so he’s with you four nights and part of that is sleeping.  Actually no, I wanted to be with mine more to support them.  [/quote]

NP here. You are a first class jerk.
[/quote]

No, having your kid live with someone else is the jerk.  This child need therapies and support.  Why can the nanny handle him and not the parents.  [/quote]

Much more emotionally difficult for parents. This is why respite care is a thing.

My friend who have kids with severe special needs live for their moments of respite care. 20 years of changing diapers  and not being able to take your eyes off a child will do that to you.

You are entitled and clueless

[/quote]

You are cluesless if you justify this as ok.  There is a difference from a few hours a day or a weekend respite monthly and a child living in a shared custody arrangement with a "nanny."  This is a preschooler.  It's ok Nanny is there 8-10 hours a day but when it turns into the child living with the "nanny" for 3-4 days a week thats above unfair to the child.  This child needs intensive services with the parents participating to change their parenting to find a way that works for the child, especially if the child behaves for the nanny and not them.  Maybe the child is acting out to get their attention.

The child you describe is 20.  Huge difference between that child and this child.  If you cannot see that you are pretty clueless.  Did your friend have their 2-3-4 year old live with someone else part-time and go days without seeing them?[/quote]

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